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// Chapter 3: Bad Berry 
// Story: Allons-Y 
// by oop 
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	“Class, I would like you to meet Berry Punch,” said Splice, addressing the class at large “Berry is an exchange student from Manehatten who will be joining us for the remainder of the fall semester. I assume you’ll all do your best to make her feel welcome!”
The pinkish mare at the front of the room stared vacantly around through indigo eyes. It couldn’t be clearer she wasn’t really interested in being there at all. Octavia could smell the expensive wine clinging to her coat from across the room.
“So yeah, what’s up,” said Berry with a shrug “I guess y’all are stuck with me for a little while. Nice to meet you, I’ll go ahead and find somewhere to…” her eyes alighted on the Doctor as her voice trailed off. A malicious grin touched her features as she moved toward their table.
“I don’t like how she’s looking at you Doctor…” said Derpy, sounding almost jealous “It looks like she wants to eat you…”
Vinyl snorted, but the Doctor merely smiled “If I have learned anything,” he said “It would be that you can never judge a book by its cover. Who knows? She could be very friendly.”
“Hey there handsome,” said Berry, shifting a chair over from another table and shoving herself between Vinyl and Octavia “Like what you see?”
“How uncouth!” Octavia exclaimed “Why that is the most un-ladylike…”
“Shut it dirt fur,” said Berry, glaring hard at Octavia “How did you get your coat that color anyway? You get thrown out in a dust storm when you were a filly? Heck if my kid had a face like that I’d probably do the same thing.”
There was a collective gasp from the table as Vinyl sprang up “No pony talks about Tavi like that!” she shouted, and before any pony could make a move to stop her she had forced her hoof hard into the new pony’s face.
“You little…” Berry grunted, her eye already starting to swell. She glanced over Vinyl’s shoulder and grinned “Ouch! Why would you do that you bully?”
Vinyl raised an eyebrow, confused at the change in tone until she felt a hoof on her shoulder. “Now tell me Vinyl,” came Splice’s voice from behind her “What made you think that was in any way appropriate?”
“But…” Vinyl stammered, ears drooping as she realized she had been tricked “She was bad mouthing Octavia…”
“That’s no excuse,” said Splice “You’ll be staying on campus for lunch today, and for an hour after school. And you had better hope that Berry can find the kindness not the press charges for assault.”
Lyra gave Berry a death glare, to which Berry mouthed the words “You’re next!” then, took her seat again. Vinyl cursed under her breath as she did the same, not daring to make another move toward Berry lest she end up in more trouble.
By the time lunch had rolled around they were all thoroughly fed up with this new girl. She had talked throughout the entire lesson and proved completely impossible to ignore with any degree of competency. Even Octavia had been reprimanded more than once for telling her to keep her muzzle closed. It seemed that being miserable was just something they were going to have to get used to.
“You guys really don’t have to do this…” said Vinyl as she and the others sat, without food, around the courtyard “I’m the one who took a swing, you guys didn’t do anything…”
“I won’t hear a word of it,” said Octavia, hardly looking up from her book on musical theory “We’re your friends Vinyl, that Berry Punch was getting on every pony’s nerves.”
“I actually kind of admire you stepping up for Octavia there,” said Bonbon, who was playing her and Lyra’s tenth game of tic-tac-toe in the dirt “That did take some guts, even if it completely backfired on you in the end.”
Vinyl blushed, and then tried to hide it with her shades, “Oh come on guys, some pony had to do it. I just lost my temper too quick…”
“Downplaying your personal achievements is an excellent way to lose a great deal of self respect,” said The Doctor, in a very Octavia-esque sort of manner “Stop putting yourself down Vinyl, it’ll only make things worse.”
At that moment the door to the school building opened and Splice walked out “I’m glad you kids stuck around,” he said “I did want to talk to you.”
“About what?” said Vinyl angrily “About taking sides in class?”
“Watch that attitude Ms. Scratch, or you’ll have detention for longer,” said Splice “Now I can clearly see that you’re all having a great deal of trouble with Berry Punch. I completely understand that. You can’t get along with every pony you meet after all.”
“I was honestly surprised that any pony from Manehatten could be so stand-offish,” said Octavia “My grandparents are from that city, and when we visit we always receive elegant treatment.”
“I agree with Octavia,” said The Doctor “I also thought she was… what’s the word? Stand-offish.”
“I’m not saying you have to like her,” said Splice “You have to understand that she’s been in alcoholics anonymous for some time now. She’s here in Ponyville to try and get over that addiction without temptation.”
“Alcohol doesn’t make you that bad,” said Vinyl “I’m happier when I’m wasted, not a tool like her.”
“Since I’m technically supposed to report that… I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear it.” Said Splice, growing a bit tired of Vinyl’s antics “I’m going to move her to a different table so you don’t have to be in proximity to her.”
“That’s good, I don’t think Vinyl can take another round in the ring with little miss drunken horse,” said Lyra, sitting in her usual bizarre manner.
“I can take whatever she decides to dish out in triple force!” Vinyl snapped “She’s not going to get the best of me!”
“You see this is exactly the sort of reaction I don’t want to see,” said Splice angrily “Can you just avoid Berry like the plague for now? Just let her go about her usual business.”
“I think that can be arranged,” said The Doctor before any pony else could butt in “I can assure you that we won’t be having any more problems with her.”
“Thank you,” said Splice “Class will start again in ten minutes, you may want to start packing up.”
As it turned out Berry was no more tolerable as the day progressed. Despite her new seating she still felt it necessary to cat call at them from across the room.
“Why don’t you stop flirting with your cross-eyed filly friend!” She shouted while they were working on a math paper “It’s the middle of class Doc, spare us!”
“Don’t listen to her Derpy,” said the Doctor in an even tone “She’s just jealous because you’re more unique than she is.”
Derpy merely hung her head, hiding her blush. Berry noticed this, smirking as she started to feel she was gaining ground.
“What about you harp flank?” she called “Keep cutting your mane like that and Bonbon is going to start flirting with you!”
A vein ticked in Lyra’s forehead while Bonbon glared. As unfortunate as it was Berry had absolutely earned their attention now.
“And you too brownie!” she shouted, Octavia bracing herself, “You don’t…”
“That’s enough Berry,” Splice interjected “Get back to work.”
There was a unanimous sigh of relief from the freshman table. “Seriously, what a…” Vinyl started, put Octavia put a hoof hers.
“Don’t fall to her level,” she said “Yes, she’s a prude, but don’t let her have the satisfaction of being the same.”
“I was gonna be a bit more colorful than prude…” Vinyl grumbled.
As the bell finally rang to end the day Berry stood up quickly, clearly with the intent to follow them out of the school. “Oh dear…” said Octavia “Try to remain civil…”
“Berry!” Splice called “Can you come talk to me for a moment?”
Berry gave a dejected grimace and turned back to the front of the room. Octavia and the others didn’t waste the opportunity to exit the building with all haste.
“I’m sick of it!” Vinyl exclaimed as soon as they were out of view of the school “It’s hardly been a day and I already can’t stand her!”
“Calm down Vinyl,” said The Doctor reassuringly “It’s not like she can come after us now.”
“Don’t jinx it…” said Bonbon “I really wouldn’t put anything past her…”
“Why don’t we go to the movies?” Lyra suggested “I’ve got a few bits, and that way even if she goes looking for us there’s no way she could find us!”
“I don’t want her to think we’re hiding…” Vinyl grumbled “If she came at me after school I’d give her the what for Vinyl style!”
“And you would promptly be arrested…” said Octavia.
“You’re not helping…” Vinyl grumbled.
“Movies it is then!” said The Doctor “There’s a rather interesting picture about time travel that I’ve been dying to see!”
“Hey Derpy,” said vinyl curiously “What’s that you’re humming? I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before… and I’ve heard everything!”
“O-oh!” Derpy exclaimed, blushing brightly “I-it’s just a little song I came up with… I don’t want to sing it… It’s a little embarrassing…”
“Why?” asked Octavia “Music really ought to be expressed after all.”
“I-it’s about Berry…” Derpy stuttered.
“Tell you what,” said Vinyl “You whisper me the words and hum the tune, then I’ll sing it for you, sound good?”
Derpy nodded and leaned closer to Vinyl to whisper. More than once Vinyl had to back away to laugh at the hilarity of the lyrics. By the time Derpy was finished, she had a huge grin on her face.
“Alright guys,” she said “This is really awesome…”
Bad Berry
(To the tune of Babs Seed, property of Hasbro. New lyrics by Comet Chaser)
Eyeayeahyeah!
Eyeaheayeah!
Eyeayeayeayeayea!
First we thought that Berry was so really very sweet
A new friend to have and it seemed like such a treat!
But then we found the truth she’s just smart-flank from the east
She went from Berry, to a bully and a sleaze
Everywhere we turn, she’s just a step ahead!

Berry, Berry, what we gonna do?
We tried to be nice to her
But it sure seems we have failed
Berry, Berry, if she’s after you
We gotta flee, we gotta go!
We have to hurry up, let’s go!
Berry, Berry, she’s just a bad berry.

Eyeeahyeahyeah!
Eyeahyeayea!
Eyeaheyeayeayeayea!

Hiding from a classmate, we know it isn’t right
But the Doctor and companions we aren’t lookin’ for a fight!
Oh she’ll get bored soon and then we’ll have some peace again
But for now we’re staying out of her way till then
Everywhere we turn, she’s somehow still ahead!

Berry, Berry, what we gonna do?
We can’t seem to get away
But that’s just not the game we play!
Berry, Berry, now she’s after you
Hurry Doctor, run away!
Live to fight another day!
Berry, Berry, she’s just a bad Berry!

Why so mean? Why so rogue?
Why so prissy? Why so vogue?
Can’t you be kind?
Can’t we start again?
Isn’t it sad this is how it all ends?

Berry, Berry, she’s just a bad, bad
Berry, Berry, she’s just a bad, bad
Berry, Berry, she’s just a bad Berry!

Indeed by the time they made it to the movie theatre the entire party had fallen into conniptions, singer included. Derpy had a little smile on her face, not quite laughing, but giddy that every pony had liked her song.
“You’ve got talent!” said Lyra enthusiastically “Next time we get together to make music you’re coming, you got that?”
“Well… I’m not that good…” Derpy mumbled.
“You have as much skill as a song writer as any of the rest of us has for our instrumental talents,” said Octavia “I would be pleased to have you join us for one of the… for lack of a better word, sessions.”
“Derpy Hooves is gonna be in the V-Scratch sessions!” Vinyl said excitedly, stomping her hooves “We’re gonna rock all Equestria with this, filly!”
“You really are good,” said The Doctor “And I’ve listened to a lot of good artists, Vinyl and Tavi included. You could certainly hold your own.”
“Bet she’d make a great producer,” said Bonbon “But they really don’t do much.”
“Or a synth writer like Vinyl,” said Lyra “Do you play any instruments Derpy?”
“N-no…” said Derpy “But The Doctor can play almost anything he picks up…”
“Why do our little talks always turn back to music?” asked The Doctor with an exaggerated eye roll “Don’t we have anything better to talk about?”
“Better than music?” asked Vinyl incredulously “What’s wrong with you man? Other than the obvious of course.”
Lyra let out a long “Oh!” and everyone, the Doctor included burst out laughing again. They had quite forgotten about the annoying purple mare by now and were in quite a good enough mood to enjoy the movie without a single care in the world.
The next week… not so much…
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Vinyl snapped as Berry yet again followed them out of the school.
“Your mom wasn’t free this afternoon,” said Berry with a smirk “Scared I’ll ruin your special time with your filly friend?”
“No, I was worried about ruining time with yours.” Vinyl shot back.
“Jealous that I get five times the action you do?” Berry taunted.
“Shove it up your flank.” Said Lyra.
“Uh-oh!” exclaimed Berry “Are you two-timing on Tavi Vinyl? It takes a filly fooler to defend one. Something between you and…?”
“What’s wrong with being a filly fooler huh?” Lyra snapped “Maybe you’re just jealous that she’s getting more attention than you have in your life.”
“Whoa, calm down Bessie,” said Berry “Just don’t go breaking snobby snout’s heart.”
To the relief of everyone present Berry pushed Vinyl out of the way and walked past them. She had her nose in the air like she had just put them in their place, but they all knew that Lyra had one this round.
“Quick thinking,” said The Doctor “Though she might put you on the ropes about that later. Did you really…?”
“No,” said Lyra and Vinyl at the same time.
“I wasn’t accusing you,” said The Doctor, holding a hoof up in surrender “Not that I would have a problem if you did. I just kind of…” he trailed off here, leaving a more than awkward silence.
“Kind of…what…?” Octavia finally asked.
The Doctor didn’t answer for a minute, seeming to contemplate if he should actually say anything “I don’t want to drive a wedge between anyone, since Berry’s doing such a good job of it anyway…” he said at last “So please… If I’m wrong just forget I said anything…”
“After Berry you’d have a hard time offending anyone,” said Lyra “Out with it Doc.”
“Well…” said The Doctor, voice dropping to not much more than a whisper “I always kind of pictured… Vinyl and Octavia as… you know…”
“What?” Vinyl exclaimed “Doc come on don’t scare me like that.”
“Are you… serious…?” asked Octavia, blushing furiously.
“Alright I’m wrong!” said The Doctor “Just forget I said anything okay…?”
The expected following silence never happened as Lyra quickly shouted “I’m done with this! We’re even being mean to each other after Berry’s gone! I’m not just going to sit here and let her tear us apart!”
“Lyra,” there’s nothing we can do…” said Octavia.
“But what if there was…” said Bonbon thoughtfully “We can’t combat her physically… what if we were to try something else…?”
“Do you have a plan?” asked The Doctor.
Bonbon thought for a good moment, then broke into a smile “I think I just might…” she said “But I’m going to need everyone’s help…”
The following afternoon was devoted to a long and boring study period. This was pretty typical for a Friday, when Splice was tired of teaching he would tell them to sit quietly and not cause any trouble. Berry was, naturally, one of the many who considered this a fantastic waste of time and was trying vaguely in one of her notebooks.
“Note from the brown pony,” a voice hissed in her ear. Berry looked over to see a senior, Dolphin Dreams she thought her name was, holding a note in her hoof. The brown pony was a reference to The Doctor, who no pony really felt comfortable about saying the name of.
Berry nodded and unfolded the note, extremely surprised at what she found inside. “Berry, meet me in the Everfree Forest clearing at midnight, I’ve got something I need to talk to you about.” This message was followed by a drawing of a heart. Berry looked toward The Doctor, who threw her a wink. A little surprised by this, but excited none the less, she winked back.
As she exited the building at the end of the day she kept an eye out for The Doctor, hoping to ask him about the note. To her very great surprise she found him with Derpy in the courtyard. They appeared to be in some sort of shoving match. She ducked down by one of the bushes to better listen in.
“I can’t believe you Doctor!” Derpy shouted “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you flirting with that Berry Punch?”
“Well uh…” The Doctor stuttered.
“I hate you!” Derpy shouted, punctuating the words by smacking him hard “I thought what we had was special! How could you do this to me?”
“Derpy! Wait!” The Doctor called as Derpy ran hard out of the courtyard, bawling like a newborn filly. Berry smiled as she watched her go. Apparently there actually had been something between them, but now he was hers. She couldn’t wait for tonight…
It took some clever sneaking in the end to get out of her host family’s house, but she was determined to get to the forest. It may have been a long way to walk, and it may have been cold, but the prize at the end was worth the trek.
As such it was completely understandable that her temper spiked at the sight of two pony figures, and neither of them were The Doctor. She actually recognized them as she drew closer, that crazy haired crème pony and the filly fooler unicorn. Were they meeting up with each other here? Maybe she could have a little fun with them before she reached her destination…
“Lyra?” Bonbon exclaimed, barely within earshot “What are you doing out here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” said Lyra, sounding furious.
“I came out here to meet The Doctor,” said Bonbon “I think he’s going to ask me out since he finally dumped little miss cross eyes.”
“Not a chance!” exclaimed Lyra “Because The Doctor invited me out here too!”
“Why that two timing…” Bonbon beat her hoof on the ground then looked up, seeing Berry approach “Oh great… it’s you…”
“Yeah, it’s me,” Berry snorted “And the way I hear it Doc’s trying to date both of you?”
“Yeah, can you believe it?” Exclaimed Lyra “I thought he was an honest pony but I guess I was wrong!”
“Well here’s one for you,” said Berry angrily “He told me to come out here too! He’s triple timing!”
“A new low…” grumbled Bonbon “I can’t believe he would do this…”
“Well I’m not just gonna let him pull this kind of monkey crap!” said Lyra in a rage “I’m going to stomp in to this forest right now and give him the what for!”
“Count me in,” said Bonbon “I’ve been in karate for three years, he’ll never know what hit him!”
They turned expectantly toward Berry now, faces screwed up in determination. “Well I guess the enemy of my enemy is my friend…” she said with a shrug “I’ll call a temporary truce to kick this guy’s flank.”
“Alright let’s go!” exclaimed Lyra as they galloped into the forest together “Bonbon, you go left, Berry, follow the path, I’ll go right we’ll find that Doctor yet…”
“Wait hold on!” Berry exclaimed, but Lyra and Bonbon had swerved off the path. She slowed as she found herself walking forward alone, not wanting to admit her fear, but feeling it nonetheless. She had never been in the forest before, let alone in the dead of night. Quite frankly it scared her silly. She turned with the intention of leaving the forest and letting the other two mares handle it, but all she could see was the mass of dark trees. She gulped, this was a lot more than she had bargained for…
At first she hoped against hope that the Doctor would come find her after ditching the other two. If she feigned naïveté she might still have a chance to earn a spot next to him. She forced herself to sit down under one of the trees. The noises of the dark forest seemed especially horrifying now that the initial rush was draining away. She could swear she could hear creepy music playing somewhere…
That was when she heard the scream. She leapt up from her seat under the tree and turned sharply. That was Lyra’s voice! Had something happened to her? Had The Doctor turned violent upon being found out and attacked? She had no intention of sticking around to find out. She picked a random direction and started running.
Another scream, much closer this time. She guessed that it was Bonbon. The Doctor could have snuck up on her before she could use her karate, but Lyra’s shriek would’ve alerted her. Something was out there in the trees, and she was not interested in finding out what it was. True she could very well be running deeper into the forest, but anything was worth getting away from this pony eating thing!
Loud howls started to sound around her, spurring her to run even faster, but the further she ran the closer the sound got. A low growl, close enough to hear so that it seemed to be right on top of her. This wasn’t fair! This was no way for her to die! She deserved better!
Berry came to a screeching halt as she felt mud under her hooves. She swiveled back and forth, ready to put up the last fight, but try as she might she could no longer see what had been chasing her. Her pounding heart finally started to slow as she began to realize the howling and growling may very well have been a figment of her imagination. She managed to stifle a giddy laugh, this was ridiculous! Lyra and Bonbon had surely been yelling at The Doctor!”
But if that were true… What was that squishing sound? She forced herself to turn around, finding what seemed like a solid wall of mud forming a giant ugly mass towering over her. She gulped, too afraid to immediately articulate.
The mud creature let out a moan as huge muddy wings came out of its back. Berry backed up hastily as four legs emerged from its underside. The thing slunk toward her, oozing and groaning all the while. She swore she heard some horrifying music rising to a crescendo as the mighty mud monster leered toward her.
“Blargh!” The monster howled, two rolling eyes emerging in its high head. That was it for Berry, trance snapping as she screamed and tore through the forest back the way she had come.
The huge spinny-eyed monster let out a bubbly laugh as Berry vanished into the trees “Alright Doctor,” it said “She’s running for home.”
“That was great,” said the bottom half of the monster, the top sliding off and falling on to the path. The top half was, of course, a very muddy Derpy Hooves. The added height was from standing on the shoulders of an equally drenched Doctor.
“Heck yeah it was great!” a familiar white unicorn stepped out of the trees, a cassette player held in her magical grip “Did you see the look on her face when I played the Timberwolves? That was completely priceless!”
“Speak for yourself,” came another voice as Bonbon emerged from the trees, her mane full of branches “This forest is impossible when you get off the path, and Tavi’s creepy music didn’t help.”
“I apologize,” said Octavia, emerging from the trees with a cello case on her back “I got lost in building the atmosphere and my conscious preemptively left me.”
“Well anyway,” said The Doctor “I would consider that a rousing success! How much of that act do you think she bought?”
“My eyes showed there a little at the end…” Derpy confessed “I was worried the game was up when that happened… but I think I just scared her more.”
“And I was still lost until you all started talking,” said Bonbon “So much of this plan was half-baked…”
“Timing was not the largest part of the plan I agree…” said Octavia “But for better or for worse it worked out to the most perfect degree of excellence. Now I think we should return home and capture the precious few hours of sleep each of us has left.”
“Speaking of lost,” said Vinyl, looking around the trees “Where’s Lyra? We kind of lost her back there at the beginning, where did she end up?”
“I… don’t know…” said The Doctor, looking around the trees “Lyra? Are you out there?”
Derpy suddenly screamed as a tree root snaked its way around her hoof. Vinyl’s head snapped around just in time to see a larger branch descend and lift her up. Octavia, a little quicker than the others, dove out of the way while Bonbon and The Doctor were both snagged.
A familiar laugh came from the trees as Lyra walked in to view at last. “Oh you should’ve seen the looks on your faces!” she exclaimed “You sure didn’t see that coming! That was perfect!”
“The idea of this little excursion was to frighten Berry Punch…” said The Doctor, trying successfully to hide the fact that he had been badly startled “You can let us down now…”
The nimbus of mint green magic re-illuminated the clearing as Lyra released her friends from their various captivities. “Sorry,” she said “I just couldn’t miss the opportunity for a good jump scare. These chances don’t come often you know.”
“It’s quite alright,” said Bonbon, smiling as the root let go of her hoof “Now can we please just all go home?”
Berry felt sick to her stomach as she approached the freshman table again on Monday, completely convinced she was going to throw up before she actually got there. It was, for once, a happy thought, because it gave her reason to believe she wouldn’t have to go through with the horrible plan her brain was forcing her to enact.
“What are you doing over here?” Bonbon’s voice broke through her haze, making her realize she had made it to their table after all.
“I thought I’d catch you before you all went to lunch…” she said sheepishly “I just… well…”
“Just what?” prompted Lyra “We don’t have all day you know, we were about to leave.”
“Look, I know I’ve been kind of a plot hole to you guys…” Berry forced herself to speak “And I want to say I was sorry… it was rude and unnecessary and I’ll try not to do it again…”
“Well this is most unexpected,” said The Doctor “What facilitated this change?”
“Nothing…” said Berry, looking awkwardly from Lyra to Bonbon, neither of whom made eye contact “I guess I’m just kind of stressed you know, new school, new town…”
Vinyl suddenly leapt up as if struck by a revelation “I figured it out!” she exclaimed “You were in AA and now you’re a tool!”
“Well…” said Berry.
“You’re going through withdrawal!” Vinyl finished “I think I know just the cure for that!”
“Time to recover…?” Derpy muttered.
To Berry’s shock Vinyl proceeded to put a hoof around her shoulder. “Tell the teach we both got sick,” she said “And I won’t be going to lunch with you guys! Berry and I are going out to get wasted!”
“That may not be the most intrepid…” Octavia started, but Vinyl and Berry were already out the door.
“Let them go,” said The Doctor “If it lets her keep balance in life then it’s something she out to do, and that goes for both of them.”
“I suppose you’re correct…” said Octavia with a sigh.
“Now, about lunch!” said Lyra ‘I heard there’s a brand new taco place opening! Gio’s or something, and it’s supposed to be a secret recipe all the way from Appaloosa!”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” asked Bonbon.
“You never asked,” said Lyra “Now come on! If we hurry we can get there before the lunch rush!”