The only thing I felt was a searing pain in my arm and head as my body descended into the blackness. Voices muttering things, awful things, as I continued to fall. I felt lighter and lighter as my descent grew slower and slower, feeling like an eternity passing before me with each second. That was what I had chosen, after all.
“Worthless…”
I fell further and further until I finally stopped and felt a burning hot sensation against my back, yet for all the pain and heat I could not stand until some strange entity hauled me to my feet and caused me to stagger forward. The blackness was so intense I could not see anything past a foot before me, yet I heard the thing laughing.
“Pathetic. Loser.”
The darkness slowly began to recede, as the figures began to slowly come into focus. The first one, a woman in her fifties with a crooked grin on her face faced me, her eyes and nose crinkled into a look of malice. I instantly recognized her, she was my mother.
“You’re so pathetic, John. You’ll never make anything of yourself, you’re nothing.” She laughed as another figure came into focus. My ex-girlfriend, a woman my age with auburn hair, stood before me with another man clinging to her back.
“Wow, you are so lame, dude. I can’t believe I fucked you.“ She laughed. Another figure came into focus, one of my best friends, and he appeared to be in pain as his body fell apart, his head landing before my feet causing me to jump back.
“You caused this, you jackass! Your fear hurt me!” His head screamed at me as the ground opened up to swallow me whole.
“Johnny…”
My body fell through the inky darkness as voices continued their assault on me. I could hear whispers, faint conversations, even screaming at me as I continued to fall. My descent became faster and faster as my body felt like it was being torn, with the voices now laughing at me.
“Johnny…”
It felt like an eternity as my skin felt as though it were on fire, or being torn off inch by inch. I couldn’t tell which, but I knew it was incredibly painful. My mind was reeling, how could this have happened? I let things go this far, and yet I was still scared. I had let myself down. I had let everyone down. Memories played before me while I continued my descent into darkness and pain. Each one worse than the last, reminding me of all the times I messed up or did something stupid. I couldn’t take it anymore, I screamed for it to stop as the pain intensified. Every inch of my body felt like it was on fire. I wanted it to end, I had to make it end. I tried to look down, at the place where I was going, and I saw before me an enormous creature opening its mouth, rows of razor sharp teeth lining it’s mouth, and I panicked as I saw where I was heading. The pain suddenly stopped, and all fell silent as I started moving faster and faster. I felt my throat go numb as I tried to scream, but it was all in vain. Somehow, I knew it was over as my body finally reached the creature’s mouth.
“Johnny!”
---
I rocket into the world of the awake in a screaming fit, feeling sweat pouring off my body as I lift up off the bed. I look around, the library's familiar walls and shelves of books decorating them still visible even in the dead of night. I feel my face, it's completely drenched in sweat and my eyes are burning from the tears that also came.
Am I crying? I ask myself as I look over to the side. Twilight Sparkle is half on the bed and half on the floor, her hair a mess. She has a genuine sense of worry as she levitates a towel over to me with her magic. I dry myself off and pull off the drenched shirt and let it fall to the floor of the room.
"Twilight? Was I loud?" I ask her, my throat still scratchy from the sounds I had apparently made while asleep.
"Enough for me to hear you from the second floor, Johnny." She said as she tossed my shirt into the next room with the rest of our laundry. "Is this why you refuse to sleep over at Applejack's?"
I nod silently. While I was raised to not sleep in the same house as a significant other, I felt like it was ok if it was Twilight's library. After all, she had Spike, and I was practically her number two assistant at this point. I intend to overtake him one day and become the number one while he sinks into obscurity, but that will wait for another day. Applejack and I had discussed it, and it was a nice little arrangement. I would help with Twilight's studies and research in exchange for a place to stay for the night, while I would help on AJ's farm and earn myself some food as well as a bath and time with my favorite mare.
Yet for the longest time, I've always had nightmares. It was one of the reasons I didn't want to spend the night with Applejack. I really didn't want her to see me like Twilight just had, a shivering mess who could barely think straight.
"I've had nightmares for a long time, but this is one of those rare events where it gets," I searched for the word as I pulled the covers off and let me feet dangle from the side of the bed. "physical?" I said finally.
"I understand, Johnny." Twilight nodded as she hopped up on the side of the bed to join me. "If you want, we can take a small break from researching the effects of enlargement spells on individual appendages tomorrow to work on a cure for your nightmares, sound ok?" She smiled.
"What about your schedule? Surely you can't mess that up." I tried to joke with her.
"Schedule? Sometimes a friend has to come first." She said as she hugged me tightly. "Especially when that friend is involved with one of my best friends."
It's been roughly three months since Applejack and I became an official couple, and every minute of it has been amazing. Oh, we started out horribly, though. When I first arrived to Equestria, she thought I was there to steal from them and to violate her sister until Twilight set everything right. It wasn't until I risked my life to save her sister and the CMC from that burning warehouse that she finally began to love me, and I loved her back almost instantly. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that when I first knew of her, I saw her as this stereotypical hillbilly who just says "hey ya'll" and "yeehaw" and talks like she hasn't had a day of formal education in her life. Yet the more we were together, the more I saw the beautiful, smart, funny, and amazing pony I came to fall in love with.
And my god, her Southern voice makes me just lose it sometimes.
After a few more hours I got up early to fix a little breakfast for Twilight, Spike, and myself. Pancakes with syrup and a few pieces of toast. I even found a few gemstones for Spike to munch on.
"Thanks Johnny, you're the best! Where'd you find these?" Spike said with a mouthful of Emeralds.
"I found them when I was out at the rock quarry with Applejack looking for gems. We had a little free time, so..." I said as I blushed slightly.
"You sure you were only looking for gems, Johnny?" She and Spike winked at each other.
"Hey! What I do with my girlfriend is personal." I said through a mouthful of toast. "Besides, does Spike really need to know about this?"
Spike scoffed. "Dude, come on. I'm old enough to know about sex, at least the basics. Why do you think I was so into Rarity a while back?" He said matter of factly.
"Was?" I asked, wondering why Spike wasn't obsessed with the marshmallow colored pony anymore.
"Not my type, as it turned out. Or I'm not hers. Probably for the best, though, I hate drama. And believe me," He stuffed a few more gemstones into his mouth along with a few bites of pancakes. "She's full of it."
"Full of what, Spike?" Twilight giggled, knowing full well what it sounded like he was saying.
"Full. Of. It." Spike tried to enunciate through the food matter and gems.
"Spike! Watch your language!" I laughed as he turned bright red. He swallowed hard after that, barely choking on his meal. When breakfast was done, Twilight took me down to her little laboratory and hooked me up to a machine. The wires were stuck to my forehead via suction like things and hooked to a set of goggled that Twilight had fastened to her head.
"Ok Johnny, first thing I have to do is find the part of your brain that deals with memory. Then, using magic combined with these goggles, I can see the memory that's causing your nightmares. After that, we can work on sedating it or removing it completely. Are you ready, Johnny?" She asked me as she flipped a switch. I simply nodded, wondering how she would be able to find out what memory she needed without me having to relive it. She heaved a heavy sigh as her horn began to glow, and the wires connected to my head did the same. She fell into deep concentration as my mind began to fade, revealing only my memories and past experiences.
"Ok, so far so good. I need you to try and bring up a major turning point in your life that may have caused these dreams so we can isolate it." I nodded as I focused. It was terrifying, but for now I needed to trust Twilight Sparkle. I began to bring my memories into view, and she concentrated harder as her horn glowed brighter. It wasn't the machine that frightened me, nor the magic, but the memories. I can't lie, I was afraid that she would judge me if she saw them. I began to feel scared and worried, and finally depressed as my mind brought me back to a place I didn't want to visit.
"Ok, Johnny, is everything alright on your end?" I didn't answer, only allowed her to do her work as he horn changed colors. Suddenly, I heard a quick gasp from her as she broke her concentration and looked at me. "What is this?" She said almost sadly.
"Stop." I said in a whisper, but I assume she didn't hear me.
"Twilight, please." I said again as my mind began to reel. So many bad memories came rushing to me at once, and by extension they came rushing to Twilight. I couldn't help but look to the side, Twilight was sitting there motionless, her mouth open and small tears running down her face.
"Johnny, I-" I didn't allow her to finished, without thinking I ripped the wires off of my forehead, causing the glasses to fall off of Twilight's. Her eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears as she looked at me. For a full minute, she didn't say a word and neither did I. I stared at the ground and she simply stared at me. It was a full minute before she walked over to me and threw her forelegs around me, still sobbing.
"I'm so sorry..." She choked out. "How could that- Why would someone- How did you-" She could hardly finish each sentence as she sobbed. "Johnny, I'm so so so sorry."
"Please..." I said as I felt of her hoof across my chest.
"Please don't tell Applejack."