My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S1E20: Green Isn't Your Color

The Agenda:
1. Ponyville Express Headline [ ]
2. LONG TERM - Win Election! [ ]

Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon glanced down at the latest edition of the Ponyville Express. "FLUTTERSHY SUPPORTS LYRA HEARTSTRINGS", the headline screamed in bold, satisfied letters.

The gray stallion decided not to comment on this for the moment. He turned to the frustrated Mayor, busy grumbling over the short agenda on her desk. "Now Ma'am, you could hardly expect your popularity to go much higher, given your performance in the hostage crisis."

"I fulfilled my mission to the letter, Mr. Ribbon," the bespectacled mare glared up at her subordinate.

"But not in the eyes of the public, Ma'am," the gray stallion replied, wringing his hooves regrettably. "Not in the eyes of the public."

"Oh, the public... " Mayor Mare spat out those words with almost undisguised contempt. "You know, sometimes, I think an autocracy would make things so much easier."

"I daresay the Princess Celestia doesn't have it that much easier, Mayor."

"Don't be ridiculous. No pony would dare do this to the Princess," the gray-maned mare pointed with scarcely-concealed disgust at the Express.

"See it as the price of you not needing to wake up at dawn to raise the Sun," the bureaucrat consoled. "And, in any case, few Equestrian tyrants - Discord, Nightmare Moon, Sombra - have enjoyed happy endings."

"Of course, of course," the gray-maned mare waved a dismissive hoof around. "Well, Mr. Ribbon, if anything, I do have to commend you on being spot-on with your priorities here in the agenda."

Crimson Ribbon gave his mysterious smile. That's because you politicians are so predictable. "Ma'am, call it professional intuition."

The Mayor stared at the Express, ears twitching as she did so. "Fluttershy... Mr. Ribbon, you know what to do."

The bureaucrat bowed. "Yes, Ma'am. I shall bring the Ranger in at once."

The yellow pegasus, trembling from head to hoof, gingerly took a seat opposite the Mayor. She was, as expected, well-made up: her hair and her face, the object of hours of lavish pampering... but what in Celestia's name was she wearing!?

Fluttershy wore was a normal orange dress: normal, that is, if one discounted the shards of wood and glass stuck haphazardly to its skirt, and the gaudy golden ribbons sewn onto its hem. Mayor Mare resisted the temptation to retch. Typical Manehattan designers.

"Yes, M-Mayor?" the shy pegasus began, body tense with anticipated horror: she remembered what happened the last time she was here.

"What? Ah yes." The tan mare's mind freed itself from the tar-pits of fashion. "Yes, Ranger Fluttershy. Firstly, congratulations on making it big. I assure you, your contribution to Ponyville will be greatly rewarded. But more on that later."

Fluttershy's head lowered. She took no pride in such accolades. "Thank you, Mayor Mare. I guess."

"But- " Mayor Mare's words sent the pegasus' body seizing up again. "Ms. Fluttershy, please remember that you are still a public servant. A Ranger, I might add."

The pegasus raised her head back up again, revealing a set of please, quivering eyes. "Oh, I remember, M-Mayor; I do remember this! P-Please don't- "

"Civil servants aren't supposed to take political stances, Ranger Fluttershy," the bespectacled mare slid a copy of the Express over the desk. "What you did gravely damages the- "

The pink-maned pegasus' whimpering interjected. "I-I'm s-sorry, M-Mayor!" Fluttershy stammered as she broke out into tears, water streaking down her cheeks and making a scene on her face. "I-I- was j- j-just walking p-past, I s-swear! I-I- " her apologies quickly degraded into a series of pitiful, unintelligible mewls.

"Now, now, Ranger Fluttershy," Mayor Mare, slightly taken aback by the overreaction, tried to soothe the terrified pegasus. "It's not a big deal. Mistakes can happen. And you've done so much for Ponyville- "

The shy pegasus continued to bawl and cower. The gray-maned mare sighed in impatient annoyance. "Ranger Fluttershy, we're not firing you, alright? Now please, sit up, we have other things to discuss- "

The words had barely left the Mayor's mouth before the yellow pegasus bolted upright in her seat, her face rigid with horrorstruck anticipation.

The politician decided not to press her fragile subordinate any further. She needed Fluttershy's help for something more important. "Ms. Fluttershy, I was wondering: when would you be free for a little awards ceremony in Ponyville?" Well, okay, 'little' might be an understatement.

"Um... but I'm... oh, whenever, Mayor, whenever!" the shy pony responded hastily. "I-I'll make time for you, Mayor!"

"Good!" Mayor Mare clapped her hooves together. "How about... tomorrow then?"

"Yes, alright- " Fluttershy's eyes suddenly shot wide as a suspicion crashed into her brain. "W-wait!" she blurted out, terror gripping her once more. "O-oh, Mayor, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize this was a t-test! P-please d-don't fail me, Mayor, please!" The pink-maned pegasus scampered off her seat and proceeded to prostrate her trembling body before the Mayor. "P-please, Mayor, p-please!"

The tan pony was nonplussed. "Test? What test?"

The shy pony's forced her body even lower onto the ground. "Y-you said earlier that p-public servants aren't s-supposed to t-take political stances... "

Is my plan this transparent? Mayor Mare's mind groped around for an explanation. "Well, Ranger- I mean, Ms. Fluttershy, I think this event should be alright. After all, you're going as a model, not as a Ranger."

The pink-maned pony tried to rationalize this logical contortion, still unsure whether the test was still in progress. "But... isn't that still me, Mayor? Oh please, don't fire me!" she lapsed back into a fitful anguish, her body once again crumpling to the ground.

"It's just a question of hats, Ranger Fluttershy," Mayor Mare explained diplomatically, bringing the pegasus back to her hooves. "Like today, you're wearing your Ranger hat; and tomorrow, you'll be wearing your model hat. There's no wrongdoing here at all. And tomorrow, we can all be happy. For you."

The animal-loving pony was too scared to enquire any further.

Best not excite her again. "Well then, Fluttershy, stay here for as long as you want." The Mayor stood up with a stack of folders, ready for an evacuation to the Cabinet Room. "I see you're a bit fragile today. Hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow."

The marketplace teemed with excited ponies, eager to catch a glimpse of Ponyville's newest star. A small group of dedicated fans, unfurling a large 'WE LOVE FLUTTERSHY' banner, bickered and jostled at the front, preparing to unleash their teenage caterwauling on the rest of ponykind.

Backstage, Mayor Mare trotted to and fro. Fluttershy was shaking with stage-fright, despite the best efforts of her friends. Photo Finish and her team were some ways off, enjoying some Arabian coffee.

The tan pony couldn't help but note that Rarity was standing some way off from the other ponies, her mind seemingly focused on other matters.

"It'll be fine, Fluttershy! The ponies outside are really nice; there's nothing out there to be afraid of!" Rainbow Dash uttered reassuring words.

The shy pony was too paralyzed to respond. She simply shook her head frantically, as if her fears could be tossed out into the surrounding ether.

A flustered Twilight Sparkle sighed. She appealed to the Mayor. "I don't think she's able to go out like this."

"Oh my. That would be most unfortunate," Mayor Mare frowned. You don't gather the whole town here and not give them what they want.

Of course the magical unicorn could read between the lines. "Well... I guess I could put a deafening spell on her... she won't be able to hear the crowd then. Then she can just close her eyes and only open them when she's on the podium. Will that be alright then, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked the yellow pegasus.

The yellow pegasus looked at Mayor Mare. The politician narrowed her eyes. Fluttershy turned back to the lavender mare and nodded. Twilight lowered her head in concentration. "Alright, here goes... "

The spell was cast. The tan pony took the yellow pegasus' hoof. "Close your eyes, Ms. Fluttershy."

No response from the temporarily-deaf pegasus. Well, of course. Mayor Mare manually shut the pegasus' eyelids and put a pair of disguising shades on her. It was time to go out into the open.

The screaming and stomping that greeted the duo was intense. "Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy!" The ponies yelled and shrieked again and again, waving banners, tossing posters, displaying memorabilia. If only MY rallies were so enthusiastic... oh, wait.

Mayor Mare put Fluttershy on the podium, she herself standing by the pegasus' side, microphone in hoof. "Fillies and gentlecolts!" the bespectacled mare announced, going into full-on election mode. "Ponyville, once again, has produced a new star for Equestria! Her name this time is... "

"Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy!" the crowd roared in a feverish frenzy.

The gray-maned mare beamed. "And as thanks from all of us here in Ponyville, I am honored to present Ms. Fluttershy with the Golden Apple Award, given to those select few who have made a wonderful contribution to our great town!"

More stamping and cheering. Confetti drifted down from the ceiling. "Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy! Flut-ter-shy!"

"First, before we present the award, let's hear a few words from- "

"Fluttershy! Fluttershy!" the crowd couldn't resist the temptation, baying and hollering once again with all their might.

Mayor Mare tapped Fluttershy twice on her back. "The stage is yours, Ms. Fluttershy!" she declared, struggling to raise her voice above the din of the crazed crowd. "Go get 'em, filly!"

Fluttershy cleared her throat. And almost as if in a trance, the crowd abruptly fell silent. The yellow pegasus, never once raising her head above the podium, smoothed out her prepared speech and cleared her throat. Every ear straightened out in rapt attention.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," the shy pony read, voice revealing itself as a soulless monotone - she was deaf, after all. "I would like to express the opportunity here to thank the Mayor and my friends for this wonderful opportunity. As you know, the opinion of fashionistas on Ponyville is rather low."

Too late, Mayor Mare realized a grave flaw in her plan. By Celestia, of all the things I prepared for - I can't believe I forgot to check Fluttershy's speech!

"And this may be justified, because of the distance this town is from the fashion capitals of Manehattan. But ugly clothes remain ugly clothes - and, hopefully, with my help, the designer houses of Armanei, Michael Horse and Marc Neighcobs will flood into Ponyville... "

An increasingly pale Mayor Mare glided under the gaze of the shocked and speechless crowd and exited the stage. "Does Ms. Fluttershy really think like this!?" she hissed at a concerned Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity instinctively jumped to her friend's defense. "Mayor, Fluttershy would never say such a thing! Oh my stars, it must be that Photo Finish - she must have written that speech for her - Mayor, please, please, you have to get Fluttershy out of there!"

Mayor Mare scanned backstage. Photo Finish and her crew were nowhere to be found. She ran back out into the open.

The crowd was no longer speechless. "What are you talking about!?" an angry voice erupted from the mass, which was fast turning hostile. "You want to drive all of Ponyville's dressmakers out of business?"

"Yeah!" "Boo!" A few voices sounded their agreement.

Fluttershy couldn't hear any of it. "- the best dress I wore this season was undoubtedly this inestimably chic and haute-couture design from Blueberry- "

The tan mare hastily tapped Fluttershy's back. "- and I must say, there isn't anything in Ponyville which seems to compare- "

Mayor Mare tapped Fluttershy's back again. "- which is a shame, because Equestria has so many good designers that could introduce- "

Out of options, the politician shunted the pegasus out of the way. "Sorry, Ms. Fluttershy," she mouthed at the stunned pegasus.

"Sorry, everypony," Mayor Mare flashed a cheesy grin in an attempt to salvage what little atmosphere remained. "We have some bad weather coming in, so we need to give the award, like, right now. Alright, Fluttershy, please receive the Golden Apple Award... "

A sullen silence from the audience. A cold chill ran down the bespectacled mare's spine as she handed the trophy over to the yellow pegasus.

"I object!" a lone voice sounded out from the assembled horde below, followed by several disorganized shouts of agreement. Mayor Mare ignored them.

"Alright then, Ponyvillians, show's over!" the politician hastily announced to the crowd, as she ushered Fluttershy back to her horrified friends and a smug Photo Finish.

"MAYOR MARE RAILS AGAINST LOCAL DRESSMAKERS", the headline of the Ponyville Express screeched with unabashed glee.

"So far we've gotten around forty complaints from Ponyville vendors, with more to come via post," Crimson Ribbon read out statistics mercilessly. "I have to say, it wasn't the best of moves, Ma'am."

"Urgh," Mayor Mare groaned. "Who would have known that Ms. Fluttershy would just read off that speech without thinking."

"You could have disavowed her speech, I suppose," Security Chief Delta Force suggested.

The bespectacled mare snorted in derision. "Oh, I didn't realize the Express would have been so forgiving."

"Well, ultimately, Ma'am, you told her to go up there," Finance Secretary Bit Coin said. "You can't expect everypony to be good at public speaking."

"Oh, just shut up." The tan pony banged her head against the oak table. "I've already gotten my just desserts."