//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Getting Out // Story: Paradox Infinitas // by PunIntended Consequences //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle was a mare of many words—words such as ‘aligerous’, ‘jocular’, and ‘nosocomium’, that came to her mind as readily as ‘winged’, ‘happy’ or ‘hospital’ would come to yours or mine. It was widely known—even rumored to be documented in places—that her extensive knowledge and vocabulary could reduce even the greatest philosophers of the Mediterraneighan to little more than senseless stutters. Twilight could remember very few days that had ever rendered her speechless; not even her transformation into an alicorn could accomplish that. Today was quickly becoming one of those days. “There are simply no words, Spike,” she muttered as she yet again tried unsuccessfully to wrench his head free of the hole he had punched in the Golden Oaks Library’s wall. “Hey, it’s not my fault Pinkie left her party cannon sitting in the middle of the library!” he countered. “No, but you should have known better than to climb into it and fire it while inside a building!” she shot back. Giving up on physical attempts, she wrapped her magic around his body, and with a powerful heave, she pulled him free of his prison. A mighty CRACK filled the air as a large chunk of the trunk came loose, somehow still attached to his neck. Twilight released her hold on Spike and he fell to the floor with an airy, “Oof!” “Let this be a lesson,” she lectured, standing tall and ruffling her wings in irritation, “to think these kinds of ideas through before acting on them. You could have been seriously hurt! Not to mention the damage you’ve caused to the library!” “Speaking of the library, I seem to still be stuck in it,” he replied sarcastically as the weighty chunk forced him back to the ground. Twilight grabbed the noose, cracking it in half before setting it aside. Spike stretched and cracked his neck, then turned to her and said, “I’m sorry Twilight. You’re right, it was a dumb idea and I probably shouldn’t have done it.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Probably?” she asked. “Okay, okay,” he sighed, “I shouldn’t have set off a cannon indoors. I thought it was aimed at the window, and that it would be fun to fly into town square and land in the fountain, and… argh, I dunno, I just wanted to I guess.” Twilight sighed. “I’m not mad at you Spike, and it won’t be too difficult to fix the wall. We’ve dealt with worse issues than this after all.” Spike let a small smile show at that. “Just try to think a little more before you do something, alright?” “Okay…” Twilight turned to the hole in the wall, through which she could see much of Ponyville’s town square. “Well, let’s get fixing this then. Spike, go grab the pieces that fell outside. I’m going to need as many of them as you can find if I’m going to repair this.” Spike saluted, marched out the door, and began collecting the shattered bark with military efficiency. That dragon will never learn, Twilight thought to herself as she picked up the two large pieces with her magic. Fusing them back together, she rotated the semi-wheel until the grooves matched those in the wall and shoved it back into place. “I think I found all of them!” called Spike. Twilight trotted outside to find Spike desperately weaving and bobbing this way and that in an attempt to balance the large stack of splintered wood resting in his arms; his efforts failed for the second time that day, however, and Spike found himself on the ground surrounded by broken wood chips. “Aw man,” he pouted. Twilight giggled as she collected the pieces and began fitting them together. A few minutes later, the trunk had been almost completely restored, but it was still missing a chunk of the outer bark. “Hey Spike, I think you missed one. Are you sure you checked all the bushes?” “Well I thought I did, but I’ll check aga—” Spike stopped, a pained expression quickly spreading across his face. “Spike? Oh Celestia, Spike! What’s wrong?” Spike tried to speak, but all that came out were choked gags. He pointed into his mouth, where a green light could be seen growing brighter and brighter. Twilight, realizing what was about to happen, jumped back, covering her head with a wing. Spike hacked once, twice, three times, before finally managing to release the energy in a large spurt of green fire. The flame coalesced into a single, small scroll, which floated gently to the ground. “Man, that was weird,” Spike gasped. “It’s never been that intense!” He picked up the parchment. “And for something this small, too?” “What does it say?” Twilight asked, walking up to him. Spike held it out, and she floated it in front of herself. “Well… that’s odd,” she said. “What’s odd?” Spike asked. “The seal on this letter isn’t Princess Celestia’s.” “What? Whose is it?” She glanced over at him with wide eyes. “It’s the Canterlot Prison Guard’s.” \\—/\—// “Dear Twilight Sparkle, I hope this letter has successfully made its way to you in one piece,” Twilight read aloud. “Your method for sending mail is new to me, but I was told it is the quickest way to contact you. I am sorry to intrude like this, but I am in desperate need of help, and I believe that you are the best pony to ask. You do not know me, but I have been informed that you are very much an academic, and I believe that my team and I have discovered something that would interest you greatly. I am sorry, but I have neither the time nor parchment space to explain everything. If you want to know more, I would very much like to meet you face-to-face. Unfortunately, I am currently holding… ‘temporary housing’ in the Canterlot Royal Prison, so you will have to come to me. Ask to visit ‘Sand Scout’, and if they won’t let us meet, ask for ‘Kiwi Tango’. If that doesn’t work… well, you are a princess. You should have no problem. I know how crazy all this might sound, by the way, so if you don’t come I can’t and won’t blame you one bit, but we really, REALLY need your help, and I promise it will be worth your time. Please, at least come see me. Signed, Sand Scout.” Looking up from the letter, she turned to Spike, who was idly cleaning some dirt out from underneath his claws. The two were currently standing outside the Canterlot Royal Prison’s main entrance; the imposing iron-clad building towered a full five stories above them, and its shadow stretched far into the distance behind them. Twilight shuddered as she scanned its flat walls; the prison had gained a significantly negative reputation during its years of operation, as it housed many of Equestria’s more intense criminals. Spike sighed. “Well, are we going in or not?” he huffed impatiently. Twilight nodded. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” He walked forward, causing the automatic doors to glide apart as he neared them. Twilight followed him into the dimly lit entrance hall, pausing briefly at the threshold as a blast of air-conditioned air rushed past her. It was abundantly clear to anypony from the moment they entered that this prison was not to be taken with a grain of sugar; the dull-gray sheen of metal could be found covering almost every object in the room from the walls to the furniture, and there was not a single decorative object to be found anywhere. Along the back wall, a narrow hallway could be seen, blocked by a heavy iron gate, a metal detector, and two other machines Twilight could not identify from her perspective. To the right of the hallway, a small window covered in thick bulletproof glass showed a seemingly bored unicorn mare wearing a navy blue security outfit. The flickering glow of security television screens illuminated the wall behind the mare and shone almost depressingly brightly into the entry room. As Twilight walked up to the window, she noticed that the mare wasn’t simply slumped over in boredom; she was fast asleep, lightly snoring, with a string of drool stretching from her lip into the cold cup of coffee on the desk. “This is getting better by the second,” Spike commented dryly. He turned to Twilight. “Last chance, Twi. Are you sure you want to do this? I mean come on; this is a disaster waiting to happen!” “Relax, Spike,” she responded. “I just want to meet this pony and see what they have to say.” Twilight rapped a hoof on the window. On the other side, the mare jolted awake, almost falling out of her chair in the process. She scrambled to tidy herself up while saying, “Uh, uh, hello and welcome to the Royal Canterlot Prison. Please state your name and business…” She trailed off as she finally laid her eyes on the two in front of her, her mouth falling open slightly in the process. “Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike the dragon. We received a letter from one of your inmates who wishes to speak with us in person.” The security mare’s only response was a slight twitch of an eye. “Um… are you alright?” Twilight continued. “Hello?” She waved a hoof in front of the mare’s face, bringing her out of her trance. “You’re Princess Sparkle…” she said in awe. Twilight glanced to each side before nodding. The mare leaned forward, smiling widely. “Wow! I’ve never met any of the princesses! This is so awesome! I wonder what it must be like! You’re new to the gig, too, right? What’s it like to be an alicorn? Can you fly and do magic at the same time? My name’s Checkpoint by the way! Can I have your autograph? You don’t mind, do you? I hope not! Oh I can’t wait to rub it in my friends’ faces that I actually met a real princess! Wait, I’m gonna need proof though! Will you take a picture with me? Oh, this is just so awesome!” Twilight took a nervous step back while off to the side, Spike made small retching motions. “Um… I guess I can take a picture with you, and I’ll sign it if you want, but I’m… on a bit of a tight schedule! Yeah, I really need to make this quick, so… can you help me out?” Checkpoint dropped back into her seat, but the elation never left her face for a moment. “Anything for you, princess! What do you need help with?” “Well, I’m here to see an inmate who goes by the name ‘Sand Scout’. They asked to meet me in pony to discuss… something.” The clicks and clacks of a keyboard could be heard as Checkpoint searched the prison’s records. “Ah, yes, Sand Scout. It says here she used her one contact to send a letter to a… Spike the dragon?” “That’s me!” Spike confirmed. Checkpoint leaned over again to look at him, her eyes wide. “A dragon too?” she whispered. “Awesome!” "Okay, well, are we allowed to see her?" Twilight interjected. "Also, why is she in here in the first place?” A few more clacks could be heard before Checkpoint responded, “It says here she’s allowed visitors. She was brought here because she was caught wandering through a government restricted-access area without authorization… the Canterlot crystal mines to be exact.” “The crystal mines? That’s where Queen Chrysalis trapped you and Cadance during the invasion,” Spike remarked. “Well, we need to talk to her immediately. Where’s the visiting center?” “It’s through the second gate, then the first left. There are signs if you get lost. The doors are automatically sealed, but I can buzz you through!” Twilight nodded and began to move towards the door. “Wait!” Checkpoint came around into the room. “What about that picture and autograph?” She held up a traditional accordion-style camera, her glee intensifying even further as she did so. Twilight simply sighed and nodded again, words failing her for a second time that day. “We’re gonna be here forever,” Spike groaned. \\—/\—// “Well Spike, we’re finally here!” Twilight exclaimed as she adjusted her position in the heavily cushioned chair. Checkpoint had insisted upon giving her ‘a royal treatment, because that’s what royalty is all about’. Twilight, not wanting to dash her smile, had reluctantly agreed; she had also made a mental note to consult with Princess Celestia about how the common pony viewed those of royal status. “Oh, isn’t this exciting? Potentially unknown knowledge and, providing we’re not being ‘duped’, we’re going to become two members of only a hoofful of ponies to know about it!” “I wouldn’t get too excited if I were you. We are here to talk to a criminal after all,” he retorted. “She’s only a criminal because she was caught pursuing history in the wrong place. I have full faith she will follow through with her word!” On the other side of the visitor center’s glass, the door opened to reveal two guard ponies leading a young, sandy-coated earth mare with a short blonde mane and tail. They led her to the chair in front of Twilight, pushing her roughly onto it and cuffing her hooves together before turning to the two visitors. “Take as long as you wish, Princess Sparkle. If there are any problems, don’t hesitate to call us in and we’ll take care of it.” They walked out of the room, closing the door and taking up positions on either side of it. Twilight simply shook her head as Spike blew a raspberry at them. “So you came.” Twilight looked up at the mare behind the glass, who had sat up as soon as the guards had left. “I’m Sand Scout, in case you didn’t already figure that out.” She sighed. “It may not seem like it, but I’m really excited. I’m just really tired too. This place… it’s miserable.” Sand Scout’s ears flopped down on instinct. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a place so full of hatred and regret. It’s… it’s just terrible.” “Well Miss Scout,” Twilight replied, leaning forward, “I must admit my curiosity was piqued by your letter. I know how you must feel; this place gives everypony who even looks at it the creeps. Living here… I don’t even want to think about it. So, I have come to hear you out.” She moved forward again, her snout almost touching the glass. “Keep in mind that in the next half hour, you will either walk out the front door a free mare, or back to your cell to serve the rest of your sentence. I’m sorry if this seems too blunt, but as far as I know, you are a criminal.” She leaned back, kicking the oversized cushion out of the way and sitting down. “Convince me otherwise, Miss Scout. Please.” Sand Scout repositioned herself on her seat. “I will convince you, Princess,” she said. “I have my story, and I have artifacts to show you. The guards took my things when they brought me here, but if you ask them to bring my bag, I can show you what we’ve found. While we wait for them, I can share my story with you.” Twilight rose quickly, tapping the door to grab the attention of the guards stationed outside. They turned, opening the door as they asked, “Is something wrong, Princess Sparkle? Are you finished already?” “No,” she replied, shaking her head. “We are far from done, but I do require Miss Scout’s personal belongings.” “There are five bags!” Sand Scout called. “Each one should be marked with a name of one of the ponies in my group, including myself.” “Yes. Could you bring them here, please?” Twilight asked. The guards saluted and marched off to complete their task. Twilight returned to her seat. “So,” she said, “how about that story?” “Well, it starts about a year ago, when I first heard rumors about odd objects being found underneath Canterlot…” Sand Scout began.