//------------------------------// // S1E17: Stare Master // Story: My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic // by swirlstar //------------------------------// Season 1 Episode 17 - Stare Master Mayor Mare's House, Ponyville The Agenda: 1. Cockatricegate [ ] 2. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family [ ] "'Cockatricegate'." A tired Mayor Mare yawned, repeating the offending word in the agenda. "Did you just make that up?" Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon, soaking wet to the core, was in no mood for banter. "M-Mayor... " he panted, leaning against the wall for support. "N-no time, Mayor... important... the police... they're... they're... " "The police?" the political mare had not yet grasped the gravity of the situation. "What's this got to do with- " "They're coming, darn it!" the bureaucrat let it all out in one breath. "They're coming for you!" A bright flash abruptly lit up the room, the roaring sound of thunder hot on its heels. "W-what?" the Mayor finally stuttered. "How can that- " "Cockatrice... " the gray stallion had yet to catch his breath. "Ms.... Sparkle. Somepony... accuse- " "Well, tell Delta Force to put a lid on it!" the tan mare instinctively blurted out. Why is my Security Chief so useless? Age had really caught up with the still-huffing Crimson Ribbon. "Papers... headlines... election... lose... definitely... police only... have... suspicion... " Mayor Mare shook her head in a combination of fear and frustration. By Celestia - all the reporters outside - and so close to election campaign as well! "Alright. I'll co-operate. Let me just tell Cheeril- " Too late. Three insistent raps on the front door. The politician looked at her subordinate and nodded. He retreated, out of sight, into the kitchen. The tan pony approached the door, cold sweat growing on her temples and her sides. She raised one trembling hoof to the door. Rap-rap-rap. The police could see a silhouette. "Ponyville Police! Open the door!" they ordered gruffly. The door creaked open, the sound of the outside rainstorm overwhelming the previous silence. Three soaked and unhappy policeponies stood outside. "Mayor Mare?" they asked. "Yes." the tan pony responded. A soggy piece of paper was unceremoniously shoved into her face. "A warrant, Ma'am. We hereby arrest you on suspicion of Deliberate Petrifaction. Everything you say will be taken down as evidence. You have the right to a lawyer." The gray-maned pony gulped, casting her gaze to the rainy streets outside. Strange... no reporters. Maybe the editor of the Express was still asleep. "Can I just go upstairs and tell- " she began. "No. You will come with us to the station now." Mayor Mare knew that resistance was pointless. Closing her eyes, she stuck out her forelegs, patiently waiting for the iron clink of the hoofcuffs. * The Marketplace, Ponyville There was only one topic of conversation as the marketplace quickly swelled up with ponies, the soggy weather doing little to dampen the atmosphere. "Have you heard? The Mayor's been arrested!" "Apparently it's something to do with the cockatrice as well!" "I've heard that the maximum sentence for attempted murder is eternal banishment!" "Did you hear? Rainbow Dash claims she saw her go into the Everfree that afternoon!" "Heh, sure." Applejack was being unusually reticent today. "I ain't judgin' until that verdict comes out." "But Applejack," Bell Perin voiced the thoughts of the crowd gradually surrounding her stall. "Twilight's your friend. What's she saying?" "Oh, uh," the market vendor gave an uneasy chuckle. "She doesn't remember nothin'." "So she remembers everything?" the ponies leant in eagerly. "Uh," Applejack put on her fakest smile. "She remembers being petrified, I guess. I mean, I don't know who put the cockatrice there. Maybe it just wandered over... " "Or maybe it's really the Mayor- " "Citizens of Ponyville!" a pegasus herald, sporting a cape emblazoned with the arms of West Phalia, saved Applejack from further embarrassment. Spreading his wings out, he slowly flapped onto a makeshift pedestal in the middle of the square. "Hear ye, hear ye!" The market quietened down. The herald unrolled his scroll. "Citizens of Ponyville, a special announcement from the Government of West Phalia: Pursuant to Article XIX of the State Constitution of West Phalia, should the executive elected head of a subordinate government be removed, the Governor reserves the right to appoint a new head to serve the remainder of his term; or for the duration of the removal of the elected head." The ponies all held their breath. So who was going to be the new Mayor? "Lyra Heartstrings? Filthy Rich? Twilight Spark- " "And so, with the powers that are invested in me, I have decided to appoint Supply Side as the temporary Mayor of Ponyville!" The marketplace remained silent. "Who?" Applejack heard Lyra's disappointed voice. "West Phalia Economic Minister," some pony said helpfully. "You know, the one who's always on about 'let the markets decide'?" "Herewith Mr. Side's mayoral statement: I am honored to be named as Mayor of Ponyville. For too long, Ponyville has hidden behind exorbitant tax barriers and a bloated welfare state. It is time to reward innovation and let the markets decide. I will take all steps necessary to open up Ponyville to outside competition, such as encouraging larger companies to invest here, lowering top tax rates, and breaking down municipal monopolies..." Uh oh. The orange mare smacked her hoof against her forehead. I think the plan has gone horribly wrong... * Room 3, Ponyville Police Station, Ponyville The room was damp and uncomfortable, just as it was designed to be. Mayor Mare, sitting on an iron stool, detectives at her front and at her right, was similarly uncomfortable, just as she was meant to be. Detective Private Eye handed the Mayor a photograph of Twilight Sparkle. "I'm going to cut to the chase, Mayor. Did you petrify this unicorn?" "No," the Mayor replied matter-of-factly. Private Eye looked at his counterpart, and then back at the suspect. "Ms. Dash claims she saw you going into the Everfree Forest, some time before Ms. Sparkle went in herself." The tan mare scoffed. "Of course she would say that. She's still angry about that whole Best Young Fliers thing." The sleuth wasn't getting sidetracked. "So did you go in or not?" The Mayor moaned in exasperation. "Yes, I did." "For what?" "I was going to Zecora's, because I thought of getting some agar for some of our mould designs back home... but then, I remembered that I had a meeting back in Town Hall, and so I turned back halfway. I didn't see Ms. Sparkle on the way back." Private Eye noted this down. The Mayor had her alibi straight - she wouldn't have seen Ms. Sparkle, who had strayed off the beaten track some ways before getting back onto the path. But good alibis are no match for good evidence. He handed Mayor Mare a golden, hand-held watch. "Recognize this?" The detective looked on in satisfaction as the tan pony's complexion turned considerably pale. "I- I don't... " the Mayor stammered. "Mayor, I can read faces. You're lying." The gray-maned pony, caught out, looked sideways at the other officer, who merely shook his head in mock admonition. "Y-you're right," she admitted. "I know it. It's mine. But I- " "It was found near the crime scene." Private Eye brought his decisive argument down hard on the Mayor. How did it get there? I never bring my heirlooms out of the house! "But- " "What else do you have to say in your defense, Mayor Mare?" * Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville Meanwhile outside, the topic of gossip had long since departed from that of Mayor Mare. "Have you heard? The new Mayor's planning to get rid of Ponyville Park!" "But didn't you hear that he's also going to stop the daily milk delivery?" "You should see that notice he put up - he's going to sell our Marketplace!" "My friend's saying that they're going to fire half the postmares!" "Applejack - watch out: my friend Bit's saying that they're asking Mountsanto to buy your farm!" Her head throbbing with a day's worth of unhappy chitchat, her mouth foaming with inchoate rage, Applejack kicked open the barn door and stormed inside. "LOOK AT WHAT Y'ALL DID!" she roared in a blind rage, sending the Cutie Mark Crusaders flying behind the sofa. "I told you NOT to go this far! And you just had to do it! You just HAD to do it!" The orange mare slammed her Stetson onto the table, body still heaving with emotion. She looked around. Empty room. She had been speaking to an empty room. That fact was making her blood boil once again... "S-sorry, AJ," Big Mac poked a terrified head out from the side of the couch, followed by Granny Smith and the young ones. "W-we thought that this would- " Applejack turned and spat phlegm out of the door. "If we don't get Mayor Mare back in there this instant, not only will we lose everythin', everypony within ten miles is gon' slay us!" Big Mac trembled before his sister's thunderous fury. "W-we just put the watch there... ain't nothin' too big... " "Not too big!?" Shouting was fast becoming a form of therapy for the country pony. "That's evidence! How am I supposed to save her like this?" Big Mac hastily withdrew back behind the sofa. "M-maybe you can ask your friends?" he mumbled. * The Library, Ponyville Twilight got over her farm friend's confession quickly. "Well, I guess I don't really how the cockatrice got there, so it's not like you were lying as far as I'm concerned... but we do need to get rid of Mayor Side. He's going to make me buy this library!" "The Cakes can't possibly cope with Kentucky Fried Clover!" Pinkie Pie worried out loud. "Nor can I with Hay-Mart," Rarity rubbed her hooves nervously. "Hope you don't mind me not calling Rainbow Dash," Applejack remarked. "She's still in a big sulk... " Knock-knock. Fluttershy flew in through the open door, her hair dirty and matted - obviously she had spent no small effort tracking down the offending cockatrice, now cowering within a cage. "Oh I'm sorry, Rocky," she cooed at the creature. "But we need you to save the Everfree Forest!" "Argh! Cover the cage, Fluttershy!" the other ponies scrambled to put their hooves over their eyes. The shy pegasus let out a little giggle. "Oh, it's alright; Rocky here's promised not to use his stare while he's in Ponyville." "Rocky, what- ?" Applejack dared a peek. "Whatever. As I was telling Twi', we just need... Rocky... here to say the right things in that there station. Then we can get Mayor Mare back into Town Hall." "Alright then, girls!" Twilight jumped up and began arranging tables and chairs around. "Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll be the sleuths. Applejack, you be the Mayor. Fluttershy will translate, and I'll just make sure everything's in order." The friends moved into their positions. Fluttershy placed her cage onto the table. "Now, uh, Rocky," Twilight resisted the overpowering instinct to look away. "You better tell the truth about what happened. Or else..." her horn started to glow menacingly. "Payback time." The terrified animal, now propped on the table, emitted a few terrified clucks. "He says yes," Fluttershy translated. "Alright then, Rocky," Pinkie Pie whipped out a deerstalker hat and a pipe. "Why were you in Twilight's way?" Cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck. "He says the path's near where he normally hunts, and it just happened that he spotted Twilight that afternoon." "Did you see Mayor Mare? You know, this light-brown pony with gray hair," Rarity, averting her gaze, slid over a picture for the cockatrice's perusal. Cluck-cluck. "He didn't see the mare... but he did see a shadow of sorts while he was hunting earlier..." Twilight narrowed her eyes and her horn began to glow. Cluckcluckcluck. "... although, he now remembers, it was more like a phoenix or an eagle. Definitely not a pony." "Did Mayor Mare put you in that place to turn poor Twilight here into stone?" Rarity pressed on. Cluck. "No." Cluck-cluck-cluck. "No no no." Cluck-cluck. "That would be impossible." "Ah," Pinkie Pie leant back and crossed her arms in satisfaction. "So Mayor Mare isn't guilty after all." "Case closed!" Rarity smiled. "Now let's have Fluttershy bring this... creature to the police station." * The Mayor's Office, Ponyville Applejack shut the door quietly behind her and turned towards the Mayor. "Mayor, we need to sort things out." Mayor Mare smiled and gestured towards the desk. "We do, Applejack." The farm pony took off her hat and sat opposite the political pony. "Now, I ain't got the faintest clue why you've been tryin' to get at us all this time. And I'm guessin' I really shouldn't know why. So all I'm askin' is: what do you want?" The tan pony was inclined to be gentle towards the farm pony. "I want you to be co-operative, Applejack. I need something I can present to the citizens of Ponyville. I need something to show against Lyra." The farm pony mulled over things for a moment. "Shucks, Mayor; I'm amazed Ponyville's still standing, after all those disasters and such... " "Applejack." The gray-maned mare cautioned. The rustic pony sighed. Probably no way around it. "Alright, Mayor," she conceded after some thought. "We Apples promise to sell, or transfer, a fifth of our current land to other ponies." "Other ponies: meaning?" "Braeburn," Applejack hoped that the Mayor would accept this superficial retreat. "And other relatives in Appaloosa." Mayor Mare furrowed her brows. "And we'll also tell them workers to vote for you in the election," the tough pony threw in an extra sweetener. "Every election." The politician considered the proposition. Half-victories are still victories, I guess. "Fine," she replied, lifting out the Apple family's tax ledger and returning it to the orange mare. "So we're on the same page now, Applejack." "Yes, Ma'am." The farm pony spat into her hoof and extended it. "Deal?" Yuck! Mayor Mare thought to herself. But still. she took the outstretched hoof and shook it, the saliva making a disgusting, squelching sound. "Deal."