The first sense Celestia regained was her hearing. A rough crackle echoed from beside her.
"Entry twenty. It's seemingly impossible to get a reaction from the mainframe controlling this place. She - well, we think it's a she - simply watches us. Doesn't speak. Just... watches."
Another voice cut in, quieter, far away from the speaker."Sir? Sir!"
The original speaker growled. "What, Maxis? I'm recording. This better be important."
"The robot has responded, sir." The second voice panted.
"To what?"
"We were talking about testing the firewall, and she... she's repeating the same thing. Over and over. Come on, bring the recorder."
Celestia could hear hooves on tile - a common sound around the palace - and the slow increase of mechanical whirring.
"My god, Maxis."
A third voice joined the mix, stiff and robotic. "Welcome to Aperture. Please begin testing. I'll try to forget Chell -szkt - Chell! Chell, gone forever! Neurotoxin and poison joke! Turrets and thermal discouragement beams! The companion cube! Oh, the companion cube! GOODBYE, CAROLINE! GOODBYE, MR. CAVE! GOODBYE, EVERYONE..." There was a brief quiet, in which the stiff clicks of a rebooting system could be heard. "Welcome to Aperture..."
"See, sir? Continuous loop. Oh, before you yell at me, your recorder is still on."
"Oh, da-"
This seemed to be the last entry. The box - at least, it looked like a box - beside Celestia's head began clicking rhythmically, the tape inside whirring at the end of its loop.
She groggl=ily got to her hooves, breathing a sigh of relief at the natural color of her coat. She had silently dreaded being pink forever. Ever since that doll - no, she had told herself never to think of that again.
"Oh, good. You're awake. You seem to have a thing for sleeping for ages."
Celestia's ears lifted and she looked around for her student, or the core holding her, wondering if the speakers in here were newer.
"Down here." The voice sighed. "I already hate the way this is turning out to be..."
Celestia tilted her head down slowly, until she was looking at her hooves. She couldn't see any sign of her pupil, just a small yellow fruit. Some part of her slowly-waking mind told her it was a lemon.
"I know. Pitiful. Original, but pitiful."
"Talking lemon!" Celestia shouted, backing up a few steps. "What in heavens was in that gas-"
"I'M NOT A LEMON... well, kinda. Okay, I am a lemon. Let's put that aside for a second. I've been sitting on this floor for hours... would you mind just, y'know, GETTING ME OFF OF IT?!"
The Solar Princess tiptoed closer, as if the lemon might combust, and gingerly picked it up, spinning it until she could see a jumble of wires and a single, glaring, purple lens.
"Just so you know," the lemon growled, eye flickering from the energy use, "I feel very violated right now."
"Twilight?"
"I prefer TWiDOS. The mainframe wanted some respect."
"Why are you so..."
"Friggin' lemony? Ask the mainframe. Some 'revenge' program some of the cores have. She doesn't really know why they have it either, before you ask."
"She?"
"GLaDOS." The lemon replied. "An AI designed for testing human and robot subjects here."
With a quizzical glance at the levitating fruit, Celestia scanned the room for any means of escape. All the walls were rejecting the portals, and there didn't seem to be any doors.
The room began to shake, starting subtley and progressing until Celestia could barely stand. The entire ceiling exploded from the edges, peices flying in all directions.
"Happy explosion day!" A gruff voice called out.
Celestia's ears went flat.
"Well..." TWiDOS sighed. "This may be more interesting than I thought."
-----
"CHEEZITS!" TWiDOS screamed, pulled back as Celestia reared away from the incoming rocket. "Putmedownputmedownputmedown..."
Of course, the new AI decided that now was a good time to plunge the poor Alicorn into what looked like an endless pit.
The floor panels folded up before Celestia had time to blink, and there was a single moment where she beat her wings frantically before she started to plunge down into th semi-darkness.
"Ichangedmymindholdmeholdmeholdme..."
Celestia manged to angle her body until she was alongside the wall, digging the boots on her hooves into it, trying to at least slow her fall. They skimmed on the surface, but made no damage, even possibly managing to make her fall faster.
"Having fun? My adventure courses must at least be entertaining."
Celestia landed in a test chamber with a large bridge, a storage cube and a pipe on the ceiling, and still holding TWiDOS.
"Here, ya need this." A panel opened and a metal claw holding a portal gun came out.
Celestia grabbed the gun with her magic and looked around for a logical place to put portals.
"I would tell you where to place them, but I'm not allowed to." TWiDOS muttered. "Just wait until you solve this. It'll be worth it."
Celestia saw a button and pressed it, a stream of orange jelly-like liquid came out. She placed a portal under the stream and placed one by the bridge. A stream of gel painted the bridge a bright orange.
"Oh, by the way, that gel is very slippery. Be careful." TWiDOS added.
Celestia grabed the cube and carefully stepped on the gel, but was immediately propelled forward as her boots slipped on the surface. As she sped along the bridge, a series of spiky plates behind her almost crushed her. She slid off the other edge of the bridge and skidded to a stop. When she was on the other side, she grabbed a cube and placed it on a button and a door opened. Celestia wanted to step in the elevator, but was surprised by an energetic pink-eyed core.
"Hiya 'Tia!"
"Whoa. I thought you were destroyed. You know," she mimed a much flatter version of the core, "crushed?"
"Nah, you silly subject! I can't be destroyed! I'm Pinkie... Core!"
"If this lemon had more power, I would explain to you that it really doesn't make sense." TWiDOS muttered.
"Oh, silly! If you need more power, just plug yourself into that little gun! I've seen a human do it before."
"A human?" Celestia asked.
"Yeah, they're kinda like hairless monkeys that stand on two legs. They smell really bad." The core shook her eye in disgust. "Well, it's not really plugging in... more like skewering. Do lemons have plugs? Does the gun have a plug? Does..." The Pinkie Core rattled on in the background as TWiDOS looked up at Celestia.
"They kinda built this place. So if you want to blame somepony, blame them. Not me. Or the mainframe - ahem - GLaDOS." TWiDOS explained.
"Oh, oh, gotta go! The boss doesn't want me to stick around for too long!" And with that, the pink core retracted itself into the ceiling.
Celestia took a step towards the elevator.
"Wait! Wait..." TWiDOS snickered. "Hold up." The light flickered as she cleared her 'throat', and she shouted, "It was so hard finding that lever, wasn't it?"
"What lever?" Celestia whispered.
"I'm not falling for that!" Rick shouted back. "Not like that moron before me, who told you how to solve the puzzle by pressing the bu-" A loud crackle erupted from the speaker, and the lights flickered. TWiDOS burst out laughing. "-and get shocked." Rick finished, his voice trembling. "I hate you."
Celestia smiled and stepped in the elevator to the test chamber.