//------------------------------//
// Golf Balls and Magazines 
// Story: Detour 
// by Jetset0099 
//------------------------------//

       "Alright, we're level at twenty thousand feet and cruising. "Appleoosa, here we come."
Jake set the autopilot and sat back in his chair. Rainbow Dash sighed.
"I wish the Wonderbolts would've been able to fly with us."
Applejack turned around to face her from the jump seat.        
"It's fine. You'll have plenty o' time ta hang out with them at the race."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."
The Wonderbolts had been called down early to do interviews and public appearances by their manager. Soarin was crestfallen he wasn't able to go in the plane, and had cursed out his manager behind his back. 
Twilight looked out the window down to the ground just as they were passing the end of the Everfree Forest. The ground was starting to turn orange dur to the bare land, signaling that they were getting close to their destination. Jake looked over to the unicorn and scratched his head. 
"Hey Twilght, where exactly is the race being held?"

"The San Palomino Desert I'm assuming. It's basically thirty miles of dried up lakebed that's perfect for something like this. It's where Speed Demon set the last record."
She smirked.
"But he won't have it for long."
Mac let out a deep laugh. 
"Ah can't wait ta see him get beat."
Jake however, wasn't laughing. 
"You know guys, the Ferrari can go about two hundred and two. Because we'll be on crusted earth I'd lower that to one ninety five. Speed Demon could very well have something faster than that, who knows?"
Rarity chimed in. 
"I'm sure you'll be fine darling! That pristine automobile is sure to out-preform whatever he has in stock."

"Looks don't matter though. It's all about power. This isn't a race to the finish. It's a race to see who can set the top speed. I'm not timed or anything, so I'm going to take my time and focus in on getting as much traction as I can. If I apply too much power, I'll just spin out."
Applejack looked confused.
"There's a lot more ta this than jes floorin' it, ain't there?"

"Yup."
They flew for another fifteens minutes before Fluttershy pointed out the windshield. 
"There's Appleoosa Jake. We aren't far now."
The small desert town was about ten miles away, and just to the southeast, the race strip could be seen. Jake and the rest of his friends looked out to the strip, and their jaws dropped. 
"Mother of God...I guess the word got out, huh?"

"Eeyup."
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Perfect background music. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pAgnJDJN4VA
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The small town was packed with visitors. Vendors were set up around the area where the strip started. Bleachers had been erected to form a semicircle around the starting line, and rows upon rows of ponies lined the track side father down. 
"Hello Equestria! I'm Darrel Stalltrip, and this is my partner Anchor Cast! Comin' to you live from the San Palomino Desert on Equestrian 98.1, the only station that gives you live coverage like no other!"
The two stallions sat behind a desk with the radio station's logo plastered on the front of it. Darrel was light brown with a gold mane, and wore a cowboy hat and a leather vest. He spoke with a country twang in his voice. Anchor Cast was the polar opposite. He was pure white with a black mane, and donned a black suit with a red tie.
"Well Darrel I cannot get over the crowd we have here today! Over eleven THOUSAND ponies from every corner of our nation have flocked here today to witness history. The Wonderbolts are even here! We held an interview with them a little earlier if you folks were tuned in then."

"You know Anchor, I heard that the Royal Family is on their way down here as we speak! That's right listeners, Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Shining Armour will be in attendance today, and it's all right here on Equestrian 98.1!"
He pressed a button that let a warpy distorted sound effect take place.
Darrel spoke up again.
"Here he is folks! Speed Demon's competitor is arriving in his C-130 we were told thanks to Soarin. And the crowd is goin' wild at his appearance! Listen to this Anchor!"
The crowd was cheering and applauding as the C-130 was descending for touchdown at the far end of the track. From the starting line, the heat waves coming off the desert floor distorted the plane's image. As the wheels hit, dust and sand started swirling around the props, making any part of the plane behind the wings invisible. Darrel started laughing at the sight.      
"Wooee! Sweet Celestia that thangs kickin' up a sandstorm!"

"You said it Darrel!"
After a couple minutes, Jake had taxied the plane to the end of the crowd on the side of the track and pulled off. The cargo bay door slowly started to open, and ponies with cameras and recording devices immediately swarmed the eight of them. Jake raised a hoof to calm everyone down. 
"Listen up! Let me get the Ferrari off the plane and lock it up. Then when I'm down at the starting line, I'll have time for questions. Thanks."
The crowd immediately started asking more questions and taking pictures despite his little announcement. Mac steeped forward as Jake went back to unload the car. 
"Ok everypony make way! Jake's gonna roll that thing off o' this ramp, an' ah don't want any of you gettin' hurt. Go on an' wait by the startin' line!"
His size made him look intimidating to the crowd of twenty or so, and they complied, falling back to join the rest of the audience. 
The sound of the roaring V8 could be heard as Jake started it up. The seven of them made way for the car as it slowly backed down off the ramp. 
Back up at the announcers desk, which was located at the top of the left bleacher, the two stallions craned their necks to get a look at Speed Demon's rival. Darrel spoke up. 
"Ok folks! It seems like we have a visual on the competitor. It's a red carriage lookin' thing that-"
An assistant to the station ran up and gave him a sheet of paper. 
"Thank ya kindly. Ahem, sorry for the interruption folks, but I have the details right here thanks to a pony by the name of Macintosh Apple. Apparently he had called in to the station last night. 98.1 thanks you Macintosh! Anyways, it's called a Ferrari 458 Italia."

"That name just SOUNDS fast Darrel!"

"It sure does Anchor! It's normal term is an automobile or car for short, and it has a top speed of...two hundred and two miles an hour!"

"Well Darrel, it may say that on paper, but we'll have to see for ourselves what that baby can really do! Here it comes now!"
Jake drove the Ferrari into the center of the starting line, and the crowd went nuts. The attention got the best of him, and he floored it and cranked the wheel left, making the car do five doughnuts before stopping. The V8 howled as he revved it one last time before shutting it off and stepping out. As he did, he waved to the crowd and they chanted his name. 
Mac and the other six went to take their seats on the bleachers. Luckily, they had been able to find a spot. Applejack hollered to Jake. 
"Go on an' kick that Speed Demon's flank Jake!"
All of them looked up as a shadow was casted over the starting area. The Royal Carriage descended and landed about twenty feet away from Jake and the Ferrari. 
"There they are Anchor! Like I promised y'all, the Royal Family is here in attendance! Boy if you ain't here right now, I feel bad for you!"
Jake bowed as the four ponies of nobility approached him. Celestia smiled. 
"You may rise Jake."

"What are you doing here?!"
Cadence chimed in. 
"When we heard about this event, I persuaded her to let us come down here to witness history. I'm Princess Cadance by the way. I was informed that you aren't from Equestria. Where exactly are you from?"
Shining Armor stepped forward and joined Jake's side. 
"Please honey, I'm sure he doesn't want to go into his entire life story at the moment."

"You're right. Maybe later?"
Jake nodded in agreement. 
"Sure thing."
Luna turned around to see Crossblade standing there. 
"Your Majesties, we've managed to clear an appropriate spectating area at the top of one of the bleachers."
He pointed to a roped off area protected by four Royal Guards at the top of the opposite bleacher that the two radio broadcasters were on. 
"Very well Crossblade. Come Tia, lets get our seat before the race begins."

"Ok Luna."
All but Shining Armor left the starting line and went to their seats after wishing Jake the best of luck. The Guard Captain turned to the Ferrari, and his face got serious. 
"So, how do you think your chances are?"
He sighed.
"Good I hope. I'm estimating I can pull two hundred miles an hour out of her, but that's about it."
Shining got nervous. 
"I saw Speed Demon's carriage before they covered it up back there. It looks pretty fast. You might have harder competition than you thought."

"What did it look like."

"Well it was about-"
He was interrupted as a gate opened underneath the center bleachers, and Speed Demon walked out. 
"I think I'm going to get to see for myself Shining."
They both turned to look at him as he approached. 
"Here he is Darrel! Speed Demon! The current land speed record holder. It looks like he's approaching Jake now. This could get heated!"

"Wooee! I love me some tension in a competition! This is gonna be one hell of a race!"
Back at the line, the crowd was roaring as the Record Holder approached the pilot. 
"Good day Mr. Jake."
He turned to Shining Armor. 
"And good day to you Captain."
He nodded in response. Speed Demon shifted his glare to the supercar. 
"So, this is the Ferrari that you were talking about, no?"

"You bet."

"Ha. We'll see how that handles MY mode of transport."
He raised a hoof to his assistant who was standing by the gate. The assistant whistled, and after a couple seconds, the front of Speed Demons rocket carriage appeared from the darkness. Slowly, the full length of it was in the light, and Jake got a good first look. 
It reminded him of an American dragster, except where the engine would be, a large white rocket with a red tip was strapped down. The body was red, and the spoiler was a bright orange. Speed Demon smirked. 
"I call it the Slipstream. It can reach speeds of up to two hundred and ten miles an hour!"
Jake looked nervous. He knew the Ferrari couldn't go that fast. Suddenly, Darrel Stalltrip's voice came on on the loudspeakers. 
"Ok everypony! Since the two competitors are at the line, lets get this thing under way shall we?"
More cheers erupted from the eleven thousand spectators. 
"Drivers, you have five minutes before you should be lined up! Get your final preparations in now!"
Speed Demon chuckled. 
"Well Mr. Jake, I'll see you on the other side. Buona fortuna!"
With that he turned around and headed to the Slipstream. A sweating Jake turned to Shining Armor. 
"Ok we have to make the Ferrari faster somehow!"

"How do you plan to do that in five minutes?!"
Jake pondered for a moment. 
"Well I do know two things. Do you know a spell that can blow air?"

"Yeah, why?" 

"Ok good, follow me."
He led him over to the back right tire. And pointed to the little valve where you filled it with air. 
"Put some more air into these tires. I've heard rumors that when racing on the salt flats, thinner tires are better. The more air, the more they're rounded. That gives me less friction. Can you do that?"
Shining nervously nodded. 
"Uh, I think so."

"That'll do. I'm going to try to shed some weight."
He ran up to the drivers door and began to rummage around in the interior. Soon, miscellaneous things were flying out behind him and landing out on the ground. One was a golf bag that was left behind the seats, then two bags of golf balls. 
"Jeez, this guy must hit every water hazard."
He made his way to the front and opened the trunk. What he found in there shocked him. 
"Playboys?!"
There were hundreds of them stacked up. Then he remembered exactly who the owner of this car was. He was the partial owner of the Playboy Mansion. 
Shining Armor walked over to him. 
"Ok Jake I'm doooone...what the hell are those?"
Jake's pupils were the size of pin tips. 
"Don't ask. If you can, disguise them, levitate them out of here...and burn them. Burn them all."

"I can do all that, but why bur-"

"Just burn them and don't ask!"

"Uh, ok then."
He did what the pilot asked, disguising them so they looked like blank white magazines, and took them out of the trunk. Darrel's voice came back on. 
"One minute 'till race time folks! Ooooone minute!" 
Shining set the pile down underneath the bleachers, and came back to Jake, who had recovered from his shock. 
"Ok, I think I managed to shed off a good one hundred pounds with all that stuff. If I would've had more time, I would've taken more stuff out such as the other seat. But I did all I can do for now. Lets just hope this thing pulls through."

"Well good luck Jake. I hope you win."

"Thanks Shining. You were a big help."
He ran back to join his wife and the two rulers in the bleachers, leaving Jake alone at the starting line.
He climbed into the car and started it up, the engine roared as he revved it a couple times. He turned around and lined up at the painted white line. The Slipstream was being pushed up by Speed Demons assistants. It stopped just shy of the line adjacent to the Ferrari. He looked over to Jake and nodded once. Then he lowered the visor to his helmet, and tightened his grip on the wheel. 
Jake sat back and did the same, revving the engine a couple times. An official in a white collared shirt came up to the line and spoke into a megaphone directed at the two racers. 
"Ok gentlecolts, as you know, this is a race for the speed record, not to the finish. The end is only when you've reached your maximum speed. Then you can back off and return to the start. We had a spell casted on both of your vehicles to display your top speed on those two large boards over there."
He pointed up behind the Royal Family, where two large screens sat side by side. Jake's was on the right, Speed Demon's on the left. Both read zero.
"This will be a clean race. There will be no bumping, rubbing, pushing, shoving, or trickery involved. Do I make myself clear?"
They both nodded. Speed Demon gritted his teeth and concentrated on the ten miles of flat track in front of him. The official smiled. 
"Ok then, lets get this thing under way."
He backed up away from them and raised his green flag high above his head. The sight of this caused the crowd to erupt in cheers. Darrel and Anchor got excited. 
"Well Darrel it appears as if the race is going to start at any second!"

"Hahaaa! This is gonna be the best race I've ever seen Anchor!"
Throughout the crowd, many pegasi including Rainbow Dash rose into the air, ready to follow the race as it happened. Celestia cheered Jake on, and Luna and Cadance waved a huge homemade banner that had his name on it in big red letters. Shining Armor, however, was hoping what they did to the car would be enough. 
Time slowed for the pilot as the official readied himself one last time. He listened to the engine, every pitch it made, every cylinder spinning. But reality came back to him as the flag dropped, and his hoof slammed down on the accelerator. The engine screamed as sand flew up behind the tires. 
The Slipstream's rocket blasted to life a second later, and Jake's chest was engulfed in the reverberations from it. Darrel laughed and yelled into the mic. 
"Boogety boogety boogety boys! Lets go racin'!"