//------------------------------// // S1E14: Suited For Success // Story: My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic // by swirlstar //------------------------------// Season 1 Episode 14 - Suited For Success The Mayor's Office, Ponyville The Agenda: 1. SPECIAL NOTE: Elections for the chairponyship of the PEA. [ ] 2. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family. [ ] "Ah, sorry, Ma'am. I should have made that clearer," Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon peered over the piece of paper that Mayor Mare was reading. "In case you don't know, PEA stands for the Ponyville Enterprise Association. The largest small-business association out there. Mainly market vendors and Mane Street sellers." "Mm-hmm," the bespectacled mare nodded unenthusiastically. "You know, I still haven't been able to do anything about Point Two... " "You're only halfway through your tenure," the bureaucrat answered. "Things can still happen." "Oh, sure. I'll just wait until the voters- " Briiing! The dainty little phone on the Mayor's table cut their conversation short. "Thank you, Mr. Ribbon," she said, signaling for the gray stallion to leave. The tan pony picked up the receiver. "Hello; this is the Mayor's office: how can I help you today?" Mayor Mare sang those well-rehearsed lines. A little effort can go a long way with these ego-conscious donors. "Is this Mayor Mare's office?" a bored mare responded on the other end. "Yes, is there something I can- " "Mr. Pants will speak to you now, Mayor." The line cut out with a curt beep. Typical Canterlot sec's. Mayor Mare thought. All it takes is one job with some high-flyer for them to treat everypony else like- The line crackled back into life. "Mayor." "Ah. Mr. Pants, how are you today?" the bespectacled mare began. "Good, good, Mayor: now let's get to the topic, shall we?" Fancy Pants moved swiftly. "You see, I have heard that the chairponyship of the Ponyville Enterprise Association has been vacated." "Indeed it has, Mr. Pants." Oh great, I just know what is going to happen... "Thank you, Mayor. Now, I have a relative who wants an... introduction into Equestrian politics, so to speak. Is it possible that- " "Mr. Pants," the Mayor declared sternly. "You know we aren't legally allowed to interfere with the election procedures of private organizations... " "I see," Fancy Pants sounded vaguely crestfallen. "In that case, let me not bother you any further... " " ...although," the tan pony responded hastily, "if your friend merely wants an introduction into the political sphere, we are more than happy to assist him. In any way possible, of course." A knowing pause. "Good, Mayor," Fancy Pants replied. "Thank you for your help." The line abruptly switched off. "A pleasure," the Mayor murmured. * Sugarcube Corner, Ponyville "You know," Cheerilee remarked as she riffed through the Foal Free Press, "I don't understand this whole fuss over Rarity's clothes. They just seem so... well, fancy. I wouldn't wear them in Ponyville." "That's why Hoity Toity likes them, and not you, not me," Mayor Mare responded, her head buried in the Ponyville Express. "And besides, your dress sense was never any good, even during the best of times." The violet mare huffed. "It was experimental. Some experiments just fail, alright?" "Sure, sure," the Mayor was unwilling to retread this well-worn path. "Oh, by the way, is there anything on the PEA elections in that rag?" Cheerilee's ears twitched in annoyance. "You shouldn't belittle little fillies like that!" she hissed, nevertheless flipping through the pages. "Hmm... well, here's Diamond Tiara's column... seems like Filthy's nephew is going to run as a candidate. And apparently he'll definitely win hands down. Typical Diamond." "Guess I'll be waiting for Filthy's phone call as well, then," Mayor Mare sighed in resignation, half-heartedly scanning the business pages. "At least Lyra isn't run- " "Hello, Mrs. Cake!" As if on cue, the lime-green mare's voice entered through the door. "How are you today?" "I'm fine, Lyra," the baker answered. "Mayor's here now, if you mares want to talk." "Oh. Is she?" Lyra's voice deepened in disappointment. "Oh. You're here." "Hi." Mayor Mare replied with all the emotion of a dead fish. The minty mare glared at her political nemesis for only the briefest of moments. "Anyway, Mrs. Cake," she chirped once again, "I just want to ask for your support in the upcoming PEA elections! Because, you know, Ponyville now is in need of some real change, and I believe that we can achieve it through reform from the ground up... " The Mayor Mare slurped her drink as loudly as possible, earning a silent rebuke from Cheerilee. "You're acting like a jerk," the elementary teacher mouthed. Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. Guess it's time for some real intervention. * The Mayor's Office, Ponyville "Real intervention, you say?" Crimson Ribbon raised a suspicious eyebrow. "I thought you were already doing that with Fancy's candidate. And soon, with Filthy's candidate as well." "Well, I wasn't going to take it that seriously... but now, it is ON!" the Mayor scowled. "Lyra's not getting that position while my flank is on this seat! In fact, scratch that, Lyra won't be getting any position as long as I'm here!" "As you wish, Mayor." The Secretary for Administration already knew what the Mayor was thinking. The tan mare spelled out her reasoning anyway. "If I let Lyra have the PEA, she'll get a public profile! Even worse, she'll be getting a public profile with small businessponies! You got that!?" she exclaimed in exasperation. "Small businessponies! MY small businessponies!" "Yes, I understand, Mayor." The bureaucrat gave every polite indication possible to halt the Mayor's little rant. Mayor Mare sank back into her seat, her pool of emotions suitably drained. "The problem is, of course," the gray stallion continued, "who you are going to support." "Well, Fancy Pants, of course," the Mayor responded instinctively. "I doubt Filthy Rich would like that." "Well then: Filthy Rich," the Mayor said. The bureaucrat wasn't sure if the tan mare was being serious. "Then what about Fancy Pants?" "Oh I don't know!" the tan pony threw her forelegs up in exasperation. "Why can't things just be straightforward?" Crimson Ribbon cleared his throat. "To be honest, Ma'am, the answer's quite straightforward here, given the circumstances." "Oh?" Mayor Mare was intrigued. "In what way?" The bureaucrat ruffled through his saddlebags. "You see, here's the CV that Fancy Pants sent over yesterday regarding his candidate." He passed a pitifully empty piece of paper to his superior. The Mayor read the resume. "Syco Pants.... studied at Oaton College... read Classics at Oatsford... interned in Pants And Son, Co. ... wait, he hasn't graduated yet?" "A kinder pony might say, Ma'am, that 'he is graduating'." The Mayor looked up. "Surely not even Fancy Pants has the gall to send over this person to me." The bureaucrat shrugged. "Most of the ones during Mayor Fields' tenure were parachuted in," he mentioned, almost as an aside. "They had the deputies do all the real work." "Well, not under my tenure," Mayor Mare defiantly scrunched up the paper and dunked it into the wastebasket. "Guess I'll be throwing most of my support behind Filthy Rich, then." "Ah, well." Another piece of paper was passed along the desk. "Born Rich... studied at Oaton College... read Classics at Oatsford... interned in Rich Industries, Co.... just great." Mayor Mare scrunched up the piece of paper and it joined Syco Pant's CV in the wastebasket. "I mean, I could have worked with them if there was a chance of them winning. But I can't make them win. And I know what you're thinking- " she looked at the bureaucrat straight in the eye. "That nosey Lyra will definitely find out if I stuff the boxes. Plus it's illegal." "You have your priorities in the right order, Ma'am," the gray stallion faked a smile. The tan mare grumbled. "So I'm guessing the straightforward solution here is to accept Lyra Heartstrings' inevitable victory." "No, Ma'am," the bureaucrat's brain whirred into action. "Now have you ever heard of a dark horse?" * The Marketplace, Ponyville Mayor Mare cleared her throat, regarding the assembled throng in front of her. She had picked the perfect occasion to make her speech - on a weekend, on a sunny day, and in the middle of the busiest place in Ponyville. If only Town Planning would give ME permission to hold my election rally here. "Ahem," the Mayor called the chattering masses to attention. "Fillies and Gentlecolts of Ponyville! Today, as you can see, is a very special occasion for Ponyville! All our history, we have been a town that has prided itself on excellence! Whether it be Zap Apples, Sugar Cupcakes, or Sweet Syrup, Ponyville has always been a town that has influenced the tastes of Equestria!" "Whooo!" the ponies below hollered and stomped the ground in a show of local pride. "And now, we have a new star on the list!" Mayor Mare voice quivered with emotion. "A new pony who will bring fame and glory to Ponyville! A new pony whose creations will amaze Equestria from Vanhoover to Mexicolt! Fillies and Gentlecolts of Ponyville... Miss Rarity!" The crowd exploded in a fit of shouting and stomping. Twilight Sparkle and her friends, at the behest of Spike, added to the atmosphere by liberally showering confetti onto the raucous crowd. "Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty!" These chants rolled across the crowd in a thunderous wave. To think that just a week ago they were booing her... but now was not the time for Mayor Mare's thoughts to lead her astray. Rarity, her face slightly pink with embarrassment, was trotting up the stairs. The tan pony quickly went to receive her and led the unicorn towards the stage. "For those who are so behind the times," Mayor Mare elicited laughter from her audience, "Miss Rarity here has put Ponyville firmly on the fashion map! Her beautiful designs have attracted the gaze of that most discerning of Canterlotians - Hoity Toity himself!" "Hooray!" the crowd responded, their hooves creating another thunderous stampede. "And for this marvellous achievement, we are delighted to present Miss Rarity with the Golden Apple Award, given only to those few, who have made a great contribution to the town of Ponyville!" "Hooray!" "To Ponyville!" "Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty!" "Oh, thank you so very, very much, Mayor!" the fashion pony nervously received her delicate trophy, conscious of the massive crowd, so maniacally, so deafeningly cheering her on. No fashion show could even come close to preparing her for this. "Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty!" "Would you like to say a few words, Miss Rarity?" the tan pony entreated the unicorn. "Oh. Oh!" the unicorn stuttered, slowly moving up to speak. "Ahem. Ponyvillians... " "Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty! Ra-ri-ty..." "Thank you, everypony!" Rarity tried in vain to raise her voice above the crowd. "Thank you all for giving me inspiration - for giving me hope - for being my friends! Oh, thank you, thank you so much, everypony! I- I- I will treasure this trophy always, forever and ever! I promise... I promise that I'll never let any of you down! Thank you, everypony! Thank you, thank you!" The unicorn returned the stage to Mayor Mare. The for the climax. "Let's have three cheers for Miss Rarity: Hip, hip- " "Hooray!" "Hip, hip-" "Hooray!" "Hip, hip!" "HOORAY!" Another burst of confetti from Twilight Sparkle and her friends, as the ponies screamed and shouted until their voices turned hoarse and stomped and thumped until their hooves became sore. "Thank you all so much for coming here, to join me in honoring Miss Rarity!" Mayor Mare finally reached the crux of her speech. "Oh, and just as a reminder, for all of you small business owners: tomorrow's the Ponyville Enterprise Association Chairpony election! Remember to nominate and vote for your candidate in Town Hall!" * The Mayor's Office, Ponyville "I'm sorry, Mr. Pants... I hope you understand that young Mr. Pants simply chose the wrong time to stand as PEA chairpony!" Mayor Mare made shooing gestures at her Secretary of Administration, who had just entered the room. "Yes, yes, Mr. Pants. As I'm sure you know, Miss Rarity's recent achievements have earned her the endearment of our businessponies - it's very hard to top that advantage!" "It's Miss Rarity," Crimson Ribbon mouthed. The Mayor nodded in response, "Tell her to come in," she mouthed back. "Mr. Pants, how about if I place young Mr. Pants on the Firepony's Board, once he's gone through some basic training? You'll consider it? Thank you. My apologies again for the incident, and I'm grateful that you understand. Alright. Goodbye." The fashion pony entered the room soon after the Mayor put down her receiver. "Look who it is! The new chairpony of the PEA!" the tan mare stood up to welcome Rarity. "And I heard that you even got nominated by them!" "Mayor," the unicorn said with trepidation. "I... don't want to sound... ungrateful to Ponyville, but... " "What's the matter, Miss Rarity?" Mayor Mare inquired, inviting her guest to sit. Rarity sat down. "I mean, it is an honor, being elected chairpony of the association... but I... I just don't think I'm the right mare for the job." "In what way, Miss Rarity?" the Mayor put out a comforting smile. "Well, I... " the white unicorn considered. "I just don't have the time, the clothes business is getting pretty busy as you know, and a lot of the PEA stuff seems to deal with things I don't have any experience in... so I'm not sure that I can represent the interests of the business community effectively," she explained apologetically. Mayor Mare let out a small snort of laughter. "Oh, is that it?" "Whatever do you mean, is that it? This is a rather big issue!" The Mayor reclined back into her seat. "Well, Miss Rarity, let me teach you how to use your deputies..."