Twilight sat in her library with her five friends. The events of the day before were all a blur, and she couldn’t stop thinking about a sea snail for some reason. She had told her friends about her future death, and they were trying to figure out a solution.
“How are we going to fix this?!” Twilight cried, on the verge of tears.
Her five friends looked at her. They didn’t know...
All of a sudden, a giant potato fell through her roof. Followed by a huge clove of garlic. They stared at the random food ingredients for a moment, then Applejack made a stew in five seconds.
After they finished eating the stew, they went back to important matters... Who was going to rape Spike first...
Blazer was the first to pipe up after appearing out of nowhere.
“Memememememememememe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“NO,” boomed a disembodied voice.
Blazer didn’t care. He ran up to Spike, grabbed him by his spines and then dragged him upstairs. They would be up there for a while...
“Now that that is taken care of...” Twilight said.“We can get down to business...”
“What should we do?” Fluttershy asked.
“We need to find the ones who killed future me...” Twilight stated, looking through a book that she had been safekeeping.
“Will that book help?” Rainbow asked, walking towards her purple friend.
When Twilight noticed Rainbow walking towards her, she started backing up.
“No, not really... It’s more of a private read...”
Rainbow thought this was strange, so she flew behind her friend and grabbed the book.
“Let’s see what this is all about, huh?”
She opened the book and read a passage.
The cold air soothed the rainbow-maned pony as I got into the bed with her. I layed down next to her, running her mane over my hoof. I knew this was my chance, and I wasn’t going to blow it. Without a second thought, I started kissing her. She was surprised for a moment, then gave in. I slowly reached my hoof between her legs and...
She immediately started blushing...
“Uh, n-never mind... I don’t want to know...”
She slowly passed the book back to Twilight, who was also blushing.
Twilight teleported the book back to its hiding spot behind the bookcases.
“So, back to reality...” Twilight said.
Rarity stood up. “I think we should hunt down those ruffians! See what this is about.”
“Actually, I agree with Rarity,” Applejack added. “It seems like the best course of action...”
Pinkie then yelled out, “HEY! DALTON! BRANDON! WHEN CAN I DO SOMETHING?!”
Her friends stared at her for a moment, her random outburst scaring the crap out of them.
“Never, Dumb Bitch!” a disembodied voice shouted.
Pinkie backed down, tearing up.
“See D... you scared her.”
“What? You are the one who yelled that!”
“Not even, bro!!!”
“What? Do you think I’m deaf?”
“Fu.... Fine!”
“Hey, you dumb fucks!” Fluttershy shouts, “Can we get back to the story?”
“Oh, yeah... Sorry...”
“Hey, which one of you guys ordered pizza?” a third voice rang out.
“Oh hell to the yes! Screw this, time for food!”
And then, there was a series of strange choking sounds. The form of Pinkie Pie suddenly faded to gray and then disappeared. The funny thing was, nopony actually cared. She’d be back next chapter, anyways.
The scuffling of the third person stealing their wallets could be heard, then receeding footsteps...
Twilight and her friends sat in a circle trying to decide what to do next.
“Yeah, anyways... Let’s go after them...” Twilight suggested.
Blazer walked down the stairs holding an unconscious Spike.
“He is not coming back!” He proclaimed loudly as he tossed the corpse out the window. “Cock Blocker!”
Twilight looked at her coltfriend.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah... I wanted to kill him anyways...”
“Too annoying,” Blazer said as he hugged Twilight from behind. “Sup sweetie!”
Twilight wrapped her coltfriend in a hug with her wings.
“Hey sexy...”
Twilight kissed Blazer passionately, he returned the favor.
All of the other ponies blushed.
Then they got jealous... So Dalton... Did things... Oh, wait, he died... REMEMBER?!
Then who is writing this? Pinkie Pie, obviously. Get with the times.
Oh... Makes sense...
Sweet!
Fluttershy is getting wet... from the water she was dumping on herself because she is so hot. Pails also make for very good helmets, and she had the feeling she was going to be needing one soon.
Rarity watched as Blazer and Twilight continued to kiss... She wanted a piece...
“Excuse me, Blazer... Twilight...” Rarity said walking towards them. “But the authors have now decided to make this a clop-fic.”
All of a sudden, Princess Celestia burst through the wall wearing a hot dog suit.
“Who here likes bananas?”
“Uhh...” everypony chorused in confusion. Well, except for Fluttershy. She was sent flying across the room and now has a concussion thanks to the ‘helmet’ she was wearing. Turns out that wasn’t such a good idea.
Two down, four to go...
“Come on everypony, speak up! This is supposed to be G-rated, remember? I am taking over for these completely incompetent authors!”
Blazer took a banana and looked at Twilight, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. “What can I say, Twilight? I’m just cookoo for Cocoa Puffs!”
Rarity was pouting. Drat, she had been so close. Maybe someday...
“Well!” Celestia continued, clearly disappointed by the continually perpetrating stench of sexual tension. And fish. Huh. “If you all can’t conform to the rules, then you can all go bang each other ON THE MOOOOOO-”
But Pinkie wouldn’t let that happen, considering she was now in charge of this story... Thus began the epic battle between the ‘o’ key and the backspace key. Rarity couldn’t contain herself anymore and promptly wet the bed. Twilight wondered how she got on her bed in the first place, then using a beam of ultimate destruction, completely obliterating Celestia.
“Long live the princess...” she cooed with a devious smirk.
Unfortunately, she accidentally triggered the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.
There were no survivors. Except for Mr. Rogers in a blood-stained sweater... Oh, and the five ponies, of course...
Then he started rappin’ with Mr. T.
Mr. Rogers kicked his ass... And this story is SOOOOO off topic... I need an aspirin...or two...or five...or over nine thousand... Though OD’ing would ruin the story... or maybe none at all since the MASTA OF PINK DON’T NEED THAT PANSY-ASS *honk*. Now back to the good part.
So the Library was burned down...Along with about half of the town. By an alien race of incredible warriors. Twilight cried because all her books were lost. But at least there was still cupcakes. Wait, where did Rainbow Dash go?
Three down, three to go...
Rainbow is in the bathroom... being a master at bait...
Okay, still four to go then...
Blazer comforted Twilight. “Its okay... you can stay with me.” Boom chaka laka.
Then they fucked. The moon spoke up. “HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Which didn’t really make much sense considering that they were already doing the dirty deed.
Details? Ha! Yeah right...We couldn’t get the damn door unlocked. Stupid magic. All we know is, he went in the back... Of the club, that is... And Twilight went with him after he went in the back of her...
I don’t understand this nonsense anymore... Pinkie, can you end it here?
AND THEN VINYL SCRATCH EPICALLY DROPPED THE BASS. No, literally. The entire town was crushed by a huge bass. That would explain the fishy smell from earlier. Or Bass the pony. It’s hard to tell when something gets that fat.
Why does Bass smell like fish? Oh well... It’s all right... Just calm your tits, bro...
I’m gonna end it here(Chapter). Thanks for reading. Bless you. If you sneezed while reading this, jump up, spin around three times, and pretend to be a monkey for thirty seconds.
No seriously, it will save your life. Just trust me on this one. Bye now. Leave. Why are you still here? Do you think something else is going to happen? Do you think this is some sort of sick game? Well, I guess so... But leave, dammit!
Unless...you want to help me make cupcakes...