Sunday
For most ponies in the world below, their day began with the chirping of the summer birds as they sang their loud song to the world.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, was woken by a ginormous crash as her cloud house shook and a few posters fluttered uselessly to the floor. She groaned, sorely tempted to just reach out and shove a pillow over her head instead. That little debate ended when an echo sounded through her house.
“Sorry!”
Rainbow let out another heartfelt groan. She knew that voice, she’d had to deal with its owner for years. She knew that Derpy Doo meant well, but good intentions didn’t exactly end well whenever that particular pony was about.
She dragged herself out of bed, yawning loudly and blinking at the room around her, not that she noticed anything different. Cricking her neck, she made her way to the door, her pace slow as she worked out the kinks in her muscles, each crick and crack waking her up that little bit more.
Admittedly it was a poor substitute for breakfast and a warm shower, but she needed to be on her guard whenever Derpy ‘disaster’ Doo was about. She grimaced slightly; alright, maybe it was a bit harsh to think of Derpy that way, but she couldn’t help herself, and that added to the fact that Derpy didn’t actually complain about any of it, Rainbow had accepted it as being one of the quirkier aspects about Ponyville’s inhabitants.
Rainbow walked down the stairs, not quite awake enough for flight yet, and leant against the door for a moment before stepping back and pulling it open. Far off in the distance, she could just about see the vague outline of a pegasus, swerving to and fro in the still wind. A brief glance down revealed Derpy’s true intent, her letters and todays copy of Ponyville Weekly were laid neatly in front of the door.
Sighing quietly, she picked up the general assortment of mail within her mouth and plodded back inside, shutting the door with a light kick behind her.
Most of the house had survived the collision it seemed, there were only a few posters that had floated down in the kerfuffle; she made a note to hang them up again sometime today, dumping the mail on the table before heading into the kitchen. Rainbow looked around, debating the speedy wonders of toast against the high class option of cereal.
She shrugged and opened the fridge, grabbing a few slices of bread from within before she dumped them on the counter, darting back into the fridge a moment later to grab a small package of butter and placing it alongside the bread. She shut the fridge, turning back to the bread and stood back on her hind hooves, using her wings to balance herself.
She picked up the two slices of bread and lifted off, hovering smoothly just below the thundercloud. With practiced ease, she slid the two slices into the cloud and the toast rack that she’d stuffed in there.
She landed again and went to the doorway before turning around and placing a hoof over the switch for the cloud. She flicked it and started counting as the cloud burst into life, the blue glow dimmed against the bright sunlight.
The moment that she reached eight, she flicked the switch off again and flew up to see the result, pulling the two slices from the cloud to reveal two slightly-burnt slices of toast. She sighed to herself; today was already off to a brilliant start.
A few minutes later she left the kitchen with the two slices of toast, buttered and still somewhat warm from the lightning treatment.
She sat down, a slice of toast already in her mouth and mail in front of her. She separated the newspaper from the letters, unfolding it and glancing briefly at the front page; a large black and white portrait of an earth pony with a police placard in the foreground. Rainbow furrowed her brow slightly, turning the page to reveal the headline ‘Mare Do Well Unmasked.’
Taking another bite of the toast, she read on.
The identity of the masked mare was revealed yesterday thanks to the efforts of a Miss Rainbow Dash. Mare Do Well has saved the town and its occupants on numerous occasions, the most noteworthy of which being include the reparation of Ponyville Dam, the salvation of a Ponyville building crew and stopping the tourist cart from plunging down a cliff.
It is understood that Miss Dash and Mare Do Well were rivals in the field of heroics, Miss Dash’s own endeavours including rescuing a foal which had fallen down a well and a runaway pram.
But it seems like the rivalry has come to an end as Mare Do Well was revealed to be none other than the other Elements of Harmony themselves. According to exclusive eyewitness reports, it has been concluded that Mare Do Well was a mixture of at least three ponies, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle.
Applejack refused to comment on the incident due to work commitments while we suffered some technical problems with our interview with Pinkie Pie. In an interview with Twilight Sparkle, she revealed that they had meant to ‘Help her (Miss Dash) with her ego problems,’ whether or not they have been successful, only time will tell. Miss Dash was not available to comment.
Sharp Mind (journalist)
16th May 1001
“Second page… tch,” Rainbow muttered to herself, finishing off her second slice of toast and glaring at the paper as if it had committed a mortal sin, “so the unmasking of that hero isn’t worth the front page?” She shook her head, “completely out of control…” she murmured quietly before snapping the paper shut and throwing it in the general direction of the bin in the corner.
After hearing the satisfactory ‘ker-clunk’ sound of the paper landing squarely within the bin, she smiled to herself and got to her hooves again. Speaking of smiling, she needed something to cheer herself up, something to make her completely forget about yesterday. Almost immediately, the idea of pranking came to her and Rainbow couldn’t supress a grin.
It’d been so long since she’d properly pranked anypony, being too busy with preparations for the Best Young Fliers competition, followed by the Canterlot ball, then that whole incident with Discord, pranking hadn’t exactly been her top priority.
Already picturing Pinkie’s ecstatic smile as she suggested it, Rainbow left the kitchen, her wings already twitching with anticipation. The front door clicked open and Rainbow emerged into the sunlight, already nearing the midday mark and causing Rainbow to chuckle slightly, amused by her new definition of morning.
Letting out a small whoop of joy, she ran forwards to the edge of the clouds before leaping off and hanging peacefully in the air for a moment. She waited until she was veering towards the ground, waited another moment, then extended her wings.
Her wings tilted back, bringing her into a slow loop and keeping her there for another loop or two before they righted themselves and she sped off towards Sugarcube corner.
There was pranking to be done.
It was a perfect landing for once, she trotted off the last vestiges of her momentum, congratulating herself on a landing well done, and headed towards the bakery directly in front of her.
She whistled a jaunty tune to herself, plans already whirring around in her mind. She was almost sure that Rarity’s shampoo looked very similar to a bottle of mane gel that Pinkie kept around.
These plans were blown off-kilter slightly as the door slammed open in front of her and a pink missile shot out, colliding with Rainbow and knocking her off her hooves.
“Oh my gosh, you’re here!”
Rainbow groaned and opened an eye to see Pinkie Pie leaning over her with a wide smile plastered onto her face, “Heya Pinkie,” she replied, groaning internally as a number of minor scrapes and bruises made their existence known.
“I’m so happy for you Dashie, you’ve got rid of your ego problems while still being a hero, that’s absa-fantastically-super-duper amazing, you deserve a party for it.”
Rainbow let off another internal groan before registering what Pinkie had said, “Wait, what?”
“You mean you don’t know?” Pinkie’s smile dropped and her expression turned thoughtful.
Rainbow waited for a moment, then coughed, “Pinkie?”
“Hmm?”
“Can you get off me please?”
“Okie doki,” and with that, Pinkie stepped back, letting Rainbow get to her hooves before she turned and headed towards the bakery, her expression still thoughtful.
Pinkie held the door open as Rainbow slipped past her, shutting it behind her a moment later and took a bounding leap over the shop counter, standing up again and facing Rainbow with the same wide smile from before.
Rainbow paused, then shrugged, “So what did you mean, ‘still being a hero?’” she asked.
Pinkie paused, then dived under the counter, her voice echoing up a moment later, “Did ya see the paper this morning?”
Rainbow nodded before she realised that Pinkie couldn’t see her, “Uh… yeah, I had a glance at it. Can you believe we didn’t make the front page with Mare Do Well?”
Pinkie’s hoof appeared a moment later, slamming todays Ponyville Weekly down onto the counter before the rest of her appeared behind it, “So you did see it, right? What was on the front page instead?” Pinkie questioned, withdrawing her hoof behind the counter.
“I didn’t say that…” Rainbow admitted, already sliding the paper towards her and turning it over, revealing the same greyscale image of a pony in front of a police placard.
A New Hero in Town
Police were astounded this morning when they arrived at work to find a wanted criminal tied up on their doorstep.
Mr Sharp Deal, with suspected connections to the Equestrian National Bank robbery three months ago, was found at 05:20 AM this morning by the Chief Inspector as he arrived for work.
Police revealed that the suspected criminal had also come with a note, written in block capitals with black ink that he’d been caught in the process of an assault and that any ponies wanting answers should have looked within his large overcoat. The note was signed with three initials, MDB.
Upon questioning Mr Deal, he insisted that he was attacked by a pony dressed as the infamous Mare Do Well (see page 2). When police heeded the advice on the note and searched his overcoat, they found the confirmation they needed to hold Mr Deal within the cells, awaiting trial. Mr Deal had been carrying a large hunting knife, two faked passports and a whopping kilogram of the illegal substance, gunpowder.
Could this mark a new era for justice in Ponyville as another masked vigilante takes the stage? Either way, this should send out a clear message to criminals everywhere… Beware, Mare Do Well may be gone, but Mare Do Better is taking her place.
(Continued on page 5)
Rainbow looked up from the paper, incredulous, “And you thought that was me?” she asked.
Pinkie nodded madly, “Yeppers, at first I was like ‘that’s definitely Dashie taking back her title as hero,’ but then you said that you had no idea what I was talking about and that you hadn’t even realised that you were on the front page, even though it’s not you and if it was that’d be pretty sweet.” Pinkie paused to take a deep breath.
Rainbow intervened quickly, practically throwing her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth and jamming it, cutting Pinkie’s tirade off so she could get a word in edgeways, “Well it wasn’t me… have you bothered asking the other girls yet?” she asked, removing her hoof and letting Pinkie answer.
“Well no, I mean, can you see Rarity or Fluttershy fighting crime like that, going ‘Kapow’ and ‘Smash’ and ‘Bof,’ which would be really awesome but Fluttershy would be scared she’d hurt somepony and Rarity would always worry about chipping a hoof or something. Then there’s Twilight and Applejack and I don’t know about you but I don’t think that Applejack can tell a convincing lie to save her life-”
“And Twilight?” Rainbow interrupted, trying to buy herself some time to understand the rest of Pinkie’s explanation.
“And Twilight would probably need to plan every step of the journey and any fights that they had, even though the fights probably wouldn’t be that bad because Twilight is an awesome magician and everything and she’s like the most powerful unicorn ever, she’d be unstoppable-” Pinkie paused and let out an almighty gasp before leaning over the counter and sticking her head close to Rainbow’s her voice now a whisper, “Do you think it was Twilight?”
Rainbow leant back from Pinkie’s head, “I don’t think so… it’s probably someone else…”
“Or maybe it’s the pony we’d suspect the least,” Pinkie replied dramatically before gasping again and diving back under the counter.
Rainbow frowned and tried peeking over to see what Pinkie was doing. Just as she was directly above the counter, Pinkie reappeared, plonking a green alligator onto the counter and fixing it with a glare, “I bet it was YOU Gummy, wasn’t it?” she exclaimed, “Where were you at three o’clock yesterday afternoon?”
“Pinkie?” Rainbow asked tentatively.
Pinkie let out a ‘Hmmm’ in reply.
“The paper said it was last night.”
Pinkie broke off her staring contest with the oblivious alligator and looked up at Rainbow, “You mean that Gummy beat up that pony?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Uh… yeah, what were you talking about?” Rainbow asked, thoroughly confused already.
Pinkie turned back to Gummy, resuming her glare, “I think that Gummy stole one of my baking trays and hid it somewhere in my room, but I’ll find it, don’t you worry.”
Rainbow blinked at the pair of them, Pinkie didn’t look like she was going to give up easily, still glaring resolutely at her pet. On the one hoof this was Pinkie she were talking about and she wasn’t exactly the most sensible of ponies, but on the other hoof Rainbow was getting bored.
“Alright- how about some good old-fashioned pranking?” Rainbow asked and immediately she had the attention of Pinkie. Silently congratulating herself, she continued, “We haven’t been pranking for ages and I want to try out some new ideas.”
Pinkie’s smile widened again, almost splitting her face in two. It transformed into a frown a moment later as she glanced down at Gummy who was still sitting there nonchalantly, “But what if Gummy steals another one of my trays?” she asked, eyeing Gummy suspiciously.
Rainbow sighed explosively, “Then you can interrogate him after can’t you? Now come on, I’ve got a load of ideas that I know you’re going to love.”
Rainbow raced out from the house, diving into a bush beside the house a moment later and landing next to her partner in crime. Pinkie quickly pulled the bushes closed around her before, giggling quietly.
“So didya manage it?” she asked as Rainbow turned around and gave Pinkie a cocky smile.
“Just wait and see. Did you manage to convince Rarity that she needed another shower?”
The sound of a door opening and slamming shut a moment later answered that particular question and Rainbow smiled, “Excellent.”
The two of them turned and looked out through the bush in unison, waiting patiently to see what havoc they’d wrought.
As it turned out, they only needed to wait a few minutes before they heard the rising shriek from within the Carousel Boutique. Their eyes were glued to the front door as it flew open to reveal Rarity, fuming with anger, and her freshly spiked mane.
Rainbow and Pinkie immediately broke out in quiet giggles as they watched Rarity step out of the house with murder in her eyes as she scanned the surroundings.
“I swear, when I catch you two, I’m going to make you pay for what you’ve done!”
This caused Pinkie to break out into a fresh bout of giggles and Rarity to turn ominously towards the hedge they were both hiding in.
Rainbow stopped laughing almost immediately, “Pinkie?” she whispered.
Somewhere within Pinkie’s snorts, she replied, “Yeah Dashie?”
“She’s seen us.”
Pinkie rolled herself back onto her hooves and looked through the hedge again, stifling her giggles.
Rarity was walking towards their hedge, her mane spiked high above her head, and wearing a malicious smile that dictated their next move.
“RUN!”
The two of them shot off backwards, running at full speed away from the bloodthirsty pony that let out another shout of: “Just you wait, I’ll get you back for this, just you wait!”
The two pranksters kept running, cackling to themselves as they made their diabolical plans for the rest of the afternoon.
Night had fallen again over Ponyville, the shadows lying long on the ground as the moon rose steadily, surrounded by the billions of stars in the night sky.
Sadly the spectacle was lost on the five ponies who walked the street, three of whom were unicorns while the other two were comprised of a pegasus and an earth pony respectively.
The team of five didn’t speak to one another as they passed through the lantern-lit streets in rows of two and one.
As they drew level with the shop front of a jewellery store, they exploded into action, the lead member using his magic to lift a large steel baseball bat and swing it into the window, smashing it into a billion tiny fragments as the alarm went off, prompting the other ponies to dash into the store and start collecting the valuable goods and stuff them into their saddlebags.
Barely a minute later, the shop had been cleared of all the shelf items, all stowed away into various saddlebags and pockets. That was when the earth pony stepped through the wrecked window and into the shop as the alarm continued to wail around them.
He immediately focussed on the safe which had been dragged out into the front of the shop and leant down, pressing an ear to the cold metal and listening intently as he slowly spun the dial, waiting for the click which wasn’t quite normal.
The other ponies stood around him anxiously, looking around the shop and out onto the street for any more disturbances, but moments later, the lock gave way and the earth pony stepped back, swinging the door of the safe open as he did so.
The others fell upon the open safe, grabbing whatever they could and stuffing it into their bags as fast as they could.
Moments later, it had been emptied and they all fled through the window, running as if the devil himself were at their hocks.
Sirens finally started blaring through the streets as the police arrived in an almighty wave, only to find the shop empty and the streets deserted.
But the team didn’t stop running through the alleys and side-streets, still going as fast as they could.
They made another turn to the left and stopped dead in the dimly lit alley, looking forwards at the silhouette blocking their way.
The silhouette had a hat and a cape, both of which fluttered slightly in the cool night air and none of them could see its eyes.
The two sides simply stared at one another, then the pony with the large steel bat ran forwards with a battle cry, using his wings to speed up and twisting the bat above his head.
The silhouette started into life, sidestepping the pony as he swung the bat down and bucking him squarely in the side with one leg, knocking him into the wall before following it up with another kick to his head, knocking him unconscious.
The bat rolled slowly away from its previous owner and the silhouette turned to the other ponies, all of which were looking at the pony with abject terror.
The silhouette resumed its position, blocking the way ahead.
The ponies looked around at the way they’d come and saw police passing by the street.
There was no escape.
Grimly, they all looked towards the single figure blocking their way
The silhouette smiled.