//------------------------------// // S1E12: Call of the Cutie // Story: My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic // by swirlstar //------------------------------// Season 1 Episode 12 - Call of the Cutie The Cabinet Room, Ponyville The Agenda: 1. Addressing the Complaints re: Ms. Applejack's Stall [ ] A. Review of Our Policy on Market Vendors [ ] 2. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family [ ] Mayor Mare put the piece of paper down, regarding the plaintiffs in front of her. "Thank you all very much for taking the time out to discuss your complaints with me. So, you have all come here to complain about Ms. Applejack's stall?" "Yes!" Berry Punch said. "Her sister's marketing skills were simply unacceptable! I got myself into a terrible fright because of her threats!" "She stole my racket and now it's ruined from all the apple juice!" Ace protested. "She wouldn't stop pestering me until I bought something!" Dr. Whooves complained. "She ruined my magnificent painting!" Ponet whined. "She tried to force on me a whole bucket of apples!" Bon Bon clamored. "I'm so sure that Lyra would never have let this happen in Pony- " "Alright, alright, I understand!" Mayor Mare hastily calmed the group down. "I now see what the problem is - and, of course, this is an issue we in the government will take very seriously... " "So how are you going to punish them?" Carrot Top pressed. "Her sister was selling her own goods from my stall!" "Um... I... er... " the Mayor's political courage failed her. She turned back and looked at her Secretary for Administration, Crimson Ribbon. "Answer them, please!" she mouthed. The gray stallion obliged. "We can't punish them," he answered the group. The plaintiffs' eyes narrowed. "Why not?" Bon Bon menaced. "Lyra would never let this- " "There's no law against it, Ma'am," the Secretary for Administration replied smoothly. "Ponyville doesn't have a law regulating market stalls." "What!?" the beige mare yelled. "Ly- " "We could, of course, charge Apple Bloom for treason, I guess," Crimson Ribbon mused. "if that is what you, Ms. Bon, personally want... " "Well... I... but... no, don't!" Lyra's housemate backtracked frantically. "We just want to see some action to protect us consumers!" "And that we will most certainly do!" Mayor Mare, jumping back in charge, insisted. "We are coming up with some basic ideas for regulation at this very moment - don't you worry, all of you! We'll make sure all citizens have some input in the matter!" * The Town Hall Atrium, Ponyville Mayor Mare looked around at the assembled crowd. "First of all, thank you all for coming here, fillies and gentlecolts. As you all know, this gathering has been specially convened because of the exceptional amount of complaints we've received regarding the behavior of... a certain market stall." The tan mare caught a glimpse of Applejack, way back near the door, covering her face with her Stetson in shame. The Mayor continued. "In response, the Ponyville Government has decided to begin the process of drafting regulations regarding the operation of market stalls- " "But that's an infringement on the freedom of trade!" a heckler burst out in indignation, diverting the whole assembly's attention. "You're taking us down the path to communism- " "That's not true!" the voice of Twilight Sparkle reprimanded. "Even the Wealth of Equestria doesn't allow for unbridled forms of commerce... " The heckler's attention thus absorbed in intellectual debate, Mayor Mare thought it best to continue onwards. "As I was saying, we are drafting some regulations regarding the operations of market stalls. Staff are now passing the abbreviated versions of the Green Paper to you." The Mayor read from her notes. "So, as you can read, at present we don't have any regulations governing operations in the market stalls. This could lead to unfortunate situations, such as the aforementioned incident." The crowd murmured in agreement, save for that one heckler who yelled, nonwithstanding Twilight's challenges, that "Freedom is dead in Ponyville!". "So, let us have a vote then, on whether Ponyville should agree to the regulation of market stalls? I will remind you that a two-thirds majority is needed to pass. Abstaining is not allowed this time 'round," Mayor Mare declared. "Raise your hooves, those who agree!" The majority of hooves shot up. "256 yes, 1 no, 171 votes needed to pass!" the head teller announced. "Alright, then!" Mayor Mare, satisfied, moved on to the next item of her agenda. "Now, let us see what specific kinds of regulation we want to see in the market." * 1. Vendors cannot cause significant public nuisance when they advertise. "Any thoughts?" Mayor Mare opened up the floor to the assembly. "I agree totally with this!" the sonorous voice of Ace rang throughout the assembly. "Vendors shouldn't cause any public nuisances at all - like not advertising your apples with my racket!" "Hear, hear!" Ponet and a couple other ponies stomped the ground in agreement. "Now wait just a minute, y'all!" Applejack interjected cautiously. "What d'you mean by 'significant public nuisance'? 'Cause this pony's voice can travel some way!" "Oh! By Celestia, thanks for the reminder!" Carrot Top's voice emerged. "Mayor, we vendors can't support this rule if it means that we won't be able to advertise at all!" "Hear Hear! We're not supporting this!" Colgate cried, eliciting another round of stomping. The Mayor tried to assuage these fears. "Of course, we're going to have a special-duty officer to assess these charges- " "Another civil servant?" Lyra Heartstring's exclamation could be heard throughout the Town Hall. "More taxes?" "More taxes!" the crowd repeated in horror. "Boo! No! No!" More hostile stomping. Ace was unnerved at this sudden change in fortune. "Ponies, not everything in life's about taxes-" "Don't you dare strip us of our livelihood because of your personal vendetta!" Lemon Hearts snapped. "What- at least we're putting our interests after the interests of Ponyvillians!" Blue Bonnet took a swipe. The 'nay' crowd shrieked in anger. "Boo! Hiss! Shame! Shame!" The 'yea' crowd, seeing this, quickly responded with retorts of their own. Pieces of Green Paper began to be thrown everywhere as the ponies turned against each other. The situation was fast getting out of control. "Fillies and gentlecolts!" Mayor Mare tried to calm tensions to no avail. Ponies were now actively punching and casting magic spells at each other, occasionally being separated by a purple blast from Twilight's horn. But there was only so much that the unicorn could do to end the bickering. "FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS!" the tan mare finally found a megaphone. She screamed at the top of her voice. Startled into reality, the two factions grudgingly returned to their seats. "Now, let's have a vote on this, shall we? Simple majority required to pass!" Mayor Mare decided not to push the issue any further. "And abstaining is allowed this time 'round! So, those who agree, raise your hooves! Right, now those who disagree!" The teller returned with the results. "90 yes, 105 no; 129 required to pass!" Just great. "Alright then," Mayor Mare continued, moving on to the next proposal. * 2. Vendors cannot harass potential customers to buy their goods. Seems uncontroversial enough. "Let's open up the floor, then!" the Mayor said, hoping that the previous tussle would be a one-off. "I support this motion!" Dr. Whooves boomed out. "Vendors shouldn't be allowed to chase me down Mane Street, asking if I wanted to buy apples!" "Hear, hear!" the sound of stomping reverberated around the room. "But what counts as harassment?" Cherry Berry sought clarification. "Again, if I call out to the crowd in general, does that count as harassment?" "We define it as 'threatening or disturbing action'. For each individual case, I think it will have to be judged on a 'case-by-case' basis." Mayor Mare explained. "But then, where's the benefit to the consumer?" A crestfallen Dr. Whooves challenged. "By the time you've decided what's harassment and what's not, I've already bought the darn thing!" "Urgh, Dr. Whooves, really?" Lily Valley couldn't resist the opportunity to avenge past grievances. "You really want to push us vendors to the limit?" "I'm just fighting for the right to be treated fairly!" Dr. Whooves said. Shouts of "Hear, hear!" and stomping ensue. "What, so you think we're trying to cheat you now?" Daisy jumped in defense of her friend. More stomping and shouts of "Go get'em, girl!" emanate from the crowd. "I just want to defend my- OW!" Dr. Whooves' monologue was cut short by a rotten orange meeting his face. "Alright, WHO DID THAT!" he roared, picking up the orange and tossing it back into the opposing crowd, who promptly responded with more fruit and veg. The situation was fast spinning out of control again. "Fillies and gentlecolts, FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS!" Mayor Mare resorted to the megaphone. "Let's not resort to physical violence, fillies and gentlecolts!" After some lengthy struggle, the tan mare's words finally registered in the heads of the mob, and they once again separated. "She started it!" Dr. Whooves pointed an accusing hoof at Daisy. "Wha- I did not!" the pink mare protested. The tan mare was in no mood to adjudicate. "Let's just have the votes." The teller soon returned with results. "102 yes, 109 no; 129 needed to pass!" Oh dear. * 3. Vendors must respect the consumer's right to browse. "I agree with this notion!" Berry Punch raised her hoof. "I should be allowed to pick and choose before I buy!" "But what about the book stalls?" Shortround exclaimed. "I can't just have ponies reading all my books and newspapers while they're browsing!" Berry Punch rolled her eyes. "You again! Can't you just look at it from the consumer's point of view for once?" "When I close down, it doesn't do much good for you either!" the short stallion retorted. Partisans on each side began to jeer again, confident in their own righteousness. "Shame! Shame! Shame! Boo!" "All of you! Can't you just calm down?!" Twilight Sparkle's voice pleaded over the maelstrom. "This is important for Ponyville- " Too late. Somepony picked up a nearby saddlebag and threw it across the aisle. "Oh, no!" Twilight exclaimed, enthralling it with her magic. But, yet again, the Princess' favorite was only one unicorn, and she couldn't handle the projectiles that were raining on both camps. "FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS! PONIES! CALM DOWN!" the Mayor yelled into her megaphone again. "STOP THIS, RIGHT NOW... !" Eventually, with everypony back in their seats and with a few extra bruises, the teller approached the Mayor with the results. "107 yes, 115 no; 129 required to pass!" * 4. Vendors cannot force goods onto a consumer's hooves without the latter's agreement. "Now, fillies and gentlecolts, please let's not have any more violence!" Mayor Mare chided the two sides. "Let's try and discuss this like civilized poni- " "If the other side's voting for it, then I'm definitely voting against it," Starlight declared in a huff. "I'm not going to support anything championed by those ponies." "Hay, we're not asking for your approval, if you noticed!" Strawberry Cream sneered. "As if your opinions mattered!" "What did you say?!I swear I'll- " angry hisses and yells echoed around the building for the fourth time, quickly followed by another round of shelling. "FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS, FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS!" Mayor Mare screamed in vain. The tan mare never thought she would live to hear those glorious, meeting-ending words: "120 yes, 130 no; 129 required to pass!" * The Mayor's Office, Ponyville Mayor Mare looked long and hard at Applejack. "As you know, Ms. Applejack, the town hall meeting was a complete and utter disaster." The orange mare lowered her head. "I'm sorry to hear that, Mayor. I'm sure it was just some of them ponies being a tad touchy. Nothin' major. We're gonna laugh 'bout it in a few days or so." "No, no, Ms. Applejack, now I don't have anything to show for it," Mayor Mare explained. "I promised I would do something, and now, I haven't, thanks to that meeting." "I'm sorry. I know it was kind of my fault for bringin' the whole issue up in the first place," the pony remarked remorsefully. "I'm glad you know that, Ms. Applejack," the tan mare remarked. "Because you're going to help me." "Huh?" the farm pony raised her head in shock. "Me? Help you? How?" Mayor Mare slid Applejack a small booklet. "This is our White Paper, regarding the Market Stall Regulations that we're planning on introducing. You will find that we're going to introduce the same laws that we proposed in the Green Paper." "Uh, didn't the town vote against them... ?" the farm pony asked, slightly skeptical. "Technically, those votes weren't binding on our actions," the tan mare contended. "They were only there to assess the mood. So I don't need to respect them." "Uh, okay, Mayor; so how do I help?" "Remember that favor your owe me?" The farm pony nodded. "When we announce this," the Mayor said, pointing to the White Paper, "everypony's going to say that we've ignored the wishes of Ponyvillians. I've explained to you why I can do that." "Right, but they'll still think like so," Applejack noted. "So here's where you come in. I need you to sell this to all your family, all your fellow vendors, all your employees. I need you to make sure they understand that this regulation is important. And that they'd better darn well support it." "Um... ok," the orange mare said. "I'm not that good at persuasion, myself- " "You're the vendor in the middle of all this, Ms. Applejack. Your support will carry a lot of weight." "Uh... Mayor, I've never done this before... " Applejack shifted uncomfortably. "Ms. Applebloom wasn't registered with the Labor Office, was she?" Mayor Mare threatened. "I... " the farm pony's head sank in defeat. "Oh alright, Mayor. I'll see what I can do."