My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S1E9: Bridle Gossip

The Agenda:
1. Welcoming Zecora [ ]
2. SPECIAL NOTE: Pony Supremacist Band Performance in Ponyville [ ]
3. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family [ ]

Mayor Mare shot a glance after she read the note Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon had passed on to her. "We'll deal with this later," she hissed quietly, before returning back into her sunny complexion.

Twilight Sparkle was speaking. "... this is something that even I, a member of the Civil Liberties Union, was guilty of. And so, let this adventure be a lesson to those who see only the color of their fur, to those who judge only by their place of origin - Mayor of Ponyville, I hereby nominate Ms. Zecora for the Pony of the Year Award!"

The crowd stomped and yelled in earnest. The Mayor saw her cue to stand up and hand over a small golden cup to the zebra. "Many thanks, Ms. Zecora, for not only helping out our fellow citizens, but also revealing the secrets of the Poison Joke to the world!" she announced.

The zebra responded in rhyme.

"It is always nice to see
The ponies stomping with such glee,
And though I've traveled all around,
I'll take the 'Ville as my hometown!"

More stomping and cheering. Mayor Mare's heart couldn't help but sink. At least if she hated the place, it would have made my job that much easier.

"Hakka Ponita," Crimson Ribbon said, as he and the Mayor trotted back to Town Hall.

"Bless you."

"No, no. Hakka Ponita is the name of the band. From the old Scandineighvian warriors, you see," the bureaucrat explained.

"Right. And they'll be playing in Ponyville."

"Correct. In a clearing near Ponyville Park, to be exact. It's not that far off from where Ms. Zecora lives," the gray stallion elaborated. "shavedmanes will be pouring in from all over the country."

"Well, stop them!" Mayor Mare exclaimed. "We can't be hosting racist bands one moment and awarding zebras the next!"

"They have the right to free speech," the bureaucrat reminded the Mayor.

"Not when they incite violence against others," the Mayor gritted her teeth. You can't be defending this!

"Ah, but you see," Crimson Ribbon said, "no band's that foalish. Of course they're never going to incite violence. They'll just be singing songs, and making gestures, and expressing their views."

"Urgh..." the Mayor huffed. "Well, you know what, I am going to try my darnedest to get that band off of Ponyville. It's immature, it's racist, and it's not good for Ponyville's image."

"But Mayor," the bureaucrat reminded her. "it's just a band. And think of the money- "

"Forget the money!" the Mayor said, finally stopping in front of the Town Hall doors. "All the income in the world won't save Ponyville when ponies know what we're up to in our back yard," she thought about it for an extra while. "Plus, Lyra will use this to hit me."

The Mayor sat down at the table opposite the well-dressed, clean-shaven band manager. "Hello. I expect that you are Hakka Ponita's band manager... Mr. Blut?"

"Indeed," his tone was soft, dulcet even. Not what one would expect for such a band. "I assume that there's no problem with our upcoming performance? We received your license to perform today."

"You probably have," Mayor Mare said with some regret. "I'm sorry, Mayor, but without an immediate and justifiable reason, we cannot possibly stop this without being taken to court!" Crimson Ribbon said.

"So, do we have an issue here, Mayor? Hakka Ponita is very excited about their Ponyville debut. All the tickets have been sold out."

Let's try first best. "Mr. Blut, can I please ask you to move your performance somewhere else?"

The band manager frowned. "I don't see why we should. We're not playing on public land, we have the license, we have the right."

Alright, second best. "Mr. Blut, I understand. But we've been receiving complaints from nearby houses. Would it then be possible for you to tone the music down?"

The stallion's furrows deepened. "Again, I don't see why. There's no law in Equestria that forbids us from turning up the bass as much as possible from that plot of land. We do our homework, Mayor."

Ok, third best! "Mr. Blut, you know the Ponyville Government reserves the right to bar any public activity that could potentially incite racial violence," she warned.

The band manager shrugged. "Then ban us. If you dare. If this is what your 'democracy'- " he emphasized the words with an unabashed contempt, "calls for. Ah, the land of Equestria! A land that can't even tolerate a few uncomfortable words..."

"Alright, alright," conceded Mayor Mare. "I admit, you have the right to perform."

"Thank you." Mr. Blut imperiously got out of his chair. "Will you be paying the bill, then?"

Captain Delta Force's eyes widened as the Mayor revealed her plan. "Mayor, are you sure this is a good idea?"

The tan pony stealthily passed a small plastic bag, filled with ketamane, to her Security Chief. "Come on, Captain Force. If you pull it off, there's a pay rise in it for you."

The normally laid-back red stallion was sweating like a pig. "Mayor, I am really not sure that this is a good idea."

"Come on! What's gotten into you!" the Mayor complained.

Delta Force thought back to that day that the two shavedmane constables barged into his room and passed him that picture - "Nice going with Ms. Coin you have there. We'll contact you in the next couple of weeks..." "Mayor, I don't think you understand the dynamics of the situation."

"How so?" the Mayor leant forward, awaiting a response.

"Well, the Equestrian police... you know, some of them..." he flattened his mane to demonstrate his point.

"Shavedmanes?" the Mayor asked for confirmation.

The ex-soldier nodded. "Not even the Princess can root them all out."

"Well, you can do it yourself, right?" the Mayor recovered fast and was again pushing the plastic bag in the Security Chief's direction.

"Yes, but- " Delta Force thought back to that awful day again. "They'll know, Mayor, they'll know! And you know the police... they've got the weapons and everything... "

The Mayor sighed in defeat, retrieving the drugs, hoping for a change of heart.

"... and you need them. We've got a hundred angry shavedmanes coming in every day. Don't give them the extra firepower!"

"To be honest, I still don't really get the issue here," Finance Secretary Bit Coin said, poking at her phone idly. "They pay us the tax, we let them play; it's that simple. I mean, it's not like one show is gonna convert you."

"It's not about the money, it's about our image. And being cosmopolitan." Mayor Mare repeated.

The chestnut pony ignored her comment. "Alright, Ma'am, so you want us to levy a one-off performance tax on the band, right?"

"Yes!" Mayor Mare replied in frustration.

"Not possible," the Finance Secretary waved her hoof dismissively.

"Why not?" the tan pony demanded.

The chestnut pony smirked. "You think Equestria doesn't have laws regulating this kind of stuff? We'll have the Civil Liberties Union knocking on our door before we've even received the letter of complaint."

"The Liberties Union? Wha- look," Mayor Mare said. "We're doing this to fend off Hakka Ponita! Why would they even sue us?"

"So simple," the chestnut pony remarked, "that even I can answer that. They have to be balanced. Target left as well as right. Or else they'd be classified as a political organization and lose their government funding."

"... this DARN town!" Mayor Mare couldn't help yelling.

"Well, so, you see," Mayor Mare gave a humorless laugh. "We've tried everything to keep Hakki Ponita at bay. But I'm afraid that it's just not going to be possible - I ask for your understanding, given such circumstances."

The zebra had finished brewing her special soup and now offered a bowl to the Mayor.

"This error I can sure forgive,
At least you had the right motive."

The tan pony gave a hushed sigh of relief. "I'm glad that you have been so understanding. Mmmm... this smells good!" she gulped down the bowl in one go in an effort to seem enthusiastic. "Yum! So, in any case, I'm trusting this case is over as far as we're concerned?"

"Ah yes, this case, for me and you,
But one fears more, the C. L. U.!"

The empty bowl clattered to the ground. "But I thought... I thought you weren't... " the Mayor sputtered.

"Perhaps I wasn't clear, you think,
But no, the 'CLU' is on the brink;
They've heard a band that's here to play,
And now they're here to make you pay!"

"Ms. Zecora! Please don't call the Civil Liberties Union!" the Mayor got down on her knees to plead. "You'll ruin Ponyville!"

"Mayor Mare, if choice was mine,
I'd definitely hate to whine;
But 'CLU' does dearly want limelight,
And so, for this, expect a fight!"

"But... surely they can't both sue Ponyville for not letting Hakka Ponita in, and also sue Ponyville for letting them in!"

"Ma'am, this case they'll surely lose,
All this is a clever ruse;
What they'll yield in cash, they'll gain
Admirers and the good old fame!"

Mayor Mare dared not get up yet, just in case. "So the CLU's just trying to get some attention through this case, right? To grab some headlines?"

The zebra nodded.

The tan pony, relieved, finally lifted herself off the ground. "Well, that's not a particularly powerful motive... I wonder if... "

Twilight's Sparkle's eyes widened again. "Oh. Oh... that wouldn't be good for Ponyville at all."

"Indeed it wouldn't, Ms. Sparkle," the Mayor said solemnly. "And it might possibly undo all the work that you have done earlier."

"I see," the unicorn lowered her head in thought. "Well, in that case, I agree. I'll write to the CLU about attending their fundraiser, then. Never knew that university subscription would finally come in handy."

"Thank you, Ms. Sparkle." Mayor Mare said. "Oh, by the way, before I forget, do you know about Winter-Wrap Up?"

"Winter-Wrap Up?" the lavender mare said. "What's that? Something to do with winter ending?"

"Well, yes," the Mayor sat down next to her and began to gesture. "You see, here's how it goes... "