My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S1E2: Friendship is Magic, Part 2

The Agenda:
1. Eternal Night - Problems and Opportunities [ ]
A) Fuel Rationing [ ]
B) Security Breach [ ]
C) Crisis Management [ ]
2. Ms. Sparkle's Residency [ ]
3. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family [ ]

"Well, I guess that's what we need to focus on," Mayor Mare said glumly, tossing the piece of paper to one side and moving the candle away from it. She glanced out of the window again. Nope, still darkness. "Didn't you say that emergencies didn't happen much in Ponyville?

"Not until today, at least," Crimson Ribbon, cool as ever, replied. "and for that, you have my sincere congratulations."

The tan pony looked incredulously at him. "Wha- congratulations?!"

The graying stallion replied with an incredulous stare of his own. "You mean, you don't like crises?"

The tan pony tried to respond, but sheer amazement had struck her dumb.

"Allow me to explain," Crimson Ribbon said helpfully. "we are part of the executive branch. We do all the things in Ponyville. Which means when there is trouble, people come to us. We get to play hero." He riffled through his documents. "Now of course, that's assuming you can do something about it."

"I - of course I can!" Mayor Mare sputtered. "It's only N-Nightmare Moon...and eternal night..."

"In light of what has happened, you will understand that we've got to get working right now," Mayor Mare said. "so just tell me your name and get on with it."

"Bittersweet Coin, but people just call me Bit," the earth pony replied, absent-mindedly fiddling with her chestnut mane.

Mayor Mare looked at her. Her Finance Secretary was scarcely older than Cheerilee herself. "You seem a bit young," the tan mare couldn't help but comment.

"Oh, you know, the Mayor Fields scandal. Previous guy snuffed it. And the next five after him. Ponyville Government isn't Manehattan, you know."

Mayor Mare slowly nodded in a state of semi-resignation.

"I do have a degree in Economic History from the University of Phoenixtown, if that helps."

Mayor Mare nodded again. "All right, let's hear what you have to say."

Bit Coin took out her phone and poked at it a few times. "Says here that we should check if we have enough stock to last through eternal night."

"So what stock would be relevant?"

"Well. Fuel, food, water. The typical," the chestnut pony shrugged.

"So do we have enough fuel, food and water to last- you know what, we'll just ration everything. Ms. Coin, do you have the statistics on fuel, food and water usage?"

"Sure do, Ma'am!" Bit Coin handed a piece of parchment over to her boss.

"Fuel usage...ten thousand barrels of oil a day...wait, that can't be right!" Mayor Mare said. "Ten thousand barrels? I don't recall taking any petroleum baths."

Bit Coin shrugged again. "Subsidy purposes, you know. High oil users get tax relief because of the industrial initiative. Of course, the ex-Mayor took most of it here."

Mayor Mare regarded the piece of paper again. "Hmm...I reckon if we discount the amounts from the non-existent 'Ponyville Fuel Refinery' and the 'Ponyville Highway Development Agency'...and whack off a zero from every stat, we'd get close to the right amounts."

Bit Coin leant over and regarded the piece of paper as well. "If I may suggest something, Ma'am, we only really need to worry about fuel, and we only really need to use the fuel for lighting and running the water pumps. We got a couple of mobile gaslamps around somewhere; could just tow them into the farms for artificial lighting."

"W..wow, Bit Coin, that was clever." Mayor Mare was impressed.

The Finance Secretary shrugged yet again. "I was in Agro. Anyway, the point is, not only do we need to restrict the fuel to the farmers, we also have to make sure the farmers grow the right things. High-yield crops: apples and potatoes, if I remember. Darn," she muttered as an aside. "apples and taters...that is tragic."

"Well," Mayor Mare sighed. "looks like the Apples will be gettin' a kick out of - oh. Oh!"

Bit Coin raised a curious eyebrow.

"Only the Apple family has the infrastructure for apple-growing, right? We'll need these other farmers to start the conversion process immediately - so I guess the Apples are just going to have to give up some land!" the Mayor clapped her hooves in glee. "I mean, for the good of the community. Obviously."

"We have a security breach." Delta Force, a muscular, raven-haired red stallion, took the cigarette out of his mouth and spewed toxin into Mayor Mare's face.

"Oh," coughed Mayor Mare, realizing that eternal night was preferable to her Security Chief. "Sure...right."

"Six ponies," the red stallion continued. "young. Dashed off into the Everfree."

"Well, we don't have the resources to chase down a couple of punks."

"Our weathermare, older-sis-Apple, and Ms. Sparkle are among them."

"We don't need a weathermare in eternal night, and I never promised to keep Ms. Sparkle from harm's way."

"No, no," Delta Force shook his head and conjured up another blast of tobacco smoke. "It's the Apple. Granny's a real pain in the flank."

Mayor Mare frowned. "You're not as tough as you look."

The red stallion exhaled into Mayor Mare's face again. "It's the PR. Darned horse basically gets the upper hand every time. We'll get so much flak, the Equestrian Army's gonna be using Town Hall for munitions training."

"Seriously." It was time for this useless ex-soldier to leave.

"...and so, that's why I urge the people of Ponyville to remain calm. We have a good plan, we have a good team, we have a good spirit. This night will not last forever; the Princess herself will see to that, I guarantee it." Stirring stuff, if I may say so myself!

The weedy mare finished writing. She adjusted her glasses and sighed. "Mayor, I still get the feeling you're not doing all you can to save Ponyville from danger."

"Whatever do you mean?" Mayor Mare said, hoping it would be one of those easy questions she had only the shortest of time to prepare for.

"Well -" the reporter drew in the air with her quill. "why haven't you mobilized the militia and gone after Nightmare Moon?"

We have a militia...?! "Um...I doubt a militia would do much against the Queen of Eternal Night." the Mayor raised an eyebrow to accentuate her point.

"But six kids saw fit to go and fight Nightmare Moon by themselves."

Darn it! "Well...well, how do you know they were going to fight Nightmare Moon? Maybe they were just collecting firewood." Look into her eyes, look into her eyes!

It worked. "Well, I-..." the reporter struggled to find something meaningful to say. "Well anyway, that's irrelevant. You should still be seen doing something! Ponyville's in its worst crisis, and we don't see any action from our Mayor!"

The tan mare sighed. "I've told you already, we're drawing up plans and -"

"No, no, no!" the reporter exclaimed, nearly bursting a pimple with excitement. "That's not action! Ponyville wants to see their Mayor in front of the townsfolk, leading them on in one glorious charge for Equestria!"

Mayor Mare grimaced. "So, by 'inaction', you actually mean 'not leading troops into battle'."

The reporter nodded, wiping her glasses in the process.

"Even if action means the death of countless Ponyvillians."

The reporter nodded again.

"Are you even from Ponyv-"

The door burst open, two flustered security guards retreating before a vicious walking stick. "Sorry, Ma'am!" they said in unison.

A green, old, wrinkly corpse of a mare stormed into the room. "Now where's this darn Mayor!" she hollered.

Mayor Mare gulped and rose from the couch.

Granny Smith drove her stick into the tan pony's flank. "Where's Applejack!"

"M-Ma'am," Mayor Mare was taken unawares. "She's in the Everfree Forest..."

"The Everfree FOREST?!" the old mare roared, whacking the Mayor with her stick, making sure the reporter got a good shot. "Tell y'all wha', missy; you go back there and fetch my gran'daugh'er back THIS INSTANT!"

"Granny Smith!" Mayor Mare protested. "Ponyville needs all the help it can get now!"

"Consarned weasels," Granny Smith remarked to the reporter, who chuckled in response. "I know what y'all want me for! And y'all know this - no gran'daugh'er, NO APPLE TREES!" the green mare raised her walking stick in hellish indignation.

Darned Delta Force. "Granny Smith, please; you're placing the entire future of Ponyville - all its citizens - in jeopardy!"

"As ma' pap used to say," Granny Smith ranher stick through nearby a portrait of Fuji Apple, Sr. "we built Ponyville, we can DARNED WELL turn it into muush if we want'd to!"

Mayor Mare turned towards the reporter. "You see? She doesn't care about any of you!"

The reporter was writing pretty fast for such weedy hands. "Mayor-refuses-grandma's-last-request...have-we-elected-a-monster-and-a-coward?"

Beaten. The tan mare sighed. "All right, Granny Smith, we'll do it. Now, will you agree to give some land to the other farmers?"

"Fine," Granny Smith huffed haughtily. "Until this consarned night's over."

Mayor Mare felt a sharp pang of guilt as she secretly wished the darkness to last forever.

Mayor Mare regarded this ragtag bunch again. Old ponies, weak ponies, inexperienced ponies. This is what they call cannon fodder.

"I'm sorry," Crimson Ribbon said. "We need all the able ponies to start working the land as soon as possible."

"M-mayor?" Mr. Waddle raised his foreleg, accidentally burning through a layer forest canopy with his torch in the process. "How much longer?"

"Um..." Maybe we should just turn back. "why do you ask?"

"Needa wee."

"Oh. Guess we'll just stop here for a rest break, then."

Audible sighs were heard as the militia set down their rolling pins and construction helmets. Mayor Mare sat down on the ground and looked up at the canopy opening above her. Great, this is obviously going to be a one-way trip -

And suddenly, a ray of light filled the canopy. "Oh, my...light, light!" Mayor Mare, temporarily blinded, screamed at the top of her voice, as if nopony else had realized it. "Light! Light!"

"Fear not, Mayor!" boomed the voice of the Princess. "it is me, Princess Celestia."

Mayor Mare, her eyes still watering from the dazzle, stumbled into a bow.

"Loyal subjects of Ponyville!" Princess Celestia exclaimed. "I bring you the good news that Nightmare Moon has been defeated!"

The crowd responded in a cacophony of "Hurrays" and "Long Life to the Princess!".

"Six mares from Ponyville have vanquished the bane of our existence!"

"Hurray!" "Long life!"

"Three cheers for the brave six!"

"Hurray!"

"Three cheers for the Elements of Harmony!"

"Hurray!"

"Three cheers for Mayor Mare!"

"Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!"

Mayor Mare turned red with embarrassment. She blushed further as the Princess leant close to her. "Don't worry, I'll make sure the Express doesn't publish the article. Or those pictures."

"Well," Crimson Ribbon sidled up to the Mayor as the Victory Parade proceeded past the main pageant. "Happy ending. Told you crises were great."

"Didn't achieve my goal of whacking Granny good, though," the tan pony replied with a hint of moroseness. "And now that Applejack's some superstar, things are going to become much harder. I've done all this just to remain at the status quo."

"Well...not exactly," Crimson Ribbon mused.

"What do you mean?"

"You know that thing about the library?"

"Oh. The rezoning? There's no emergency now."

"Not quite. After all, Nightmare Moon was Princess Luna." the bureaucrat pointed out.

"Mm-hmm..." Mayor Mare said, faintly seeing where this was going.

"And it's obviously not unreasonable to expect Princess Luna to turn back into Nightmare Moon."

"Of course," Mayor Mare said.

"Very dangerous, Nightmare Moon." Crimson Ribbon cautioned.

"Very indeed."

"So the emergency rezoning must persist. For the good of Equestria." the Secretary of Administration concluded. "It's the only way."

"Of course. Just in case Celestia makes the same mistakes and turns Princess Luna back into Nightmare Moon, who then defeats Celestia, and then defeats the Elements of Harmony, and then decides to destroy all libraries." Mayor Mare smirked, giving another wave to the adulating populace.

"You never know. You never know."