//------------------------------//
// Chapter Ten 
// Story: Social Standards 
// by RadaVonVon 
//------------------------------//


SOCIAL STANDARDS
By RadaVonVon
Chapter Ten


The cock’s crow was the first noise to rouse me from my sleepy reverie. I felt myself dragged from the pleasant blanket darkness into a world full of light, color, sound, and texture. I felt my senses gradually come alive, and my nerves light up to acknowledge the soft, but slightly itchy texture of an old wool quilt.
I exasperatedly blew a burst of air through my lips..  Sighing and pushing down the covers, I sat up and rubbed  my eyes with my hooves. I glanced around the room basked and submerged in orange and yellow light from the rising sun filtering in through the soft white linen curtains, illuminating the wooden furniture and paneled floor of AJ’s guest bedroom.
It had been a week since Granny Smith’s death. 
The Apple family had moved on in terms of obvious mourning. Applebloom had gone back to her Cutie Mark Crusaders work, Applejack had gotten back to bucking, and Big Mac had... well, stayed as Big Mac.
I had kept minimal contact with Soarin since the events of last week, and to be honest, I didn’t mind it quite that much. I was distraught, however.
Every night, when I closed my eyes, I couldn’t help but see his face. His awkward half-smile, his shimmering green eyes, and the way his mane blew perfectly in the wind, his charisma, his sarcastic attitude.
And how much I absolutely, positively loathed him. How much he made me seethe with anger and frustration and hate and how I just wanted to boil over and smash his ears into his head. 
But for some reason, it made him all the more attractive in my eyes.
I was beginning to gradually realize something about myself.
I was changing. Alright, well, maybe not changing, But realizing something I should have realized about myself a long, long time ago. I was attracted to Soarin. Not as a friend; I didn’t really like his personality all that much. But I found myself harboring a deeply romantic and potentially sexual attraction for the stallion that was becoming harder for me to ignore.
It wasn’t like it was something I couldn’t keep under control, it was more that it was something that I could no longer hide from myself. This wasn’t life-changing, though. In a way, I felt like I had always been hiding some kind of darker attraction to the same sex from myself.
It was like it was always there but I hadn’t noticed it. It didn’t mean anything though. I wouldn’t be stopped from having foals or being in a normal relationship once I found the right mare. I didn’t trouble myself too much with my confusion, if it could be called that. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t want to face it.
Sadly, this was a behavior I’d struggled with for most of the span of my adult life, and it was something I’d continue to do for quite some time until I realized what I was doing to myself.
Stamping my hooves a couple times to ensure the floor beneath me was solid ground, I nudged my way through the door and began stepping down the staircase. My ears perked up when I heard a few noises, and then a voice in the kitchen.
“... wanted to come check on him... can’t deal with this too well...”
“Mighty kind of ya... sleeping... tired from helping us buck apples...”
I stepped down and walked into the kitchen, the smooth carpeting transitioning to linoleum beneath my hooves. “Mornin’.”
I opened my eyes and took my hooves off of them to see Soarin and Applejack talking, relaxed. Soarin had his usual demeanor, smooth and calm as he leaned back against the counter, a pie on his right side. “Hey, Brae,” he murmured in a way I wasn’t used to hearing him talk.
“... Hey,” I mumbled, still sleepy and a little confused.
“Came to check up on you.” He smiled good-naturedly and edged forward, tentatively resting a hoof on my shoulder.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up where he touched me, and my blood ran cold. I shivered. As if reading me, he pulled back.
“Ya know, Braeburn, ya’ve been workin’ hard... An’ ya’ve been mighty helpful. We needed the extra set ‘a hooves since Granny... well, ya know. Ah figure ya deserve a break. Take a li’l time off, ya know?”
I nodded quietly, looking out the window without really hearing what AJ was telling me. I turned to her. “Uhuh?”
“Why don’t ‘cha take a vacation? Some time back home?”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Huh?”
“Well, Soarin here has never really been to Appleoosa, Ah was thinkin’ maybe ya could take ‘im. Take a train ride together. You two seem to get along and Ah’ve never really seen ya make any friends outside the family.”
My eyebrow twitched a bit at what Applejack was suggesting. “Don’t cha need more help here round the farm?”
“Not so much no more. We got used to it. Granny was old anyway. ‘Sides, ya can keep stayin’ here long as ya like, Ah just think Aunt an’ Uncle wanna see ya again. You could take Soarin on a train ride with ya.”
I nodded, blinking and thinking about what she’d said. “well... okay, I guess.”
“Cool! Dude, this’ll be great. We can get a sleeper car and chill and play cards and stuff!” Soarin hopped on all four hooves, a giant grin plastered on his face.
I looked at Applejack for another second though. “But... I thought I was here in Ponyville for a vacation in the first place.”
Applejack shrugged. “Maybe we need ya a bit more than we thought we did,” she smiled and elbowed me.
I nodded...



I glanced out the window. I’d never had a sleeper car in the train before, I’d never been able to afford it. But of course, the Wonderbolt had paid. I wondered if he could afford any luxury in Equestria. Of course, I wasn’t rude enough to ask such a foalish question.
I glanced over at him lounging on one of the beds that folded out of the wall. I was glad to discover there were two beds and not one. I could control myself and my own primal urges around Soarin just fine, but I didn’t know if I could do it with his warm body sleeping next to me, breathing on my ear...
I shook my head and cleared my thoughts, mentally hitting myself. That was foolish. Soarin glanced up at me and yawned. “I’m hungry,” he complained. I didn’t take my gaze off of the passing scenery, just a blur of green plants of various heights and species. The snow had melted since I’d come to Ponyville. I knew they’d have Winter Wrap-Up, some kind of event Mac and Applejack always looked forward to, soon.
I nodded as Soarin shifted to his hooves and leaned over, walking over to the door. “I’m going to the dining car, dude. You want anything?”
My eyes stayed on the outside scenery. “Uh... just uh... an apple fritter.”
He stood in the doorway for a second, looking a little confused, but shrugged. “You got it,” he mumbled, swishing his tail and leaving.
When he came back I took the fritter, wrapped in a square of wax paper, and took a bite. I should have known I’d be disappointed, because it couldn’t compare to what I was used to back in Appleoosa and even Sweet Apple Acres. 
I turned around and looked at as he lounged on the bed. “Didn’t ya get anything?” I asked under my breath.
He kept staring at me and nodded. “I got a sandwich. I ate it back there.”
“Uhuh...”
“... No offense, but you seem like, really out of it.”
“Just thinking.”
“About...?”
“Granny Smith. You. Applejack. My dad.”
“... You seem worried about all of it. Why?”
I considered, for just the briefest of seconds, telling him. Telling him that I was attracted to him. But this was Soarin. Sex-crazed Soarin. I knew I had no business confessing anything to him.
“... Look,” Soarin sighed and shook his head, flicking an ear back. “I know you’re hurting. I know you’re not going to tell me you’re hurting. I know you miss her. I know she was a good mare. And I know you’ll deny everything I’m saying, but I want you to know something. I may be the greatest celebrity and the fastest flier to ever roam Equestria. I may be famous and rich. I may be totally awesome. But I’m still a pony. If you take all that away, I’m just another pegasus. And I will never repeat this ever again, but I have flaws, too. So look, I’m willing to talk to you about this but you have to open up to me.”
I turned my head and sighed, “I appreciate that and all, but I think I’m alright.”
Soarin frowned and got up, staring at me. I set my fritter down on the table. “Braeburn.”
“Yeah?”
He let out a puff of air through his nostrils.
I sighed and let my head fall a little. “Alright... It’s hard sometimes. I know that. Y’know that. I’m just... I keep thinkin’ about this one time and I feel like I’m not honoring her proper.”
“This one time?”
“As a colt, I asked her... I asked her if it was okay to marry colts. She got pretty mad. I dunno. I just feel so bad that I keep thinking back to that. It’s like...” Out of nowhere, my throat closed up and I choked back tears. “It’s like I’m not honorin’ her, but I loved her! I loved her, Soarin! I swear on it! Honest...”
In spite of my struggle to choke back emotion, I soon found myself doubled over in the seat, whimpering and bawling, blind to the world through a veil of blurry tears as they cascaded down my face. 
I don’t know when or where, but I found myself encompassed by the softness of a fleece blanket, a pair of strong hooves pinning it around my body. I let the wet droplets slide down my face, gushing from my eyes and soaking the fabric of the chair beneath me. The tears coated my lips and nose, and all I could taste was salt. My face burned, partially with embarrassment, and partially with the exertion of crying harder than I ever remember crying. A deep, jabbing pain formed in my heart. A screaming, burning, insatiable desire.
I couldn’t believe she was gone. There one moment, and gone the next. Oh, Celestia... What about Applejack? and Applebloom? and Big Mac? Hadn’t they lost enough already? I whimpered like a foal and fell into an unconscious fit of sobs, only waking to find a warm weight settled on my head through the blanket. I looked up.
A pair of emerald eyes staring directly into mine.
I’d done this before. But never of my own accord.
Shuddering and trembling, I leaned in, pressing my lips to Soarin’s. My upper lip fit between his and I felt his strong forelegs wrap around my back, clutching my closer to him as I felt the last of the rolling, salty tears dry up and drip off my chin. His head tilted to the side. Mine, the opposite way. A pleasantly warm, tingling shiver, like hot apple cider, ran down my spine. The tensions washed and waned down my back as every muscle in my body stopped to relax in the bath of warm, strong comfort that encompassed me now.
And somehow, it all felt right. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt right.
I was kissing a stallion. On the lips.
But it felt right.