To Die Twice

by Quite Quiet


5: ...and never to remember

Light shone in through the walls, illuminating every corner of the enclosed room with no exit. Seeping through the walls the heat from the sun warmed the back of the filly within. Shifting slightly the unicorn made one last unconscious attempt to get the light out of her eyes with no success. Admitting defeat Trixie weakly opened her eyes to the room once again.

Eyes drifting across the walls and unsurprised noted no apparent changes to anything in the room. Same old stack of hat, same old tub of something-that-wasn’t-water and same old walls of wood blocking her from the rest of the world. Slowly the eyes moved from left to right, taking in every detail as they went. As Trixie’s eyes reached the far side of her vision something new appeared.

Placed just a little bit away, close enough to be in reach for her neck without moving was a small red bowl. A bowl not unlike those dogs gets their feed in. At the moment said bowl was not filled with feed however. Carefully glancing over the rim of the bowl, she found her snout submerged a minimal amount in some kind of a liquid. Looking down in the bowl, Trixie could see the unknown particles swivel around from her disturbance.

As carefully as possible she lowers her moth down under the water’s surface and slowly begins to drink. A small mouth of water at a time, the bowl is emptied in a minute. Gulping down the last remnants of water, Trixie moves her head away from the red bowl and lowers her head to the ground. Sighing softly in contempt for the water she begins to close her eyes once more.

A door slams in the distance, muffled by the walls but still audible to her. Ears up in anticipation, tilted towards the door she waits. The familiar sound of hooves walking towards the door getting closer as the time goes by. And finally the screeching noise when the rusty hinges open up to the world again.

“I see you woke up again. Why didn’t you say you were thirsty? You may not get dinner just yet, but I am reasonable enough to give you water.” Standing in the doorway, her voice moved all across the room. Not enough for the sound to echo it just dispersed soaked up by the walls. “Get that bath soon and I’ll see about dinner for tonight, will you?”

Trixie slowly moved her head towards as she spoke and by the end of it had come nearly face to face with her. Looking into the eyes of Winter she slowly but unmistakably nodded her head a few times, a few extra for clarity. Satisfied with this response, Winter promptly shut the door in front of her and could be heard walking away once more.

Defeated Trixie pushed herself up on her hooves again. On shaky legs she forced herself closer to the tub. Forcing back down the bile that threatened to come up from the stench she took the first step and lifted one hoof over the edge of the vat and pushed it down towards the surface.

Lowering the hoof even further she felt as the liquid softly parted for her, never once breaking the surface tension. Shifting the hoof around Trixie made some halfhearted attempts at breaking the rubber-like membrane covering her bath.

With the submerged hoof as support Trixie lifted her other front hoof up and over the side of the vat and gently pushed down right next to the first. Placing as much weight on her front hooves as she could manage the first tear finally started to show. Without warning the size of the tear increased rapidly, freeing more and more of the same gut wrenching stench from before.

Recoiling with her head in disgust as the scent assaulted her senses she missed the moment when both her hooves found the bottom of the tub. Feeling the water seeping in through her fur and drenching even her skin a shiver went up her spine. Awkwardly standing in that pose for a moment, back raised up to pass the vat she silently breaths. Shallow labored breaths pushing her stomach down in the sharp edge of the tub.

Stumbling and flailing with her back hooves she somehow manage to get them over the side and into the water with the rest of her. All four hooves planted in the deep bottom of the water, the water almost reached up to her belly. Feeling the disgusting water move around her hooves she suppresses a shiver.

With a frown one of her front hooves is lifted up above the surface once more. The grimy water was dripping off it like syrup, all while giving a brown-green tint to the once blue hoof. Staring intently at her own hoof as for the first time, Trixie frowned slightly. Taking a small sniff of the hoof confirms what she already knew, the smell is revolting.

Taking a deep breath and bracing herself Trixie drops down on her haunches with no care for splashing. The disgusting water swivel around her, disturbed by the extra mass present in the tub. All around her lower body the coat and skin slowly gets taken over by the liquid and soaks her to the bone. Forcing herself to stay put meanwhile, Trixie suppress yet another reflex to bolt out the tub and attempt to clean herself off.

Gently bending her forelegs she lower herself down to the neck in the water-look-alike, the same wetness appear over the rest of her body. Before long the only dry part of her body is her head and neck, the two carefully maneuvered to never get wet before now. Frozen in that position for a moment, Trixie bit down another attempt of her body to empty the contents of her stomach.

Careful not to disturb the water too much she maneuvers herself to feel the edge of the vat with her back. Measuring the distance and confirming she got enough space to dip her head down. Closing her eyes she attempts to find a moment of calmness, taking steady and even breaths in and out. The moment pass and before she can change her mind she forcefully dunk her head down underneath the surface.

Trixie can feel the water moving around her, attempting to get in wherever it can. Eyes forced shut and holding her breath she lay completely still underneath the water. The water pushing on her everything, ears twitching and the muscles in her neck tense. The curiosity to open her eyes just a tiny bit is suppressed before it can grow, and the burning sensation in her lungs slowly made itself known.

The need to breath overpowering Trixie pulled her head up from the water, giant droplets flying from her mane by the motion. Panting she studied her drenched mane as the liquid sluggishly moved through it and dripped down to join its equals. The substance severely limiting the movements of her mane to a minimum. Eyes still forced closed she whips her head back and forth, forcefully removing most of it before carefully opening her eyes ready to shut them on a moment’s notice.

When her breathing slowed down she made her first attempt to exit the vat. Edging closer to the wooden frame the forelegs easily slid over and down on the floor. Forelegs firmly set on the floor the back soon followed. Shaking each appendage in turn to get most of the water out. The overpowering smell still finding its way in her nose, reminding her exactly what she just had done.

Shuddering Trixie collapses back down onto the ground, furiously swiping away any of the water that comes close to her nose. Swipe by swipe the amount lessen each time and soon enough all of the liquid near her nose is gone or dripping from other places. The ground underneath her rapidly shows more and more signs of what recently transpired.

“How did this happen? One moment I’m dead, the next I’m at a police station and now I’m reeking of Celestia-knows-what that was. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. First chance I get I’m out of here, back somewhere I never have to remember this again.” She relaxed with her thoughts, doing everything she could to not think of the nauseating smell that came from her own body.

It didn’t take long for the stench to penetrate her shaky defenses and as she passed out from the smell there was only one thing on her mind.
“Never again.”


“Good morning little miss. I can see you finally took my advice and took that bath. Good, it will help you feel better.” The voice coming from behind disturbed the filly during her nap. Shaking the tiredness from her eyes she looked up to find Winter standing right next to her.
Motioning with her head Winter signaled for Trixie to follow her, before she promptly walked out through the same door as before. Except for this time the door stayed open so she could follow. The same morning sun greeted her for the fourth time as she stared through the door at what laid on the other side of that door.

Still disoriented from her sleep Trixie slowly exited the room she had been stuck in for the last few days. On the other side the same green hills greeted her as she left. All sides covered in grass and flowers of all colours as she followed Winter towards the house.

“I could escape now, she would have a hard time catching me. But would she expect it and be ready for it? What if I tried and she caught me? Would I have to spend more time down there? I can’t do that, I can’t take much more of this and I can’t risk it. I have to play along for now and hope another opportunity will present itself soon.” Lost in thought she almost missed the real entrance and almost walked past it. Snapped out of her wandering thoughts by the door slamming wide open prevented that all while alerting her to the presence of her supposed guardian.

“Glad you could make it little miss. I have a room for you with food in it. If you just follow me you get there soon.” The tone of her voice and the look in her eyes showed none of the compassion her words held, and the intention behind those words promised something completely different if she didn’t follow along. Reluctantly following inside and away from the relative freedom outside led Trixie into the orphanage for the first time properly.

Walking across the same floor that just yesterday was her roof she passed poorly done tapestry and construction work. Following Winter down a long green painted corridor with closed doors, all painted the same brown earthy colour and in various amount of repair required to fix them. Some barely held together while the next almost looked new. Head moving back and forth as Trixie took in as many details as possible, memorizing the route she came so she knew where she could find the exit.

“Straight ahead, left, right, up the stairs, turn around, right, up the next set of stairs and right next to the stairs. I can remember that I hope.”

“Here is your room little miss. Remember it because I won’t be showing you it again. Now in you go, the breakfast is already there,” she said before turning around and leaving the filly standing there all on her own.

Sighing Trixie moved up to one of the worst door she had seen on her way up and up her lips around the handle. With a forceful twist the door gently swung open to reveal a room just like the rest of the house. Green walls falling apart and the same wooden floor. She entered and carefully walked around the bed that stood in center and occupied most of the room. Standing on the only table next to the bed was her apparent breakfast.

Somewhere in the distance a door slammed shut, but Trixie paid little attention to it. She watched as her own door swung back shut from gravity, no apparent other source that could explain it. As the door shut she turned her attention back to the bowl standing on the table.
Looking down into the bowl she found some sort of soup, containing what looked like several kinds of vegetables and small pieces of bread. Sniffing on the aroma from the bowl and not finding anything particularly horrible about it she sat down and took the soup in both her front hooves.

Firmly pressing her lips to and edge of the bowl she tilted the bowl up and let some of the soup slide down her throat. Grimacing from the bitter smell she let the bowl back down just enough to stop it from entering her mouth.

“I miss the prison food already. At least that had taste.”