//------------------------------// // Easter Special - 'Chocolate' Eggs // Story: A Little Justice On The Side // by Autocharth //------------------------------// I wrote this in one sitting and posted it pretty much straight away. Its entirely loony and non-canon to Justice Itself, I have no idea why I wrote it. WARNING; NON-CANON TO JUSTICE ITSELF! MAY ALSO MAKE YOU NOT WANT TO EAT CHOCOLATE! I recommend not eating chocolate eggs while reading this. The Spring Spirit is just a random way to saying Easter in Equestria I came up with. I'm not christian but I am a hypocrite, because chocolate is nice. Oh yes, and for those wondering Justice Itself - Chapter 19 should be up in a few days. Enjoy the loony bin randomness. *** Twilight liked to learn. It was a very important part of who she was, one of the most important after her friends, family, magic and ability to sleep in for an extra hour on the weekend because the library opens at eleven instead of ten. Nearly as important as the fact that she liked to spread what she had learned among others. Sharing knowledge was almost as important as gaining knowledge, because knowledge shared is knowledge duplicated and knowledge duplicated is knowledge never lost. She had found a welcome student in Paladin. The once-Archangel of Justice was open to learning new things and enjoyed many an in-depths discussion once he understood a subject well enough to converse on it. There were some things, granted, that she had been forced to teach him. Primarily more practical things such as how to manage his own bodily waste functions because it turns out living for eons as a being of sound and light within armour of holy steel left him unprepared for having to do certain things. So while it was not always a good day when she had to teach Paladin something others took for granted, today it would have been a good day and her explaining could have saved everypony a lot of trouble. Because he had just found himself confronted by a trio of excited fillies painting eggs. He would have ignored this, having decided not to ask if he saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders doing something odd, if it wasn’t for the very grump duck that had come stomping along with Fluttershy following it. He gathered that ‘quack’ could mean quite a lot of things, many of them enough to make Fluttershy gasp in shock. Ducks were apparently rather foul-billed birds. Of course having your eggs painted by overeager little ponies could do that to an avian. Paladin made a mistake, for reasons he wasn’t certain of, when he stepped forward to tell the duck that while he didn’t know what the problem was yelling quack at Fluttershy was not only rude but wholly a inaccurate description of her on a personal level. “Why,” a less than cheerful Paladin asked minutes later with a duck bill impression on the ear it had bitten, “were you painting eggs in the first place? I suggest paper or cardboard, they’re less likely to break and no ducks will go on the warpath if you take it.” “Because it’s the Spring Festival, silly!” Sweetie Belle said with a smile, bouncing up and down. Her cheerfulness was not at all abated by having to apologise to missus duck for borrowing her eggs. “Yeah!” agreed Apple Bloom. “Ya have ta paint eggs. It’s tradition.” Staying to keep an eye on the fillies, Fluttershy’s nod just confused Paladin more. “O-Oh yes, even in Cloudsdale. Although the eggs there were made from dyed clouds that were sealed into that shape. I was never much good at making them.” She admitted. “...why?” Was his unfortunate response. “Because it’s the Spring Festival, duh.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. Paladin just kept looking at them, not understanding in the slightest. Fluttershy took a few seconds to work up the courage to ask; “Uh, excuse me but hasn’t s-somepony explained the Spring Festival to you?” “Is it related to Winter Wrap Up?” Paladin queried. He remembered that, not long ago. At the time he had thought that at least Sanctuary had the decency to make an effort without requiring its inhabitants to change the seasons. The gap from all three fillies told him the answer was no long before Fluttershy said so. This led, through a series of events best covered by the description ‘pleading, puppy dog eyes and war of attrition’, to Paladin sitting in the library reading a book meant for children who had yet to gain full control of their bowel movements. He currently wore an expression of disgust. “You allow this ‘Spring Spirit’ to make merry through your town, leaving eggs scattered around aimlessly?” He asked with a scowl. Fluttershy frowned slightly. “Um, no, that’s just-” “Yep!” Sweetie Belle said. “The Spring Spirit brings his eggs-” “His?” Interrupted Paladin, looking thoughtful. He looked at Fluttershy questioningly. “I was given to understand that females tend to lay the eggs, not males.” “Oh, well, yes-” She tried to reply only to be cut off. “Hay, yeah...” Scootaloo stroked her chin like she had seen Rainbow Dash do once when contemplating the Mystery of the Lost Cookie Jar. It had helped Rainbow Dash find out who had taken it; although the fact it was Rainbow Dash herself was something Scootaloo had long since stopped bothering to remember. “That’s kinda weird.” Apple Bloom looked confused as well, nodding at Scootaloo. “ Now ya mention it, it does seem a bit strange. Wait, ya forgot, they’re chocolate eggs!” She suddenly remembered. “Oh.” The other Crusaders realised, remembering that important fact. “The Spring Spirit lays chocolate eggs?!” Paladin rose, dropping the book. “I may be new to this, but I can see what has happened. Disgusting. Utterly disgusting. There is only one substance a living creature excretes and that this...this Spirit dares to so bravenly leave its waste about the towns of innocent ponies is not something I will stand by and ignore!” It took a few seconds for the Crusaders to realise what he was talking about and as one their expressions turned to disgust as well. “Ewww!” All three shrieked as one, covering their mouths. Fluttershy winced. His conclusion was.... a little off, honestly. She opened her mouth to explain but was met with four sets of mildly accusing eyes. Well, mostly. Paladin was less accusing and more worried. “Fluttershy, why didn’t nopony tell us? Ah don’t wanna eat no Spirit’s egg poop.” Apple Bloom gulped, shuddering as she thought about the long years of devouring as much Spring ‘chocolate’ as possible. She had been eager, hunting down as much as possible. “Even if it does taste really nice.” Sweetie Belle added, looking a little green. “The stuff it leaves around Rarity’s tastes almost exactly like Bon Bon’s best chocolate too.” Scootaloo gasped in realisation. “You don’t think...Bon Bon always closes her shop on Spring Hunt Day, she must be out gathering as much spirit poop as she can for the rest of the year!” Apple Bloom began to nod. “I ‘member seein’ her sneakin’ off with Miss Lyra last year, they musta gone hunterin’ together. That Spirit must like poopin’ under that tree they were unda. Ah jus’ though they were playin’!” Drawing in a deep breath Paladin looked at Fluttershy steadily. The meek pegasus was sitting there with a poleaxed expression, entirely unsure how things had reached this point. At some point she had lost the plot and was just waiting for it to be over. Feeling his gaze she looked to Paladin and her cheeks lit up as he continued to stare at her. “Fluttershy...” He murmured, getting up and approaching her. Each step was loud in her ears and she backed away a little. “Fluttershy, I...” Springtime, her mother once told her, was the season of lovers. That telling had involved a lot of nudges and meaningful winks whenever a stallion walked past. Distantly Fluttershy wondered if her mother was right. “Fluttershy...” Paladin repeated, looking her in the eyes, “I think there’s something wrong with you.” She was fairly certain that was not how it was meant to go, but Fluttershy conceded that she could be wrong. Her heart did feel like it had just been sat on by an Ursa Major though. Or maybe Princess Luna had dropped the moon on it. She wasn’t sure right now. Paladin continued as if nothing were amiss. “I can’t think of why you wouldn’t have warned children of this, much less why ponies as a whole would encourage it. I suspect something more is going on. Something devious.” “D-devious?” She stuttered, blinking in helpless confusion. She was lost in the sea of this conversation and Paladin looked so thoughtful it would be rude to ask him for directions to a harbour of sanity. He nodded and looked down at the Crusaders. “Girls, we seem to be in luck. Whatever is in the Spirit’s leavings that cause ponies to crave them it has yet to set its hooks deeply in you.” Then, to Fluttershy’s hock, he put a hoof on her shoulder. “Yet it seems Fluttershy has managed, despite her addiction, to provide use the clues to discover this. If she can fight it this much, I suspect we need only keep others from feasting this year and they shall be cured.” The Crusaders shared a look while Fluttershy just tried to keep her wings folded and blood from pooling in her cheeks. “What, ya mean we gotta save everypony from eatin’ poop?” Apple Bloom asked in worry. “’Cause Ah don’t think Applejack and Big Mac would really eat Spirit poop if they could help. Ah don’t wanna leave ‘em eatin’ it forever, it must be horrible!” “The Spirit is making everypony [i[like its poop!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Even Rarity, and she doesn’t like pooping herself, so I don’t think she’d really like eating Spirit poop.” Scootaloo was the one to really get what he meant. “So...we need to save the day.” She smiled widely. “We’re going to save the town, and even Rainbow Dash! You girls know what that means.” “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DAY SAVERS YAY!” Fluttershy could have explained then and there that this was just one big misunderstanding if Paladin had not laid a hoof on her shoulder again, looked her in the eye and said with all seriousness; “I promise, I will see you cured of this. Nothing will stop me.” When she fainted a moment later, her cheeks blazing red, he just took this as evidence that Fluttershy had begun to go through withdrawal from the Spirit’s evil, infectious magic. * Fluttershy was carried, unconscious, to the Crusaders’ clubhouse where they began their plan. Paladin left for a short time, returning with a full map of the town. Cross-referencing previous years’ egg locations with the help of the Crusaders (the location of free chocolate being the sort of thing children tried not to forget) Paladin turned uncounted ages of battle tactics, planning and stratagem to thwarting the machinations of the Spring Spirit. Whatever magic it used to move so fast and so invisibly Paladin concluded that attempting to capture it would do nothing more than alert it to their designs. Instead, he proposed to his ramshackle trio of volunteers, they would strike after the monster had spread its villainous leavings across the town. Any suggestion of requisitioning the aid of the Princesses had been shut down upon the revelation that Spring Sunday was one of Princess Celestia’s favourite holidays and she was often seen scouring the city for chocolate eggs each year. Fluttershy was presented with another chance to stop this madness but unfortunately she woke up just as Paladin was checking on her. Upon discovering him standing over her, his expression soft and his eyes burning with a need to bring justice on the demon afflicting Fluttershy, she had promptly fainted again. Paladin buckled down to wait, sharing a camaraderie with the three fillies who were going to help him save Ponyville. They would go down in Ponyville’s history, he assured them, as saviours. As it turns out he was half right. * Spring Sunday’s dawn began to creep over the horizon. Twilight was just snuggling back into bed, certain that she had managed to place enough eggs around the library for Spike to find. He didn’t believe in the Spring Spirit anymore, having found out the truth a long time ago. She still winced at the memory, remembering how she had began to dictate an essay on the way that in a world replete with spirits and magic ponies had managed to come up with a Spring Spirit which didn’t exist, only turning to find a teary eyed dragon staring at her, his lower lip trembling, when the sound of quill on paper never reached her ears. Not the best way to break the news. Still, he would enjoy the hunt. Especially when he found out the eggs were a special order from Bon Bon, made with gemstones provided by Rarity. She was half-asleep when she heard the front door open. It was probably Paladin. She wasn’t sure where he had been but he was a grown (well, physically anyway) stallion and had several thousand millennia under his metaphorical belt. She didn’t pay it much thought. At least not until she woke up again half an hour a later, a teary eyed little dragon asking what he had done wrong to not get any chocolate this year. * Rarity, as usual on Spring Sunday, woke up in her old room at her parents’ house. Although Sweetie Belle had organised to have a sleep over with her little friends this year Rarity still went with tradition. Unlike usual she was not woken up by her little sister. Well, she was, in a way. Trotting out into the living room, she blinked in early morning surprise as her parents asked if she had gotten a little bit peckish in the middle of the night. After all, the chocolate was all gone. * Derpy turned over in bed, making room as Time Turner slid back in next to her. She nuzzled him, happy to have somepony else to hide the eggs. Hopefully this year he had taken her advice and the eggs were actually possible to find without employing search parties and grid-based search plans. When Dinky came in a little while later, asking if she had to go ask auntie Carrot Top for some grid paper, Derpy just sighed and started to get up. It took them a little bit longer to discover that this year it wasn’t entirely Time Turner’s fault. * “....Lyra, did you eat all my chocolate eggs again? I told you, those are for the hunt down in the park.” “Mhpm? Wha? ‘mm...no? Go’way, sleepy...” * All over town, these scenes were repeated, give or take a few details. Most details, really. The main detail, the lack of chocolate parents (or exasperated significant others) had hidden or prepared being gone with no warning, was the one only detail really. Each and every house, empty of all chocolate eggs. Parents and children, ponies of all ages, began to leave their homes and gathered in the town square. It didn’t take long for a rather mob-like air to fill the streets and the Mayor, normally of the attitude to dissolve such gatherings without violence, started giving out torches and pitchforks confiscated during previous mobs. Nopony knew what had happened, only that somepony had taken all their chocolate and that pony was going to be found and punished. When the mob arrived at Sugar Cube Corner Pinkie was too busy crying, so the mob that had gathered decided she probably wasn’t responsible. Quite considerately somepony handed her a torch, before another pony decided perhaps fire was not the best idea and replaced it with a pitchfork, which was marginally better. Certain mob veterans had to admit she waved it angrily like a pro. When Twilight opened her front door to ask everypony to keep quiet, as consoling a baby dragon wasn’t always very easy, she just stared at them for a few seconds. When she found their reason for visiting, Twilight had to admit she was rather offended. One magical accident a chocolate thief did not make. It was a quick decision to get to the bottom of this and the search grid map of the town Derpy kindly provided was very helpful. With Twilight’s help the town was soon scoured and found to be completely empty of chocolate. Pinkie had to be sedated. With vengeance in their hearts, they set off for the last place left; Sweet Apple Acres. * Applejack rose from bed the second time that morning, stretching her legs. It was time to go wake the girls at the clubhouse and get the egg hunt started. She met Big Mac in the hallway and they shared a smile. They normally never rose this late. It was, in fact, one of the few days that they were among Ponyville’s latest to rise. Their smiles dropped somewhat when they got outside. “-and that’s the eggs we found at Miss Derpy’s.” Sweetie Belle threw a basket of chocolate eggs in just as Paladin slammed the barn door shut. It bulged dangerously, as though containing some great mass. "They were really well hidden too." “Perfect.” Paladin nodded in satisfaction, not looking up from his list until Applejack shoved a hoof through it. He slowly lowered it, arching an eyebrow at her. “Why,” She growled with slits for eyes, “is my barn full of chocolate eggs?” Watching his sister interrogate Paladin, one of Mac’s ears twitched. He heard a sound, just at the edge of his hearing, that sounded a bit like....rabble-rabble? He frowned and trotted towards the gate, looking down the road curiously. Behind him a scream of frustration filled the air as Paladin finished his explanation. “And so you see,” He said, ignoring Applejack facehoofing in front of him, “that we needed to take drastic action. I could not allow this evil creature to continue its work. I hope you have enough self-control to stay away from the barn until you have broken free of this addiction.” “Poop addiction!” Sweetie Belle giggled, joined by her friends. This had been the most fun Spring Sunday Hunt ever! “Hey, uh, Applejack?” Applejack ground her teeth. “Paladin, can ya’ll come over here fer jus’ a second?” She asked with a suddenly too bright smile. “Jus’ fer a sec, Ah won’t hold ya up long. Needa tell ya somethin’ ‘bout the Spring Spirit.” “Applejack, ya might wanna look at this.” The dark pegasus looked at her suspiciously but complied. She put a foreleg around his shoulder and leaned in close. “Sis, seriously.” “Paladin, there’s somethin’ really important ya’ll should know.” She whispered. “....Applejack...” “Yes?” His tone was curious. “Applejack!” “THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING AS THE SPRING SPIRIT!” She roared in his ear. Over by the yard gate Big Mac facehoofed. “Lil’ sis...” He shook his head. “What?” She looked up, glaring at him, and suddenly realised what. All of Ponyville was looking right at her, many with horrified expressions. Far worse, however, were the stunned and betrayed looks in the eyes of every single filly and colt. Her head whipped around to look at her sister and friends, who all wore the same mask of heart-broken betrayal. “...that was bad timin’, weren’t it?” “Eeyup.” The door finally gave and a wall of stolen chocolate poured forth with reckless abandon. Just before it washed over Paladin he tapped his chin. “Oh, I get it, you hid chocolate for the children to find. That makes much more sense.” Back in the clubhouse Fluttershy woke up feeling like she had just missed something interesting. She had. ***