Chapter 3: Run That By Me Again?
“Huh?”
Lyra gawked at Alfa Leader and his subordinates, who returned her dumbfounded expression with the upmost patience. The mint unicorn was at a complete loss of the situation before her. She mentally replayed the events that had just occurred, hoping a recap of things would help her make sense of just what was going on…
A group of heavily armed and armored aliens had just stormed and taken over the park, deploying from the most unusual rotary aircraft that now buzzed overhead like extremely angry and heavily armed giant metal wasps. Scaring off the few picnics and strolling lovers that were there at the time, they proceeded to encircle her in a manner that suggested they were about to send her to the great Faust in the sky, and just when her life began flashing before her eyes, they presented her with a booklet and stood at attention, apparently regarding her as a supreme authority of some sort.
The synapses in Lyra’s brain fired furiously as they attempted to make sense of the bizarre and terrifying situation before her. Alas, the only return from her brain was a resounding “huh?”
“Umm… could you maybe run that by me again?” she asked cautiously, a nervous smile adorning her face.
“You are our commander, and we are awaiting your orders.” Alfa Leader simply stated.
A Tactical trooper indicated the booklet Alfa Leader presented her with. “Perhaps the documentation can better elaborate things for you, ma’am.”
Lyra gaped at them for a moment before heeding the trooper’s suggestion. She looked over the glossy, granite-colored cover of the booklet, noting the title printed on it, “Armacham Technology Corporation: Variant VI Replica Supersoldiers - Customer’s Guide.” Beneath the title was a curious symbol that was presumably this corporation’s logo, a trio of squares configured into a triangular formation.
Her eyes darting between the booklet and the Replicas, she slowly opened it up to its first page and began reading…
Thank you for purchasing Armacham Technology Corporation’s Premier Variant VI Replica Supersoldiers. You now have at your disposal the ultimate warriors, capable of action far beyond that of even the best trained special forces units.
Capable, fearless, and unswervingly loyal, your new Replica Battalion is your one-stop solution for any military situation. Whether it be providing security, policing, hostage rescue, search and rescue, counterterrorism, counterinsurgency, and everything in between, there’s no mission they can’t handle.
Lyra’s head suddenly snapped up, her left eye twitching slightly as she processed the implications of the word “battalion.” While not a military buff by any measure, she did have a vague understanding of how big such a formation was.
“Uh, it s-says here there’s a b-battalion of you guys. That’s like, a-a t-thousand s-soldiers, right?” she asked with a noticeable stutter, afraid of the answer she might receive.
“The battalion numbers fifteen hundred individual soldiers. Do you wish to bring in more?” Alfa Leader asked.
“F-fift-teen h-hundr-red!?” Lyra stammered out, her horn sparking with a bit of magic to indicate her brain shorting out in the most spectacular fashion. There was only one way she could react to the news that there were over a thousand heavily armed alien supersoldiers in Equestria that were completely sworn to her.
She fainted.
----
Lyra’s eyes slowly cracked open, the sunlight dancing on her eyelids gently coaxing the sleep form them. She brought a hoof to her forehead, rubbing away her disorientation. Regaining all her senses, she found herself laying on a foldable cot beneath the still propellers of the now landed Hind, the other currently buzzing an apple orchard on the edge of town and getting shouted at by an elderly earth pony mare for interrupting her nap.
The Tactical troopers stood over her, apparently having kept guard over her comatose form. The other Replicas were busy patrolling the park and keeping watch, maintaining their cordon of the area. The REV6 powered armor unit was also now on scene, its imposing size and heavy armaments not sending a friendly message to any who dared approach the park.
“Ugh… wha’ happaned?” Lyra groaned as she slowly sat up, blinking away the last of her dizziness.
“You fainted, ma’am. The medic examined you and reported no cause for concern.” Alfa Leader informed her.
“Oh… how long was I out?” Lyra asked as she looked herself over while her cheeks adopted a slight red tinge, rather discomforted at the thought of having an alien poke and prod her while she was unconscious.
“Ten minutes.”
“Oh, okay.”
She looked out at the park, idly watching as the Replicas continued to ensure the complete abandonment of the park with their militant posture and readied weapons. She began feeling around for the booklet Alfa Leader had given her earlier, subconsciously desiring it as an emotional crutch for the incredible situation that had just slapped her about the face.
Not finding it, she inquired the subcommander about it. “Hey, where’s that little book? That ‘customer’s guide’ thingy?”
A gloved hand suddenly held out the item in question towards her, eliciting a surprised squeak from the unicorn.
Reaching out to take it, Lyra’s eyes were drawn to the Replica’s appendage, noting the five nimble digits she had grown to be so fascinated and intrigued with.
’Fingers… Hands…’
No longer dazed and disorientated, she looked carefully at Alfa Leader and his subordinates, taking in their appearance with growing familiarity and excitement.
Bipedal, upright stance and posture without need of a tail, presumably flat-faced if the general shape of their headgear was any indication, technology inconceivable to ponykind, fingers and hands…
’They’re…’
“Umm… can I ask you guys something?” she asked the Replica as she accepted the booklet, wanting to confirm her suspicions.
The Replica nodded. “Ready.”
Taking a breath, Lyra asked the question who’s answer would finally vindicate her. “Are you… humans?”
“We are Replicas, clones derivative of human DNA. So, in essence, yes.” he answered in a clinical tone.
The mint unicorn felt a swirl of emotions at the soldier’s dry response, astonishment that there were actual, live humans before her, growing trepidation of having over a thousand of them at her command, and the slightest smug satisfaction at having been right all along.
Feeling overwhelmed by it all, Lyra decided to find someone to drag into her panic and validate what was happening and assure her that she wasn’t descending into madness and was merely hallucinating these “Replicas” in a fit of psychosis.
“Uh, I need to go get somepony real quick! Just, stay here, okay?” she asked as she climbed out of the cot, Alfa Leader and a Tactical trooper helping her to her hooves.
“Shall a team accompany you, ma’am?” Alfa Leader asked her.
“NO! No, that’s alright. I’ll be fine, really! Just stay here, please?” she pleaded him.
“We shall remain here, then.”
Lyra sighed in slight relief, happy that the Replicas were as obedient as the customer’s guide claimed them to be. “Okay! I’ll be right back!”
Receiving an assurance that they would still be there, Lyra galloped towards town at full speed, intending to collect a certain beige earth pony with a rather big sweet tooth.
----
Bon Bon nervously looked out the window of her sweets shop, her eyes scanning the outside for any signs of trouble. A panic at the park had spread to the rest of Ponyville, vacating the streets of nearly all activity. Her shop was not spared, the few customers she had at the time getting swept up in the panic and confusion of their fellow ponies and bolted out the door, nearly breaking its bell in the process.
The few loud cracks and strange buzzing sound off in the distance didn’t at all assure her of matters…
“BON BOOOOOON!” came a shrill voice, interrupting her morbid musings.
Lyra, her roommate and longtime best friend, burst through the door of her shop and slammed it behind her before flipping the closed sign to “open,” apparently having missed that it had already been adjusted.
“Whoa! Lyra, what’s going on? Do you know what’s got the whole town scared?” Bon Bon asked her friend, noting her winded state.
Lyra sputtered and made frantic, indiscernible motions with her forelegs before anything intelligible came out. “Park! Replicas! Special order! Humans! Supersoldiers!” she rattled off, unable to string the words together into a coherent sentence.
Bon Bon whistled sharply and waved at Lyra, shushing the hysterical unicorn mare. “Hey! HEY! What the hay are you talking about Lyra!? What’s going on in the park? Is that why everypony’s hiding? And… did you say ‘human super-replica soldiers?’ What?” she asked, thinking her friend had finally lost her mind.
“Uggh! I’ll just show you!” Lyra growled out in a frustrated manner as she grabbed Bon Bon’s hoof and began dragging her out the door.
“W-wait! It isn’t safe outside! We should stay indoors! At least let me lock up first!” Bon Bon pleaded while fumbling with her keys.
“No time!”
----
“Here.” Lyra said, indicating the Replica-occupied park. She had led Bon Bon through the empty streets of Ponyville, curious eyes peaking at them from behind closed shutters and drawn blinds, wondering just what the lyre player and candy maker were up to amidst the chaos that struck the town earlier.
Bon Bon’s previously worried demeanor had deteriorated into near-catatonic fear as Lyra dragged her past the Replicas patrolling at the park’s edge, who curiously stood aside and allowed them through.
The beige earth pony’s eyes darted all around the park under lockdown, from the massive Hind that was at rest by the fountain like a sleeping dragon, the several Replica soldiers that returned her gaze from behind their helmet’s polarized visors, and the REV6 that she knew was tracking her every movement, electronic all-vision eyes boring into her from beneath the egg-shaped armored carapace.
“W-wha-what…” she quietly stammered out, her legs turning to jelly and beginning to violently quake as every neuron in her brain screamed at her to grab Lyra and run for the hills. As if sensing her intentions, a pair of Replicas came up behind her, the sound of their bootfalls announcing their presence and disabusing her of trying to make a break for it.
“Remember that ‘special order’ I told you about?” Lyra began, taking a casual tone to try and keep her friend calm.
It didn’t.
“What the HAY did you do!?” Bon Bon screeched as she grabbed Lyra’s throat and began violently shaking her to and fro, her fear and terror of the Replicas turning into confused rage towards Lyra.
“Gak!”
At once, the barrels of half a dozen rifles were shoved into Bon Bon’s face, the soldiers none too happy with her throttling their unicorn master.
“Ehehehe… sorry…” she sheepishly apologized with a nervous grin, releasing her now addle-headed friend.
Gasping for air, Lyra waved them off. “It’s okay, guys. She’s a friend.” she assured them.
Complying, they lowered their weapons and resumed their guard, though a few kept their eyes on Bon Bon, the fingers of their supporting hands drumming against their guns.
Now infinitely more fearful of the supersoldiers that for some strange reason seemed completely beholden to her best friend, she began interrogating Lyra about them, a part of her not really wanting to know. “What in Tartarus are these guys!? And why are they listening to you!?” she demanded, fixing the mint unicorn with an angry and accusing stare.
Lyra sighed as she worked up the courage to look Bon Bon in the eye and explain herself. “Well, like I was saying… remember that ‘special order’ I told you about a couple weeks ago?”
“Yeah? A ‘build-your-own-human kit’ or something, right?” Bon Bon replied, quirking an eyebrow.
Lyra shook her head. “Not that, but ‘my very own superhuman,’ from that, uh… ‘special imports company,’ remember?”
“Yeeaahh…” the earth pony drew out slowly, really disliking where her friend’s explanation was going.
“Well…” Lyra held up a hoof, gesturing at the Replicas and the Hind gunship behind her with a sheepish smile.
Bon Bon’s eyes widened into saucers as she processed everything Lyra had just told her. “Oh, for ponies’ sake… Really, Lyra?” she asked exasperatedly, facehoofing.
“Well, I got a real bargain for them…” Lyra weakly offered.
“And what would that be?”
“Five hundred bits for a battalion?”
Bon Bon’s eyes strained themselves once more. “A battalion!? That’s like, a thousand soldiers!” she half-shouted.
“Fifteen hundred, actually…”
“WHAT!?” Bon Bon screamed, ready to pounce on the unicorn.
The clicking bolt of a readied assault rifle reminded the beige earth pony to mind her manners.
Calming herself, she began chewing Lyra out for the incredible circumstances she managed to create for herself. “First off, how in Equestria did you get a hold of an entire battalion of these guys!? I mean, AN ENTIRE BATTALION!? Just, how!?”
“Well, I really shouldn’t tell you, but… have you ever heard of a company called Dis and Qordial?” Lyra asked.
“Not really…” Bon Bon replied, her curiosity growing about the privileged information her friend was apparently privy to.
“Well, before I tell you anything, you have to promise me you won’t tell anypony else what I’m about to tell you. I could get in a lot of trouble!” Lyra said in complete seriousness, looking intently into the other pony’s eyes.
“Alright, alright, I promise.” Bon Bon assured her.
“Pinkie Promise?”
The sweets shop owner blinked at her best friend’s invocation of the ultimate confidence, wondering just what she was getting herself into. “Okay, Pinkie Promise.” she repeated.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Lyra began revealing to her lifelong plebian friend the secret existence of the “special interests firm” that was Dis and Qordial Limited.
“Only Equestria’s nobility know about it. It’s a Trottingham company that caters to the… unusual tastes of the country’s elite families.”
“Unusual tastes? Like what?” Bon Bon asked, now VERY curious about the secret guilty pleasures of Equestrian society’s upper echelons.
“Oh, anything, really. Imported meats like veal and sirloin. They also do more ‘far out there’ stuff like a little vacay in another dimension. Uncle Fancypants says those are real fun.” she finished on a high note, smiling.
Bon Bon’s face went green. “M-mm-meat? Nobles eat meat?” she stuttered, nauseated by the thought.
“Hey, don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it. It’s a good source of protein!” Lyra said with a lopsided grin, amused at the candy maker’s significant discomfort at the idea.
Gagging noises and another facehoof. “Oh, sweet Celestia, Lyra… Anything else I should know about you?”
The unicorn began kicking at the ground, shifting her gaze upwards in a smarmy manner. “Well…”
“Contact!” one of the Replicas suddenly called. At once, all of them snapped their weapons up and aimed at something in the sky. Before any of them could fire a shot, a polychromatic blur swooped down and snatched Lyra and Bon Bon, taking back to the air with them in the blink of an eye. The blur turned out to be a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, a look of determination on her face as she hefted the unicorn and earth pony.
“Don’t worry, guys! I’ve got you!” the pegasus shouted as she rapidly put distance between themselves and the Replicas, who sprinted after the kidnapper of their commander and her friend. The landed Hind started up its engines while the other began an aerial pursuit of the three airborne pony mares right over Ponyville.
“Rainbow!? The hay are you doing!?” Lyra shouted at the pegasus, earning a perplexed and slightly annoyed look from her.
“Uh, I’m saving you and Bon Bon? Duuh…” Rainbow Dash dryly replied, glancing behind themselves to see both helicopter gunships chasing after them.
“Well, we don’t need saving! Just put us down!” Lyra demanded, unhappy about being taken from her superhumans.
“WHAT!?” Rainbow and Bon Bon yelled simultaneously.
“Lyra, have you finally flipped your lid!? You and Bon Bon are about to be vaporized or eaten by a bunch of alien monsters, and you don’t want to be saved from that!? What’s with you!?” Rainbow asked, her speed slowing as confusion overtook her priorities.
Lyra only shook her head, denying the pegasus’ claims. “They weren’t about to vaporize or eat us, and they’re not aliens or monsters! Well, they MIGHT be aliens, but that’s beside the point! They’re not dangerous, so just put us down!”
Rainbow could only gawk at her, an agape expression on her face. “You HAVE lost it. Or those aliens used some kind of mind ray or something on you and fried your brain. Twilight will know what to do with you.” she said as she adjusted her flight path towards the library.
“No I haven’t and no they didn’t! Just let go!” Lyra insisted as she began struggling from the pegasus’ grip.
“Forget it!” Rainbow shot back, her patience with the mint unicorn thinning.
“Lyra, just stop! Rainbow might be right! You don’t know anything about those things! And they ARE dangerous! They threatened me, remember?” Bon Bon tried to reason with Lyra.
“See? Dangerous?” Rainbow reiterated.
“Only because you pissed them off by strangling me! Now leggo’!” Lyra argued, increasing her struggle.
“Cut it out!” Rainbow ordered, seriously contemplating just dropping her like she wanted.
“LET GO!” Lyra finally screamed, delivering a swift punch to Rainbow’s face, the hidden strength of the unicorn mare knocking her out and sending the three plummeting towards the ground. Lyra, only just remembering that they were all very high up in the air, began screaming with Bon Bon, her life flashing before her eyes for the second time that day as she, Bon Bon, and Rainbow fell to their doom.
Before they could become pastel-colored smears on the ground, the Replicas that had been pursuing them on foot were suddenly beneath them, catching Lyra and Bon Bon in their arms. A loud and painful sounding thud besides them reminded them of Rainbow’s presence.
“Um, why didn’t you catch her?” Lyra asked, eyeing the rainbow-maned cyan pegasus that laid in a crumpled heap on the ground, her expression dazed and her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth. Stars were visibly circling over her head and the chirps of cuckoo birds could be heard.
“Did you want us to catch her, ma’am? She did attempt to abduct you and your associate.” Alfa Leader asked as he gently set her down on the ground.
“Well, yeah. She thought she was saving us from you, so…” Bon Bon began as the Tactical trooper that caught her set her on her hooves.
“Is she alright?” Lyra asked no one in particular as she and Bon Bon went over to Rainbow’s prostrated form, noting the occasional twitch of a leg or wing.
A pained groan answered her question as Rainbow came to, sitting up and putting a hoof to her addled head. “Wha-“ she began.
Before she could get another sound out, she was immediately beset upon by the Replicas, who still regarded the cyan pegasus as a threat. She found herself suddenly flipped onto her belly, a heavy kneepad sitting on her neck, a number of guns pressed against her head, and a combat knife being held to her throat. She would have gulped out of nervous reflex but the feeling of cold, sharpened steel against her throat made her refrain.
The Hinds had caught up with them, flying in close to support the soldiers on the ground. The REV6 powered armor stomped up towards them, a mechanical whir accompanying each step as it trained its gattling gun and repeating cannon on the pinned pegasus. The sight of the Replicas storming into the town and the gunships flying in overhead broke what little calm there was after their initial takeover of the park and sent all of Ponyville into a full panic. Ponies all over ran about while screaming their heads off, colliding into each other and tripping over their own hooves as they attempted to flee the scene.
Lyra and Bon Bon could only stare at the chaos before them, their mouths agape. A choked plea from Rainbow regained their attention. “Guh, a little help here?”
Looking over, Lyra gasped in horror at the Replicas holding Rainbow down. “Ohmygosh! Let her go!” she ordered them.
Much to the ponies’ surprise, the soldiers complied, releasing her and backing away, though they still kept their weapons trained on her, not dismissing the cyan pegasus as a threat.
Alfa Leader and the Tactical troopers flanked Lyra and Bon Bon, partially shielding them from the injured and irate pegasus.
Getting to her hooves and catching her breath, Rainbow wound herself up for a shouting session despite a possibly broken wing. “Lyra!? Bon Bon!? What the HAY is going on!? Who the hay are these guys!? What the hay are those things!? Why the hay are they taking orders from you!? AND WHY THE HAY DID YOU HIT ME!?” she demanded, finishing with a near crack of her voice.
“Umm… Well, about them… They’re, uh… friends of mine?” Lyra put forward, smiling innocently while dodging the question of why she punched her.
Rainbow’s narrowed eyes and unamused frown conveyed her dissatisfaction with Lyra’s answer.
Sighing, she offered another hollow explanation while trying to skirt admitting out loud that she special ordered her own private army. “Look, it’s complicated, and I’m still trying to figure things out myself, but they definitely aren’t dangerous! They won’t hurt anypony! So it’s fine!”
Rainbow’s reaction to Lyra’s purported notion that the Replicas were harmless was thus…
“AREN’T DANGEROUS!? WON’T HURT ANYPONY!? They threatened Bon Bon, dogpiled me, whatever they hay those things are, and put a knife to my neck! And you still haven’t said why you punched me!” she shouted, grimacing at the end of her rant, feeling her left wing throb in pain.
“Well, I hit you because you wouldn’t put us down…” Lyra muttered, starting to feel defensive.
“I was trying to save you from those things!” Rainbow asserted once more.
“I didn’t need saving!”
“Says you! They could still turn on you at any second! You don’t know anything about them!” Rainbow argued.
“I know enough that they’ll listen to me, otherwise we wouldn’t be talking right now!” Lyra shot back, a discernable sneer in her voice. Bon Bon seemed taken aback by it.
Rainbow snorted. “Oh, yeah, sure! You want me to be chill about these extremely dangerous aliens and their crazy flying machines and whatever else!? Oh, it’s okay! They’re friendly! The resident human nut said so!” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Lyra recoiled slightly at the jab. “No need to be like that…”
“You’ve always been out of it, lyre player, but this is too much! Get your head out of your flank and smell the coffee!” Rainbow continued, the pain of her injuries driving her tirade.
Lyra began to visibly frown. “Hey…”
“These guys are trouble! Or are you too much of a loon to see that!?”
The unicorn pursed her lips, fed up with Rainbow’s insults toward her, and decided to exert her authority as the Replicas’ supposed commander.
“You know what? The hay with it, just knock her out.”
Rainbow’s previous anger was thrown off by the unicorn’s suddenly hostile disposition to her. “Wait, wha-“
CRACK!