//------------------------------//
// Chapter 8: Second Heartbreak 
// Story: A New Life 
// by Trivium 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 8: Second Heartbreak

I wasn't sure what was happening. I was awake, yes, but I couldn't move. Only breathe. I heard voices. I felt a soft bed. The bitter taste of alcohol was gone from my mouth, and replaced by the taste of salt. I tried to speak, to open my eyes, to move in any way. No response. Worry filled my mind, had my suicidal actions led to a life of paralyzation?

The voices I heard became more distinct.

"He still won't drink."

"When can we try again?"

"In a few minutes. Here, make sure he doesn't over-heat."

I felt a cold cloth wipe across my forehead and all around my head. I lay silently waiting for a few minutes, still fishing confusion out of my mind. One of the voices was somewhat recognizable... Could it be...? No..... No way....

I suddenly felt my head being pushed upwards, my jaw being gently opened. I could only lay there. I tasted warm salt water in my mouth, then felt my mouth be shut.

"He needs to drink this."

I tried to swallow the drink, but I couldn't. I felt a gentle hoof slowly stroking my throat, letting a small amount of water down. Feeling some water get into my system gave me some form of strength. I gulped down the mouthful of salt water, feeling much better as I did so. I tried to move again, but I could only twitch my limbs occasionally.

"Trivium?"

I tried to speak, but I couldn't.

"He's probably too weak to speak, Dash."

Dash?! Rainbow Dash?!

"Give him some time."

I lay now in anxiety, dying to get to speak to Rainbow Dash. I felt a tear roll down the side of my face, followed by another. I felt a hoof pat me on the thigh.

"You're going to be fine, don't worry."

I felt a heavy wave of exaustion. I tried to lift a hoof in some form of desperate cry for help. I heard the voices fade.

***

Slowly, I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes!

"Good morning...." I heard a soft voice from some part of the room.

I slowly looked around the room, searching for the source of the voice. "Good morning." I choked out, spotting a familiar face.

"Rainbow Dash went home late last night after you went back un-conscious..." Flutter Shy said quietly. "She plans on coming back sometime this morning to check on you."

"Thanks for saving me..." I said, blinking the blurs out of my eyes. "Have any idea exactly what happened?" I really had no reason to know. I passed out and almost died. Now I'm alive. Rainbow Dash probably still doesn't care for me.

"I don't have the full story." She started. "I only have my part, which was Dash pounding on my door, holding you in her arms. She basically knew that you had been heavily intoxicated and starved, probably judging by how skinny you were and how you smelled."

I lowered my head slightly. I'd really just been a passed out drunk? What's wrong with me?

"We got you cleaned fast and I knew that you had to have something good in your body. Warm salt water is normally a good thing to use, and it seems to have worked here. After you drank some salt water it was easier to get you to drink it each time. After a few hours we started trying to get you to eat, but you wouldn't. Rainbow Dash left around 5:00 AM today."

"Thanks again for all you've done. I'd hate to see what would've happened without you two." I drifted my eyes to a clock. It was only 8:00 in the morning. "You must be tired." I started, trying to stand. "I'll move so you can get some rest."

"You might not want to-"

I let out a stifled cry and fell back to the bed.

"Your muscles are heavily contracted from lack of nutrition and movement."

I sighed heavily. "You need to get some sleep."

"I don't need it that bad..."

"Yes, you do. It's the least I could do after all you've done."

"I can't sleep until Rainbow Dash gets here. We need to know if anything happens to you."

"I'll be fine, promise.

"You can't promise how you'll be in such an un-stable condition. I'm sorry,but I'm not sleeping if it's leaving you alone."

"I really wish I wasn't causing this much trouble." I said, feeling embarrased.

"We all need help every once in a while."

Flutter was always the forgiving kind. "It's nice of you to not keep anything against me. I was just being foolish and not trying to live."

"Heartbreaks are hard."

Wait, how'd she found out that....

"Rainbow Dash told me the story."

I sighed. "I was still being dumb. I just need to get over it and move on with life."

"Right now I think sleep should be your worry, Trivium. You've not had really any rest gain for the past week or so."

I layed my head down on the soft pillow, feeling another sleep-wave on-coming. "Thank you..." I mumbled before falling into sleep.

***

I wasn't sure how long it was before I woke again. All I know is that the sleep was peaceful, just what I would've wanted. I opened my eyes slowly, my vision more clear then before. I heard no voices, just quiet breathing. I looked around and saw Rainbow Dash sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, her forehead resting on a hoof, her mane hiding her face. She said nothing, just sat there and stared at the floor. I didn't know what to say, she probably didn't want to have to deal with me anymore.

"Thanks for..... Everything...." I said quietly.

Rainbow Dash stayed silent for a long time. "Yup." She said, still staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry I did this to myself.... I didn't mean trouble...." I just wanted to break down. I wanted to beg for her forgiveness. I wanted to talk to her, without it being awkward and slow.

"Don't blame yourself." Dash still stared at the floor, taking a deep breath. "I was being a bitch. I shouldn't have abandoned you."

"Dash, don't say that. It's not your fault. I should've been able to carry on with life." I still cringed in my mind at the thought of Rainbow Dash blaming herself for all this..... Shit.

"Hey Dash?" I asked. I needed to know. I needed more then anything to know. "Do you still....."

Rainbow Dash looked up at me, pity in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I..... I never did......"

Rip my heart out and rip it to shreds. Kill everyone I've ever liked. Destroy me slowly and painfully. Just never, tell me, that you never loved me, Dash. Please, don't. I knew I had to accept the truth. She never loved me. I never had what I thought I had.

"I'm sorry, Triv...."

I made some sort of nodding movement, dropping my head onto the matress, burying it in pillows. I was nothing. I had nothing. I will never have anything. I broke down, trying to stifle my crying in the endlessly soft pillows. I never heard anything else. No more apologies, no more lies, no more life.

"Triv, please....."

"Please what?!" I snapped, ripping my head out from the pillows. "Please what?! Forgive you for all this bullshit?! Forgive you for faking your love for me!? Just move on like this!? What am I supposed to do!? You lied to me, you crushed me, you killed me, and brought me back to kill me again! I don't fucking want this life! Why can't you just be honest!? Why can't I ever catch a break?!" I collapsed to the bed once more, burying my face in my hooves. "Why do you do this to me? Am I just a game?" I sobbed into my arms, hoping for some sort of release from this. Wake up from a dream. Slip into a coma. Die. Endgame. Why won't it happen? I can't be stuck here! It can't be true!

"I'm..... It's just.... Seeing you happy........"

I took a deep breath, trembling heavily. "I was once happy. Now I know it was all a lie. Now everywhere I turn, more hatred surrounds me. Now, wherever I look, I see the life I could have had. Now, it all........ Ends......" I sniffed heavily. "My life was great once... I was once happy.... Now, I can't go five minutes without thinking of a way to end it all. To make the pain go away. I could just forget you... Forget my parents.... Forget them all! I could lose the pain, the heartache, the hatred, the sadness, I could lose it all, with one. Little. Fall."

"Trivium.... I never meant for it to be like this......"

"I never meant to end up alone on the streets! I never meant to survive that fall! I never meant to get rescued! I never meant to be lied to! I am destined for pain Rainbow Dash, everywhere I go, everything I do, it all leads to the same conclusion. Yet, I'm addicted to it. I can't give up on this life, why? Because I once believed you loved me. Now, I'm stuck in a painful pleasure. It hurts to live, but I was once happy with you, we were once one. Once...." Each word I spoke drew more fury and sadness. "Just do it already! Just kill me! What are you waiting for! End this misery! Do it!"

"Trivuim, please, stop.... You're....."

"I'm what?!" I was furious. Dash should know my pain, yet she doesn't have to. "I'm making you understand just how shitty of a life I drag on living in?! I'm making you feel my pain?! Making you understand my misery?!" I sighed and covered my face. "Why can't I have it back....."

I continued to sob, saying nothing, getting no response from Rainbow Dash. 

"The happiness... The belonging.... The....." I paused for a long time. "Why can't I stop...... Loving you.....?"