Dear Rainbow,
It appears I have regained a small amount of my sanity. I looked back at some of the letters and my mental state is quite jarring, as well as more than a little depressing. At the moment I can fully understand that you died eight months ago today, and since that point I’ve been writing you letters. Since that point if been slowly falling apart.
I don’t know by what grace I’ve regained my sanity, but I have a feeling that it won’t last. Whatever is holding me together right now will soon let go. I took today to fix some things and prepare myself for the rest of my life.
I finally told them, I told the girls about my situation. About the fact that this was all my choice, that I refused to lose my memories of you, and that choice in turn meant that my life is forfeit. The looks on their faces hurt me, they hurt so much. I felt like I betrayed them, which I guess I really had. I had chosen memories of you over being able to live with them. I hope they can forgive me, I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself.
Even though they assured me that they understood my decision, I could see their look of confusion and sadness. I am horrible, I have no sympathy and no shame. And I’m going to die in four months, that’s all the time I have to make penance for what I’ve done, and I will be insane the entire time.
I’m beginning to have second thoughts about keeping my memories of her.
With Love,
Twi