Chapter 7: Thrashed and Scattered.
My good friends, misery, hate, sorrow, depression, loneliness. We've all re-united. Let me tell you the story.
It was just another day in the hospital. My neck recovering, my mind wandering. Generally late in the day, right on time, Rainbow Dash walked right into the room and sat next to me. We started the normal, "Hi, how are you? How's life?" talk.
"So, how did you hurt your neck? I want the full story." Rainbow Dash cut in.
"Well..." I started, not exactly sure how to tell her I'd gotten in a fight with a random pony. "I was wandering the streets at night, nothing really more to do. I ended up wandering onto this really creepy street, basically no life sustaining on it. And, there was one house, just like the others. Completely. I don't know what got into me, but I wanted to find out more about it. I heard a noise from inside, but that could've been any rodent. Long story short, I angered a homeless pony, and..."
"Was it another fight?"
"Well, yes."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you!" She said, standing up.
"What? No, I'm sorry!" I said desperately as she went on about something.
"I thought you'd be a nice guy when I first met you. I didn't expect to be letting a random fight-picking thug into my house!"
"Rainbow Dash- please!"
"Please nothing. I thought you had self control."
"I do it's just that-"
"I hope you don't plan on coming back to my house." She said, storming out of the room.
I lay dumbfounded, staring at the doorway with disbelief. The fuck is wrong with me?! How could I fuck that up?! I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, talking under my breath, pushing my head backwards into the pillow. The tears still came, and they came like floods. I was filled with sadness and shock. Refusal to believe this was real. I had one chance, for a perfect, happy life, and I ruined it! I RUINED IT! Luckily for me, I'd left quite a few stolen alcohol bottles back at the sorry excuse of a hut/home/shelter thing I lived in. Maybe she had a bad day. Maybe she's come back and apolagize. Maybe she's let me say sorry, ask for forgiveness. Maybe this never happened. Maybe I could die from that jump this time around. Just maybe....
***
After days, still no Rainbow Dash. Every day was spent of me staring at a wall, tears in my eyes, thinking of her. Missing her. Wanting her. Hating me. Wanting to change me. Killing me. The warm, happy, safe nights I spend, hugging Rainbow Dash as I slept. Kissing her. Being with her. Gone. All of it.
Well, some say the best way to get something back, is to go where it went.
***
I didn't bother keeping check of all the days I spent in "recovery", when in reality, I was being emotionally crushed every day I was in that hell. I know alcohol is a depressant, but it helps forget. Even if I will never forget her. Normally, I'd sprint, fly, have fun, enjoy the sunlight, as I hurried back to Rainbow Dash's house. Today, I trudged through the well-timed rain. Each step like another inch of a knife in my chest. I heard some laughing, running through the streets, not a worry for them. I withered away from any positivity around me. It felt wrong to be happy. Depression was part of me, and I had to accept it. No losing it. Only living with it, in my own lonely world of hate.
I roughly shoved aside the wooden board I had set against the hut to block the "doorway". All it did was trap what little heat it could. I slid it back into place and collapsed to the wet, leaf covered floor, a pathetic mess of sticks and treetops above me. My "house" was much like a wall, there was no real roof. I lazilly shoved a small area of leaves aside, giving way to a small hole with lots of alcohol in it. I selected a large bottle of vodka and drank a large gulp, not bothering to stand up. I sobbed loudly, hugging the bottle, already feeling tired, but too cold to sleep.
"If only I could have you back..." I said to nothing in particular. "Only if...."
I lay my head down after another large drink, a few tears running down. I buried my face in my hooves, breathing deeply again. I sniffed loudly, trembling slightly.
"I'm... Sorry..." I said, before a swimming drunken darkness overcame me.
***
I woke after a long time, my head ached, my eyes surged with pain at the sight of the sun. My throat burned. My heart still ached with the figurative missing piece. I groaned in pain. My joints were sore from the cold frozen land. I could see my breath in fog all too well. Knowing what to do, I took another drink, and sat up. I wished I could lean against something, but my whole wall "house" would collapse if I leaned against it. I fell on my back, resting one of my arms across my eyes to keep from the bright sun getting in it. I grumbled beneath my breath about typical life and what I should've expected.
Painful hours of lonliness and drunkenness passed, I wasn't even sure what I was waiting for. I lay silently on the ground, accepting life as hellish as it is.
I heard rustling. I lifted my ears, expecting it to be some form of mental distortion from all the drinks. I heard a gentle knock on my "door".
I rolled to my hooves and trudged to the wooden plank. I slid it to the side. I fell forward onto Rainbow Dash's shoulder, hugging her tightly, crying tons within seconds.
"Rainbow Dash- please..... Please don't leave me..... I'm sorry... Just please...." I sobbed. Rainbow Dash didn't move at all for a long time, just letting me sob over her shoulder. She lifted a hoof and pushed my chest, shoving me off gently.
"Your boss left this in my mailbox. He heard that you're out of the hospital and wanted to give you something."
She handed me an envelope, an un-changed expression on her face.
"Please...." I said, taking the envelope. "Don't leave me like this..... Please....."
Rainbow Dash's expression remained blank. She said nothing, turned, and left.
I weakly slumped back into my house, leaving the wooden plank "open" as I collapsed into a ball, crying heavily.
***
Days passed. Pain grew. Hate grew. Lonliness grew. I lay weakly on the floor. I feel as if my time has come. I haven't eaten. I haven't had a proper drink, and now all I can do is lay here. I can feel my body slowly eating itself in a desperate attempt to survive. My head pounds with pain. My eyes feel as if they're about to explode. There's nothing I can do. If only I could see her one last time...
I love you, Rainbow Dash.