TEST 08: "WE DON'T GO TO PONYVILLE"
When I reached the train station, I found Daring Do waiting for me. She looked upset about something, more so when she noticed me.
"Where have you been? Our train's leaving in five minutes!" she scolded me.
"Sheesh, sorry, Dare," I replied, "I got turned around on Bridle Street, had to go around the library."
Daring rolled her eyes. "You'd think a guy with a portal gun could just jump here."
I scowled. "It's not that simple. I need to see the place, remember? And this town is full of tall buildings. I didn't have time to go climbing, and I didn't want a portal linking a roof and a street in case somepony stepped through it."
The pegasus sighed. "Alright, fine, I understand. Still, that's not what's bothering me. There was a land slide on the direct route I wanted to take, so we have to board another train to go around." She bit her lip, looked both ways, then stepped closer to me and spoke more quietly. "We have to go through Ponyville."
I tilted my head. "Ponyville? I think I saw that place on the map. Who came up with that name, anyway?"
Daring shrugged. "I don't know, but I've heard stories about that place, and too many similar ones for them to be mere coincidence. Even before the Nightmare Moon crisis, that place has been... strange."
"How strange?" I had to ask.
Daring actually looked genuinely nervous. "I hear most of the ponies in that town are insane. They break out into song at random, and I'm not talking a few friends singing or anything like that. I mean giant stage musical songs."
I laughed. "Right, that's funny. Tell me another one."
Her expression didn't change.
I blinked. "Wait, you're serious? What else goes on there?!"
"Rumor has it that when the spirit of chaos, Discord, broke out of his statue, he made Ponyville the chaos capital of the world. And several ponies from that town were at last year's Grand Galloping Gala, and they destroyed the place! I saw it with my own eyes!"
I put my hands on my hips. "Gee, Dare, you don't strike me as the gala type."
She scoffed. "I was only there for the free food, maybe see if I could get a contract, too. But back on topic, even more weird stuff has happened there. They've had numerous attacks from all kinds of beasts, and that's only made worse by the town being right next to the Everfree Forest, a place filled with all kinds of wild monsters. The worst part is, though, that it's impossible to keep a low profile. I've heard numerous accounts that anypony new in town has a party thrown for them, whether they're staying or not."
Now I was feeling uneasy. "They really do that? Like, for everyone?"
Daring nodded without even a hint of irony in her gesture.
I gulped. "We don't have to switch trains there, do we?"
She shook her head. "Thank Celestia, no. The line turns north towards Canterlot, but we'll be passing that by. Should take us all the way to Stalliongrad."
I heaved a sigh of relief. "Phew. Good. I've had enough weirdness for a lifetime just coming to this world."
"All aboard who's coming aboard!" the platform conductor called.
"That's our cue!" said Daring, waving a hoof at me to follow her, "Come on!"
We boarded the train and found ourselves some seats towards the back car just before the train began to build up steam and pull out of the station. I decided, more for my own sake, honestly, to change the subject.
"So, Daring? What are the crystal mountains like?" I asked.
"Cold," she replied, "So cold, in fact, that the Crystal Empire has to have a giant forcefield around it just to keep everypony from freezing to death."
"And we're just gonna go hiking through it in search of some ruins or caves or something?"
"Yup," she replied flatly.
I stared at her for a moment. "Are you from Ponyville?"
We both laughed at that.
"So what's the plan once we find these ruins?" I asked, "I take it such a valuable relic wouldn't just be lying out in the open for anypony to find, otherwise they wouldn't have waited for you to come along. Is there any information on what we might find inside?"
Daring shook her head. "This isn't the first time I've gone into a temple or a dungeon that nopony had mapped out before. But that's where the fun is: getting to be the first to see that stuff. Of course, the biggest rule of hoof is this: if you see something pretty or shiny that isn't what we're looking for, don't touch it. Odds are, it's a trap."
"I knew that," I said indignantly.
A while later, the train pulled into the aforementioned hamlet of insanity. Daring and I tensed up as a few passengers boarded the train, but from their confused and somewhat frightened expressions, I got the feeling they weren't locals. I took a peek out the window (we had our curtains down, per Daring's insistence) and saw somepony who just struck me as downright weird.
"Hey Daring?" I said, nudging her with my elbow.
"Hm?" She looked at me.
"What kind of pony looks like a black insect? Do they got bug pegasi or something?"
Daring jumped up and looked out the window. "That's a changeling! What's a changeling doing out in the open like that?!"
"Oh, that guy?" an earth stallion nearby said, "Weird story there. Apparently, that changeling lost his mind and thinks he's a pony now, or something. I heard the librarian keeps him around as some kind of pet."
Daring and I exchanged a worried glance, then sat back in our seats.
The pegasus leaned over to me and whispered, "See? I told you that place was weird."
"Mhmm." I nodded and stared ahead blankly as the train continued on.
A few hours later, I awoke from my nap and groggily looked around before standing up and stepping out onto the frozen platform. Stalliongrad wasn't exactly what I was expecting when we got there. If you've ever played Oblivion, I'd say the place looked like the city of Bruma, but a bit bigger and no wall going all the way around. It was a nice town, sure, but it was so far north that the foot of the crystal mountains were only a few minutes walk away from us. Being so close, the place was constantly being dusted by snow blowing down from the north.
I gripped my portal gun, feeling adrenaline slowly building up in me. We were so close to the place we were looking for, yet so far away. Once we got ourselves tacked up (pun intended) we would be off into the wilderness.
Stepping into the snow, I felt a chill run up my leg. Clearly, long fall boots were not intended to be used in the cold as the open front was letting the wind and ice chill right through my socks. This was gonna suck.
Daring seemed to notice my legs shaking. "We're gonna need to get you some heavy winter socks. Let's see... we'll also need a thermal tent, MREs, crank lamps, among the usual camping gear. You good at heavy lifting?"
"If we can fit it all in a crate, I can carry it with the portal gun," I said, and levitated a stone off the ground with the zero pointer to demonstrate, "My biggest concern is staying warm."
Daring looked slightly impressed. "That thing got a weight limit?"
"I dunno," I said, "Hold still." I pointed it at her and used it to lift her up. "Well, the good news is it can hold a pony's weight."
"H-hey! Put me down!" she demanded.
I chuckled and let her go. "Sorry, dare. Didn't hurt, did it?"
"No," she said, "But that felt weird. Almost like magic, but more tingly." She shivered and brushed the snow that was collecting on her back off. "Anyway, we can stock up enough if that thing can carry that much. How did it feel for you?"
"Weightless," I said, "The gun doesn't feel any heavier when I pick something up with it."
"Good," said Daring, "So we can carry some stuff on ourselves, too. Yeah, we'll definitely have enough supplies to last us a while. And from these mountains, you should easily be able to portal us out if we get lost or run out of food."
"Yeah," I said, and then something occured to me, "Hold on." I shot the ground where the snow was, and nothing appeared. Then I shot the road where the snow was thin enough to see the ground, and the blue oval showed up. "Cah-rap, I was afraid of that."
"What?" the pegasus asked.
"The beam is diffused by water. Here, the heavy snow is dense enough to short it out, too. This gun's not gonna be much good for transportation."
Daring frowned. "That sucks. Well, I've roughed it before. Be thankful we can at least carry extra stuff. But!" She held up her hoof in front of me. "Number one rule of traveling in the crystal mountains: never eat outside the tent. If a yeti smells the food, we're in deep trouble."
My eyes widened. "You have real yetis in this world? Crap. Any chance they're friendly?"
She shook her head. "They're dumb as rocks, but if they find out you have food, they'll fight you tooth and claw until they have everything you've got. You'll be lucky if they don't eat you, too."
I curiously looked at my gun. "I wonder if this thing can cause permanent blindness if you shoot someone in the face..."
Daring sighed. "No point worrying about that now. Come on, we're wasting time."
We went through a couple stores and bought what we needed. Daring picked out the camping gear and food while I got us a crate and climbing utilities. Getting equipped with everything we needed on us and loading the rest into the box, it was time to begin our trek through the mountains.
I only hoped we'd make it back in one piece, and if we got into trouble, that I'd be able to portal us out of there.