//------------------------------// // Beetles and Memories // Story: Derpy's Protector // by Sneaky //------------------------------// Before you read, just remember that when I say 'june beetle', I mean this. They're pretty big. Oh, and they hiss. So yeah, it's pretty easy to get freaked the fuck out by one. Now to the story. Derpy's Protector: Chapter V  "Weee! Sweetie, you gotta try this!"  The wind washed over Ditzy's face and blew her hair back. She stuck her head off the side of the pegasus-pulled carriage and gave a toothy grin, the wind pulling at her skin.  "Don't let any bugs fly in your mouth."  "Whath? she said, turning to face him. Stuck in her teeth were various insects, unbeknownst to her.  Hunter stared at it for a moment, then returned to his talk with Princess Celestia. "So, we're just leaving Pinkie Pie behind at Canterlot?"  Celestia stopped her wide-eyed staring at Derpy and snapped her attention back to Hunter. "Well, if 'leaving behind' truly fits the situation. As of now, she's being questioned by our guards on how she managed to break into the castle. Nine chances out of ten, though, she'll be awaiting our arrival in Ponyville."  "Uh huh," Hunter said, hoping the Princess would be wrong in her prediction. They both sat in silence for a minute, Derpy's squeals competing against the wind for who could make the most noise.  "She's quite a mare, isn't she?"  Hunter broke his gaze from the window. "What?"  "Ditzy. What do you think of her?"  "Uh... Well, she did save me."  She raised a mocking eyebrow. "So what am I supposed to assume from that bit of information?"  Hunter thought on that. "Well, I owe her a lot. I guess you could say she's a friend. A good friend, probably the only one I have here."  Celestia brought a hoof to her chin. "So. A friend."  "Yeah."  "Hm."  The two of them sat in silence for a little while longer, until Derpy got bored of sticking her head out the window and walked up to Hunter.  "Hi, Sweetie."  She gave him a smile that showed two full sets of pearly-whites.  No bugs.  "Uh... Hey, Derpy," he replied, searching for any chewing movements she made.   She sat next to him. "What are you doing?"  "Just sitting here, I guess. And you?"  Celestia watched the two with interest.  "Good."  "That wasn't the question-"  Hunter stopped when Derpy laid on her back, and rested her head on his lap. She looked up at him, waiting expectantly.  Celestia giggled.  She's getting a bit cozy with you.  Well, what are you going to do? Push her off your lap?  He sighed in defeat. Derpy saw that he was letting her stay, and snuggled into him.  Soon, Ditzy's soft snores could be heard just above the sound of the rushing wind.  "Aww," Celestia cooed. She quickly turned away when the glare she received sent goosebumps down her neck.  "We're here!"  WUMP!  The sudden stop made Derpy roll off Hunter's lap and hit the floor of the carriage.  Celestia gasped. "Are you alright?"  Derpy shook her head. "I'm okay!"  "She's a lot sturdier than she looks, trust me..."  "Are you sure? What about the foal?"  Ditzy rolled on her back, then poked her belly. A little hoof kicked the spot she touched. "Yep! Still in there!"  What.  Hunter rolled his eyes, as if this were some common antic of hers. "Come on, Derpy," he said, bringing her back to her hooves.  Celestia watched the two exit the carriage. Once they were out of earshot, she mumbled to herself, "I'll never get used to the things that happen in Ponyville..."  "HI CELLY!"  Celestia gasped when she found Pinkie Pie sitting next to her.  "Pinkie! Don't scare me like that!"  "Sorry, Celly," she said, sounding more bubbly than apologetic.  "Forgiven, Pinkie." She wiped the nervous sweat from her brow. "So, how did the questioning go?" A few hours earlier...  The interrogator sat down at the table across from his subject. "Hello, Pinkie."  "Hey Rick!"  They were quite familiar.  He put his hooves together. "How are you doing?"  "Great! How about you? Have you been exercising?"  He smiled. "No, actually, I-"  "Yeah, I didn't think so."  He groaned, popping a few pills in his mouth.  "So, Rick, have you ever thought about changing your name?"  "What?"  "Just the first letter, you know? Just to spice things up a bit."  "Pinkie-"  "Like I remember one time I went swimming in the lake. But there was a lot of algae, so-"  "Stop."  "-when I got out, I smelled! So then I started calling myself Stinky Pinkie-"  "This is completely irrelevant-"  "-but then when I told Mrs. Cake she said not to say that. I understand. I mean, who wants a Stinky Pinkie? So anyways-"  Rick slammed his head on the table.  The continuous stream of yammering stopped. "What's wrong?"  He groaned. "Just take my job. You'd be much better at it than me."  "Oh, that's what it was! I dunno, he didn't ask many questions."  Celestia groaned. "Is the Royal Psychologist paying you, Pinkie?" ----------  "So, what are we gonna do next?"  Hunter plopped down on the couch. "Well, I'm going to sleep for a little while. I need to be awake for my shift in the morning."  Derpy cocked her head. "Shift? What shift?"  "I'm going to be guarding the Princess at the Summer Sun Celebration."  Her eyes lit up. "Oh! Yeah! Can I come with you?"  "No."  She frowned. "So, I saved your life, and you're just going to-"  "I got you a hundred-thousand bits from the royal treasury. Your argument is invalid."  He rested his head on the couch pillow. The little grey pegasus placed her chin on the cushion right next to his face, and her pupils grew humongous.  "Pleeease?"  He jumped up and swore. "Fuck, that scared me. I didn't know ponies could voluntarily control their pupils."  "It's just me, actually," she corrected, rubbing her eyes. Her pupils shrank back to normal. "It kinda hurts though."  He sighed. "Listen, aren't you going to the Town Hall to see the princess and watch the sun rise?"  "Mm-hm." She was still rubbing her eyes.  "That's where I'm going, except I have to be with Celestia the whole time. We can walk there together, if you'd like. And, most likely, we're gonna see each other during the party anyways."  She thought about that for a moment, then smiled. "Okay. Thanks, Sweetie!"  "You're welcome-"  He stopped when he realized Derpy was kissing him on the cheek.  She drew back, blushing. "Whoops. Sorry." She giggled and bounded into the hallway.  Hunter sat there, dumbfounded.  Not sure how to react, he put a hand to the cheek she kissed. What the hell?  Something's squirming under my hand!  "HOLY SHIT!" he yelled, swatting a june beetle from his face. ----------  Hunter woke up, not feeling exactly 'refreshed', but still well enough to perform his duties. He checked the clock.  Four-thirty-five in the morning. About an hour until I'm supposed to meet up with Celestia.  He yawned and sat up. The house was dark, and comfortably quiet.  Quiet.  In Derpy's house.  He got up. Slightly alarmed but not in panic-mode, he went from room to room in search of Ditzy.  What if she's just sleeping?  Well, she's not in her bed.  And the only other place she would sleep is on top of you...  He heard the click of a door unlocking, and rushed into the living room.  Derpy walked through the front door, a lampshade on her head.  "You're awake! Hi, Sweetie!" She waved at him.  All that worrying...  Worrying? I wasn't worried.  "Where have you been?"  Derpy lifted the lampshade high enough so she could see. "Well, Pinkie stopped by and told me about this party going on at the library. So guess where I've been for the past four hours!"  He scowled. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"  Derpy frowned upon hearing this. "Sweetie, I'm a grown mare. I don't need to check in with you everywhere I go."  She's right, you know.  Guess you forgot about that...  He sighed, barely choking out the words. "Sorry, Derpy."  She smiled, and gave him a hug around the waist. "It's okay. You were just worried about me, right?"  "I wasn't-"  You were.  She let go of the hug, grinning up at him. Her expression radiated warmness.  Not paying attention, the lampshade fell back over her eyes. She squeaked, then giggled.  "Sweetie, I'm feeling light-headed!"  "Haha. Funny."  She began to wobble. "No, really, I'm getting dizzy."  She almost fell, but Hunter caught her and pulled the lampshade off her head. He then carried her over to the couch, and set her down where he had previously been sleeping.  "Thanks, Sweetie," she said, eyes spinning.  "No problem. You need some rest?"  "And some Tummies®. I think I had too much hot sauce..."  He got up to go to the kitchen. He thought he'd seen some medicine in the kitchen cabinet earlier...  He stopped. Something caught his eye.  It was the fridge. He turned, and approached it.  It was slightly smaller than the human-sized ones on Earth, but it reminded him of the one he had in his own home.  It was absolutely covered in pictures.  But while his was covered mostly in his daughter's drawings and various Christmas cards, this was stocked with photos. Photos that he thought would normally be placed in frames.  He looked at one. There Derpy was, a wing draped around a pink unicorn. They both looked young, maybe in their late teens if Hunter was any judge on the looks of ponies.  His eyes shifted to another photo. There she was again, holding an infant pony. Foals, he thought they were called. She looked much younger, not much more than a foal herself. The next photo over, she was kissing it on the forehead.  His gaze set on another picture. It looked like a small family photo. Her father, a grey pegasus much like Derpy but with blue eyes, sat on the left of whom Hunter guessed was her mother. Even with the little time he had spent here, Hunter knew she was probably considered attractive; her coat was a striking white, and her mane was dark blue with a lighter shade of the same color running down in a streak. In the same photo, Derpy was with the pink unicorn again. They had their forelegs draped around each other, and they both shared that same wide-mouthed grin.  "I thought you were looking for the Tummies."  Hunter jerked his head around to the voice. It was Derpy's; she stood in the entrance, one eye watching Hunter inquisitively and the other pointing towards the ceiling.  He stood awkwardly. "Oh, yeah. Sorry."  "It's okay." She paused. "Those pictures are something to look at, aren't they?"  He looked back to the fridge. "Yeah."  She walked over, and sat down beside him. She gestured for him to sit too.  The two sat in front of the fridge, looking at Derpy's photos.  "That one's one of my favorites," Derpy said, pointing to a picture of her and the pink unicorn eating cotton candy. "It was my fifteenth birthday. My sister and I went to the carnival in Manehattan."  What a terrible pun.  "Is that where you grew up?"  She shook her head. "We grew up in Trottingham. It's a town on the other side of Canterlot, a lot like this one. Small. Friendly."  "I see," Hunter said, nodding.  "There's my family right there." She pointed to the picture he had been looking at when she came in. "My dad's the grey pegasus, and my mom's the white unicorn. You can guess who the pink unicorn is."  "Right."  She sighed. "Sometimes, I miss them."  It came out before Hunter could stop it. "What happened?"  Derpy sniffled. "I ran away."  Why? Hunter thought, but didn't say it.  She stared at the ground. Apparently, she didn't need any further prodding. "Everypony in my family is smart. My dad, my mom, even my little sister is smart. I'm the stupid one."  "Come on, you're not stupid."  "Then tell me this. If I'm not stupid, why did I go out on my twenty-first birthday, get drunk, and have sex? My parents always told me not to do both those things, but I can't even listen to something smart."  Hunter was stunned. He really couldn't imagine Derpy doing any of that. Yet, here they were.  "It would be fun, they said." She was becoming visibly angry. "It sure was fun, going to the doctor a few months later and finding out you're bucking pregnant!"  Hunter was stock still. It was like one of those times when two people get into a screaming match, and you're stuck awkwardly in the middle. You don't open your mouth, not even twitch, lest you make a wrong move.  Tears fell freely from her eyes. "I was so ashamed. I didn't want to go back and tell them what I did. Of all the dumb things I'd ever done, that topped the cake. So I snuck in the house while no one was home, took some of my things, and boarded the next train to anywhere but there."  She put her face in her hooves. There was a puddle on the ground underneath her now, and her mane was become wet in the salty mixture.  "They all hate me now. I know they do."  Hesitatingly, Hunter began to stroke her mane. He spoke softly in her ear, "They don't hate you, Derpy. If you went back, right now, I'm sure they would be happy to see you."  She didn't stop crying, but looked at him out of the corner of her eye.  He continued. "No matter how stu- No matter what mistakes you make, they'll always love you. I have a daughter, and I'll tell you, there is no way in hell I could even think of hating her. In fact, I miss her a lot right now. I'm sure your family feels the same way."  She took her face out of her hooves, and looked up at him. The remnants of tears still stained her cheeks, but her eyes seemed full of hope.  "Fuck, please?" she asked, holding out her hooves.  Hunter looked confused for a moment. She didn't even wait for his his permission; she embraced him, taking him in a bone-crushing hug and burying her face into his chest.  A few minutes later, he placed her in bed. She had worn herself out from all the crying, and ended up falling asleep in his arms.  As he walked out the door, Hunter looked back. The blankets rose and fell in time with her snoring.  He couldn't help but chuckle.  When I leave here, she might be the one thing I miss about this place. ----------  At exactly five-twenty-three, Hunter gently shook Ditzy awake.  Something he learned at that moment; never wake a pregnant Derpy within kicking distance.  Hunter cursed as he received a swift kick to the thigh, effectively knocking him to the ground.  "Oh! I'm so sorry!" Derpy gasped, immediately waking up, "I do that sometimes. It's been happening ever since the pregnancy, I don't know why!"  "It's... fine..." Hunter grunted, holding his thigh.  Derpy made her way off the bed. "Are you sure you don't want some ice, or-" Her foreleg buckled, and she hit the ground with an oomph!  Hunter chuckled. "I'm fine, but if you can't even make it out of bed, I don't think you should go..."  "Oh yeah, barbecue legs?"  He burst into laughter. After wiping the tears from his eyes, he corrected her. "Celestia healed that for me, you know."  "I know," Derpy said, grinning with him.  "...but yeah, some ice might help."  "Right. I'll go get some." ---------  Minutes later, they were out the door.  The air was brisk. Rays of light shone from over the horizon, hinting at the coming sun. Minuscule stars sparkled in the dark morning sky, contrasting the twilight in the east.  "Don't you just love the smell of grass in the morning?" Derpy asked, taking in a long, meaningful sniff.  Hunter seemingly ignored her question. "Hey, weren't you supposed to go to work yesterday?"  "Nope."  He cocked his head. "Then why did you make such a big deal about waking up on time?"  She continued to daintily prance about. "I forgot that it was a holiday. Don't think I'm completely stupid, Sweetie," she chided.  "Just thought you forgot is all."  Suddenly, the air was electrified. The murmuring of an excited crowd could be heard in the distance.  "We're here!" Derpy exclaimed excitedly, pointing at the town hall.  "Good. Now, this way, Derpy."  She stopped, confused. "But the entrance is that way."  Hunter smiled. "Not for authorized personnel."  She smiled, following him. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds good!"  He led her to the back door of the building, and rapped quickly.  A slot in the door opened. Hunter assumed it was eye-level to a pony, but in reality, it was no higher than his waistline. Two eyes stared at his crotch for a moment, confused, until Hunter coughed.  The eyes looked up, and studied him. Then, a gruff voice, "Passcode?"  Hunter sighed. "Solar cake." The purpose for that choice of code eluded him.  The slot closed. For a few seconds, they waited.  Then, the door opened. Hunter stepped aside, gesturing to the entrance. "Mares first."  Derpy giggled and walked inside. Hunter followed after her.  The guard manning the door rolled his eyes as he watched them turn the corner. Closing the door, he muttered, "I see some weird shit in this town..."  Another rapping at the door. The guard sighed.  Patience. That's what these ponies need to learn...  He slid open the slot and peered outside. "Passcode?"  Nopony was out there. He frowned.  "What the hell-"  All of a sudden, a blue mist filled his vision and caused his eyes to sting horribly. He was about to scream, but it came in through the slot and covered his mouth.  A few minutes later, the blue mist passed by. The guard was on the ground, out cold.