//------------------------------//
// Equestria's 
// Story: W.O.N.D.E.R.B.O.L.T.S 
// by FlutterShay 
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	“So Miss Hooves, can you tell us about your encounter?”
“Yeah. I guess I can.” The grey mare said. She then proceeded to sit there, staring at either the floor or the ceiling. It’s kinda hard to tell.
Rapidfire followed up on his first question. “So could you tell us about it now?”
“Oh! Sure!” Derpy said, training one of her eyes upon the ponies in the room, the other still looking at the floor. “So, I was at home late at night a couple of weeks ago, when I got REALLY hungry! Y’know, when you’re so starving that your tummy starts grumbling? It was all like, GRAAHRBLEGRRUMMMMBLEEERRRUUUHHH, and so I went to the kitchen! And I knew what I wanted! I wanted a muffin! But when I got there, there weren’t any. Not. One.”
The look on Rapidfire’s face showed that he wasn’t particularly enjoying this.
“So I started thinking, and I finally remembered that I had left all my muffins at the park! You see, I had been eating them at the park with my daughter, Dinky. She’s the cutest little thing! She couldn’t stop eating the chocolate-cherry muffins. They’re her favorite! Of course, I love the blueberry muffins myself. But banana muffins aren’t that bad either. There are lots of different muffins! Lemon poppyseed muffins, sweet potato muffins, bran muffins for the old ponies, hay, I even tried a strawberry artichoke muffin once…”
“COULD YOU GET TO THE POINT!?” Rapidfire shouted. Derpy remained unfazed.
“Oh, sorry! I get off track a lot, don’t I? Anyway, I flew all the way to the park, and I only crashed into five trees! It was really dark out. So I got to the park, and the muffins were still sitting there in my picnic basket. I was going to just fly home after getting them, but it was a really pretty night, and Dinky was already in bed, so I figured What’s the rush? I sat down and started eating my muffins.”
“I had only eaten a few of them, when these three ponies walked right out of the bushes. They saw me and came over to where I was. They had these flight suits on, and they looked kinda scary, but my mama always told me to be kind to strangers! So I offered them some muffins. They declined, but then they’re all like ‘Hey there. Want to come with us?’ And I’m like ‘No thanks!’ And they’re like ‘You WILL come with us or else.’ And so I asked ‘Or else what?’ And they said ‘Or you’ll regret it.’ So I’m like ‘Regret what?’ And they’re like ‘Coming with us’ and they’re starting to look like real grumps, in my eyes.”
Rapidfire looked like he was considering the idea of throttling her.
“So I say ‘And what if I don’t want to go with you?’ And they say ‘Then you’ll regret it.’ Then I’m like ‘regret what?’ And then they looked REEEAALLLYYYY annoyed for some reason, and they said that I was going with them whether I wanted to or not. And then one of them sprang at me and started trying to hit me.” The blonde maned pegasus shuddered at the memory. “I fought back by hitting him with my picnic basket. Muffins flew everywhere! But that bought me enough time to escape. So I ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and eventually I got back to Ponyville! So I started running around, warning ponies about evil attackers on the park. I got the WHOLE town to follow me to the park, but they weren’t there!” She wasn’t kidding about that part. Rainbow Dash remembered having to get up around 3 AM to find these ‘evil meanies’ as Derpy had put it. “Everypony forgave me for it, and everything went as normal. But then, a couple of days ago, I got a call from these official ponies who wanted to see me! They said they’d pick me up the very next day, so I dropped Dinky off at her aunt’s house in Manehattan, and you guys picked me up, and here I am!” Derpy struck a triumphant pose as she finished.
Everyone else in the room breathed a sigh of relief at the prospect of the story being over. “Thank you, Miss Hooves.” Rapidfire said. “That was very…informative.”

“Glad I could help!” Derpy beamed. “May I go back to my room? I had been working on a VERY important project right before I came over here!”
The chief Wonderbolt knew for a fact that the mare had been staring at a wall with great interest when she had been summoned over to the conference room, but he dismissed her anyway. “Yes, you may go back to your room. And I assure you that you will be back to Ponyville once this threat has been neutralized. Until then, you are our prime source of info and most likely a target for the Shadowbolts.”
Derpy Hooves had apparently caught only the first few words of that, as she bounded out the door, only to return a minute or so later, asking where her room was. Fleetfoot sighed. “Sector B, right?” Rapidfire nodded. She sighed. “I’ll take her to her quarters.”

The last thing they heard before the two mares walked out of earshot was Derpy babbling on and on about quarters. “I have quarters? I didn’t know I was going to get paid for this! How many quarters do I get? Two? Three? FIVE!?”
Rapidfire sighed. “I don’t think that even the Shadowbolts’ seem so bad after the pain I just went through listening to her.”
Rainbow Dash smiled. If only they knew that she had to deal with her almost every day. She would probably seem like the bravest pony ever, in Rapidfire’s eyes. But he probably wouldn’t be able to hear her anyway, given that he was now slamming his head repeatedly against the table.