//------------------------------// // He said it! He actually said it! // Story: Me, my non-brony friend and thebaglady74 go to Equestria. // by Shadowstalker //------------------------------// Now, we were all standing in a field. Isiaih was still annoyed by the fact he existed there and the fact that ponies existed, Gandalf was busy imitating him. And he was doing a bang-up job at it too. "This is awesome!" I said, skating around with soap. "This is better than sliding around on socks! But, it's still soap." I grimaced. "So, Isiaih," Twilight said. "You said something about Halo 4, what is that?" He gave a glare at her, stood up told her to go away and sat down, back to her. Fucker, no one disrespects ponies with me nearby. I snapped my paw, which has been identified as a black bears paw, and watched as a miniature thunderclap burst into existence next to him. He jumped, rubbing his ear. He already knew it was me because I did show him I could do it. Lucky I didn't set him on fire. "So, who do you think this guest is?" Twilight asked me. "I think Spike has the right idea." Twilight looked back at Spike as he tugged her tail, eyes mere pin pricks as he babbled on. "Maybe he has a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail!" "Yeah right, that's Discord." She rolled her eyes. 'Fuck to the yes! Hurry up and bring in the statue dammit!' I thought, rubbing my paw and flipper together. I was sure I could taste blood from biting my bottom lip. "Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would Princess Celestia bring along someone like that?" Rarity asked. "M-Maybe you should ask," he then pointed an index claw at the approaching alicorn and my chaotic idol. "Her!" First she came down, and next Discord. Weird, feels like there's some kind of weird electricity in the air. I hope I don't shock myself with lighting again. Twilight calmly walked up to her mentor, I handed Gandalf and Isiaih some ear plugs. "With all do respect Princess Celestia," she spoke. "How could you bring Discord Here!?" She coughed into her hoof before bowing. "Your majesty..." "I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here, he created serious havoc." "Alright, who's this supposed to be?" Isiaih asked. "I could ask the same." She said. They both walked up to each other, staring silently. "Isiaih," I said. "Could you not piss off the immortal sun goddess that can easily drop a hale storm of solar heat on us." "There's no way she's immortal." He said. "No, I'm not buying it. Leave me out of anything that has to do with this. I'm just going back to sit on my patch of grass, silently thinking of ways to kill you." "Really?" I asked. "What are you at now?" "Cutting you in half, submerging the living half in acid and then burning the bottom half." He said before going to sit down. "As I was saying," Celestia began. "Yes, I understand; but I have use for Discord's magic if it can be reformed to serve good instead of evil. This is why I brought Discord here, because I believe that you are the ponies who can do just that." "Are you high sun butt?" Gandalf said. The princess stared at him, ever other pony stared intently at him, mouths open. Even the guards looked like they were going to pass out. Me... Well I was on the ground, laughing my ass off. Literally, it was like a scene from The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy; where Billy, 'studied' his butt off. "The last time he was here, he fucked everyone's day up, he screwed with the weather and he even corrupted you subjects!" Gandalf said. "The hell is wrong with you? I mean seriously, even you couldn't beat him without the Elements, I still remember when that overgrown cockroach kicked you ass at the wedding. With one blast!" "It would be wise to-" she began. Fuck it, no one threatens Gandalf. Besides, Luna is best princess anyway. "Tsk Tsk, Celestia." I said, shaking my head. "You should heed his warning, as cross as it may have been. But he spoke the truth, you cannot deny that. And he just hates ponies." "Your damn right I do!" "Your not helping Gandalf!" I yelled. "Please, continue." "This will never work!" Spike said. "This is a disaster! How will we ever control him!? Were doomed!" "Need I remind you, that you are the ponies who turned him back into stone like this in the first place?" Celestia said. "Yeah," Gandalf said. "You think he's going to feel a little bit wise about the whole Element's of Harmony thing." "I suppose we could just use the Element's of Harmony against him if things get out of hoof." Twilight said. "Well, we probably need a volunteer to run away to get them? I'll do it!" Spike said, attempting to make a break for it. "No need Spike," Celestia said. "I have them right here." She said, as two Solar guards put down the unnoticed chest. "Are they actually in the box this time?" Gandalf asked. "Quiet!" I said. "Wait... How did Twilight get them if... And then how did you... How are you all swapping them!" I yelled. "First they tried to use them on me, and now you show up with them! What's going on!?" "Magic!" Pinkie said. "That and I made replicas with the exact energy signature, I hide them in trees. They're for 'incase of Discord escaping and ruining everything again' emergencies." "That's really specific." Isiaih said. "So, what do they do?" "Do you want the long, or short version?" I asked. "Short." "They shoot out a rainbow that can either banish you, turn you into another state of matter and who else knows what. Basically, it may look girly but it's not something you want to stand in front of." "Still, a rainbow?" He said. "And when I thought it couldn't get any worse." "Lighten up, atleast we didn't land in the Everfree. Otherwise we could have our entrails being eaten by TImberwolves, or a hydra or even turned to stone by a cockatrice." He merely raised an eyebrow as we watched the princess leave. "Ok ponies, guess it's time to get started." Twilight said levitating the elements over. As they charged them up, me and the others we're stepping back. "What are they doing?" Isiaih asked. "Releasing him..." I said, eyes glazing over. The three of us watched, me in wonder, Isiaih in curiosity and Gandalf was bored. Why am I the only one excited dammit!? The stone started to crack, bright light coming out from them, and in one flash, Discord was free. He stretched, yawned and looked bored while leaning down to Twilight. "Well, it's about time somepony got me out from that prison block." He said. "It's really him!" I said. "It's really Discord! I can't believe it!" I yelled. "And who are..." He turned around before his mouth fell open. "You?" "I'm Matthew and a big fan of your work!" I said, shaking his paw. "Matthew!" Pinkie yelled. "I thought you were on our side!?" "I don't take sides," I said. "You'll find me to be the kind of person who helps if they feel like it. And besides, he already shocked me when I shook his... Paw..." Now, me and Discord just stared at each other, our eyes glazed over. We stood there, our paws beginning to glow. His was a dim yellow while mine was a deep crimson. I felt my lips peeled back as my paw started to tingle, his lips pulled back, exposing numerous sharp teeth. I struck forward at the same time he did, we both flew back with a blast of energy. I got up and hunkered down on all fours, I quickly ran over to him, growling and snarling. We both circled each other, occasionally snapping at each other for a reaction. We both straightened out and stared at each other, his eyes looked different. They were a crimson instead of yellow and his red pupils were now the yellow. I wonder what mine look like? We both lunged, and before we could collide, all I saw was a wall of confetti. We both slid across the dirt, groaning in pain. Thankfully, when I opened my eyes, my vision was the same. "What happened?" I asked, rubbing my head. When I looked down in my lap, I saw Pinkie wearing a thin nurse outfit with a medical bag in her mouth. 'No. I refuse to play doctor or be your patient.' I thought. "Fine, you can atleast put a bandage on the cut at the end of my snout." I said, rolling my eyes as she literally, slapped one on. 'The fuck! That hurt just as bad as... Whatever the hell you shot me with!' "Discord, Matthew!" Twilight said, running up. "What happened to you two? First you were buddy, buddy and then you tried to kill each other!" "We did?" Discord asked. "Weird... I've never felt like that before." "What did you feel?" Fluttershy asked. "I felt like..." "You were the most pissed off you've ever been?" I finished. "Yeah, if that means angry. Then yes." He then got up and popped his back, in mid-pop he snapped his tail fluff. "Oopsie." He smiled. "Ok, would you mind telling us what we we're just shot with?" I asked, getting up. "I already have an idea it was Pinkie. I saw a bunch of colored pieces of paper go past me when it hit." "That's because she hit yall with her party canon." Applejack said. "Surprised yall are even standing... Or uh, in Discord's case, flying." I looked up and saw Discord currently lounging in the air. He looked down and grinned, hitting me with a rubber duck. I picked it up, looking at it. "Why did you hit me with a rubber duck?" I asked. "Why not?" He shrugged coming down. "And why is it you think you ponies can reform me?" He said. "And that your putting your faith in this one here." He said, leaning down to Fluttershy and making his eye bug out of a magnifying glass. He disappeared and reappeared next to her, dressed as an elderly lady. "it makes me want to pinch your little horsey cheeks." "How did you know about that!?" Twilight asked. "Being turned to stone, doesn't keep me from hearing every word Celestia says." He said flatly. "Although, I admit, it make rolling my eyes a challenge." He popped out his eyes and threw them on the ground. They landed in two holes and he reappeared from the ground itself. "But you were tuned to stone!" Gandalf said. "Your weren't covered in stone, you were stone. They'd have to drill holes in your ears for you to hear anything. But even then, all they'd find is stone dust!" Discord merely rolled his eyes, blew a raspberry and turned back to me. I averted my eyes quickly before snapping my flipper. I then put on my new pair of shades, I even got a leather jacket to go with it. "So, your a fan huh?" He asked. "What was Pinkies favorite-" "Cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk." I replied. "You also made the rabbits grow longer legs, corrupted the mane six, messed with the sun and moon and made the apples huge!" "I'm impressed." He nodded. "You really are a fan. So," he turned to Isiaih. "What are you supposed to be? Some monkey with mange?" "I'm a human, and the one who'll knock that one tooth out of your mouth in a second." Isiaih threatened. I face-pawed. 'Doesn't he realize he's talking to the literal god of chaos? The guy who can do anything with a snap of his talon on paw.' I thought. "Isiaih, while Discord gets suited for a place to live, we need to talk. And It's not optional." He gave a grunt in response. "Stay?" Discord said. "But what about everything I could be doing right now?" He pouted. "Yeah!" Pinkie said. "Don't you do anything funny, but I'm talking about the funny that's not actually funny but mean!" "You wouldn't dare turn me back to stone, and risk upsetting your precious princess!" He said, scoffing the last two words. "Try it! Dipcord." Rainbow said. 'That was just bad.' I thought. 'Dipcord? Really?' "You think you can treat poor, defenseless animals like that and get away with it?" Fluttershy said, raising her voice slightly. "You'd better watch your stuff buster, or else I'll give you... The stare!" She threatened. "Oh no!" He fake panicked. "Please! Anything but your disapproving eyeballs!" Even Isiaih snickered, but he caught himself and kept being bored. "Quite trying to be threatening! Your too cute to be anything else." Gandalf pointed out. And then, I felt like a pair of scissors were pushing into my head. She was giving Discord The stare and now he was gripping his throat, bending every-which-way and that. Now he had calmed down, his eyes swirling with white and red. "Stop... I cant take it anymore..." He said. "I'll do anything you say, because..." He was saying. 'Anything huh?' I thought in Pinkies voice. Wait... I look over at Pinkie and she has a hoof to her chin, looking at nothing. 'Oh no.. Hey, my voice is back and I have an echo! Echo!' And now I'm listening to my own thoughts. And then Discord broke out into laughter, Fluttershy confused as hell and the others still glaring. Well, except for me who is also laughing, Isiaih paying mild interest and Gandalf who atleast has some idea of what's going on. "Well, it looks like I know where I'll be crashing while I'm being," He leaned down to Twilight, making quotations with his fingers. "Reformed." He said mockingly. And now he's giving Fluttershy a noogie. "With you Fluttershy." He laughed. "Oh dear..." She said. 'Hell yes!' I thought. 'Stupid ponies.' Gandalf and Isiaih thought.