//------------------------------//
// TEST 05: "THE COURTESY CALL" 
// Story: An Experiment 
// by Kelvin Shadewing 
//------------------------------//


TEST 05: "THE COURTESY CALL"




An alarm clock went off next to me. I reached over, hit the snooze button, and groggily raised my head from my pillow. For a moment, I thought I was in my own room back home, but I quickly snapped out of that delusion upon noticing the fine and anything-but-plain furnishings around me.

I had fallen asleep the day before without even realizing it, and that meant I also slept through dinner. I felt like a jackass for skipping a meal, and wondered if either of my new pony friends thought less of me for it. Judging by the warm greeting I received that morning, I was wrong.

"Good morning, Ash," Alfredo said cheerfully, "I trust you slept well?"

"Uh-huh," I said, brushing my fingers through my hair, "What time is it?"

"About half passed eight," the unicorn replied, "I didn't know what humans eat, so I took the liberty of preparing a conventional Equestrian breakfast for you." He levitated a small platter under a silver dome and placed it on the side table. "Miss Do would like to know what your plans are for today."

"I dunno," I said, "I guess look around town and see if I can get myself a job."

"I can assure you, that won't be necessary," Alfredo said in a friendly but firm tone, "Miss Do and I have already discussed the events that preceded your arrival here, and what arrangements are to be made. You'll stay here as long as you like, and I will provide for anything you require, within reason, that is."

"Darn," I said, "I was hoping you'd give me the house." I giggled slightly.

Alfredo had a more reserved way of sharing the humor. "I might add that Miss Do is interested in having you accompany her on her next adventure."

"She wants me to tag along?" I asked incredulously, "Even after the disaster last time?"

Alfredo nodded. "Yes. She thinks you'll come in handy. I'm just glad she'll have somepony watching out for her while she's gone."

"Yeah." I stood up and looked myself over. "Uh, probably a dumb question, but you wouldn't happen to have any clothes for bipeds, would you?"

"I might be able to find something you can fit in," Alfredo said, inspecting my jump suit, "Is that some kind of work uniform you're wearing?"

"Ah, no, not really," I told him, "These are, um... testing clothes. For science."

"I see. And do humans wear clothes all the time?"

I nodded. "Yeah, see, we have very different anatomy than ponies."

"That goes without saying."

I chuckled. "Uh-huh. Well, our, um... well, let's just say, it's a better idea for us to not go around naked. Trust me, it's better for everyone."

Alfredo humphed. "I understand completely. I assume you'll want something casual that allows for mobility?"

"You read my mind," I said with a grin.

"Very well, I'll get on that," he said, "In the mean time, you'll just have to continue wearing that cologne and hope it sticks."

"Cologne?" I head tilted.

"The scent you're wearing," said Alfredo.

I sniffed myself. I smelled like an ordinary sweaty human. "I'm not wearing any cologne."

Alfredo stepped forward and gave me a sniff. "You mean to say that's your natural scent?"

I blushed a little. "Uh, yeah, you could say that."

The butler scoffed. "Well, sir, you are going to be very popular with the mares." He grinned and walked out.

I stared ahead blankly. Human sweat was a pleasant smell to ponies? Huh. Guess that meant I never needed to wear deodorant again. Smiling to myself, I sat on the bed, put the platter in my lap, and removed the lid to see what was for breakfast.

What I got was a vegetarian omelet, a side of oatmeal, orange juice in a bottle, and a slice of toast. The omelet had vegetables and chunks of tofu in it. Maybe it was just the airline food, but for vegetarian cooking, this stuff was excellent.

As I chewed on my eggs, I remembered an old song from my childhood, and started to sing it quietly to myself.

When I wake up, first thing I do,
Eggs,
Is to look around for something to chew,
Eggs-actly!

Feeding myself is very, very tricky,
Because, you see, I'm ridiculously picky!
Eggs!

Finishing breakfast, I brought the platter downstairs with me and took it into the kitchen and put it in the sink.

"Oh, you didn't need to do that," Alfredo had told me, "I was going to fetch it from your room after you were done."

I told him I was used to doing it myself, having lived alone, but he wouldn't allow me to wash my own dishes, so instead I went up and took a shower. After that, I went back down (jumping off the stair case to the first floor) and met with Daring Do in the gym.

"About time you rejoined the land of the living," Daring jabbed  as she swung by her forehooves on a pair of rings hanging from the ceiling.

"Huh?" I said dumbly, "Oh, yeah, uh, I... had jet lag."

"Ah, that's alright," said Daring, "I used to get it all the time. You're obviously a tender hoof when it comes to traveling." She shot a grin down at me. "I'm hoping we can fix that soon."

I smirked back. "Is that a challenge, little pony?"

Daring snickered and dropped to the ground. "So, wanna get some training in with me?"

"Um, actually, I was thinking about going out and seeing more of the town," I said, "I figure if I'm gonna be living her a while, I should familiarize myself with the place." I was being honest in my intentions, but not my motives. I still felt bad for laughing at Daring for her resemblance to Bruce Wayne, and to be honest, I also needed some time alone to clear my head. I might have been good at pretending nothing was bothering me, but that was just my coping mechanism. Sooner or later, I'd break down if I didn't walk it off.

"Oh," the pegasus said somewhat dejectedly, "That's cool, I guess. Think you'll be gone long?"

I shook my head. "Nah. If I do take too long, I can get back in an instant."

Daring glanced at my portal gun and smiled. "Right, of course you can. Well then, have fun out there."

I waved at her as I headed for the door. "You too. See ya in a few."





Baltimare had everything I'd come to expect from it, given my first impression when I flew over it, but at the same time, it had things I hadn't expected at all. There were busy streets and markets with hundreds of ponies going about their daily business. In place of cars, there were ponies pulling carts, some of them even having pony passengers in them. Despite them obviously being a taxi service, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of a horse-drawn buggy giving rides to a horse.

What really surprised me was that even though almost everyone here was some variation of equine, there were other creatures I never expected to get along with them. I saw at least three gryphons, one minotaur, and a pair of bipedal dogs walking through town like nothing was out of the ordinary. It was no wonder the ponies weren't staring at me; they were already well aware of bipeds, and clearly had no problem getting along with them.

My sight seeing tour was cut short by the sound of somepony calling out to me.

"Excuse me! Tall sir!"

I looked over and saw a light blue mare with a curly darker blue mane waving at me.

"Yes?" I asked as I approached her.

"I'm very sorry to ask this, but are you, by any chance, a good climber?" She sounded worried, so I figured she had a good reason for asking.

"Yeah, sure," I answered, "Why?"

She rubbed her forehead. "Ugh, this is so embarrassing. My boyfriend and I had a fight, and then we broke up just now. He grabbed my purse and flew up there with it." She pointed to the top of the building beside her. "Then he left it up there and told me to get it myself. But I'm just an earth pony! I can't fly!"

I took a look at the wall. The windows were spaced too far apart for me to use them as handholds, and the drain pipe looked a little too precarious; there was no way I could climb this thing. But on the other hand, maybe I didn't need to climb.

"I have an idea, ma'am," I said, "But I'll need you to stand back."

"Oh, um, OK." The pony nervously stepped out of the way.

I held up my portal gun and took aim. Flinging myself onto a roof would be impossible unless I found a higher point than this, so I selected a taller building across the street and put my orange portal on it, then put the blue one on the wall beside me.

The blue mare gasped and looked on with piqued curiousity.

"Stand back," I warned again, and stood in the portal, looking down at the street that was now several stories below me. I waited for the street below me to be clear, then put my blue portal on the ground under me.

The way the portal push mechanic worked depended on the center of gravity of the object intersecting the portal. If the portal closed, you were pushed out to the side you were most on, while if one was moved, the part of you that didn't have its center of gravity in it would move with it, provided that one was moving. If the one your center was on moved, you'd be ejected from the portal.

What I had done caused my back to be on the ground now, and gravity was now pushing me forward. I shot my orange portal back where I started on the ground as soon as I was clear, and fell down into the blue one, launching myself up into the sky. Using the boots to steer my fall, I landed on the roof and hit the reset button.

The mare's purse was hanging on an air vent. It was dirty, but intact. I grabbed it and leapt off the roof, doing a somersault before landing safely on my feet. I handed the purse back to the mare, who was estatic.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!" She grabbed it and put it over her shoulder. "Oh, you are so wonderful, I could kiss you!"

I couldn't help but blush. "Heh, it was nothing, ma'am."

"It was everything to me!" Without warning, she reared up and pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you so, so much!"

I stood silently, not sure how to react to the sudden affection. Was this normal for ponies, or was she just really friendly?

The mare suddenly let go of me and, somehow, blushed through her coat. "Oh, I'm sorry. How rude of me! I'm Blueberry Turnover." She held up a hoof to me.

I shook it. "Ash Pod."

She smiled and nodded. "Again, thank you. I'll be sure and tell my friends about you!"

I chuckled. "Ah, that's alright. Really, I had fun doing it."

Blueberry giggled. "Well, still, it means a lot fo me. By the way, are you new in town?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm staying with a friend of mine for now."

"OK," Blueberry said, "Hope I get to see you again sometime. Take care."

"You too." I watched her leave and then looked up at the sun. It was well into the afternoon now. Had I really been walking around that long?

"I should probably head back," I said to no one in particular, "I wonder what Daring's been up to all day?"