//------------------------------// // Technicolored Ponies from outer space... Or not // Story: The Misadventures of Dovahkiin // by GhostofSandwich //------------------------------// A flash of light appeared in the middle of the peaceful town of Ponyville, where the mayor was busy buying alcohol from some fillies nearby. Ponies began to gather around to see what the problem was, although most feared that they were about to have another problem on their hands. If only they knew... Dovahkiin went flying through what seemed liked a very bright tunnel. At the end of it, he expected one of his many afterlives to be waiting for him. Unfortunately for him, there was something much, much worse in store for him. Withing moments, he felt himself flying through the air, followed by landing on something soft. "MY RIBS!" He looked down at the thing he had landed on. "Did that horse just talk?! No matter, where am I?" He stood off of the pony, whose ribs were crushed into a fine powder. After all, Dovahkiin hadn't exactly shied away from the sweet-rolls. He started to walk away from the pony gasping for breath as he saw a bunch of small horses staring at him. "H-Hello there?" He blinked twice at the purple horse that was talking to him. And did it have a horn? He'd heard of unicorns, but didn't believe them to be real. "OH CELESTIA WHY IS NOPONY HELPING ME!" Completely ignoring the screams of pain behind him, he neared the purple unicorn and began examining it. It was quite obviously a mare, but didn't look very good to ride. None of the horses around did, since most were only half his size. "Strange talking horses, which one of you is capable of being ridden?" Almost all of the ponies surrounding the Dovahkiin had the same expression of horror. Did that strange creature actually intend to ride one of them? "Not talking eh? Alright, guess you look strong enough." He neared the purple pony and sat on top of the poor pony, despite her protests. The moment he applied pressure, he heard a slight snapping noise, followed by the pony screaming her lungs out. "Whoops, guess you weren't strong enough." "Umm, if you don't mind... Could you maybe stop crushing my friends? If, you know, that's alright with you..." He turned around to see another small horse, this one yellow with a pink mane. "Alright, who taught you to talk? What afterlife is this?" "Afterlife? What the buck are you talking about?!" He looked slightly to the left to the pony that had just stood by the yellow one, this one orange with a yellow mane. She spoke with a accent he had never heard before. "A spell of mine overcharged back on my world while I was battling a foe in a battle so epic that songs would be sung about it! The resulting explosion killed me I assume. So is this not one of the afterlives?" "No, and you just crushed two of my friends." He looked back to the one he had landed on upon entering this strange world, who had since passed out from the pain. The other one was still screaming bloody murder. "I apologize. But to be fair, you all are terrible steeds. Back on my world, my horse took on a dragon." "DON'T HELP ME OR ANYTHING!" Dovahkiin sighed and turned around the the pony with the possibly broken spinal cord. He walked over to her and charged his healing hands spell and touched the broken unicorn on the back, healing her quite immediately. "There you go, strange talking unicorn." "NEVER, sit on me again." She stood and shook herself off. Even though she was rather pissed, her nerdiness took over, and she immediately began to examine the strange creature. "What are you anyways?! Oh this is amazing! I knew there were more universes. Maybe this also proves my multi-verse theory...?" "Okay, it's quite obvious I'm not dead. Which brings up the question of where the actual hell I am." He looked around at the many ponies who surrounded him expecting a answer. "You're in Equestria. Welcome by the way. And um, if you don't mind... You forgot Blossom over there." "Oh, yeah." He laughed sheepishly and walked over to the Blossom, whose ribs were probably nothing but finely ground bone meal. Fortunately, she was still alive, so Dovahkiin was able to heal her before she died. When she awoke, she wasn't pleased to say the least. And by that, I mean she bucked him in the groin. "Dick." With a scoff, she walked away, leaving the Dovahkiin lying on the ground holding his groin. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt." Dovahkiin wasn't sure which one said it, considering he had tears in his eyes. A moment later, he stood and began talking again, albeit with a much higher pitched voice. "Where are the guards when you need them? I take a tomato and get chased with swords. She racks me and walks away scott free!" "Yeah, we don't actually have any guards around here. Crimes aren't exactly a major issue around here. Well, besides crimes of fashion, which Rarity won't shut up about." Dovahkiin, being the petty thief that he is, began to look around the city. Gems laid out everywhere, but he had his eye on the carrots and apples! Why? Because fuck society! Who needs gems when you have insane amounts of food in your pockets! "Well, it looks like I might be here for awhile... So, you horses have names?" "I'm Twilight Sparkle." He pulled out his journal and made a quick note of what her name was. The others stepped up and told them their names as well, prompting him to write that in his journal as well. "Alright, that's all noted." The six mares stared at him almost expectantly. It took him a moment to realize they wanted his name as well. "Oh, I'm Dovahkiin. Also know as Dragonborn." The one called Fluttershy's eyes opened wide. "Did you say Dragon Porn?! My favorite type is... Oh...my..." She stopped talking as her friends all turned and gave her very judgmental stares. "Uh... No, I said... Dragonborn." "Oh, uhm..." Fluttershy squeed in embarrassment. Somewhere in Equestria, someone had a heart attack from the cuteness of her squee. That heart attack they suffered later caused a apple to reign supreme and forcibly take over Canterlot, only to be sat on by Celestia, who secretly enjoyed it. But I digress from the story at hand... "Sugarcube, you and me are going to have a serious talk about that later... But right now... Twilight, is there a way to send this... I'm sorry, what exactly are you?" "I'm a Nord. One of the human races in Tamriel." "Okay... Is there anyway to send him back to his world?" "I can check my library, b-" "You have a library!" Dovahkiin began hyperventilating. Imagine the skill books he could read! Hopefully she didn't have the books locked behind cases without a key like that orc in Winterhold. "Yes, you enjoy books?" "Oh no... He's an egg head!" "Says the pony who has read all the Daring Doo books and bought all the merchandise, including the-" "I said never mention that! It's private." Rainbow began to blush, which made the Dovahkiin wonder what she was talking about. Honesty, he didn't think he wanted to know. "We all know about it Rainbow... I can hear you all the way at my house at night." Rainbow's face turned from the normal sky blue to a bright red. "Fine, so I sing along to the theme." What? Did you all think it was personal pleasure device or something? SHAME ON YOU! "Okay, that's much better than what I was thinking." "W-what were you thinking?" The six mares gave him a stare of judgement, which made him quickly change the subject. "N-nothing, can we just go to that library of yours?" Luckily for him, the ponies all had extremely bad attention spans and had already forgotten about his possible perviness. "Sure, I can show you my collection of books." "By the nine, I love you so much." Dovahkiin reached down and took Twilight's hoof, and the two skipped happily off into the sunset, where they frolicked in the fields together for all eternity. The End. No, I jest. But he did grab Twilight's hoof and the two did skip off to her library, the other ponies staring at them with bewildered expressions. Don't ask how Twilight skipped with only three hooves, or even how a pony skips in the first place. No one actually knows. "Well, here we are!" Dovahkiin stared at the large tree house, which even had a balcony and windows. "You live... In a tree? Twilight..." He kneeled down in front of Twilight. "I think I'm... I'm..." "Yeah?" The two stared into each others eyes. "I'm in lesbians with you." The two embraced in a kiss of amazing epicness. The other five ponies simply stared. Fluttershy more than the other two of course, since she was a known stalker. Yes, everypony knew about her sitting outside Lyra and Bon-Bon's window. "That's... Kinda hot." Applejack gave Rainbow a strange look, then looked back at the truthfully disturbing sight, which despite its disturbingness, was indeed kind of hot. Then again, pretty much everything that happens in Equestria is hot. Including Celestia sitting on that apple mentioned earlier, which actually served to turn her into the fabled Molestia. But that's a story for another time, by another author. "Not outside. If Vinyl and Octavia see us, they're going to start it." Dovahkiin's face resembled that of the okay guy meme as Twilight opened the library. Everything was forgiven when he looked in and saw the various amounts of books that he could somehow learn stuff from. "The books... So... Much... Experience." "What was that?" "Nothing." The group entered into the large library. Unfortunately, Dovahkiin had no idea what was just one floor above him. "Spike! Come down here. We have a visitor." Dovahkiin continued to spin around the room as he examined the extreme amount of literature. As the small dragon stepped off the final step and into the library, Dovahkiin turned to look at the baby dragon. "Dovahkiin, meet my assistant, Spike." He stared wide eyed at the baby dragon. Sure, he looked much different from the dragons of his world, but he was still a dragon. And honestly, he could go for a dragon soul about now. As he opened his mouth to begin his signature shout, Spike turned wide eyed at the human before him.