//------------------------------// // The Ground Beckons // Story: The Dawn Cometh // by Shanenator //------------------------------// Chapter 2: The Ground Beckons ***** Oh, well fancy that. That would be the ground about one thousand feet below me. Which I am currently hurtling towards at terminal velocity. After being unceremoniously tossed into some completely wacked-out portal doohickey to Equestria. By some cheeky bastard named ‘Agent Sparkle’ of all damn things. Sons of… Suffice to say, I decided to embrace my upcoming demise with the utmost dignity and honor. And by that, I of course mean that I’m currently screaming like a seven-year-old girl. “MMMOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!” Well, this is it then. Isn’t this just great. The wonderful land of Equestria, they said! YOLO, they said! At least I get to see the place I’ve occasionally dreamed about for roughly, oh I’d say five minutes or so? Grand. Just grand. Some reflection upon the events that led up to this unfortunate situation leads me to believe that this was pretty much unavoidable. I mean, come on. I’m in EQUESTRIA. How could I possibly have resisted a chance to see the scientifically impossible? I mean really, this whole place shouldn’t even be scientifically possible! I’m not scientifically possible! Haha! And I’m in Equestria! Any brony who’s anybrony would be totally jealous. Aside from the whole dead part, I would imagine. It was a trap. From the very beginning. As soon as those two goons set their eyes on me I was done for. They knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do, and exactly how to suck me in. Well played, government freaks. Well played. I wonder what’s going to happen back on Earth in the next five minutes. Those smarmy agents will be sitting there with those smug expressions, and Agent Sparkle will nonchalantly call out, “okay, bring him back now!” And what are they gonna get? Just the damn disk. With like five minutes of footage detailing my untimely plummet to a grisly demise. I hope they enjoy that. And by enjoy, I mean get sick, learn to actually consider morals for a change, and then all get fired. Hmph. Knowing my luck, that probably isn’t going to happen by a longshot. What’s going to become of me then? Well, I’m about to die. And then I apparently have a year of time to spend here in Equestria. So I guess I’ll be a pile of bones by the time they get their damn disk back. Heh. I bet Twilight would have a blast with that. A pile of bones from a completely unknown species? Oh, she’d totally flip. I wish I could actually have a chance to meet her… “AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAUGGGGHHH!!” Oh, and yeah. Still screaming. My throat hurts but I don’t really care. If I’m gonna go out, might as well scare the living daylights out of any creature in a two mile radius. I briefly take a moment to survey the ground beneath me. Maybe there are settlements nearby? Or perhaps a lake I can “swim” to? Heck, I’d even settle for a haystack right about now. It would hurt A LOT, but maybe, just maybe, if I could hit a large body of water I MIGHT just live. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any blue for miles around. Or cute little squares indicating some form of organized life. The ground is getting closer now, and I can start to see individual trees. I appear to be plummeting towards a large forest. A rather dense and foreboding forest, too. Oh god I hope it’s not the Everfree. I REALLY hope it’s not the Everfree. However, as a final flaunting taunt from the universe, the more I stare the more I get the sinking feeling that it’s actually the Everfree. Great. Just great. Now not only am I going to die horribly, I’m also going to be eaten by scavengers or whatever the hell it is that lurks in those woods. Even if, by some miracle, I HAPPEN to survive, I’m still royally screwed. Royally. Heh. Takes on a whole new meaning here in Equestria. Man! Just think of all the jokes that could be made. I could be having a GREAT time right now if the stupid portal had just worked right. But no. Instead I’m going to be a stain on the verdant green carpet in about two minutes. What a way to go. Oh, the humanity… I think back on my life. Did I really have to do this? I finally had things going my way. I had a nice place. I had a stable income that would make your average Joe quite jealous. I had a loving family and good friends. I had it all, and then I just blew it by following some random government officials and getting WAY too far over my head in crazy future technology. What the hell was I even thinking? Oh, right. Ponies. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em… But they sure as hell can live without me. My eyes begin to blur as I consider my family and my life. I can’t tell if the tears are from me crying or the wind streaming straight into my face. After all, real men don’t cry. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m bawling my eyes out. I mutter a quick and sorrowful goodbye before preparing myself mentally for my imminent doom. Death has never really scared me. It’s always been the reactions of others that frightened me more. Just thinking about my family at my funeral is enough to draw more tears. Oh crap! How are they going to find out what happened to me? Those government bastards better at least give them some sort of compensation… Oh jeez…I don’t actually think I’m ready for this. There’s still one more thing that needs to be done… Directing my anger towards the sick bastard who dragged me into this position, I transition my senseless screaming into a stream of verbal abuses concerning a certain ‘Agent Sparkle’ so colorful and fierce even the Tourette’s guy would have soiled himself. Good thing I’m all alone. Oh man did that feel good. Yes, I think I’m done. I’m ready now. I’ve said goodbye to those I loved and gave a gigantic middle finger to the man who can be blamed for my current predicament. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that footage soon enough. And hey. At least I know my death will be for science. Truly, there is no higher honor imaginable. I mean, come on. For country? Pfft. They don’t actually care about you. The ERD is an excellent example of that. For honor? That’s kinda a lame excuse. Get a hold of yourself. For religion? No. Just no. For the lolz? …Goodness, I hope not. But at least I’ll let those hooligans know that they SERIOUSLY done goofed, and hopefully ensure that the next hapless victim they pull from the streets will at least get the adventure he deserves. I turn my gaze southward for the final time. Wow it’s a lot closer now. I can just barely make out branches on the trees. At least…at least I’ll die in a truly beautiful place. I sigh contentedly as I study the broad expanse beneath me. The browns are rich and earthy. The greens are full of life. The amorphous gray is a point of strength in an otherwise unchanging sea. Wait…gray? I focus harder. Surely my eyes must be deceiving me! …No, that’s definitely a rather odd gray shape below me. And it’s…moving? Oh god, it’s alive! And it’s getting closer! “HEEEELLLPP MEEEEE!!!” I scream obnoxiously as I continue to plummet to my doom. I have no idea if the blob could understand me or not, but if it can I have every intention of informing it of my rather dire situation. “Hang on! I’m coming!” a voice shouts back. Yes! It’s alive! It will help me! …And wow. I swear I’ve heard that voice somewhere before. Déjà vu. “Please hurry! I’m going to die!” I shout desperately. The shape appears to acknowledge that comment and starts to move faster. As it grows closer, I finally am able to discern what exactly it is. And I can’t help but gape in awe. Wow. The shape flying towards me is a real live pegasus. No joke. Four legs. Two wings. Gray fur. Yellow mane. Cute little snout. Huge eyes squeezed shut in concentration and exertion. And wow, it even looks cartoony. Sure I can see the individual hairs on its coat, but the shape still seems like a vector drawing and it still has a bit of a discolored outline. Wasn’t expecting that. Not in the slightest. I was suddenly struck by a thought. This thought went a little something like this: oh crap we are about to slam into each other mid-air… Yup. Sure enough, the pegasus was too busy focusing on flying hard to notice that I’m only a few feet away. “Watch out!” I scream. “Yikes!” the pegasus manages to get out before I plow straight into it. WHAM!! Ouch, that actually hurt quite a bit. I hope it’s okay… Suddenly, there is a very unfamiliar feeling of forelegs wrapping around my abdomen and securing themselves beneath my belly. Is it…holding me? I look up at what will hopefully be my savior and see that yes, indeed, the pegasus is holding on to me and flapping its wings as hard as it can. Its eyes are screwed shut and its mouth creased in a grimace of exertion. I can actually see beads of sweat on its forehead. “Ow…” I groan in pain. “Are…are you okay?” The pegasus nods once curtly. “I’m…fine…gotta…slow…down…sheesh, you’re heavy…” it says in between pants. Ouch. Hey, I’m not fat! Sure I could probably stand to lose ten pounds or so but I’m definitely a far cry from fat. Then again, maybe these ponies don’t weigh all that much. Hmm, wouldn’t actually be that surprising. They are pretty short, after all. And very trim. I twist my neck around to get a better view at my savior. My eyes suddenly alight on its flank, and they widen as I take it in. There, on its flank, is a cute little picture of a group of bubbles. Suddenly it all clicks into place. I know why that voice sounds so familiar. Oh my god… I look back to the ground, and audibly yelp when I see how close we are. “Oh crap! The ground isn’t too far away! We’re still falling too fast!” I shout in a panic. Sure I’m now moving significantly slower than I was before, but if I hit the ground at this velocity it could still be potentially fatal. The pegasus’s eyes open and look down. They also widen in a panic as she, since I’m now convinced it is indeed a she, realizes how much trouble we’re in. “I’m sorry!” she gasps. “I…just can’t stop you! Too…heavy!” Oh crap. I’m still going to die, and now one of my favorite ponies of all time is probably going to die too because she’s trying to save me. A sudden stillness settles over my heart. I realize what I have to do. It is my responsibility and privilege as the male to sacrifice myself for her. I don’t know why, but I’ve always imagined the best part of me emerging in life or death situations. Now my death will be both noble and for science… “Let me go,” I say firmly. Her eyes grow even wider as she looks down at me in shock. Yup. Sure enough, bright golden eyes. I’m surprised to see that they’re actually both focusing on my face right now, however. Interesting. If I wasn’t about to die, I would surely run some experiments to see how bad her vision actually is. “What?! Are you crazy? You’ll be hurt or worse!” I nod solemnly. “Yes, but if you don’t let go you will be hurt too! I can’t allow that to happen! Thank you for trying, but you have to let me go!” Her gaze hardened. “No! I’d never abandon somepony in need!” Heh. ‘Somepony.’ Damn, it would’ve been fun to use that lingo and not look like a crazy person. I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t allow that!” I shout as I kick her off. I hear her scream in surprise and fear as she loses her grip on me. I slowly turn over and see the ground is about ten feet away. I close my eyes and say my final words. Those glorious words that I will be immortalized in time for. And of course, I choose something completely ridiculous. “Ouch time.” I don’t really know what’s happening. There’s a horrible crunching noise and a blinding, searing pain, and then I’m airborne again. Did I just…bounce? Hehe. That’s an amusing thought. If I could see myself right now I’d probably be laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation is. More crunches. More pain. I can’t quite be sure due to how my brain is currently screaming in agony dealing with the massive pain overload, but I’m pretty sure I keep hearing these weird noises. SPROING!! BANG! WHAM BAM POW! CRASH! CHINGLE DINGLE CLINK! RRREEEAAAOOOWW!! BONG PONG BOOM! PEEEOOWWUWOWUWOW! CLUNK DOING SLAM! I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. The pain is overwhelming. The world won’t stop spinning. The weird noises continue unabated. I…I guess this is the end, then. I guess I die now. Goodbye life, it’s been a good run. WHAM!!!