//------------------------------// // Ch. 6 Cheating Death // Story: Cheating Death // by WIL_I_ZIN //------------------------------// The following is a non-profit fan-based work of fiction. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and all subsidiaries are owned by Hasbro studios, DMX media and Lauren Faust. Cheating Death Written by Wilizin Edited by HoovesMcCoy, AuthorGenesis, and Anonymous Chapter 6 - Cheating Death -----                 I sat in a wooden recliner chair, and across the desk in front of me sat Death, going over paperwork. If someone were to read that last sentence out loud it would sound like the start of some horrible joke, but it was no laughing matter to me, because it was true. Death moved back and forth across his desk scribbling on one sheet of paper and then sliding over to the next to do the same. After he was done with those papers he slid them all into a pile and paperclipped them before he threw the whole bunch into a pile of papers that had nearly reached the ceiling of the room we were in.         “So...” I started to say, stopping as the words got stuck in my throat. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. After the whole experience I was feeling rather drained. I decided to go with the first thing that came to me. “How ya doin’?” I asked. In hindsight that was probably the worst thing I could have asked him at that moment. Death stopped as soon as I had asked and he stared right into my eyes, with a glare that said ‘If you weren’t already dead, I’d kill you right now.’         “How... am I doing you ask?” Death repeated back to me, “How. Am. I. DOING?!” At the last word his voice broke into a falsetto screech and he slammed his fists onto his desk sending papers flying all over. “I am currently BURIED in an entire mountain of paperwork covering your little... excursion.” Death lamented, the last word dripping like venom from his mouth “And to top it all off, not only did you break the dimensional divide, and kill a class 3 predator, but you also interacted with the locals!” Death ranted at me, his voice getting squeakier with each word.         “So I take it that’s a bad thing then?” I asked coyly. Death did a double take at my sentence before he began to shudder in rage.         “Yes it is bad, you idiot! Not only am I now responsible with balancing the ratio of predator to prey in the Everfree Forest, but also, I have to adjust the entire Equestrian civilization perspective range due to the discovery of YOU!” Death yelled emphasizing his point with a bony finger jabbing in my direction. Death then slowly sat back down in his chair and deeply sighed followed by a shudder. “And then there is the matter of you, yourself...” I in return, sighed as well. I had really fucked up, and I thought that at this point, even asking for Purgatory would be aiming too high.         “So what do I get then, 5th circle? 7th? Heck I wouldn’t be surprised if you sent me to the 9th.” I predicted. There wasn’t much I could have done at that moment to prevent him from obliterating me and sending me to the furthest reaches of hell for the... hell that I had put him through, so I might as well have gone with at least some dignity intact. Before I could muse any longer however, a new letter popped into existence right in front of Death. Both he and I watched how it fluttered down onto the desk in front of him Death picked up the letter and tore it open. Removing the contents and unfolding them he began to read while muttering what he was reading out loud to himself.         I watched him as he read, his expression didn’t change as he did so. Though to be fair its hard to read someone when their face is still an indescribable... something. Then he stopped, he sat completely still, and he looked up at me, and then back down to the page in his hands, and then to me again. Death let out a deep sigh, one filled with exhaustion and frustration. He laid the paper on his desk and took a pen. After a few seconds of furiously scribbling over it, Death stopped and looked up at me twiddling the pen between his fingers..         “You know,” he lamented to me, “even if there is nothing I would love more than to send you to the space between universes, and have you experience true nothingness for a few centuries... I unfortunately can not. It seems that you are now a special case at the moment.” He looked up at me, possibly trying to gauge my reaction, which was confusion.         “What do you mean with ‘special case’?” I questioned, lacing the last two words with confusion. Death sighed again, but he let out a chuckle this time before answering.         “Well according to this..” Death paused as he coughed and cleared his throat before he began to read in a very monotone and bureaucratic way, “In the case of souls experiencing dimensional shift by any means, the soul in question should have its acclimation point be the soul’s dimension of origin in the case of becoming deceased. In the case of souls possibly existing in their new domain for more than a standard day (As dictated by article ‘DAY ONE’ to the timing of said days in the multiverse) the soul in question will have a new acclimation point be arranged to the universe of their current residence of existence. Should the soul in question wish to take up challenge to this, please see article- yadda yadda yadda.” Death cut himself off and then end and breezed over a large chunk of the words, all while muttering to himself, and then returned to reading the letter at the end. “Therein, we find the current charge of Death-13493B, the one titled, ‘Felix Christine Jackson,’ to be placed on soul probation until further notice, and to have his acclimation point be designated to his new universe of residence.”         I sat there trying to absorb what he had just said to me, unfortunately I didn’t speak legal jargon at all. So I sat there with a confused look on my face until I asked the most obvious question. “So... What in the heck does any of that mean?” Death chuckled and set the paper down, he folded his hands and leaned forward toward me on his desk.         “It means kid, that the higher ups have decided to let you keep on living.” Death explained, leaning back as he continued. “It looks like you will have to wait for the afterlife a little longer.”         I was actually quite surprised, they were letting me go after all that? I guessed even bureaucrats aren’t above a little leeway now and then. I smiled at Death saying, “Well thanks. So, I guess I get a second chance to shape up my life after all.”         “Oh ho ho, you misunderstand kid.”, Death corrected “Remember back when I told you, ‘You can not go back home now.’? Well I was being serious.” I sat there digesting this, and after some consideration a question dawned on me.         “Then, what exactly is going to happen to me?”         “Oh you’re going back to ‘A’ universe. Just not your home.” I sat and my brain slowly registered what he was implying.         “You mean...?” I held off with a large grin on my face. Death just sighed and facepalmed.         “Yes, it means you’re going back to Equestria.” Death affirmed. I was dumbstruck and stood there for a whole minute looking like a deer in the headlights. Then my smile grew larger and larger until I felt like I would rocket out of my chair in glee. “And if you even think about dancing in my office I’ll send you back as a vegetable.” Death added.         “Oh, why would I ever think of doing that?” I said with the biggest shit-eating grin on my face. Truthfully I was a tad disappointed I couldn’t go home. I guess those are the breaks when you mess with the afterlife. Death moved over and grabbed another paper, one I recognized immediately as a reinsertion form, the very same kind I altered that started this whole thing. He started to write feverishly when a thought came to my mind.         “Hey, Death?” He continued to write but motioned me to go on “I... I wanted to say thank you. For letting me do that back there.” This actually got him to stop. He looked up and sighed before saying.         “Yeah, don’t mention it.” Death responded. “No I'm serious, don’t mention it. At all. I’d have to fill out a whole other mountain for the ‘Last Words to Family’ section.” I nodded back with a smile. For all his posturing as a grumpy civil servant he seemed to be a rather nice guy. Death set down his pen and stamped the form causing it to disappear before my eyes.         “Well then Mr. Jackson, this is where we part.” Death announced holding out his hand. I reached over the desk and shook it firmly. “Once again have a good life... and for the love of the Creator don’t die anytime soon alright?”         “Speak for yourself Death, I plan on living forever.” I smirked back at him as everything faded away to blackness. It felt calm, like I was adrift in the realm of nothingness and the universe itself stood still around me.         Then the universe moved. It exploded with a menagerie of light and color. Stars and galaxies whizzed by my eyes, while supernovas and nebulas ran through my feet. All of it flew by me at the speed of light yet it was as beautiful as anything that could ever be imagined by the human mind.         So this was it, after all my time living my life as a normal person on Earth, I’m going where no man has gone before. To a world that is governed by different laws of physics, to where magic grew strong, to where creatures from man’s mythology roam the wilds. A land that is filled with a peace-loving race and whose calm demeanor had allowed them to build a near utopia of a kingdom. It would be a nice place to settle down, to relax and take life one day at a time. To reflect back on what lead me here and enjoy the rest of my days in the relaxing comfort of serenity...         Well fuck that shit!         Seriously, who would be wanting to ‘settle down’ after all that?! I fought my way through a killer forest! I killed a beast of legend! And heck, I HUGGED Fluttershy! If anything, I was just getting started in this universe. I didn’t know what lay on the road ahead of me, but I was ready to meet it head-on without fear, even if it tried to kill me! After all, if there was one thing I was good at, it was cheating death.