All right, look, do you really want to know how I am back?
Really? Well then...
It was quiet a nice day really. Just running my empire, gliding around in a puff of smoke and striking fear into my use-to be slaves as I glided right over them. The look on their faces nearly lifted my dark smile as I saw them run home, locking their doors and such. You see, I'm not really a bad pony, I'm just misunderstood.
Which is why I tortured many neigh-Sayers when they did not approve of my way of slavery and cheap labor. I mean, really, who want's to do all of that work? Not me, of course.
But I am getting off topic, where was I? Ah yes, so there I am, minding my own business scaring little crystal colts and fillies, until I see a bright, crystal heart falling from my castle! Now, naturally, because of my sick addiction to crystals, I flew up using the dark cloud I usually ride trying to catch the heart. But I wasn't the only one chasing after the heart, behind it, I could see a young dragon chasing after my dru-Er, I mean my food.
Yes. Food.
Anyways, I was just up to it, until the pink mare named Cadence flew at the heart and caught both the dragon and my good stuff! I was enraged, so enraged I had to look around to find a table and flip it, but sadly, there were none. In stead however, I decided it would be wiser to return back to the snowy tundra, heal, and come back later and take it. I thought it would be that simple.
I was very, very, wrong. So wrong,
You see, one does not simply escape explosions so easily, my friends. At first, I felt nothing, just the light shining into my eyes. Then, I started to feel warm, then warmer, and then so warm, I could feel the light burning holes right through my eyes, my skin and my glorious large red tipped horn. Oh how I love that horn, the way how sharp the tip is, when I walk down the street, mares would be looking at my horn and they would be all like "It's so big." And would just smile and nod. They know what's good, they always know what's good. Why? Because this slithering tongue is not just for licking my lips, you see.
Like a real G. Only, you know, a G that's a king. Or, was a king.
But back to the topic at hoof. When I was blown up, yes, blown up in front of the little colts and fillies, my horn flew out of the area and landed back in the tundras. Now, not even I knew how a crystal as just conveniently there, but who ever placed it there, I am forever in their doubt. Using the little magic I had left, I was able to mix my magic and shadows with the crystal. I When I was finished, I felt Powerful, strong, like I can take 100 snorts of crystal dust and still live to tell the tale!
But unfortunately, when I tried to touch my glorious large horn, I was unable to. I could not even feel my hooves! When I looked down at the crystal I absorbed from, I nearly screamed in anger.
I was a floating, small black cloud, about the size of an average pony's head. I could only see my green, reptilian like eyes. I was able to move thankfully, but I was mostly upset about not being able to RUB MY MOTHERBUCKING RED TIPPED HORN!!
Excuse me, I lost it for a bit. Being hornless and taking all that Crystal Dust does things to you.
Well, I was angry at everything, angry at the world, the crystal's, the price of helium for hot air balloons rising EVERY.BUCKING.YEAR. A whole bunch of stuff I was furious about, but I kept my cool and focused on the mane reason why I resurrected myself.
Revenge.
And Crystal Dust. Especially revenge though.
"Man, buck me, buck my life, buck my ex-wife that took about half the Dust from me in the divorce, buck my baby mama, buck my children, buck the system, and buck Cadence and Shining Armour." I wasn't really screaming, since I don't have a mouth, but my inner thoughts worked perfectly. I started plotting my revenge, thinking of sick and twisted ways of torturing the both of them, very slowly.
But then I realize, I'm a floating black cloud for Faust's sake, how in the Tarturus am I suppose to take my revenge, and eat my crystals!
Wait...I am said, but I am still here on this planet. Could I be a soul? Yes...yes that is what I am, a soul, a ghost, and last time I checked, ghosts are capable of possession.
If I could smile right about now, I guarantee these foolish ponies could sense it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! REVENGE SHALL BE MINE!!!
Faust, I have got to cut back on the clover as well, it's bringing me into madness. But, I don't care, as long as I get my revenge, all is well in the world. I am now looking at the Crystal Empire at a far distance. I can probably get their in about a few hours, not that long. Besides, I'm freezing my cloud balls over here, and I'm not even a living being!
Yet.
I am no longer wasting anymore time, I am now rushing my cloudy ass over there.
Almost there.
Almost there...
I stop floating around and turned back around, trying to see how far I went. I looked down, and saw the crystal I had stole the magic from. I look back up, furrowing my cloud brows.
"...BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"