//------------------------------// // Meet Terra! Terra Nova! // Story: Into The Blender Of Two Minds // by Listie The Scribe Maid //------------------------------// don't tell me this is stupid, i know it is. also, not a grimdark. INTO THE BLENDER OF TWO MINDS A mash-up parody of Of Two Minds by CTVulpin and Into The Blender by AnnonyMouse 01 Twilight was pacing again. For once, however, it had nothing to do with the princess. It instead had to do with the fact that a package she ordered a couple weeks hadn't come in yet. Torgo must be delivering it. "...It couldn't have gotten lost or anything," Twilight muttered, trying to calm herself down. "But it could have gotten stolen! Nazis could have stolen it! But why would they want it?... Celestia must have wanted them to take it from me... Why? I have no idea! I'm freaking out!" "I'd say," Scootaloo agreed, walking in Twilight's open front door. Twilight turned around in shock. "How long were you there?!" she demanded. "Ten minutes," Scootaloo replied after taking a moment to think about it. "I was supposed to tell you something, but hearing you talk about Nazi totally made me lose my train of thought." Twilight nodded a little, then, all of a sudden, Derpy came crashing through the wall. "Hi Twilight!" Derpy greeted with a stupid smile. "Derpy, for Faust's sake, use the front door!" Twilight told the controversial pegasus. "I-I would have, but Scootamaloo was in the way," Derpy explained, pointing at said orange filly. "Well, I'm sorry for not knowing that you were coming and moving out of your way!" Scootaloo said to Derpy. "That's OK!" Derpy said with another smile. "Anyways, Twilight, y-y'know that package you ordered a little while ago?" "3 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 38 minutes, 27 seconds, actually," Twilight corrected Derpy. "But, yes I do remember it." "I... My boss told me I wasn't gonna be brining it to you," Derpy admitted. "Then who is brining it? Don't tell me it's Ink Line! I bucking ha-!" "I don't know who's brining it," Derpy interrupted Twilight. "And I was looking so forward to delivering it." "...Don't you have other places to be?" Scootaloo asked. "Right!" Derpy exclaimed. She broke out of the wall, quickly stole a muffin and flew away before could blink. "I don't know what just happened," Twilight said after a moment's silence. "Read the description above, it'll help a ton," Scootaloo told Twilight. "Anyways, I just remembered that your friends are here to tell you something." Witb that, Scootaloo stepped aside and, sure enough, the rest of Twilight's friends were there. "...You all heard me talk about Celestia and Nazis... Right?" Twilight enquired her friends sheepishly. "Were we supposed to, darling?" Rarity retorted. "I don't think so," Twilight muttered. There was a brief period of silence. "So... Why are you here?" Twilight asked. "Well, there was this thing we were supposed to do today and-" Applejack began. "CAN'T!" Twilight interrupted. "I'm waiting for my package!" "Oh, Twilie, you've been waiting for that silly package for forever," Pinkie told Twilight. "You can take a little rest for one itty-bitty-enny-weeny-screeny-beeny day!" "CAN'T!" Twilight repeated. "I've been worrying myself sick about this-" "Understatement of the year," Rainbow muttere under her breath. "-and I want to make sure it gets her safely!" Twilight finished. "So you won't be coming with us?" Pinkie asked. "No." "For gosh sake, Twilight!" Applejack cried. "You've been fussin' over this thing forever! What is it, even!?" "The hardcover edition of Past Sins!" Twilight replied. Everypony except for Twilight fell over, Anime style. "So you can see how important this is!" Twilight continued. "Yeah, very..." Rainbow Dash commented. "C'mon, let's go." And with that, everypony (but Twilight) left. "You think we should just leave her there?" Rarity asked Rainbow Dash. "That's so... OOC of us." "Hey, if she doesn't want to come with us, she doesn't want to come with us," Rainbow Dash explained. "Yeah, but-" Rarity tried to argue further. "It's the hardcover edition of Past Sins," Rainbow Dash reminded Rarity. "Is it really worth waiting for?" "Depends," Rarity said. Rainbow ignored Rarity. ---ItBoTM--- Trixie walked silently down the streets of PonyVille, a saddle bag draped over her. She didn't feel exactly dignified about what she was doing, but it was either that or take up a job on a rock farm. It was a pretty easy choice. But Trixie was starting to have second thoughts about, especially since nopony was taking kindly to her return. Odd, considering that she had made admends, but this was written prior to that, so yeah. "Hey, Trixie!" one rude pony called to her. "You tryin' to put on another show here!? Are you looking to be embarrassed again!?" "Does Trixie have her stage coach with her?" Trixie asked the pony who had yelled at her. "No..." was the reply. "Then Trixie wants you to shut the buck up!" Trixie snapped, continuing on her way. "Well there's no need to be rude!" the rude pony said back. It took Trixie all of her will power to avoid bucking that pony right in the face and teaching him a lesson. But Trixie was trying to be humble & not obsess over Twilight showing her up and hurting somepony was the exact opposite of humbleness. And I could go on forever about things Trixie did leading up to her destination, but we would be here for... Very little time, seeing as how I have no idea what else to write. Well, let's move on. About ten/fifteen minutes later, Trixie finally reached where she was going: Twilight's front door. She was about to knock, but Twilight opened it herself. "What do you want?" Twilight asked in a hushed whisper. "Um... Trixie has a package for you," Trixie replied awkwardly. "...How did you know I was coming?" "Saw you through the hole in the wall," Twilight explained quickly. "Now, hurry, get in here! [i[SHE could be watching." "She? Trixie wants to- WAH!" Trixie started to say, but Twilight used her magic to forcefully throw Trixie inside. "You could have been careful..." Twilight slammed the door shut and stared at Trixie. "With the potential ofHER watching?! Are you out of your bucking mind?!" "I know you are," Trixie grumbled, picking herself up. "Hey!" Twilight shouted before calming herself down (somewhat). "Anyways, what do you want?" "As Trixie tried to say, she has a package for you," Trixie said, pulling said package out of her saddle bag with MAGICK. "Why do you have it?" Twilight enquired. Her panicking was starting to come back as her mind went off on tangents. "It was either take this job delivering stuff from Amazon," Trixie answered, "or work on a rock farm. A mother-bucking rock farm." "I... I can see why you'd take this job," Twilight muttered. "So, do you want this or not?" Trixie asked. "Oh, right, right..." With that, Twilight took the package from Trixie with her own MAGICK and noticed it was lighter then she would have expected. But, nonetheless, she signed for it and tore it open to find... A note. "What the buck...?" Twilight said to herself, picking the note up. "Oh, yes, Trixie should have mentioned this..." Trixie began. "YOU LOST MY BOOK!" Twilight barked, furious. "A-actually, Trixie didn't lose your book!" Trixie said. But Twilight wouldn't listen. "I've been waiting for weeks upon weeks upon weeks upon weeks upon weeks for that book and you lose it!" Twilight rambled, starting to pace again. "I was worried sick, thinking Nazi stole it! What was I even thinking about! NAZIS! Why in the world would I think that!? Maybe it was Cloudkicker! I never trusted that whorse! I only did that study because I was paid to do so! IT WAS THE WORST-" "Trixie wants you shut the buck up! Trixie DIDN'T lose your book!" Trixie shouted. That certainly caught Twilight's attention. "If you would actually check the note that came with the package..." A couple grumbles came from Twilight, telling Trixie to stop. Once she did, Twilight checked the note. It had this to say: "We're all out of stock (concerning your book), 'cause we never GOT any. Suffice to say, you will probably have to wait even longer. Sorry. Also, you're our 1,000,000th customer for no good reason! - DN" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "They don't have my book and they send me a sticky note?" she enquired Trixie. "What the buck's this fluff about?" "What makes it worse is what's on the back," Trixie informed Twilight. So Twilight found the back and found... A Hammerskin insignia. "So does that mean Nazi technically stole my book?" Twilight asked. "Oh, would you drop the bucking Nazis!" Trixie shouted. In a quieter tone, she said, "On a side note, they did ask me to bring you this necklace in a vain attempt to make up for it." With that, she pulled an orange necklace out of the left saddle bag. "Vain is right!" Twilight agreed. "How much does that cost? About as much as your show!" "Hey, look, just because you're upset doesn't mean you have to insult Trixie!" Trixie snapped. "But it probably does!" Twilight said. "And it looks more like a talisman!" "Well ex-cuse Trixie for getting her facts wrong!" Trixie said, getting a little anger. "We're not doing a very good job of portraying this as a pre-Magic Duel fic, are we?" Twilight enquired with a laugh. Trixie thought for a second before chuckling. "Yeah, you're right. Even thought, considering the above dialogue, Trixie has no idea when this takes place..." There were a few moments silence for the two of them to contemplate the last couple of minutes. "So... You want the necklace or not?" Trixie asked. "Oh, yeah, sure, I'll take it off your hooves." Twilight nodded and used MAGICK to take the necklace/talisman from Trixie. She went over to the mirror to see how it would look on her fur. "Do you think it would clash?" "Orange on purple? No, Trixie doesn't think so," Trixie murmured, looking Twilight over. "Well, if I know my Apple Sparkle," Twilight said before putting on the necklace. Suddenly, there was a flash of bright crimson light! For once, it wasn't a flashback! Instead, when the light faded, Twilight found herself staring at... Herself! WHA?!?! "The buck...?" Twilight began, but stopped because she suddenly felt like she had a hangover. Meanwhile, the Twilight the first Twilight was looking at was checking herself out. "Hmm... Purple fur... Purple mane... Stripe in mane, that'll probably get me confused for a zebra..." whoever Twilight was mumbled to herself, feeling around her body. "A horn, that's always good... Yep, definetly female!" "Hey, only I can touch there!" Twilight suddenly shouted. "I-I mean-" "You mean nothing," the other Twilight cut off Twilight, finally looking at her. "You got that right." "Silence!" the other Twilight snapped. "Now, you're probably wondering who I am." She waited a few second. "Of course you are. Well, my name is Terra Nova. I've been trapped in that talisman for centuries-" "And it was in a random warehouse anypony could have broken into and stolen?" Twilight asked. "My Faust, it's the Alicorn Amulet all over again!" "Please, hold all your question until the end," Terra told Twilight. "Anyways, I'll simply be borrowing your body for a few days so I can go have a little... 'Ow shall you say, 'reunion' with Discord." "D-discord?!" Twilight echoed. Wasn't this written pre-Season 3? Wasn't Discord still in stone? "Yes, I said just said that," Terra said flatly. "Well, enough of sticking around here. Ta-ta!" And with that, Terra walked out the front door, Twilight not even making an attempt to stop her. Smooth move, Twi, Trixie's voice came out of nowhere. Twilight almost gave herself whiplash, looking for the source of Trixie's voice. "Where in the bucking hay did you come from?" My mind, Trixie replied boredly. "What do you mean-" Twilight started, but looked down at herself to find, instead of purple, light blue. Light apparently scared Twilight, 'cause she screamed. "WHAT IN THE BUCKING WORLD IS GOING ON?!" Trixie was wondering that herself, until she tried to move and couldn't, Trixie explained. And since Trixie was standing completely still, she knew she hadn't moved. So she was obviously still myself. "And... And now I'm in control of your body with you in my mind?" Twilight more-or-less asked herself. Trixie's still in her body, so you're in Trixie's mind, controlling her body, Trixie pointed out. "Well, I-" Twilight started, but, in the middle of her sentence, blinked. "You what?" Trixie asked. She was shocked when she heard that it came out of her own mouth and not her thoughts. So shocked, she blinked. I can!... Nevermind. "Wait, you spoke out of your own mouth!" Twilight stated. She blinked Wait, now I'm- Nevermind. "This is so confusing!" Trixie exclaimed. She blinked. ---ItBoTM--- Five minutes earlier, the Mane 5-out-of-6 were enjoying a relaxing picnic. Well, it was as relaxing as it could be with Pinkie. 'Cause, y'know, hyperness. "Y'know, this is really nice!" Rarity commented. "I only wish Twilight was here," Fluttershy said under her breath. "Well, she didn't want to come," Rainbow Dash said, overhearing Fluttershy. "What could we have done?" "Convinced her come?" "She was hellbent on getting that book," Rainbow Dash reminded Fluttershy, "so why bother arguing with her?" "Well, I guess..." Fluttershy mumbled. "Besides, what in the world could possibly go wrong by leaving all by herself?" Rainbow Dash asked. There was a bright, white flash. "Um, Rainbow Dash... I think something went wrong," Fluttershy said. "Darling, why are you talking to me?" Rarity asked, turning to Fluttershy. "I wasn't talking to you, Applejack was!" Pinkie Pie said, pointing at Applejack. "Applejack? I'm not Applejack," Fluttershy said. "I'm Fluttershy!" "Yeah, I'm over here!" Applejack said. "Silly Rarity, you're not Applejack!" Pinkie Pie said with a small giggle. "Why don't you know who you are!" "But I am Applejack!" Applejack insisted. "What's wrong with you, Fluttershy?!" "Fluttershy? I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie Pie told Applejack. "You're not Pinkie Pie!" Rarity said, exasperated. "You're Fluttershy!" "But I'm Fluttershy!" Fluttershy said once again. "If you're Fluttershy, why do you look so much like Applejack?" Rarity asked. "I don't-" Fluttershy started, but finally looked at herself. Indeed, she was orange. She gave a little squeak of shock. The other three were confused, but they, too, looked at their bodies and gasped. They were not themselves. "Why the hay am I Rarity?" Applejack wondered aloud. "Random number generator?" Pinkie, who was now Fluttershy, suggested. "What's that?" Rarity, who was now Rainbow Dash, asked. The now-yellow party pony shrugged. "Wait! If I'm Fluttershy, you're Rainbow Dash, Applejack is you and Fluttershy is Applejack, who's me?" The four of them looked at "Pinkie Pie", who had been staring ahead for the entire conversation, struggling to keep still. "Who are you?" Pinkie asked. "..." "Pinkie Pie" took a moment to think it over. "...Twilight Sparkle." "Yer not Twilight!" Applejack exclaimed. "Twilight's at her home! We asked ya who you are!" "Twilight Sparkle!" "Twilight" repeated herself. "Girls, what's going on?" "This pony's clearly confused, whoever she is," Rarity commented. "We should go see Twilight." "But I am Twilight!" "Twilight" said. "Yeah, and I'm Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie laughed. "Wait..." She didn't take too long to consider what she said, because the other 3 were leaving and Pinkie didn't want to get left behind. "...But..." "Twilight tried to say something, but decided just to follow the other 4. ---ItBoTM--- "Hey, look, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie shouted, cutting in the silence that had been following the Mane 5-out-of-6. "I wonder why she's out!" "Who knows, it just makes us looking for her that much easier!" Applejack said. "Hey, Twi, over here! We got a problem and we think you're responsible." "But I'm right here!" "Twilight" said, still trying to confirm herself as the real Twilight. "But she's right there," Rarity told "Twilight". "Twilight" couldn't think of a reply. She was just in shock... And awe. Terra looked around for whoever called her "Twilight" until she saw the 5. "Moi?' she asked. "Yea! Yer Twilight, aren't ya?" Applejack asked back. "I assume so," Terra replied, making mental note of the name. "So then you must know why I'm in Rarity's body and Pinkie Pie's in mine!" Applejack said. "I might... But I don't," Terra said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have no time to worry about a Rare Envy or Putrid Pie I must be on my way." "Did Twilight just call me putrid?" Pinkie wondered aloud. "Seems so," Terra snickered, going off. The 5 were confused again. "I don't think that was Twilight," Applejack stated. There were scattered agreements from the rest of them. Then they all looked at "Twilight". "OK, you're the new Twilight," Applejack told Twilight. "But I am Twilight!" Twilight whined. "Stop whining, dear, only I can do that," Rarity said. "Well, we might as well go to Twi's-" Applejack began, but was suddenly thrown to the right. "Applejack! Where ya going?!" Pinkie Pie asked, jumping up into the air and flying after her. The other 3 followed suit. Meanwhile, the Crusaders had been watching them, Scootaloo looking especially confused. "What's their problem?" Applebloom asked Sweetie. "I dunno," Sweeite Belle shrugged. "Why am I talking to myself? "Hey, I was about to ask myself that as well!" Applebloom said. "Scootaloo, were you gonna ask that as well?" Sweetie Belle questioned her friend. "...I'm Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo suddenly shouted. "You wish," Applebloom said. "I WISH?!" Rainbow repeated. "I am!" "Why you am is an orphan," Applebloom told Rainbow, "with the worst ponyshoes in all Equestria. Seriously, how do you stand 'em?" Rainbow Dash was quiet for a moment. "A-an orphan?" "Yes," Sweetie Belle confirmed. "Huh..." Rainbow looked at her hooves and saw that they were almost cut off. "Should but Scoots some as a way of thanking her... 'Cause, y'know, I'm renting her body and all..." "What are you talking about, Scootaloo?" Applebloom enquired. "I think it's Rainbow Dash," Sweetie Belle said. "Finally!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I mean, who else would hear about being an orphan and not even flinch?" Sweetie Belle continued. "Hey!" "I don't mean to insult you, but it is kinda the truth," Sweetie Belle said, shrugging. Rainbow Dash grumbled a little. ---ITtBoTM--- Lyra and Bonbon were sitting on a bench. Well, Bonbon was. Lyra was in a wheelchair. They had previously had a conversation about walking on all fours, but Lyra took offense to that for some reason, so they stopped. But then the bright flash happened and they were looking at each other. "Well... It has appeared that we have switched bodies," Lyra, now Bonbon, said to Bonbon, now Lyra. "Indeed," Bonbon nodded, rubbing Lyra's, now her, chin. "And this is very weird," Lyra commented, looking down at herself. "Especially now that I'm sitting like this... You wanna scream about it?" "Why not?" Bonbon agreed. So they did. "Wait!" Lyra stopped first, followed by Bonbon. "I can walk on all fours!" "What makes you say that?" Bonbon asked, genuinely curious. "Rainbow Dash kept her blindness through her body swap. You're probably gonna keep your broken legs." Lyra nodded, sarcastically made an "uh-huh" sound and stood up on all fours. "You were saying?" "I... What?" Bonbon was shocked (and stunned). "All four legs! All~ four!" Lyra boasted, doing a stupid tap dance. "Stop it!" Bonbon whined. "You're making me look stupid!" "I don't care, I've been in that wheelchair for months!" Lyra said in a sing-song voice. "I'm gonna take advantage of this! Now, if you'll excuse me, you need to lose a few pounds!" "Hey! No! You get back here!" Bonbon shouted as Lyra trotted away - no, skipped away, happily. Bonbon tried to follow Lyra, but she forgot about Lyra's paralazaytion, so she fell flat on her face. "Well buck!... Now I'm stuck. Well, um... Damn... Can't get up myself... Wonder how long I'm gonna be stuck here..." ---ItBoTM--- "I... I think it's done!" Applejack panted, whatever pulling her being done. "Where... Where in all bucking hay am I?" "By my count," Rarity, with not even a sign of fatigue on her, said, running up behind Applejack, "a couple dozen miles away from PonyVille... My Faust, Rainbow Dash keeps herself in good conditon! Didn't even break a sweat! And dat fla-" "Why the buck am I here?" Applejack asked, breaking Rarity's train of thought. "Um... I told about how I got my Cutie Mark, right?" Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow. The ex-apple farmer groaned. "Yes..." "Then you should know why yo're here," Rarity said. "...What kind of a rock is this, anyways?" "Geode," Twilight Sparkle explained, popping up from the top of the rock. "It's a conveniently rock that just so happens to have gems in them. Hey, y'know, Rarity's horn hasn't done this kind of thing since she was a filly. I wonder why it did that now that Applejack has possession of it..." "Beats me," Rarity shrugged. A couple seconds later, she added, "How the buck did you get up there?" "I have no idea!" Twilight said, her voice lowering to an audible whisper. "I-I was behind Rainbo- I-I mean Rarity... Then I only saw pink, then I was here!... A-a-and I have all this energy and I have no idea what to do with it! And I feel like I should kill somepony!" "Well, I hope you get over it," Fluttershy said, showing up at last. "Say, Fluttershy, darling, could you bust open this rock for us?" Rarity enquired. "Well, I-" "This isn't the time for that!" Twilight shouted with a slight growl. "Hey, hey, hey! Listen, New Sparkle!" Rarity said to Twilight, suddenly annoyed. "You see this? This is a geode! 'Tis got jewels in it! This is never, ever, E-V-E-R gonna happen again!... I-I'm sure of it." "Rarity, you know as well as I do that this rock is going nowhere fast. Unlike whatever's happened to us, it will last forever!... Hopefully. If not, hopefully I can get some medication to treat this hyper-activeness!" For some reason, Twilight felt like stretching it out to fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ---ItBoTM--- "Finally free," Terra whispered to herself, strolling down the street. "Now I can get revenge on Discord for trapping in that stupid talisman! I dunno why he did it, but it might be explained later. Hopefully." But as she continued on her merry way, she noticed how... Boring everything looked. Where's the chaos? Where's the flying buildings, the pies, the bulls, the long-legged bunnies, the cards, the pepper, the fake buildings... Screwball! I really missed 'er. Where is it all!? Maybe it all got so chaotic that being boring is the new chaos. Despite this, Terra kept a grin plastered on her face. Her new face. 2 B CONTINUED.. ---ItBoTM--- OK... Twilight, are you in control? I dunno. Just don't blink and I- Damn it. You blinked?... Wait, maybe Trixie did it. I have no idea! We've been at this for an hour! Trixie is going to try to move, see if she's- Damn it. Who blinked? Trixie thinks she did it herself...? You could have done it. I know I didn't! Trixie didn't either! I- Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Wait! I- Damn it.