Twilight stifled a yawn as she looked over an old tome, the dust on some of the books and scrolls she had not moved in a while kicking up. The task that Princess Celestia had charged her with proving much more difficult than she had expected. This singular task occupying a near week of her free time, a difficult and time consuming task, but a very important one.
Learn everything she could about Humans, and given the recent...... incident at Canterlot, that request was understandable.
She had to admit, Humans had always been a kind of morbid curiosity of hers. Their blatant disregard for every natural, and arcane, law interested her. She always had always placed things into ‘boxes’, always looking to order things. Humans, other other hand, laughed in the face of everything she saw as law.
Frankly it was maddening, but then again, they were Human and Humans are always maddening.
She took a sip of her tea as she used her magic to move the tome back to its original resting place, another coming back and gently landing in front of her.
“Bestiarum IV - Humans, written by Star-Swirl the Bearded.” She read aloud.
In truth this was the smallest scientific/arcane journal published by Star-Swirl, it had to be less than fifty pages at most, despite its apparently small size this tome was the most comprehensive and accurate source for everything relating to Humans.
‘Might as well be nothing.’ She thought to herself.
She turned the old book’s hard cover over, a image of a Human, presumingly drawn by Star-Swirl, greeted her. It was a ruff charcoal drawn image of a Human, looking to be waving at the drawer, or in this case her, while leaning on a large wagon. The Human was clad in a pair of pants with a belt, a shirt tucked in that, and a unbuttoned coat or robe that seemed to reach down to the Humans ankles. The Human had a young looking face, for a Human at least, and hair that just passed the ears. All-in-all very ‘normal’ for the small number of Humans she has seen, even if she had only seen them in books.
Twilight moved her attention to the text below, ‘ Forword - Humans.... Quite possibly the most infuriating mythical creatures in existence. If you ever have the 'luck' to meet a Human in your travels across Equestria, then you must be careful. Humans are extremely powerful creatures, some would say more so than Celestia or Luna, they are also more unpredictable than Discord. They can help you in a tight spot if you're lucky, or play nasty tricks on you if you don't hold the Human's favor.’
“Celestia knows that all too well” Twilight said aloud, a small chuckle escaping her lips at the monarchs expense.
‘Humans are, for most part, considered to be a mythical race. Though some governments consider them a independent race like Ponies or Gryphons. Nopony knows exactly where Humans came from, and are rumored to have existed since the beginning of time; Humans, for some unknown reason, never answer when asked about their origins, and when they do, the common response is ‘We don’t know’. It is widely agreed that Humans are the single most powerful magic users yet to be discovered, and the limits to their powers, if any, have yet to be seen.’
She justly skimmed over the rest of the forward, before turning the page, and taking a small sip of tea before continuing with the meager amount of information contained in the tome.
‘Humans are a race of bipeds, normally anywhere between five to six feet tall, though they have the ability to shapeshift into anything they wish. They are mostly hairless, with a patch on the top on their heads, or on their face being the only hair that can be seen, though there’re may be more under the cloth they wear over their bodies. Humans have skin tones varying from white in the colder Gryphon-Pony regions to a brown-black in the more arid zebra lands. From their teeth it can be inferred that they have an omnivorous diet, though this is still under debate as it has never been directly observed.’
‘Well we know they eat wedding cake....’ Twilight thought to herself.
‘Humans are rumored to be a two gender, sexually dimorphic, race, with the males being the more ‘heavily built’, and the female being more lean. Though this comes from a old Gryphon legend of a female Human assisting in the dethroning of a mad king after the hens of a Gryphon clan had appeased the Human with a diamond of considerable size, and as such is under scrutiny as a Human female has yet to be documented by a reliable source.’
‘Humans normally keep to themselves, though sightings and interactions are not uncommon. They appear to prefer interaction with the inherently ‘good’ races (Ponies, Gryphons, Zebras, Buffalo, etc.), but it has been documented that Humans will have dealings any race. The oddest and the most interesting has to be their interactions with the Dragons. Many a Dragon has been seen dealing with the Humans, though the nature of these ‘deals’ has yet to be discerned but normally end with a substantial drop in the size of the Dragons hoard. The Dragons who have interacted with Humans in this manner have yet to speak on this subject, saying that it was ‘Part of the deal’. As for all other races Humans will generally help as long as you are not doing something nefarious (Never lie to a Human), but Humans appear to hold a preference for fellow trixters, and will come easier to said individuals.’
Twilight stopped for a moment, a pink mare appearing in her thoughts, before she dismissed the ridiculous line of thinking.
She looked back to the book and adjusted it with her magic, only for a spark of confusion to run through her.
‘Did that period just move?’ She thought to herself, eyeing the paper closely.
As if the little dot on the page could read her thoughts, it began to visibly vibrate a small amount. Then with an audible ‘pop’, sounding exactly like a cork coming out of a bottle, the little dot came off the page and bounced its way down the rest of the book, then fell to the floor.
‘What......’
As if that had unlocked the floodgates, every last letter and symbol on every page popped off the paper they were normally inseparable from, and fell to the floor.
She looked down to the floor, sputtering as she tried to rationalize what was happening.
“Twilight........’” She looked up to to see Spike staring at her with a perplexed expression, “What’s with the letters?”
“I don’t knowwww!” She cried in a fashion similar to Rarity.
“Need some.....help?” The little dragon asked.
:~:
A pink mare covered her mouth with her hoof as she watched a certain pair of friends running about, trying to pick up letters that were moving about. She watched what looked like a small wave of black text cary Twilight and Spike about the room.
She looked at her companion, “Oh my gosh, this is so much fun.”
Her companion raised an eyebrow in response.
“Oh come on, this is funny and you know it.” Pinkie said.
A smile appeared on the bipeds face, a small chuke making its way through, the Human pointed to Twilight who was now on her back panting with exhaustion.
“Ok, maybe I overdid it a little.” She said.
The Human gave her a look.
“Hey I won fair and square mister.”
The Human gave her a deadpan expression.
“I didn't cheat! We've done this so many times, you’re just bad at the game.”
The Human sighed deeply.
“Aw, don’t be sad... I know! Want some candy?”
The Human shrugged and stood up.
“Wait one second, I need to fix something.”
:~:
Twilight closed her eyes in exacerbation, a massive headache forming.
She opened her eyes, and much to her surprise all the letters were gone. She shot up and looked around, just waiting for the infernal letters to return.
She looked to the book, that was now laying on the table.
And it looked to be about a hundred pages thicker.
She moved over to the book, just waiting for it to exploded or something, she then saw something that gave her pause.
On top of the book, a candle sticking out of it, sat a lone cupcake, a very familiar cutie-mark plastered on it.
If one were on the towns edge, they would just be able to hear a faint scream.
“Pinkie Pie!”