"Ah, don't feel bad, Rainbow. It's all in good fun." Applejack cheered Rainbow Dash up, after the blue pony lost the throw-the-horse-shoe game.
"I hate losing..."
"Besides, you're a mighty good athlete. I'm just better, heh heh heh."
"All right, Applejack, you think you're the top athlete in all of Ponyville?"
"Well, I was gonna say in all of Equestria, but that might be gilding the lily."
"...and I think I'm the top athlete. So let's prove it."
"Prove what?"
"I challenge you to an Iron Pony competition. A series of athletic contests to decide who's the best, once and for all."
"You know what, Rainbow? You're on."
"Gold team rules!" Mike, with his now usual outfit of a cloak, reaper gasmask and ghost armor, yelled as he sat on top of a table right before chugging down a barrel of apple cider, hugging it so as not to lose grip of it. Only God knows what kind of witchcraft he had created so as to drink directly through his gasmask without even removing it.
"Why is Mike here?" Questioned Rainbow Dash.
"We made a deal, his guys help with the farm, and ah give 'em free apple cider." Applejack answered.
"So they're only doing something productive if it amuses or benefits them..." She muttered to herself.
Mike lowered the barrel to his lap and let out a small burp. "So when's it going to be?"
Meanwhile...
"Well that was fast." Mike told himself after the fabric of space-time continuum was ripped appart when a cosmic event known as the 'Intro sequence' took place. He was now right next to Twilight and Spike, who were looking at Rainbow Dash and Applejack preparing.
"Hello everypony, and welcome to the first annual Iron Pony competition!" Spike announced.
"Uh, Spike, who are you talking to?" Twilight asked.
"Uhhh... Them!" He said, pointing behind Twilight. Both she and Mike turned around to see Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy coming too from the road. "Let the games begin!"
Once everything was prepared and Applejack was ready to start...
"Ready." Twilight began speaking. "Set. Go!"
At her mark, Applejack began running through a series of barrels prepared in front of her.
"Hey man." Someone greeted Mike from behind. Mike turned around and saw a Marauder waving his grenade launcher, which obviously replaced his hand and part of his arm, and an SCV who carried a barrel with one mechanized arm and three metallic tankards with the other. "What's up?"
Mike just shrugged. "Quarrel."
Time passed. Mike, the marauder, and the SCV pilot sitting on top of the SCV drinking while spectating. By this point the round of obstacle course had ended. Now the second event started, the kick-that-thing-that-makes-that-other-thing-go-up-and-hit-the-bell-that-I-don't-even-know-the-name-of event.
Mike turned around upon hearing a strange clanking noise, only to see a pony right next to him on top of the SCV also drinking from the barrel the SCV brought. The quarrel had gathered most's attention.
Rainbow Dash finished her part and allowed Applejack to proceed. She got into position and kicked the blank, only to make the hammer rise and outright break through the bell, now shot into the sky.
"Stray bell!! Take cover!!" Mike yelled at the top of his lungs while jumping off the SCV and running off. The marauder also jumped off, ran to a tree and climbed it. The random pony that was there jumped off, opened the barrel, and threw herself in there before closing it. The SCV pilot got into his machine, started it up, built a bunker in under half a second, and took cover inside it. All of this at the blink of an eye.
Once everything calmed down, the random pony, the marauder, the SCV and Mike kept on watching the show from inside the bunker. Outside, Big Mac, Granny Smith and Applebloom joined the public. The bunkermen just watched with blank faces at the tremendous innuendos that were involved in this event. Only for one to slap his forehead in annoyance once Rainbow Dash said 'Ready for another pony ride?'
Time later, yet more public arrived to see the show. This time being the rodeo event. Then the keep-the-ball-high event. Then the haystack throwing event, with several Terran casualties. Then arm wrasslin wrestling, then ball kicking... Etc. Then Rainbow Dash began winning by using her wings to her favor.
"Woo-hoo! I win by a landslide... or mudslide in your case." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I am the Iron Pony!"
"Only 'cause you cheated." Applejack retorted.
"What?"
Meanwhile, in the bunker...
Mike tried focusing his hearing, seeing Applejack and Rainbow Dash arguing from the bunker window. "Can anyone hear anything?" He said as he turned to the rest of those inside the bunker.
The SCV pilot stood up, leaving the marauder and the random pony who were playing poker to decide who'd take the last tankard of apple cider, and lit up a cig. He reached for the roof and opened a hatch, revealing a bunch of wires and a small antenna, and a small unplugged wire hanging around. He reached for the wire, pulled it revealing it was of considerable length, walked over to his SCV, and plugged it on the speakers.
"Tomorrow is the annual Runnin' of the Leaves." The voice of Applejack echoed around the anti-flying-bell-bunker. "I challenge you to race me in it."
"A race?" The marauder spoke up. "With them fancy cars and stuff?"
"Heh! Easy shmeasy." Rainbow Dash accepted the challenge.
"Hold on! There is one condition: the point is to run, so no wings allowed." Applejack said.
"Aww..." The marauder was disappointed. "They're going to race around on foot? What be the fun in that?"
"No wings? No problem." Rainbow Dash agreed.
Mike scratched the filter of his gasmask while leaning on the bunker window, thinking. "Yo, maraud', you know something about races?"
"If I know 'bout dem? Son, I could write an encyclopedia 'bout 'em!"
"I think I have a
A day later...
"Welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves!" Pinkie Pie announced with a loudspeaker, being in a hot air balloon in the sky. "This is Pinkie Pie, your official p-eye-in-the-sky announcer. As everypony knows, the running is a very important tradition, for without it, the autumn leaves of Equestria would never fall. So get ready, ponies. The Running of the Leaves will begin in five minutes."
"Pardon me, excuse me." Rainbow Dash walked through the multitude of racers with her head tall and proud. "Make way for the Iron Pony."
"The Iron phony, you mean." Applejack retorted, standing on the starting line with the other ponies.
"So, Applejack, you ready to win second place?"
"I'm ready to run a good, clean race."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"You are not allowed to use your wings."
"I could win this race with both wings tied behind my back."
And then Applejack tied her wings behind her back.
"Racers! Please take your positions!" Pinkie Pie said through the loudspeaker.
Spike had managed to get to the hot air balloon to be Pinkie Pie's co-reporter, Twilight joined the race only to be taunted by Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and everyone got into positions, ready to start.
"All right, ponies, are you ready?" Announced Pinkie Pie.
"Hold up," Spike interrupted. "There seems to be an empty place there, is someone missing?"
"Well... What number was the racer?" Pinkie Pie asked, getting a list with the numbers and the racers.
"02, judging by the fact that the empty space is between ponies 01 and 03."
"02... 02..." Pinkie Pie whispered to herself while checking the list. "A-ha! The missing racer is... Mike? He's racing?" Everyone could hear over the loudspeaker.
"Mike's racing?" Twilight asked herself.
"Oh boy..." Rainbow Dash muttered, already expecting complete destruction of the surrounding area.
"How is he gonna race?" Applejack questioned. "Well, he does have bigger legs than we do, maybe he can actually run faster than a pony."
A viking flew close to the hot air balloon and stopped next to it. The pilot opened the cockpit, jumped into the basket and whispered something to Spike. Then he jumped back into the viking and flew away.
"Well, apparently Mike is a bit late for the race but he said to start without him, saying that he'll catch up somehow." Spike announced.
"Well then. Ponies, are you ready?" Pinkie questioned.
"Get set!" Spike said. At this, everyone prepared themselves. Then, the bell rang, marking the start of the race which countless ponies took part in.
"And they're off!" Pinkie now broadcasted. "Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the Leaves! You know, Spike, despite its name, the leaves don't do any of the actual running. No, that's left to my little ponies."
"What a title drop." Mike said to himself inside a machine.
"Say what, son?" The marauder from before asked.
"Nothing." Mike answered. He grabbed the radio hanging from the ceiling of the machine and closed it to his mouth. "How's the team going?" He asked.
"We're getting everything up'n'running."
Outside, near the start of the racing track, several SCVs, marines, and a medivac placed themselves. Carrying equipment like radios, tools, and anything you'd see in a standard Terran race. Then, the marauder arrived and sat on a chair that was placed behind a table, which had several mini-TVs stacked, each showing a different thing, like Mike inside the machine, part of the tracks, crew members... Anything important. The marauder then grabbed the microphone. "We're ready, man. Whenever ya're ready."
"Understood." Mike said, placing the small radio on the ceiling again. He grabbed his keys, placed them behind the wheel in front of him, spinned them, and started up the engine of the machine. It was a heavily modified hellion that looked not unlike a Terran racing car, which slowly made its way to the starting line, with every pony that was present staring. On the door of the hellion, the number '02' was painted, and replacing the 0 was the insignia of the Terran Dominion. "Check-up." He said while typing a few words on a keyboard that was to his right, with a screen above it. "Fuel tanks full. Suspension optimal. Engine OK. Oil good." He then lowered the radio from the ceiling agian. "How's the road?"
"Thing's as good as it's gonna get." The marauder replied. "You're gonna meet a hell lot of uneven terrain since thing's not made for vehicles, but ain't gonna present trouble. The entire track's as a rural one would be, so no grass to block the road or anything for that matter. Just follow what's viewable."
"Got it. Good to go?"
"Have at 'em, champ."
Mike placed the radio away, used the gear stick to change the gear of his ride, and hit the gas, making his vehicle drive full speed forward. Clouds of dust followed him.
Once the race gathered heat...
"Command, I am on the move, I'm spotting several ponies in front of me." Mike yelled through the radio, shaking around due to the uneven terrain but still mantaining his grip of the wheel. "What's the situation?!"
"You're in for a helluva race, son. Thing's covering a lot of distance." He heard the marauder speaking through the radio. Above him, a Raven was making its reconnaissance flight. "The racer on the last place is at a pretty damn distance compared to the ones on the first place, you'll have to catch up ASAP."
"Ones in the first place?" Mike questioned his use of the plural.
"Yeah, two are fighting for the first place, one blue pegasus and an orange pony with a brown hat."
"Copy that." Mike acknowledged. He gripped the wheel with more strength and increased speed, now planning to surpass the ponies in front of him.
"Woah!" Spike gasped, seeing the Raven making its flight right next to him. "What was that?"
"Mike's, I bet." Pinkie Pie reassured him before broadcasting once again. "Let's check in with our two competitive ponies, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Having come fast out of the gate, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are evenly matched running neck in neck. But what's this? Applejack is making a move, she's now ahead by a nose. But Rainbow Dash pulls at Applejack's have-it and takes the lead. She's ahead by half a nose. Or maybe three quarters of a nose. No, about sixty-three point seven percent of a nose... Roughly speaking. Applejack sees this move and pushes forth with her strong workhorse legs slinking ahead by three hundred and fifty nos-- What's this? Looking at the other side of the race there's a strange cloud of dust making its move in the race, surpassing the ponies in the rear! The cloud joined the race! On closer inspection, there's something leading the cloud, a strange machine, and by strange machine I mean Mike in his strange machine! Mike has finally joined the race!!"
"Mike?!" Spike gasped, surprised by him catching up so soon. "Mike's surpassing everyone in merely seconds! If this keeps up maybe he'll be able to reach Applejack and Rainbow Dash! Only time will tell, we're already halfway in the race and there's no telling if he'll be fast enough to reach the end before them!"
"You didn't think I was gonna let you off that easily, did you?" Rainbow Dash taunted Applejack, right before she tripped on a rock, leaving Rainbow Dash with the current first place.
"I don't believe it." Applejack ranted, on the ground, seeing Rainbow Dash run off to the horizon.
"I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?" Twilight mentioned once catching up, seeing the leaves fall.
"Not the scenery, Twilight. Rainbow Dash just tripped me."
"She did not."
"She did too!"
"She did not, and if you slowed down and looked where you're going, like me, you'd see that you tripped over a rock."
"What? Oh, hayseed! Now I got a lot of ground to make up to catch Rainbow."
"Just be careful!"
Right before they could even start moving, they could hear the rumbling of the earth behind them. They turned around, and before they could even react, a giant cloud of dust engulfed them. They could hear something too, as if something drifted from behind them to right in front of them, as if it was stopping. Once the dust cleared, they saw Mike opening the hatch of his Hellion and staring at them.
"Mike?!" Twilight asked irritated, with Applejack asking the same but out of surprise.
Mike turned his head around to see the group of ponies running off. Then, he turned back at Twilight and Applejack. He waved his arm, closed the hatch, and drove off to reach the rest of the group.
"Command, I have surpassed Applejack, what's the current situation?" Mike asked through the radio.
"You tell me, son! Look next to you!"
Mike looked to the side, only to see through the glass of his cockpit how Applejack ran straight past him. The hellion, unfortunately, wasn't known for its speed, seeing as even a zergling with a metabolic boost could match it.
"What?!" Mike asked himself in disbelief, seeing the orange pony run off. "This calls for decisive action..." He whispered to himself. He moved his right hand behind the gear stick, opened a hatch, and turned three switches, each lighting up a light which turned from red to green. He lowered the radio from the ceiling and spoke once again. "Command, any considerable curves in the road?"
"Ain't none. If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do, go ahead."
"Gladly..."
He placed the radio back and then placed his hand on a lever in the hatch. Then, with all his strength, he pulled it. He could see how the scenery blurred more and more as his speed increased. The level activated the nitro pack of the reaper jetpacks that were duct taped and superglued to the back of his hellion. The shaking became fierce, almost making the hellion hover due to the uneven terrain.
Right in front of him he could see two blurred dots, a purple one, and a blue one. He knew it was Twilight and Rainbow Dash, but having no time to waste he just drove past them without even a greeting. Needless to say they were now covered by the leaves face to hoof.
"Command, I have surprassed Rainbow Dash. I am-- WOAH!!" He yelled, outmaneuvering a horde of racing ponies while almost losing control of his vehicle. "DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!!" He kept on yelling. "I am in the middle of the racing ponies, I'm surpassing most to the best of my abilities, what should I expect?!"
"Boulder!!"
"Boulwhat?!" He barely managed to spit before a boulder was right in front of him. He managed to barely dodged it, only for it to impact on a wheel and send him flying, thankfully forwards instead of any other direction. He yelled having no control over his vehicle in mid-flight, and even Applejack, who was below him as it flew, could hear it as it surpassed her. After a moment, he was on the ground. "Command, I lost a wheel, send a team ASAP--" He requested, but now felt how several SCVs crash-landed on his upside-down vehicle. The medivac was dropping them right on top of him. "Ok that was a bit too fast."
The SCVs, with several buckets of minerals which were needed to repair the hellion, God knows how, managed to repair it by simply drilling any part of it. After a while, the reparations were complete, the hellion was turned over to its proper position, and the SCVs left with the medivac. "Hell of a ride, right there." Mike mentioned before driving off again. Apparently the nitro pack never runs out of nitro either.
From his mirror he could see how the hordes of ponies, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were closing in. Determined, and knowing that sooner or later they'd reach him, he decided to take a shortcut only he'd see the sense in. Reaching the crossroad, he took the left road up a small elevation. Shaking inside his vehicle, he drove higher and higher while the ponies took the other direct route.
"Uhhh, what are you gonna do now?" The marauder asked.
"Shortcut."
"You're gonna get yourself killed man!!"
"Don't worry, there's no collision damage implemented."
"Oh, right. Godspeed, chum!"
The hellion kept on driving until it reached the top level, now driving towards a cliff which overlooked the end of the track. Mike knew exactly what awaited him, and so, drove right off the cliff, now falling towards the goal.
"VALHALLA!! HERE I COME!!"
"Ugh!" Applejack grunted as Rainbow Dash tried driving her off. "Cut it out!"
"No, you cut it out!"
They were extremely close to the goal.
"You started it!"
"And now I'm gonna finish it!"
"Oh no, you won't!" Applejack said, biting Rainbow Dash's tail, thus slowing her down.
"Oh yes I will!" She said, doing the same.
Applejack the bit her ropes, freeing her and allowing her to use her wings.
"That's it! All bets are off!" She said as she flew forward.
"Oh no, you don't." Applejack grunted, jumping right at her, tackling her and ending up rolling while fighting while everyone stared. Only the flaming wrecks of Mike's ride which was close to the goal caused them to finish, as they impacted it. They were sent flying as they tripped on it, landing on the other side of the finish line.
"I won!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"No, I won!"
"I won!"
"You tied!" Spike interrupted the argument.
"Tied?" They both questioned.
"For first?" Applejack asked.
"For almost-last!" Pinkie said.
"Almost-last?!" Applejack gasped.
"Then, who won?!" Rainbow Dash asked.
Then, Twilight walked in with a medal.
"You?!" The blue and orange pony asked.
"Gah..." Mike grunted inside the flaming wreck, with a red light blinking on and off perpetually. "Must... Get out..." He told himself, half unconscious. He looked around, and right above him he could see a blinding light that contrasted with the rest of the wreckage. He lifted his arm at it, then the other, and with grueling effort he pulled himself up. The great amount of light blinding his eyes. Now he blindly moved, trying to get out of the wreck completely. He pushed himself further until he fell out of the wreck into the ground. "Here... Is my..." He mustered the remaining strength he had to crawl forwards, until with his last effort, he laid his hand on the finish line. "Glory..."
Before he completely passed out, he could see the shadow of a tall mare, far taller than most, walking up to him. "Not one..." He muttered, thinking it was some sort of supernatural agent like the angel of death. "Step back..."
"Well, with all your horsing around, it was quite easy." Twilight explained.
"You're right, Twilight. Our behavior was just terrible." Applejack admited.
"We weren't very good sports." Rainbow Dash added.
"Sounds to me that an important lesson was learned." Celestia spoke all of a sudden, arriving with Mike, who was half-dead, lying unconscious on her back.
"Princess Celestia?!" Applejack and Rainbow Dash gasped.
"What are you doing here?" Applejack questioned.
"Fall is one of my favorite seasons, so I came to celebrate the Running of the Leaves."
"I'm sorry you had to see us being such poor sport, Princess."
"That's all right, Applejack. Anypony can get swept up in the excitement of competition. Like someone here has shown..." She was referring to Mike.
"Why are you carrying him?" Asked Twilight, surprised to see royalty not leaving the more prepared guards to do their bidding.
"Oh, I have something planned for him. Don't worry about it."
Twilight just stared with a blank face. Then, she shrugged it off. "It's important to remember that the friendship is always more important than the competition."
"Exactly, Twilight. Now, unfortunately, because the two of you were busy tricking each other instead of shaking down leaves, many of the lovely trees of Equestria are still covered. Surprising, considering this 'Terran' almost caused a duststorm all on his own."
"Why, Princess, I bet we can knock those leaves down for you lickety-split." Applejack boasted. Then, she turned to Rainbow Dash. "Whaddya say, friend? Wanna go for another run?"
"I'd love to stretch my legs."
Then they began running off through the forests.
"Command..." A ghost cloaked in the distance with a sniper rifle spoke through the radio. "I have the mare who kidnapped the Commander in my crosshair... Awaiting clearance to engage..."
"You retard!" The marauder from before yelled. "That's Celestia! She's the Commander's ally!"
"...Oh."