Chapter 37. I don't even
The police officer scratches his head. “So... He is a cartoon character,” He asks, looking from me to his notepad.
“Yes, I do think he is from a cartoon...” I nod, trying to smile.
“So, you ponies are at war with his cartoon world?” He bites his pen.
“No, ponies aren't at war with him, that is the changelings... but not anymore... I'm sorry, I know it's confusing...” I say nervously, as he shakes his head and walks away, fed up.
This questioning had been going on for a little while, and I am sure the confusing and unbelievable story had bothered the officer to no end, since he now had to report to someone else. I really feel bad for him. I make my way over next to Pinkie, or Reid, and look up with her at the gathering clouds.
“Looks like it's gonna rain...” She says simply.
I smile a little as I reply. “I hope it does, I love the rain.”
I can hear Julien a ways away practically growling at the officer who had been questioning him for just as long as I had been hounded. “Yes, I sent the robot about fifteen hundred miles west. I think it was easier than normal due to it being unreal like we are. Also, I used up pretty much all my energy.” He says simply.
Reid starts to talk about rain; “Rain makes me sleepy. Don't know what it is, I just burrow down and listen to that pitter patter on the roof...” But then she sits up a bit straighter, that perpetual smile coming back before she continues in a slightly more chipper voice. “Well it may not make you sleepy anymore.”
Then the pitch drops a little and her smile turns into a small concerned frown. “I don't think we want to do the Gollum act in front of the cops, Pinkie. No offense... Hey, if anypony's gollum here, you're Gollum. This is my body. So I'm Smeagol... So I get to say creepy things and try to convince you to turn to the dark side? Bakses the cupcakes, precious, theys taste of good fishies!” She says with a smirk.
With a disgusted face but a wide grin, Pinkie giggles. “Ew!”
I laugh and the whole thing reminds me of a video I had seen once. “Have you seen lord of the rings enacted by ponies? I forget if I even make an appearance,” I sigh as I remember how many videos I had seen in which I made an appearance. Once again I am reminded just how well known I am. “I can't wait to get home and just relax.”
“No, not really. I don't go too much for the custom animation... My youtube connection sucks. I can barely get the new episodes,” Reid says before putting up her hood.
Julie is still in a heated debate with the persistent officer, and I can tell the officer has managed to use up all the patience he has to offer. “No, if I was going to send you to Nevada, I would have by now. Not like I had anything else to use my magic on, since we've been wasting time crawling at a snails pace across the states, the world will probably end by the time we get there. .. No, what would make you think I was upset? I've answered all your questions, haven't I?”
On the other side, the pink pony princess is chatting quite curtly with her officer. “I'm sorry sir, I only transformed this morning. I don't think I could use my magic in such a manner... Well I do feel a little tense, but that's from being cramped in a box.”
While staring up at the cloud banks, Reid seems to have come up with a question, which he asks in a very un-pinkie sort of direct manner. “By home.... which home do you mean?
For a moment I don’t know how to reply. Every reply seems laid with spikes and pitfalls for me to fall into, that would imply I don’t have a home at all. “Are we friends Reid?” I finally ask timidly.
I am not looking at him, but I can practically feel the sudden tension my question triggers. “Friend. What an interesting word.... I had very few friends, before the pony thing. Even after most of my friends were online. But...” I look back to him in hope, and he nods with a small smile. “I would like to think we are friends.”
Julien is getting to the point where the officer is just an annoyance to him. “No. Yes sir. No. Are we done here?” He snaps.
“What? Oh... fine. Julien, this nice officer wants to take a picture of us with him for his little girl,” Linda says with an apologetic look.
“You know, home's a very strange word too,” Reid continues. “I've always felt comfortable anywhere, really. Just so long as I had a quiet nook to retreat to. I don't have a home, because... I feel the whole world is my home.”
“Yeah...” I agree, feeling much better about my definition of home now. “In this situation, when I say I can't wait to get home, I mean anywhere where I can be safe, with my friends.“
“Fine,” Julien says, turning away from the officer who had been antagonizing him. “I'm done with this one anyway.” He says simply, moving to stand next to Linda with a painfully hollow smile.
Linda’s smile is a bit more genuine, and the officer who had been talking to her stands next to them as the other one reluctantly takes a picture of them.
“Friends and family. Pretty much the same thing. ...We got to meet the Mythbusters. That's always fun.” Reid says with a grin.
“Yeah... They left really soon though, I probably scared them off...” I say, tapping my hooves together anxiously.
“Great, now I suppose we can head to the hotel? Did the rest of the group catch up with us?” Julien asks, obviously wanting to leave so he doesn’t have to deal with the police. I wonder how much of his aggravation is from Julien and how much is from Shining’s guard training conflicting with how this whole thing is being handled.
“We were flying, so... hold on.” Linda takes out her phone in a blue shimmering glow and dials a number before floating it up next to her ear with a nervous expression. “....pick up pick up pick up....”
“You? Scary? Heeheehee.... hmmm. Maaaaaaaybe.” Reid chuckles.
Someone picks up on the other end of the phone call and Linda’s face lights up. “Hey Ginny. Yes, we're all right.... Nopony's hurt, the cops are here... no, I don't think she's traumatized.... We'll be heading for the hotel soon. No. Yes, I know that. What, really?”
Reid sighs and shakes his head. “Here we go, a short conversation extends to half an hour...”
“Rawr!” I say in response to Reid’s doubt that I could be scary, holding up my forehooves threateningly.
Julien just rolls his eyes as he watches Linda on the phone.
Reid grins and fights back with a vicious meow and a light tap of his hoof against mine.
“Ugh. Just... just stay in the lobby,” Linda instructs the phone. “I promise we'll be right there.” She hangs up and looks over to us. “Hey you two! Stop playing around, we need to get a cab back to the hotel.”
Reid looks like a kicked puppy, laying his ears down in a chagrined expression. “Mrrow?”
I decide the best way to cheer up Reid is a tactical distraction. “Rawr.” I then boop him gently on the nose. he scrunches up his nose in a familiar expression of befuddlement that reminds me of Ponyville.
“What's up sweetieeeeaaaiiIII mean Linda.” Julien says, his face a mix of horror and shock, looking at Linda as though she is about to kill him, which for all I know she might.
“Wait, what?” Linda finally says.
Reid grins and growls seductively, which is something I never thought I would hear from Pinkie’s mouth. “Meeeerow.”
“You know what, I'm just gonna...” Linda seems as baffled as the rest of us. “Let's... let's just head downstairs.” She turns away and heads down the stairs before us.
Once we all make it down the treacherous stairs, which I glided down of course, Reid pulls out his iPad and opens up google maps. “Alright, nearest taxi service... Um... what was the address of our hotel again?”
“No idea, but if you look up our DDR video I bet they have the name of the mall.” I suggest, unsure of where we even are.
“I'll call up Ginny... again...” Linda says, exasperated.
We wait in silence as the phone rings, then Reid turns to me. “...Here's a random thought. If you're the complete fusion of Fluttershy and Erica, are you their daughter?”
I immediately go to thoughts of a filly or colt refusing to eat their food and starving to death because I can’t figure out what they want in time, thoughts of a child accidentally slipping out of my hooves and hitting their head. It is a terrifying idea, me having a child. You can’t always be kind to a child, you have to be firm and yet gentle, kind yet at times heartless, just to get a child through their younger years alive.
“I don't have the backbone for motherhood.” I finally squeak. “I mean, I have a hard enough time saying no to angel, and he can't even speak.”
Julien chuckles. “So does that imply that Pinkie is going to be a parent in some twisted way?”
Pinkie snaps away control of her body from Reid so quickly, I swear her eyes spun. “There was a whole EPISODE devoted to me learning to be a good parent!” She objects.
“A good childtender. Not a good parent. There's a difference, Pinkie.” Reid replies, an expression of discomfort on his face, which then goes back to an incredulous one. “Oh come on, what's so weird about me being a mom?”
Reid resumes control and looks more nervous than upset. “One, I'm here now. Two, a true parent ensures their child has... a future. I've thought a lot about this. Three, you're more the crazy auntie then a mom.”
“Look, I want to have kids SOMEDA... We are not talking about this. But-- Nope. Maybe--” Finally the pink pony starts meowing to the beat of nyancat, keeping Pinkie or Reid from saying anything. I just watch with concern.
“Guys! I'm on the phone!” Linda growls.
Compared to my own aversion to having a child, Reid seems to be having a much harder time of it. “You are far more interesting than my internal problems. Don't worry, I think you could make a great parent someday.” I finally say, giving him/her a tight hug.
“If she doesn't give it diabetes first.” Julien snarks.
“It's the whole... eleven months of being preggers that gets to me. Mostly cause, you know, I used to be a guy.” Reid tries to explain. “Stallions are wusses.” Pinkie smirks.
“I've RPd birth, Pinkie, I'm just not ready for that yet. Heck I'm not ready for marriage yet... Oh fine, I'll wait.”
“Uh huh. Okay.” Linda finally hangs up the phone. “The address is 520 Minnesota Avenue.”
I can see Reid entering the address into the tablet from my convenient vantage point with my head on his shoulder.
“....I appreciate the concern, Erishy, but I think that it would be best for everypony if we just moved on from this.” Reid says firmly.
I realize I had probably been leaning on him, and let go. “Sorry... I like hugs.” I try to explain.
“Taxi is that way.” He gestures up the street, and a moment later the taxi rounds the corner.
I notice that Reid has us all get in so that I am sitting in between him and Cadance, or Linda, and then Julien on the other side of her. “Hey, we all like hugs. I just... that was a rather...” The door closing and the rustle of everyone getting situated drowned out the last bit of his sentence. “You know what, I have no idea. Subject change.” He finishes once everyone is settled.
“Rather what and what? Sorry I didn't hear you.” I say, concerned I might have hurt him or offended him.
“Yeah, just.... forget it. It's a thing, it's past.” He says, waving a hoof.
“That's the oldest trick in the book.” Linda says, and I turn to see Julien has put a foreleg around her.
“That's why it works.” He says with a smile.
“Oh, okay. So we were gonna work on costumes tonight, still on you think?” I ask, turning back to Reid.
“Yeppers. Can't let Dissy's shenanigans distract us, right? Otherwise he wins.” Reid says with an authoritative nod.
“I'm sorry, I'm... still getting used to this.” I can hear Linda say on the other side of me.
“Sorry.” is all Julien can really say in response.
“That will be nice, its been at least a few days since I had something constructive to do.” I continue, to Reid.
“Mmmm. Doing things. Interesting how useful it makes you feel.” He says with a smile.
“...Look, Julien. Or Shining, if you're there. I woke up this morning in a strange body, spent the entire day having a strange... impression in the back of my head, and I was just kidnapped by a mad scientist. Right now, all I want to do is relax and avoid the big questions. It's... it's not you, it's me.” I can hear the confusion and fear in Linda’s voice.
I am too busy watching Reid watch the rain through the window. Rain is like a blanket that sometimes is laid across the world, and it curiously reflects what you want in life, in my opinion. I want to feel safe, so rain makes me feel like the world has grown calm, and being safe is much easier in a calm and restful world. Pinkie was never bothered by the rain, because she has everything she wants. She has her friends, she has the whole world to dance through, the rain is just a different backdrop to a different party.
“Yeah...” I say quietly, having to sort of lean on Reid to look out the window myself at the grey and blanketed world.
“Hey, I understand, I'm just saying sorry because I don't want to make it harder on you than it already is.” Julien is saying to Linda.
“Just--Look. Just don't say anything!” Linda says, flustered.
I watch Reid close his eyes, though her doesn’t seem upset.
“....I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap...” Linda continues.
“Golden rule, Linda. Treat others as you wish to be treated. You want quiet, be quiet.” Reid says calmly.
“Do you want a hug, Linda?” I ask, turning to face the upset princess.
“...I... Ugh. Sure, why not...” She says with the tone of someone who has been defeated.
I turn and scoot a little to hug Linda tightly, laying my head on her withers as the rain grows louder, and we grow quieter. I think linda needs some time to think, and for a while, she is given that quiet time as we all ride in silence through the peaceful hush of the world in a small yellow cab. A point of bright color in a dim setting. Contrast, lets us see the truth.