Applejack grimaced as she looked out of the library’s front window and through the town. Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she pulled her hat off of her head and wrung it through her hooves.
“A little worried?”
Applejack jumped at the sound of Twilight’s voice. A million thoughts swirled through Applejack’s mind; Twilight’s voice fading deep into the abyss. She had completely forgotten the unicorn was even in the room, despite the fact that it was her house. It was a moment that AJ had been anxiously awaiting for months, years it felt like. Her stomach turned and twisted itself into knots. She could almost see those blue eyes…
“Applejack?’’
Once again the earth pony jumped. She tore her gaze away from the window and forcefully met Twilight’s worried expression.
“No worries, Twi. Ah’m alright.”
Applejack ignored the look Twilight shot her and pretended she didn’t hear the short sigh come out of the unicorn’s mouth. Applejack’s eyes were fixated on a building she couldn’t even see. Yet, in her mind, despite all the traffic and the buildings in Ponyville, Applejack could see the building as clear as day. Every corner was sharp, every balcony was vibrant. It was a place she had been to a million and a half times. Her nerves tied another knot in her stomach, causing the tan pony to emit a small nerve-laced grunt. Twilight’s eyebrows crinkled in concern.
“Come on AJ. You know you can trust me.”
Applejack hated hearing the pleading tone in Twilight’s voice. She forced herself to lock eyes with the unicorn, finding that her body resisted. Her green eyes lingered on the window, searching for a building she knew she couldn’t see. AJ bowed her head and sighed, taking a second to collect her thoughts and place her hat back on her head.
“A’course Ah’m nervous, Twi. Ah ain’t ever done nothin’ like this before, and it makes mah stomach turn a little is all. Ah’ll be okay though.”
Applejack’s false bravado brought a smirk to Twilight’s face. The earth pony was nothing if not tough.
“AJ, you’ve been staring out my window for at least two hours now. You can’t even see her house from here.”
The silence in the room was long and drawn out. Applejack could have stared a hole through the floor; her thoughts flooded with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. Eyes that she could swear haunted her in her dreams. A perfect smile that made her heart stop right dead in its tracks. An amazing smelling mane that had Applejack gnawing at her lip many a time to maintain her self-control. Twilight took a step forward, closing the gap between the two friends and bringing AJ out of her masochistic thought-fest.
“You know, if you’re this nervous, you could just wait…”
“No!”
Applejack’s head lurched up with a frenzy, her wild green eyes meeting Twilight’s. Twilight couldn’t help the grin that snuck into the corner of her mouth. Despite their differences, the two understood each other a little too perfectly sometimes. Twilight knew exactly how to pull Applejack out of her misery. At least for a moment.
“Look, Ah’ve been planin’ this for a long time, and it’s now or never. Ah just… uh, ate a big breakfast is all. Waitin’ for it to digest….”
Twilight once again cocked an eyebrow at her friend, her lips pursed in disbelief.
“Breakfast?”
“You know how Granny Smith gets when she gets’a cookin’.”
Applejack’s eyes shifted around the room, refusing to meet the lavender irises that disbelievingly stared at her. After a long moment, AJ peered under the brim of her hat only to see her friend’s face contorted into a look that ponysonified the phrase ‘getting real with one’s self.’ Applejack sighed again.
“What if she doesn’t like me? What if Ah ruin somethin’ good because Ah’m a loon and can’t control mah feelins for a friend?”
Twilight brought Applejack’s face to meet her own. Her lavender eyes were stern and yet oddly gentle, motherly almost.
“AJ, you don’t need to worry about a thing. You won’t lose a friend. You have nothing to worry about. Worst case scenario is we go get some cake afterwards and tell terrible stories about those mythical humans everyone’s been gossiping about lately. But I can talk to you all day and you still wouldn’t have to believe me. You need to get out there and do something about it instead of sulking in here. Sulking never helped anyone.”
Applejack raised her head to protest but found her thoughts were fuzzy. In fact, her entire body was feeling fuzzy. Applejack tried to look around to find the source of it all, but found that she could not, in fact, physically find her head. Before she had time to properly freak out, her molecules formed together in the right order and her eyes trained on the building she had just been attempting to stare at from Twilight’s window. Applejack cursed under her breath, knowing that Twilight had just transported her to the front door of the Carousel Boutique.
Applejack crushed down her feelings of displeasure towards Twilight, much the same as she had crushed down her true feelings towards Rarity. She swallowed audibly, her stomach lurching into her throat as she stared up the structure of the building. Her muscles glued themselves in place; Applejack couldn’t turn and run even if she wanted to, which she absolutely did. Once again she was frozen outside of Rarity’s home, her heart beating strong enough to buck the apples off of sixty trees. In her mind, nothing was more concrete than the asinine idea of Rarity magically loving her back. It was the same thought that had plagued the earth pony for far too long, and the one thought that kept her from ever opening her mouth. It was the fact that she actively tried to find anything she hated about the pristine unicorn to break the spell over her heart, to no avail.
It was the vision of being rejected by perfection that made it hard to sleep at night. The idea of rejection that always haunted Applejack was currently the only thing that was strong enough to loosen AJ’s petrified muscles. With a heavy chest and muscles moving out of pure defeat, she began to slump back towards Sweet Apple Acres. That is, of course, until the front door opened.
“Oh Applejack! What a wonderful surprise!”
AJ’s muscles refroze immediately and her heart skipped at least a year’s worth of beats. She turned and smiled at the pony that was most definitely not Sweetie Belle, as she had been hoping. Rarity’s blue eyes cut deep into AJ’s core, lighting it up with feelings she tried so hard to suppress. They were the most perfect, most vibrant shade of blue; The work horse could feel her legs start to give out underneath her as she once again fell into the trance of the most perfect eyes in Equestria.
“What are you doing here darling? Anything I can help with?”
Rarity’s words echoed like church bells in Applejack’s mind. Every syllable was perfectly accentuated, every pause the perfect amount of time. Applejack closed her eyes for a moment longer than a blink to regain control of mind. When she opened them, she immediately got lost in those blue eyes and, worse yet, that contagious smile. The corners of AJ’s mouth unwillingly reached upwards whenever the unicorn smiled. It was contagious and perfect. And heartshattering.
Applejack found a mere two second window to snap her eyes shut and wheel around. As hypersensitive as she was to Rarity’s every movement, AJ could feel the unicorn draw a sharp, confused breath. AJ drew a breath of her own and decided to let her emotions take control.
“Rarity Ah… Ah got somethin’ Ah need’ta get off mah chest. Ah…”
Applejack made the mistake of looking behind her and into Rarity’s eyes. The entire world as she knew it blended into those baby blues and made it hard to focus on anything that wasn’t the radiant beauty that was Rarity. The unicorn cocked her head to the side, making it even harder for the earth pony to rise above the toxic levels of adorableness that were being spread over the entirety of Ponyville.
Applejack violently shook her head to regain control. She squeezed her eyes shut, an act of defiance more so towards herself and her stupid heart. Applejack drew a breath and lowered her head, knowing there was no way of avoiding what was going to spill out of her mouth.
“Rarity Ah… Ah think you’re eyes sparkle like a thousand diamonds. Ah get lost in ‘em every time Ah look your way. Your smile could end wars and curse diseases. Your mane is perfect and smells mighty nice, an Ah especially like it when it’s a little messy. Everythin’ about ya does funny things to me. When Ah see you, Ah get a funny feelin’ in my chest that Ah just can’t crush down anymore. It makes me feel weird, like Ah don’t have control of what Ah’m doin’. Ah would run to the ends of the world if ya asked me to. Ah like you more than Ah should and Ah’m sorry and Ah wish Ah didn’t. But Ah can’t help it. Ah’ve tried mah best to break what you are in mah mind, but Ah just can’t. And Ah needed’ta tell ya or else Ah was gonna go plum crazy. Ah… Ah’m sorry.”
The words tripped over themselves as they shoved their way out of Applejack’s mouth. Her green eyes were squeezed shut still and her heart banked on a fairy tale ending. She listened carefully as the breath Rarity sucked in before had not been released yet. Birds chirped high above their heads. Fillies giggled in the distance. Minutes, excruciating minutes, passed without a word. With each passing second, Applejack’s hopeful heart sunk a little lower.
“Oh Applejack…” Rarity exhaled slowly, pain lacing every letter.
AJ’s heart hit rock bottom and seemingly exploded in her chest. She knew that tone well. It was the same one that haunted her in her dreams, the same tone that kept her from saying anything at all. The idea that had scared her so much was now a reality that she wasn’t sure she could handle. She kept her head lowered, embarrassed and vulnerable. Her heart reluctantly skipped a beat as she felt Rarity’s cheek brush her own. Applejack instinctively jerked away, not wanting anypony, least of all Rarity, to feel the dead tears streaming down her face. Rarity paused with apprehension and slowly pulled away.
“I’m so sorry Applejack but… I can’t. I just… I’m not… I couldn’t let you…”
Applejack raised her head slowly and was surprised to find Rarity in such close proximity. Her big blue eyes were wide and sad and bore heavily into the red-eyed earth pony. They stood there for a minute, both silent and lost in each other’s company. Applejack unlocked her jaw and choked out the only other thing she really needed to know.
“Can we still be friends?”
Rarity’s lips pulled upwards, though there was no trace of humor on her face. She looked Applejack in the eyes and nodded once, her voice pulling her words out from under her before she could squeak them out. Applejack smiled though it was empty and cold. She tipped her hat before she wheeled around and stalked off.
A mere trot away from the Carousel Boutique found Twilight Sparkle waiting eagerly, pacing back and forth feverishly. Upon seeing the work horse, she all but contained herself from tackling the earth pony. The only thing that stopped her from doing so was the sullen expression that sat under AJ’s brown hat. Twilight’s face contorted from expectant to happy to concerned to empathetic in about twelve seconds.
“Well?” Twilight still had hope, no matter how small it was.
Applejack grunted, slowly trotting pasted the purple unicorn. Twilight’s face, and heart, sunk. She quickly caught up to Applejack and kept pace with the heartbroken earth pony.
“I’m really sorry AJ. But, nothing will change, right? And, besides, it’s better to get it off your chest so you can heal than let it consume you whole like it was…. Right?”
Applejack didn’t respond, save for the semi-muffled sobs echoing in the streets. Her face remained down, away from eye-contact and the judgment of other ponies. Twilight frowned. She hated knowing there was nothing she could do to make it better. She was powerless. Or was she?
“Hey AJ? Wanna go get a bottle of apple cider? And then I can tell you the story of the time when Pinkie Pie almost lit her butt on fire?”
Applejack stopped and, for the first time, looked at her friend. Despite the tears running down her face, she couldn’t help but laugh. With a nod, the two set off towards an afternoon that would surely be filled with shenanigans and cider. There was, after all, no cure for a broken heart outside of a laugh and distractions.
Rarity stared after the pair of friends as they trotted further away from her home. She sighed and lowered her head, closing her eyes to find peace. When, after a long minute, no peace came, Rarity raised her head and looked to the sky.
“I could never let you down so much as to admit how much you mean to me.”
Tears rushed down Rarity’s face as she ran into her home, for another night of sobbing.