//------------------------------// // Beginning // Story: Life and Death // by Protector of Light //------------------------------// This morning my new quest begins. I have already been to the library. Nobody could suspect anything out of the ordinary about that, so there was no need to sneak. I can take as many books as I please, no worrying about the librarian asking questions. As long as I say, ‘I’m taking five books,’ for example, she won’t question me. Being a princess has its benefits. I just don’t make a habit of using those benefits willy-nilly. But there is a time and place for everything; this just happens to be the time and place. So I used my influence and got the books that I needed without a hitch. Nopony can suspect a thing. Everything must be a carefully guarded secret. Oh, how I wish that I could tell Luna. But I know that like that spell that seems so long ago, she would try to do something to stop me if she had any idea of my plans. And like then, I really don’t want to be stopped. I just want to do something. Even if I could just give everypony an extra day or two to say their goodbyes, I would be satisfied. Well, not satisfied, to be honest, but pacified and I would learn to accept it. I have already gone through the books and I have found nothing of use. The books all describe death as a bird, a raven, or something of the like. However, I put little stock in these, as surely they are just symbolism. Sadly, I found no suggestion on how to find death, because it is said that either in to invisible to all but those who are in the process of dying, or perhaps that death works from afar rather than in the presence of a victim. But, I digress, all that matters is that nothing was helpful. Nothing helpful at all… However, one book that mentioned death tells of a place. A place where nothing is happy and where there is only grief. And this place is said to be wherever you make it. All you have to do is search for it and get lost. However, what counts as lost isn’t clear. Physically lost one would assume, but what if someone has lost their path in life, could that do it? I haven’t lost my path, so if that is the case then I suppose this journey is impossible. I cannot lose my way in life. I have too much to protect. I cannot let this get the better of me. All that I can do is go out there and try to physically lose my way. The Everfree Forest is a good place to do just that. Even with all of the knowledge that I have gathered over the years, I cannot be completely sure of my location in an ever changing environment such as that forest. So that is my best bet. The only issue now is getting out of the palace without guards. I suppose that I could teleport out, which would eliminate the sneaking variable, but even then, they can track me, a precaution that I instated after the changeling incident. It was perhaps one of the best decisions that I have made in my life, yet in times like this, it is the worst case scenario. Oh, how I should think through every possible variable before I make decisions. But this never would have occurred to me that I would possibly happen. Even if I told them not to track me, it might make them more careful to do so. So what do I do? I do know of a spell, come to think of it. A simple spell. It would last no more than a week, and when Luna found out that I used it she would worry. I should really tell Luna that I’m leaving for a little while, even if I cannot tell her why. I just feel so guilty doing this. I’ll come up with some kind of excuse. I’ve always been a decent liar; not the best, but not the worst either. It is evening now, and there is no evening court these days, so I can speak with Luna freely. I go to her chamber door and knock. When I am told to enter, I do so. “Celestia! How are you enjoying your break?” Luna implores. “I’m making good use of it. I can’t say that I’m much up to enjoying anything yet, but I’m giving myself time to think things through. Thank you so much for letting me have this time off. I know that you are taking this hard as well.” I sigh. “Of course, sister, you can take as much time as you need. For a thousand years you handled both day and night; you deserve a break, well timed or not. And I’m sure that you’ll be on call in case of a crisis.” “Of course. I will always be here for you.” Ugh, there I go with that always again. It’s all I can do not to flinch. I don’t bother to force as smile; she’s not expecting one anyway. She smiles at me sadly. “You seem troubled, dearest sister. Just know how much I love you. You can tell me anything.” “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me.” I pause and look at her with a false smile. “I think that I’m going to leave the palace for a few days. I tire of the constant guards and structure. I think I’m going on a little adventure. Something to brighten my mood.” None of that was a lie. It just wasn’t the entire truth. So long as she doesn’t ask… “Okay, where is that you’re going?” Drat. “I’m not really sure yet. I think that I may just go where the wind takes me.” Sounds like a good excuse to me. “Do be careful, Celestia. I don’t want to lose you too. I just want you to be happy again. And if this will make you happier, then I will gladly fill in for you while you travel.” If only she knew how happy it would make me. “I’ll be careful. And I’m sure that this will help. I just need some time to think about things, and constant guards do not help that.” This will definitely make me much happier, if I can just set my plan into motion. “Well, I’m sure that you can protect yourself, and you can always call me if you run into any problems.” “Thank you, Luna. I’m heading out in the morning, so I may not get to see you again before I leave. So I’ll just say that I love you and I will see you when I get back.” “I love you as well, sister. Be careful.” “Of course. Good night.” “Good night.” *** Ah, the Everfree Forest. The majestic beauty. The wildness and fright. So many ponies fear it, and so many ponies are thus deprived of its magnificence. Perhaps their fear is warranted, though, as mantacores and cockatrices are common within. But with a little bit of knowledge of your surroundings, you can be perfectly safe. And I know a little bit about the forest. The original castle was within it, not Canterlot, and I used to know a little bit about the forest. The original castle was within it, not in Canterlot, and I used to travel through the wilderness without guides or guards, in order to clear my mind. But that has been more than a thousand years ago now. I hope that my knowledge remains intact. Remembering how to navigate in the forest is moot anyway; I need to get lost, and it’s easier to lose one’s bearings if one does not pay too much mind to where they are going. Of course, I will be vigilant for whatever monsters might be lurking around, but my main concern is to find myself in the middle of nowhere. And I am well on my way to doing that. I’ve been wandering through these woods aimlessly for what feels like hours. I think that I might be walking in circles even. I feel like I’ve seen that tree before. It looks as though it has a face on it, so it is memorable; surely I wouldn’t confuse it with another. I need to find surroundings that are more difficult to identify in order to truly get lost. But it seems as though when one tries to get lost, they find it impossible. Being lost is a mindset. If you are consciously trying, you are failing. So I will try to think of other things. For instance, what is death, truly? It is an entity that brings it or is it the act of dying itself? How do you differentiate? I suppose that doesn’t really matter, though, as I could tell anyone that I don’t care how I go about it, I’m going to get compensation for losing my faithful student. I’m going to get revenge, as one would say. Wait a second, what am I saying? I stop in my tracks. I’m not doing this just for revenge, am I? I shake my head. No. I’m doing this for all of my little ponies, not just for the memory of Twilight Sparkle. Yes, that’s right. I need to keep that in mind. But a little voice in the back of my head still questions whether this is right or wrong. It’s not like I’m sure that I’m going to do anything to death if I should find it. And more than likely there is nothing to find. Yes, surely this is the case. All of this thinking makes me tired. I look around at the forest surrounding me. Maybe when I wake up, I will forget where I am and be lost. Yes. Let’s do that. I find a safe looking tree to perch in and go to sleep. *** I’m wandering through an empty void. Everything is hazy and nothing feels like it makes sense. Suddenly I see Twilight standing in the center of everything. Why do I feel so distressed to see her here and now? I try to run to her, but I cannot reach her; she just keeps getting farther and farther away. I have to get to her. I don’t know why, but something important depends on it. I need to tell her something, or ask her something, I’m not sure. Yet she keeps getting farther and farther away, even as I increase my stride, even as I begin to fly. I fly with all of my might, wishing only that I could reach her. Suddenly I’m in the palace gardens, staring at Discord. He speaks. “My, my Celestia. I never thought I’d see you in such as state. So vulnerable, so lonely.” I try to speak, but I have no voice. He is still set in stone no movement in sight. “It’s that student of yours, isn’t it? Twilight Sparkle? Well, I suppose that you’ll blame me for that at some point, but I’m not the one to blame. It’s another embodiment that you are looking for. It’s like you forgot that I am chaos in a physical form. Realities can be given a physical state. You know that.” I gasp for air but am unable to breathe. “Oh Celestia, how I love seeing you like this. Don’t blame me; death is who you’re looking for, not me.” An image of a little filly, a normal filly other than her mane and coat, which are black as coal. She is opaque and she wears a necklace of a scythe around her neck. “Now you know. But you don’t know where to find her. I do. Do you want to know?” I cannot breathe, my throat is constricting. “Well I won’t tell you!” *** I find myself jarred awake. It is still the middle of the night. Was that just a dream? Or do you really have something to set my sights on now? I guess that there’s no way to know. I wouldn’t trust Discord to tell me the truth, yet he has never really lied to anyone. He just speaks in riddles. Perhaps it was just a dream. How gave no riddle; he just outright refused to say anything. But do I go on with purpose? I know what he said was true about being living chaos. Chaos is a reality, something that there will always be, though it can be controlled to an extent. Well, that could have just been my subconscious working that out on its own. It did not have to be a message from Discord. Not that I’d listen to any message form that nutcase anyway. I’m not an idiot. I get up. I guess all I can do is move on. I think that I’m now officially lost. I have no idea where I am. I suppose that means that when I wake again I will be more lost. Yes, I’m still exhausted, more so after that dream. Yet as I settle in, I find that I cannot sleep. My thoughts wander. Are my intentions truly pure? Or am I just trying to get revenge? Surely there is something. I find myself at a crossroads, grasping to any possibilities of another reason. I’m doing this for my little ponies, not just for myself. It’s true. Yes, it’s true. Think of how much it hurt for Cadance to see Shining Armor go, how much sadness it brought. She and I are not the only ones experiencing this pain and grief. I feel myself become more and more awake. I get down from the tree. Yes, I’m doing this for Twilight Sparkle’s memory, but there’s more to it, surely. The moment that my hooves touch the ground, I can feel the energy surrounding me. I see the forest disappear, the trees and vines dissolving into mist. The moonlight fades, being replaced by a hazy light with no source, only a fraction of the light that my sun would have given off. I am walking on the surface of what appears to be water but feels like glass. Have I found it? Have I found the place where no hope lies? Then it disappears as quickly as it came to light. I’m back in the Everfree, on the ground below the tree that I had been in. was that the place that I seek? Or am I just imagining things? The forest does get you, after a time. Another step forward. Another brief glimpse but like the other it fades away. Please, oh please come back. I need to do this. I need to end death. I don’t even have to do anything else. It can be my final act as a pony. I don’t care. This is all I need. My final journey, if it must be. I just need to do this. Another step. My vision ripples. If find myself on the glass lake again. This time it does not fade immediately. Another step, then another, the misty pond stays in place. There is nothing on the horizon, nothing in sight. I am finally here. Then it fades once again. I feel my will falter, my mind go into a haze. I am suddenly exhausted. No I need to go on. I feel my legs buckle under me, and I am overtaken by the darkness of sleep.