Well, I suppose I should start off by introducing myself.
Ahem.
My name is Artemis. Yes, that's all there is to it. Can't a pony have a bloody single name in this society without getting extra stares?
What? Single names are reserved only for other races of creatures and the Princesses? Bollocks, I'll show you who's another race of creature! No, I'm not royalty either. Can I get on with the story now without any more interruptions? Thank you.
Yes, well. My name is Artemis. And today, I've been forced to go against my nature by the same Royalty I strive to serve every day without fail. But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.
I grew up as quite the strapping young colt. (I can hear you snickering, Dusty Scroll. What, you don't believe me? Shove a crumpet up your arse. It's bad enough that I've actually got to start magically recording these diaries without having your snide comments, now shut up!) Now, where was I? Oh yes, Quite the strapping young colt. In fact, you can almost have described me as sincere during this time period as I actually socialized with the foals around me. Sends shivers down my spine when I think about my younger self frolicking through the flower fields without a care in the world. Preposterous, I tell you! Ah well, that would soon all come to an end.
As a lad, I grew up in a relatively satisfactory home. Don't get me wrong, I loved my parents to death, but there was many an occasion where they simply couldn't understand the greater bounds of my thoughts. In fact, as I grew older I slowly became more and more reclusive, choosing my companions among dusty old tomes and priceless scrolls from my father's university where he taught (He was the head professor of Equestrian History at the University of Trottingham, but that's for another time) rather than among the living. My thirst for knowledge quickly outpaced my desire for friendship, and so I quickly lost friends left and right until it was Me, Myself, and I against the rest of the world as far as I was concerned. I hadn't even noticed that I received my cutie mark during these years, a rolled-up scroll crossed with a blue quill, until a month or so after I had it. It came upon me when I was stumbling through my father's workshop when I was instantly attracted to this rather charming edition of On the Movement of Planets by Sir Hoofington. Perusing the volume at length, I researched for days and nights afterward until one morning my mother pointed out that I had got my cutie mark (personally, I thought it was a completely useless phenomena to consider in comparison to that of the constant rotation of the celestial bodies, but my parents made such a fuss about it that I couldn't protest when they held a small party in congratulations).
High school was a particularly horrifying period for me. Let me tell you, there are no individuals in this whole land of Equestria who are more infuriating than adolescent colts and fillies. The teachers were also severely lacking, many of whom I still hold in the firmest belief to be complete buffoons who had somehow cheated their way into the Equestrian Education System. And I digress, there has never been a more wanton disrespect for knowledge than I have ever known or ever will know for the rest of my days. Utter madness.
I eventually made my way into the most esteemed university to be found (at this point, I was only interested in their library - I quickly found out near the end of senior year that I had far outstripped the knowledge many professors would be able to bestow upon me in the future anyhow) at Canterlot. I had the utmost confidence that whatever those lousy old crack professors threw at me, I could handle with relative if not contemptuous ease.
Oh, how wrong I would prove to be.
Needless to say, my university years were the longest, most painful four years that I would ever experience for the rest of my life. If I didn't know better, I'd swear those professors had been spawned by Nightmare Moon herself to prey on hapless students like I who had perhaps the slightest exaggeration of their own abilities.
What's that, Dusty? I'm rambling? Why, of all the things you could accuse me of! You accuse me, Artemis, the Chief Scholar of the Canterlot Archives, of rambling? Of all the- Get out of here! What do you mean, Princess Celestia is calling for me?
Oh, damn it all to pieces! Tell her I'll be to the throne room in five minutes at the latest.
Oh, I don't know. If she really asks you why I'll be late, tell her that I'm still doing this blasted diary of hers! No, don't quote me on those words! You bloody well know what I mean!
--you hear a door slam in the background--
Honestly! I had to be stuck with one of the most petulant, air-headed, infuriating assistants this side of Canterlot! Well, at least I have an excuse to get this diary over with for today.
Ah, what was that? How did I become the Chief Scholar of the Canterlot Archives? Well, Celestia was in need of a new pony to take care of the Library and Archives after her former librarian and protege Twilight Sparkle was sent to Ponyville for an extended research assignment on the Magic of Friendship, and I happened to be available for employment, so I was accepted for the job. "Not a very exciting vocation," you must be thinking to yourself. I'll let you judge that for yourself.
After taking the job, I was quickly absorbed by my work. It was perfect. The previous librarian (Ms. Sparkle) had kept everything orderly and clean, just the way I liked it. It was also a job that surrounded me with books, another plus side that I deeply enjoyed. I think the most enticing part of this employment was that it required minimal contact with any other ponies at all! Magnificent! I was essentially being paid to do what I had already been spending my life doing - being a reclusive, irritable bookworm hunting for more knowledge to devour. I'd never imagined myself working for royalty in my younger days, but it certainly wasn't too bad at first. I'd even catch glimpses of Princess Celestia as she brought her recently reformed sister Luna into the Library to reacquaint her with more modern practices of society. Sometimes, I was graced with her words as Princess Celestia tasked me with assisting her sister's research of these practices, periodically checking her progress via me.
Most of the time, it was quiet in the library. Until one day, the Princess would task me with something so outrageous that for a moment I'd thought she'd a bit more sun than was good for a pony, immortal or not. I mean, commanding me to take a vacation? Who does she think I am?
Blast, my five minutes are up. Perhaps I can bother her majesty with the issue until I can convince her to abandon this foalish project.
- Artemis, Chief Scholar of the Canterlot Archives
In the Year of our Solar Majesty 1 ALR (After Luna's Return)