"'Tavi...?" I asked, growing nervous. "Where's the map?"
"Well, you threw it in the dustbin before we left," she replied.
"You always bring a map!" I protested. She nodded.
"Indeed I did, mon ami, but not this time. I figured it was well time for a lesson," she said briskly. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah right. Jig's up, where's the extra map?" I laughed.
"You threw out the map, didn't you?" asked Thunderlane. I nodded. "Well, were doomed!"
"Don't say that! We can always pull over and ask for directions," suggested Roseluck. I shrugged and pointed.
"There's a convienience store over there. I could use a break on the old horn," I decided and rubbed my horn. You see, the only thing self-run carriages ran on at the time was unicorn magic. It was exaughsting. "Break?"
"Break!" everypony decided. I pulled over at the Fresh-'n'-Go that I pointed out earlier.
The mare inside was named Tulip Morning. Nice kid, she had a minor acne problem and braces. She had fiery orange hair, and a light blue coat. Not cyan, or whatever, just light blue. She had on a bow tie and frycook hat. Probably the gas station uniform. It was strange, seeing as we had left Ponyville hours ago, and hadn't hit civilization until Greensdale a while back.
"How may I help you today?"
"A'ight, my name is Vinyl Scratch, and I am dead lost. We are supposed to get to Los Pegasus in one hour to play a show and catch a flight to Manehattan! And my stupid ass threw away the map, so we're stranded. So we stopped here to get directions slash map, use the bathroom, and Thunderlane... Is stocking up on snacks, apperantly," I explained our situation. I gave Thunderlane a wierd look as he got down a pack of Kickers and Milk Bucks. (A/N: That's a play on Snickers and Milk Duds, for those of you following at home.)
"What? I brought my own bits!" he protested. I rolled my eyes.
"Fine. Don't spend them all, this is a six show tour!" I warned. He sighed and put back some assorted candies.
"Fine, but I'm getting the Milk Bucks and Colt-a-Cola!" Thunder demanded. He placed his goods on the counter, and the cashier rang him up.
"That'll be fifteen bits!" Tulip grinned. "Cash or credit?"
"Fine, but I'm not getting the Milk Bucks or Colt-a-Cola," he sighed and put everything back. Tulip rolled her eyes.
"You guys ready to go?" asked Octavia, adjusting her mane. "We have to get going. While we're there, we need to talk to that stallion who made that stupid video for Big in the Clubs."
"That's Big in da clubs. We do. The whole eastern Equestria will think we're fillyfools. Speaking of which, let's hear that!" I said and grabbed a map. It was about 3 bits. I threw that on the counter and galloped out the door. I jumped in the carraige and put on Big in da Clubs, trying to keep the video out of my mind. (A/N Seriously, avoid that video. It's a good song, tho.)
"This is good. What is it?" asked Roseluck as she jumped in the back of the carraige.
"A song me and 'Tavi did a while back. Just avoid the music video," I warned. She gave me a wierd look.
"How do 'music videos' work?" she asked. I shrugged.
"Some fool takes a bunch of pictures and runs them together to music," I continued and made a swirly motion with my hoof. "An idiot made the video to this song include me and 'Tavi make out. Disgusting. I'm no fillyfool, dunno about her."
"That is disgusting!" agreed Thunderlane as he entered. Octavia nodded as she followed. She got in the passengers seat and grabbed the map.
"A quaint little city named Appleloosa is up here, a few miles," she explained. "Why don't we head there?"
"Why?" I asked and magic-ed the carraige forward.
"Because it borders Los Pegasus. You, Thunderlane, and Rosemary..."
"Roseluck," corrected Roseluck.
"Roseluck, sorry, and Roseluck can go forward and get ready for the show, I'll book us a hotel room, and you'll pick me up after you set up, and we'll play when we have to," plotted 'Tavi. I nodded.
"Good plan!" I agreed. A sign reading "Appleloosa City Limits" passed by us, and a train track was next to us. "We're here!"
"This... city is watched by... Desert Guard?" read Roseluck off another sign. "What's Desert Guard?"
"I have no idea," I said. "But if it's creepy, I have the music!" I said and bucked the record player.
"Not this again!" moaned Octavia as my awesome wubs filled the vehicle.
\m/-.-,,|,
In Appleloosa
"So this is Appleloosa?" asked Thunderlane. "Who's the gay guy with the vest?"
He pointed at a lingering Braeburn, greeting everypony who walked by. "I don't think he's gay. I've met some gay-ass ponies in my time, and he doesn't seem like it," I argued. He nodded.
"I didn't mean gay as in homosexual, I meant gay as in stupid. Besides, I think he's related to Applejack," Thunder went on.
"Pff. Who isn't?" asked Roseluck.
"Don't poke fun at the Apple family," 'Tavi insisted. "They're nice ponies. I think his name is Braeburn."
"They have a tendancy to name theirselves after apples, don't they?" I asked. Thunderlane and Roseluck nodded.
"Pull over here," 'Tavi demanded and pointed to a far-off saloon. The Salt Lick.
\m/-.-,,|,
Later
"Hi. My name is Vinyl Scratch. You may know me as..." I began. The bartender cut me off.
"Deejay pone three! I know you! I'm yo biggest fan. I'm Yugdab Ami. Odd name, no? Parents was wierd. Well, is pleasure to have celebrity down here in Appleloosa!" he greeted and shook my hoof vigorously. "Yugdab Ami, again."
"Wow. I'm a celebrity?" I asked. He nodded.
"Oh yeah. I especially like Dodge This. Good, good song!" he continued.
"O-kay..." I began to back off, but he wasn't done.
"It go like this: WUBWUBwuhwuhwuhwuhWUUUBwahwuhuhuhuhuh," he made noises.
"I know... I wrote it..." I said, half out the door.
"And it's my favorite song, too. I--" I was already out the door.
"Vinyl? What took you so long?" asked Roseluck. I shrugged.
"Fan. Wouldn't shut up. Let's try somewhere else," I suggested. "How about that guy over there?" I said and pointed at Braeburn. "He seems to know his way around. Hey! You! With the vest!"
"Oh, hi there. Welcome to Aaayuhpalooosa!" he said and reared up. "We got here our horse drawn car-"
"Look, bro, hate to cut you off, but we need some help. We've got to be in Los Pegasus in thirty minutes to set up for a show, and we need a hotel room or two. The guy in the bar was no help, you seem to know what you're doing, does 'Aayuhpaloooosa' have a friggin' hotel we've been looking for a place to stay for an hour now," I explained. Well, I lied there, we had been looking for a map for an hour now, and we found one.
"The bartender at the Salt Lick?" he asked, face going pale. "You... didn't walk out on him, did you?"
"How couldn't I 'ave? I'd lose hearing in an ear!" I joked. "Now, you all right?"
"THERE! SHE THE ONE WHO WALKED OUT ON ME!" yelled Yugdab Ami. A pair of buffalo ran at me and the world went black.