//------------------------------// // Deejay's Aren't My Type // Story: Spike's Crazy Date // by Mr Afro Pony //------------------------------// “SPIKE, WAKE UP!” yelled Twilight. She used her magic to pull the sheets off her lowly assistant. Spike groaned and curled into the fetal position, “Leave me alone Twi, I’m grieving.” Twilight placed a comforting hoof on Spike’s shoulder, “Listen, I know you’re still upset about Rari-” “SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!” yelled Spike. “Uh...Okay, ‘she who shall not be named’, but it’s been 5 months. GET OVER IT!” Spike uncurled and looked at Twilight, “I can’t just get over it, she wasted years of my life! All those hours digging for diamonds, all those supplies I carried for her, all those times I endured when she couldn’t take the hint!”. He sat on the edge of his bed sulking. Twilight looked at him with annoyed but understanding eyes, “Well, in her defense, you never actually told her that you liked her.” Spike frowned at her, “Twilight, for last year’s Hearts and Hooves Day I had Pinkie make a 10 hoof tall cake with her face on it. If she couldn’t take the hint, she didn’t want to.” By now the Drake had curled back in his bed. Twilight dropped the understanding part from her eyes, “That is still no reason for you to sleep all day like a bum. I’m way behind on my studies and would appreciate your help. So get up!” She levitated Spike off his bed and down the stairs. When she let him go, he could hardly stand on his own. “Fine.” he said. “What are we studying today anyway?” Twilight consulted her daily studies book. “Let’s see, Monday, Tuesday, here we go Wednesday. It says here ‘to study the effects of love and heartbreak’.” Twilight looked over to her scaly assistant to see smoke rising from his snout. “Are you serious right now?” he asked with arms crossed. Twilight gave a fake smile. “Listen Spike, this schedule was planned way far in advance. There was no way to have known its effect today.”. Spike flagged her, unconvinced. “If you need me, I’ll have my face buried in tub of ice cream.” he said blankly. He turned to go upstairs when a nyan pegasus walked into the library. “Hey Rainbow Dash, here to rent another Daring do book?” asked Twilight. “You know it!” said Rainbow, she looked around. “Hey, where’s Spike?”. Twilight rolled her eyes, “Upstairs sulking,” she said. Rainbow thought for a moment, “Oh, is he still mad about Rarity?” she asked. “SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!” yelled Spike from upstairs. Twilight rolled her eyes again, “Yes, and now he’s a shell of his former self.” Rainbow flew upstairs to see the dragon (as he told Twilight) enjoying a tub of ice cream. She tried to hold in a laugh but failed miserably. “AHAHAHAHA!” she cried. Spike stared daggers at her, “Yeah, whatever.” said Spike, blushing slightly. Rainbow finally stopped laughing, “Oh, I’m sorry Spike.” she said in between gasps. “But don’t you think you should try to move on?”. Spike sighed, putting the ice cream down. “I have tried, remember that crossed eyed Pegasus that used to deliver the mail?” “You mean Derpy Hooves?” asked Rainbow. “Yeah, I took her out on a date one time.” Spike said grimly. “How was it?” Spike sighed again, “Let’s just say I don’t know what went wrong. How is she anyway?” Rainbow shrugged, “The last time I heard about her she was marrying some doctor.” Spike groaned, “If she could find love, how come I can’t?” he asked. “You just need to apply yourself. Have you tried going to some clubs?” Spike gave her a funny look, “Could you picture me trying to pick up mares in a club?” he asked. Rainbow Dash managed to hold in a giggle, “I guess you’re right.” she said. Suddenly as if a light bulb went off in her head, Rainbow jumped up in the air, hovering with her wings. “Spike that’s just it! I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this sooner!” she exclaimed. “Though of what?” asked Spike “One of my mare friends just got out of a relationship! You could totally date her!” she answered. Spike just stared at her for a second, “Uh...no.” he said plainly. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!” yelled Twilight coming up the stairs. “I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” he said. Twilight all most resisted slapping Spike, all most. “Oww, what was that for?” he asked, rubbing his now red cheek. “So let me get this straight. You sulk over Rarity day and night, but when somepony gives you a chance to get over it, YOU TURN IT DOWN?!” Spike nodded, “Yeah, pretty much.” he said. He started to reach back for his ice cream. “Oh no you don’t!” yelled Twilight, levitating the tub away. “Listen Spike, I didn’t want to have to do this, but you left me no choice. Since you’re not fulfilling your duties as my assistant, you have two options.” Spike looked at her, scared that he wouldn’t like either. “One, you can try to get over Rarity by going on this date. Or, you can leave.” Twilight’s words lingered in the air. Spike gasped at her revelation. “Don’t you think kicking me out is just a little extreme?” he asked. “It’s not like I want to, but you’re not pulling your weight. I can’t provide for the both of us. So, what is it going to be?” Spike thought for a moment, although he hated both decisions, going on a date was better than homelessness. He sighed, “Fine, I’ll go on the stupid date.” he said. Rainbow Dash was the first to cheer. “Good for you Spike, I’m sure you’ll like her.” she said. “Yeah,yeah.” said Spike, still unconvinced. “Who is this mare anyway?”. Rainbow smiled, “Believe it or not, she’s one of Equestria’s fastest rising deejays. Her name is Vinyl Scratch, although she is also known as DJ-PON3.” “A deejay?” asked Spike, “I don’t know...” “Don’t worry, you’ll like her.” said Rainbow. “Just make sure you don’t act dorky, I’ll put in a good word for you.” Spike nodded but was still unsure, this could go multiple ways, most of them ended badly. _____________________________________________________________________________ “Tonight’s the night.” said Spike to himself as he checked his look in the mirror. Just over a week ago, Rainbow Dash had set him up on a date with one of her friends. It was the big night, and his time to impress. “Don’t worry.” said Twilight, handing Spike a comb. “I’m sure there is nothing to worry about.” There was a knock on the door, Twilight opened it to see Rainbow Dash. The Pegasus walked in looking for Spike. She found him standing awkwardly looking at the mirror. “Uh...Spike, what do you have on?” she asked. Spike looked himself up and down, “What’s wrong?” he asked. He was wearing a fitting tuxedo with a red bowtie. “Maybe the word ‘deejay’ didn’t register properly. You can’t show up in a tux, you’ll scare her off. Lucky for you, I planned for this.” She pulled out some clothes from her saddlebag and threw them at him. Spike tried them on, they fit, but were definitely not his style. “Do I really have to wear these?” he groaned. “Yes, if you want to impress her.” she said. “Now hop on my back, I’ll fly you to where you’re meeting her.” Spike sighed and hopped on Rainbow’s back, “See you Twi.” he said as Rainbow walked out. Twilight smiled, “Don’t do anything too crazy!” she yelled as they flew off into the night. ______________________________________________________________________ It was a great summer night. Just the right temperature, clear skies, but yet Spike could not relax as he flew through the air on Dash’s back. After a short flight, they arrived to a district of Ponyville Spike didn’t recognize. The place was full of clubs and other places you hoped your mother didn’t know you went to. After a short walk, they arrived at some mediocre looking restaurant. “This is the place.” said Rainbow Dash. “She should just be inside.” Spike gulped, “I don’t know if-” was all he was able to say before realizing Rainbow Dash was flying away. “WAIT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE!” he yelled. “You’ll know when you see her!” Rainbow called, not slowing down at all. _____________________________________________________________________________ Spike took a deep breath before working up the nerve to walk into the restaurant. There weren’t many ponies in there, but he saw a free booth on the other side of the restaurant. He slowly made his way over there when a familiar voice called his name. “HEY! SPIKE! BEHIND YOU!” Spike turned around to see everyone's’ favorite party pony. “Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here with-” Pinkie’s date took the dragon by surprise. “BRAEBURN!” he asked. “Well howdy do Spike!” said the southern earth pony. “What brings ya ‘round these parts?” Spike still stood in disbelief , “I-I, what are you doing here? Pinkie leaped on top of the table, “Well it’s a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG story, but I’ll try to say everything! Well since the bison really liked the apple sweets, the cakes and I go to Appleloosa each year to make stuff for them. Well, one year me and Braeburn started talking and realized we had a lot in common! So every Summer he moves in with me and we hang out. This year he told me that ‘he wanted to be more than just friends’ and I said ‘what do you mean’ and he said ‘I like you’ and I said-” Braeburn put his hoof up to Pinkie’s mouth. “Basically, we’re going out!” he said. Pinkie went back to her seat and kissed him on his cheek, making him blush. “YEP!” she said happily. Spike realized that if his jaw was any further dropped, he would have to go to the hospital. ‘Pinkie and Braeburn?’ he thought. The more he pondered about it, the more it made sense. “SO, why are you here Spike?” asked Pinkie, snapping the dragon out of his daze. “Oh, I actually am on a date too.” he said with a hint of pride. “Well good for you partner!” said Braeburn. “Maybe we could double date sometime!” Spike nodded in agreement, although he knew that would never happen. “Hey, I’d love to stay here and chat, but..” “Oh sure Spike, don’t let us keep you.” said Pinkie, waving him along. After one final goodbye, Spike resumed trying to find his date. The restaurant was bigger then Spike had previously thought, there were plenty of seats. Most of them were either empty, or was being used by a couple. Finally Spike saw a booth with only one user. She was a unicorn, bright blue hair, with a very pale whitish yellow coat. The only things she was wearing were a pair of goggles, and a pair of headphones. She had her back towards Spike, and looked to have been drinking something. Spike slowly made his way to in front of the mare, not sure on how to get her attention. Eventually she stopped drinking and looked up at him. Spike took on a slight smile. “Who the hay are you?” she asked. Spike’s smile quickly disappeared, he felt his heart beat faster. There was an awkward silence before Spike answered her. “Uhh...I’m your date?” he asked confused. The mare laughed before taking off her goggles, she revealed two beautiful reddish brown eyes. Spike’s jaw dropped, without her goggles she looked beautiful. Her eyes were a perfect accessory to her coat and mane. Spike began to blush. “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Dashie didn’t tell me you were a dragon.” she said. Spike thought it was amazing that her voice was even more tomboyish than his colorful friend. “Oh...that’s okay, my name’s Spike by the way.” he said extending his hand. The mare took it with both hooves and shook violently, “The name is Vinyl Scratch, but in the clubs I’m DJ-PON3.” When she finally released him from the death lock, the dragon’s hand was limp. “Nice to meet you.” he said, holding in the pain. _____________________________________________________________________________ The odd pair sat across from each other in silence. Vinyl had just finished up her 3rd serving of hay fries, while Spike was busy trying to think of a conversation starter. Vinyl had just finished up the last of her food when she looked at Spike. “Just to let you know, just because it’s a date, doesn’t mean I’m automatically going to sleep with you.” she said. Spike could literally feel the butterflies already in his stomach start a riot. “I-I-I w-wasn't going t-to assume t-that.” he managed to stammer. He could feel the redness in his cheeks. Vinyl laughed, “Oh man! I was just messing with you. But you should see the look on your face right now!”. This only made Spike blush harder. “Oh.” he said shyly. “I would think a colt wouldn’t assume that.” Vinyl finally stopped laughing, “Yeah, but you’d be surprised by some of my Ex’s. Like this one guy was some huge bodybuilder or something, every time he was happy he’d yell ‘YEAH!’ and for a Pegasus, his wings were REALLY small.” Spike laughed a little, “Yeah, that is pretty bad.” he said. Vinyl giggled, “So what about you? Did you ever have a bad ex?” Spike’s smile left, “I couldn’t really call her an ex, technically we never dated.” he said. Vinyl leaned forward in anticipation, “So, tell me about her.” she said impatiently. “Well, I knew her for 5 years.” he said. “I always had a crush on her, but never got a chance to tell her my true feelings. She was a fashion designer, I would go out of my way to help her. One day, a prince from Saddle Arabia went to one of her fashion shows. He liked her designs so much, he gave her a job as his personal wardrobe manager. She went to go live in his palace, promising that she come back. But just recently, we got a postcard saying that they were engaged. It broke my heart, but at the same time I knew that I only had myself to blame.” Spike felt a small tear roll down his cheek, he quickly wiped it away, hoping that Vinyl didn’t see it. He waited for her to respond but she said nothing. She was just staring at him. Spike looked around nervously, ‘she probably thinks I’m wimpy’ he thought. “Uh..sorry I didn’t mean t-” was all he could get out before Vinyl pulled him in for a kiss. In a moment, Spike’s emotions went from shock, to happiness, back to shock. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but time seemed to move slower. Finally breaking apart, Spike just looked down to the table. His cheeks were as red as Big Macintosh, and he panted like a dog. Vinyl giggled, making Spike look up. “If you’re done fawning over me, get ready to go.” she said. “It’s time to have some real fun.”