//------------------------------// // Chapter 11: I can haz Muffinz? // Story: The Royal Vacation // by Colt Vulpes //------------------------------// · Chapter 11 I can haz Muffinz? · The rest of Twilight’s morning was more-or-less uneventful. She got herself a real breakfast, a few ponies came in to ask for her counsel, she had a few miscellaneous small tasks to deal with—all with her useless clumsy wings getting in the way constantly, of course—but really, nothing major. And then, around noon, things started to go crazy. (She should really be used to that by now.) “Princess Twilight, the bride and groom have arrived.” Twilight groaned. Here we go again... She walked out of the throne room, toward the castle entrance to greet Derpy and Time Turner. On her way down, she ran into Celestia. “Twilight! There’s going to be a wedding again! Isn’t this exciting, my student?” “I suppose so...” “Oh, don’t be so glum. It’s not every day this sort of thing happens! It’s like, every other month or so.” Twilight shook her head. But when they met with the bride and groom, she managed to put on a good face. Not as good as Celestia’s, though. “Hello, Derpy! Hello, Time Turner! So glad you could make it!” the regal princess exclaimed. (That’s Celestia, by the way. She’s the regal princess. Twilight’s, like, the awkward princess or something.) “Oh, nice to see you again!” said Time Turner. “Hopefully this goes better than last time.” “Oh, I’m certain it will!” replied Celestia. She wasn’t really certain, of course. What if Nightmare Moon came back? “Ooh this is gonna be fun!” said Derpy. “We’re gonna get married, and dance to music, and EAT MUFFINZ! and stuff.” Twilight shook her head again. Really? “Go on now, you two get ready,” said Celestia. “Twilight and I will prepare the festivities.” Twilight looked at her mentor. “Are we really going to do this?” “Of course, my student! What could be more fun than a magic pony wedding?” Celestia then trotted off, giddy at the idea. Oh and she was singing again. “Deck the halls with tons of muffins, trololololol lol lol lol lol...” Twilight facehoofed. (By the way, in this case the word “magic” in “magic pony wedding” serves a double meaning, as both the ponies and the wedding are magic, i.e. it is both a magic wedding between ponies and a wedding between magic ponies. Okay, I’ll shut up now.) · · “Princess Celestia!” “Princess Celestia, where are you?” “Princess Celestia!! This is urgent!” Time Turner dashed through the halls of the castle, calling out frantically. “Celestia! Twilight! Somepony!” He eventually found a guard, who directed him to Celestia’s study. “Princess Celestia!” Celestia turned around, surprised to see Time Turner so distressed. “Doctor Hooves? What’s the matter?” The Doctor caught his breath. “Oh, this is terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible!” “What is it, Time Turner? Spit it out!” “It’s... Derpy,” said Time Turner. “I’m not sure what it is exactly, but she’s not acting herself.” “Well, what’s she doing?” “Her eyes are pointing the same direction, and she’s acting really grouchy. Plus, she suddenly insisted on being called by her full name, which she never uses!” Celestia gave him a puzzled look. “You don’t get it,” said Time Turner. “She usually doesn’t care what you call her. You can call her Ditzy, Derpy, Miss Doo, whatever! Once somepony called her ‘grey pony with the wonky eyes’ and she responded to that like it was her name, for pete’s sake! But suddenly she insists on being called—” Time Turner made a face “—Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo... which is the one name she hates!” “You know,” said Celestia, “she may simply be nervous about your upcoming wedding. That does happen every now and then.” “Yes, but not on this magnitude! And I know Derpy, she never acts like this!” “Dear Doctor, do you remember Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding? The normally easygoing Princess Cadance was in a complete huff the whole day. It’s quite normal.” Time Turner couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Yes I remember that wedding! You know what else I remember? That that wasn’t really Cadance! She was acting weird because she got replaced by a changeling!” “Yes, of course,” replied Celestia, “but if you remember, nopony suspected a thing. (Except Twilight, because she’s a weirdo genius.) And the reason is because that sort of behavior is normal for some ponies before a wedding. Go to your bride. Talk to her. I’m sure everything will be all right.” Time Turner got down on his knees. “Please, Princess, I beg of you! I know something isn’t right with her, and I need your help!” Celestia thought this over. Time Turner was on the verge of tears. Finally, she caved. She leaned in close to the Doctor. “I can help you,” she whispered, “but you need to promise to keep this under wraps. Nopony can know.” Time Turner nodded silently. “Come with me,” said Celestia. · · Luna lied on her bed, snoring. “Sister!” Luna opened her eyelids lazily. What is she doing? We’re both supposed to be resting. She turned to see that her sister was accompanied by Time Turner. “Sister, wake up!” said Celestia. “We have an emergency!” “What!?” Luna jumped upright, now wide awake. “Also, I challenge you to a trolling contest.” · · While the royal sisters were discussing the Derpy emergency (and planning their ill-timed trolling contest, seriously what’s up with that?), Twilight was doing her best to prepare the festivities for the wedding. Again. “Okay, that cart can go there, that one goes over there, that one can go anywhere, it doesn’t really matter they all have the same food anyway... let’s hang the drapes over there... no I don’t know why they’re muffin-themed either, just put them up... come on, the sooner we’re done the sooner this can all be over with... no, I don’t think muffin-flavored soda is a good idea... then again this is Derpy we’re talking about, so whatever... no, I think that would go better over there...” Derpy trotted in. “Oh hey Derpy!” Twilight wasn’t in the best of moods, but she was trying to at least be cheerful around Derpy and her fiancé. “Please,” responded Derpy. “Call me, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo. Oh, and what’s with the decorum? Muffin-themed drapes? How tacky. I mean, what’s the deal with muffins anyway? Doesn’t anypony get tired of those things?” Okay, who are you and what have you done with—oh. No. No no. No no no. N-O. NO! No no no no no! No no no no no no no no! Okay Twilight, keep calm. There’s no guarantee this is as bad as it looks. Think now, What Would Celestia Do? Eh, knowing her she’d probably go into full-on troll mode. Twilight thought for a second. That... might actually work. “My apologies, Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo.” Her tongue felt strange after saying the name in full. “I will rectify the situation immediately.” She turned to the large cast of wedding-makers. “Okay everypony, tear ’er down! We need a change of scenery for Miss Ditzy Derpington Doo!” The cast looked at her, flummoxed. “Come on, now! Let’s get some orderves—deviled eggs, imported cheese, locks on rye, get to it!” Eventually one of the ponies said “Understood, Princess Twilight” and the cast began removing the wonderful muffin-themed decorations. Despite her earlier complaints, Twilight actually felt sad at the sight of it all coming down. “Thanks,” said Derpy. “That food sounds much better.” Hah, I’ve got you! thought Twilight. Nopony would eat that food. Specifically, nopony. But I had a hunch you would! Twilight didn’t smile. She didn’t laugh, didn’t do anything to betray her inner thought process. And, beneath that, one line repeated itself through her head, echoing in her subconscious, over and over. This day is going to be perfect. · ×