//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Twilight Sparkle! // by defender2222 //------------------------------// “And so Twilight found herself back at the library, her heart still pounding her and mind aching as she tried to come to terms with all that had happened. Applejack, her honest friend, had turned her family into her minions all in an attempt to make her extended family jealous. And not the good kind of minions that cower when they are suppose to and can be easily be knocked down by a judo chop to the throat. “However, despite this setback, Twilight Sparkle was not deterred. She was going to throw a wonderful Hearth’s Warming Day party and she was going to spend the time with her family… and not let them judge her or hate her because of her life choices. “Thus, Twilight went to Sugarcube Corner to talk to her friend Pinkie… for if any pony knew how to throw a party, it was her! “By the way, are any of you disturbed that I am not wearing pants right now? I mean, I am a snowman and I don't have legs, but still, even I am a bit creeped out. Perhaps I should get some nice slacks or-” ~MC~MC~MC~ “Alright, carry the three…” Pinkie mumbled to herself, sticking her tongue out as she looked at the paper. “And then divide by the square root of those cursed numbers from that magic island with the smoke monster... hmmm…” “Hi Pinkie!” Twilight said, entering her poofy-maned friend’s bedroom. “Hiya, Twilight!” Pinkie said, looking away from her work and bouncing over to her friend. “How are ya? You weren’t attacked by grinches or ghosts of Hearth’s Warming pasts, were you?” “Uh… no, I wasn’t,” Twilight said, pursing her lips. “Good! You can never be too careful! That’s why I put up garlic this time of year.” Pinkie gestured to the strands of garlic bulbs that were hanging over her windows. “That’s also why I had Mr. Cake buy me these funny little lower case ‘t’s and then I dipped them in water that Princess Celestia spit out.” “How did you get water that Princess Celestia spit out?” “Well…” ~Several months earlier~ “You know, it’s funny…” Luna said as her, Celestia, Shining Armor, Cadence and Tydal the OC capricorn walked down the dirt path, “…you’d think we’d have reached the changeling hive by now.” “It’s only been two weeks, little sister,” Celestia pointed out, admiring the sun (‘Oh Ms. Sun, if we were in Griffian, I would make you my bride…’) “Yeah, but it feels like it’s been months!” Luna complained. “And worst, it feels like we’ve been walking away from that burned down Grease E. Gus for over a week! No adventures, no wild events, nothing!” Tydal grumbled as he used his magic to take a flask from his saddle bag and take a quick drink. “You promised me murder, Luna… you broke a promise.” Cadence gasped. “Luna, you broke a promise to a friend?” “Cadence, no!” Shining Armor shouted in fear. “FOREVER!” Pinkie screamed, bursting out of Luna’s mane. Celestia did a spit take, drenching the pink mare. ~MC~MC~MC~ “… I am doubting the validity of your story,” Twilight said. Pinkie giggled. “You sound like that baby dalek you have locked in your basement.” Twilight chose to change the topic. “What are you working on?” She trotted over to Pinkie’s desk and blinked. “What… what is this?” “It’s my Hearth’s Warming Day list, Twilight!” “Why are there numbers all over it if it is a list?” “I have to add up all the goodies I want to find under the big tree that we murder in the name of holiday spirit, silly.” Pinkie frowned, tapping her chin. “Is it weird that we murder trees and dress up the bodies? Seems a bit morbid. I mean, we did kill Discord and put him in a garden, so there is a history of us doing that-” “We didn’t kill Discord, Pinkie,” Twilight said, pursing her lips. “We didn’t?!” Pinkie exclaimed, checking outside for chocolate rain clouds. She let out a squeal of horror. “Oh now, it is raining white cotton candy!” The earth pony stuck out her tongue, only to giggle. “Wait, never mind, it is just snow!” Pinkie turned back around and wagged her hoof at Twilight. “Don’t scare me like that, Miss Scary Scarer!” Twilight frowned. “Pinkie, we didn’t kill Discord… we turned him to stone.” “And is stone alive?” Pinkie asked simply, tilting her head. “Can you survive if your heart is a rock or your veins are filled with pebbles?” “…alright, we murdered him, happy?” “Yup! I came to terms with being a murderer loooooonnngggg ago! Not the kind that chops up ponies and makes them cupcakes, because that would ruin a perfectly good cupcake, because bleeeeeh! Can you imagine blood in a cupcake? Or pony meat? Yuck! Well, unless whoever's blood it was had high sugar levels and that made it like cherry syrup-“ “Pinkie… the list?” Twilight said, already mentally checking off ‘cherry cheesecake’ from her list of foods she might make for Hearth’s Warming Day. “Oh, right!” Pinkie giggled (which, really, wasn’t that shocking; Pinkie NOT giggling at something would be a bigger surprise) and handed Twilight the list. “See, I came up with all the stuff I want to get for Hearth’s Warming Day… I plan to send it to my dad as soon as possible so he can get started.” Pinkie looked up at the ceiling in thought. “Maybe I could get one of those magical owls to take it to him for me! Twilight, can I borrow your owl… the one that forgets ponies’ names?” “Sorry, but no.” Twilight looked over the list. “Pinkie, don’t you think that it is a bit late to be giving a list of toys?” Twilight’s brow furrowed. “And why are you asking for toys? You are a grown mare!” “I am a kid at heart!” Pinkie considered her words. “Well, a filly at heart. I’m not a goat… or am I?” “You aren’t. But seriously, look at this… jacks, a jump rope… what the hay is a Tickle-Me-Luna doll?” Twilight held up a hoof, cutting off the answer. “Nevermind, I don’t want to know. I’ll rest easier not know.” “Like I do by not knowing where babies come from,” Pinkie said brightly. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Right. Anyhow… you do realize that Hearth’s Warming is only a few days away, right? If you are just giving your list now to your father, you might not get your… Tydalimus Prime figure?” “It’s a capricorn that turns into boat! I also asked for the Celestiatron so I could make them fight!” Pinkie began making strange ‘rarararara’ sounds with her mouth. “Besides, I will still get presents… this is just my latest list. I send updated ones every day. My family does the same thing!” Pinkie trotted over to her closet. “How else would I know to get all of this!” Twilight cringed, expecting an avalanche of presents to pour out of the closet. Instead, she found that while the closet was filled to the brim, each box was stacked neatly by size, color, weight and the pony it was going to. Twilight couldn’t have done better herself. “All those presents are for your family?” Twilight asked, speechless (which is a paradox because she just spoke... or sloopy writing). “Of course! I have to prove I love them by giving them a huge amount of items. It’s like the old song says, money can buy you love.” “I don’t think it goes like that,” Twilight stated. “Pinkie… you do know that your family will love you, even if you don’t get them a lot of gifts.” “Well duh, but this way I prove I love them the best! And besides… the more gifts I give them the more they feel they have to give me!” Pinkie’s eyes actually began to grow green with greed. "And the more expensive, the more they have to spend to try and match what I spent!" “That… sounds horrible.” Twilight shook her head in disgust. “You are using the gifts you give as bribes and threats to get more gifts from others! That is just sick, Pinkie!” “That is the holidays, Twilight!” Pinkie said happily. “Hearth’s Warming is about getting and that’s why my motto is ‘gimme gimme gimme’! It use to be 'kill whitey' but I don't know what that means...” “That is the most greedy thing I’ve ever heard!” “That’s the way Hearth's Warming is! I even wrote a song about it… you want to hear it?” “No, I-“ Pinkie Pie Chocolate chips as big as rocks And some cake I can wear like socks Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year “Well that’s just not practical,” Twilight complained. Pinkie I want taffy shaped like my head And some caramel as big as my bed That’s all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year! “Wow, that is a long list, Pinkie!” Pinkie Come on Twi I not quite done I have more to say And my list is another 50 pages long! Let’s see! I want a blender all in pink And a boss who doesn’t drink Mr. Cake (slurred) Hey what the *HIC* is goin’ on in here? Pinkie (Mr. Cake has collapsed) All these happy wishes And lots of Hearth’s Warming cheer Is all I really want this year. “Pinkie, it sounds like you are going a bit overboard!” “Come on, Twilight, everypony goes overboard, I mean…” Rarity (in her boutique) I want to tour the Manehattan coast Applejack (at her farm) Lunch with my dead mama’s ghost Rarity and Applejack Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this Year! Twilight blinked. “Uh… what?” Fluttershy (at her cottage) A nicer quilt on my bed Oh, and Angel wants a sled! Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year Rainbow Dash (In her cloud house) A place in the Wonderbolts Don’t care what’s my spot is But I better get top billing every night! Heehee Twilight Doesn’t this seem like too much stuff? Rainbow Dash Suck my wings it ain’t enough Rarity Stop trying to ruin Pinkie’s song, my dear! The Mane 6 (except for Twilight) All these happy wishes And lots of Hearth’s Warming cheer Is all I really want this year. Twilight just stared at Pinkie, never questioning how she could hear her friends who were miles away. “I’m just saying it seems a bit too much.” Pinkie laughed. “But everypony knows the holidays are about being greedy! Just ask any pony!” Mrs. Cake I’d like some golden safety pins And Mr. Cake to stop asking about the twins Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year “I mean seriously… of course he is the father!” Mrs. Cake said nervously. Derpy A line of muffins 8 miles long The Doctor A restraining order against River Song Derpy and The Doctor Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year! “Oh, hello darling,” River Song said, popping up in the window. “I got her!” Dinky said, spraying the pony with a hose. “Home wrecker!” “Good girl,” The Doctor stated. Filthy Rich (wearing a shirt that says “I Heart Lunakah”) If you put a Hearth’s Warming tree In the public post office I will go to court and sue your flank HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Mayor Mare I’d like more ponies to come and stay Cranky Mule I want Pinkie Pie to stay away I’m tired of her always coming over here! Cranky, Mayor Mare and Filthy Rich All these happy wishes And lots of Hearth’s Warming cheer Is all I really want this year. Breaburn I’d like a newly polished hat stand Buffalo Herd We still want you off our land! Braeburn and Buffalos Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year Princess Celestia I want a diamond necklace as white as snow Princess Luna I want more lines in the show! Celestia and Luna Is all I really want for Hearth’s Warming this year Bon Bon I just want a wedding ring From somepony named Lyra Lyra I just want some flippin’ human hands! I mean it, I’m not picky! Shining Armor and Cadence We want watches, hers and his Tydal the capricorn, Faith the abstract, Nyx the filly alicorn, and Mary Sue the Red Maned, Black Coated Alicorn We don’t know what Hearth’s Warming is! OC’s celebrate Tydalmas, which you should fear! Entire Cast All these happy wishes And lots of Hearth’s Warming cheer Is all I really want this year. “That is the second most greedy song I’ve ever heard,” Twilight said, backing away from her friend. “What was the first?” Pinkie asked. “Prince Blueblood-“ “Say no more, already caught up!” Pinkie said happily, humming to herself even as Twilight slowly backed out of the room.