When you think about it, it's amazing what stupid thoughts sometimes come into one's head when they're leaving home for goodness knows how long.
Consider this: Not by my own choice am I the center point of a ragtag team of brightly colored equines, one chocolate brown colored wizard equine who was supposed to have been long dead, plus my fantastic girlfriend who I SWEAR to marry some day, and I'm thinking about 200 calorie cheap pastries people cram into a small box for two minutes to COOK?

We had been scouring the neighborhood for "a bag of certain ill intent" for about 30 minutes now. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were in the air, Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack were searching the ground, and Twilight and Star-Swirl were using some kind of detection spell to look for Thaumic residue.

Chelsea and I were catching up on reading the manual. And by "catching up", I mean being confused.

"'Magic sense, like all other senses is detected within the sensory nucleus of the brain, where it is then transported to the thalamus'. Chelsea, You know brain stuff, right? What is the thalamus?"

"I guess it's the part where the brain processes our senses... But it says magic is detected by 'neural fluctuation'."

"So what? We gotta move our brains around in unhealthy ways? I don't wanna get a concussion to see 'magic'. The most I'll see is a giant rabbit or Rosebud at the end of a tunnel."

"It says neural fluctuation is normally preformed with assistance of the unicorn horn, but can be trained to occur by 'thinking of too many things at once'. ...What?"

"'It can also be trained to occur through the use of an enchanted item or items, which simulate the effect of the unicorn horn on the brain'."

"Okay, good. We've got that covered. Now to figure out how to make your freaky magic knife spit magic like it's supposed to." She snatched the manual from me and flipped to the index.

"WAIT! ... Okay, it says to push Thaumic energy out of the cerebrum into the cerebellum, down the spine and into your enchanted object. 'This can be done by picturing a small white pigeon and three normal sized billiard balls'?"

"Oh! 'or by willing the object of your spell to obey the enchanted object, which in turn you will to obey you'."

"Wow! I'll be a green lantern by the time I've mastered 'willing' things to do what I want!"

"Well, okay, Louis. If you want to learn how to turn a badger into a banana, you can always flip to page 100, but the back of the book says this: 'Demonstration, experimentation and Imitation is proven as the best way to learn spell-work, and truly talented spell-workers will be able to do all these things without the fear that comes from having no guidebook'. END OF CRASH COURSE. Now lift that lawn gnome a foot or so, I guess."

"*HFF.* Fine." I hated the lawn gnome at first sight anyway. If it exploded or whatever, I'd be perfectly fine with it.

I pointed the knife at the gnome. Not knowing what the heck I'm doing? Check. Face screwed up weirdly in concentration? Check. Looking like an idiot standing out in the street pointing at a gnome? Check. Everyone present to see me present myself as an idiot? Check.

A bead of sweat trickled down my neck as I threw thoughts at the smiley gnome with a major case of "uncanny valley".

In retrospect, I probably should have asked it politely to lift five feet, but instead, I poured out the equivalent wrath of Fluttershy when she's had a horrible day (RAISE UP FROM THE GROUND, FOUL DEMON, OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO SMITE THEE AND SEND THEE TO WHERE YOU DESERVE!). The result of this was the ascension of this gnome to about a mile high.

While perhaps undeserving of it's fate, no one seemed to mourn as the gnome smashed in the yard in a spectacular fashion, causing bits of it's funny hat, jolly/terrifying face, and charming outfit to make divots in the grass. However, no one could blame the ponies for clumping together upon it's impact. It was very startling and loud.

Chelsea broke into uncontrollable laughter at what I said. Twilight and Rarity chuckled a little, but nopony else found it particularly funny. Especially not the self-compressed butter yellow pegasus.

"That was horrible... and EXPLOSIVE. I-I don't ever want to see that happen again! What did it ever do to him?"

"Four words, Fluttershy. It was my test subject." Oh wait... That was five. "I may have wanted to break the creepy thing, but I was NOT intending to. I assure you."

Anyone with half a brain would do as Fluttershy says when she's audible. All heads turned down the road.

A huge unicorn of some sort stood in front of a somehow unnoticed blaze of houses, approximately a mile away, but he was closing the gap much faster than he should have for his size. Fire blazed from his horn, enveloping houses in fireballs as his hooves dug into the asphalt. Huge abominations and familiar monsters reared their ugly heads from behind the blaze as the giant continued thumping along at high speed and volume...

"EVERYPONY RUN!!!" StarSwirl shouted as loudly as his lungs would allow, then turned tail and split. The sheer terror of the situation renewed that freakish calmness that I've had since I first saw Twilight. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed Chelsea's wrist, hoisted Fluttershy on my shoulder and ran faster than I ever ran. Even faster than for my sadistic gym teacher's acceptance.

My feet pounded the pavement and became sore quick, but the frustrated screams and the sound of fireballs and monsters behind me made me forget that quickly. Fluttershy clung to my neck for dear life while Chelsea whimpered, yelled, and shrieked some well justified profanities as she struggled to keep up with me. We found ourselves competing with police and emergency vehicles as they flew down the road towards the havoc. Not to mention the swarm of cars that were flooding out of the place as well.

Then the ground left my feet as two yellow hooves wrapped around my waist. Fluttershy was obviously acting in a rare moment of adrenaline induced strength in order to be carrying me.

"Pleasedon'taskanyquestionsrightnow! This is *oof* VERY HARD, and I don't want to get distracted!"

A glance to my left revealed that Chelsea was being lifted in the same manner as I by Rainbow Dash. She waved to me un-easilly, when the huge unicorn, who was way too close behind us for my comfort, yelled at full volume.

"STARSWIRL! I WILL KILL YOU FOR THOSE HEXES! I'LL TAKE HUGE PLEASURE IN DESTROYING THAT HORRIBLE BEARD OF YOURS!"

"Whelp, I guess I know you're the cause now! MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO A TRASH BAG IF YOU GAVE OFF NICER VIBES!"

I addressed my living aircraft desperately. "Fluttershy! He's going to blow! Pull up! Pull up!"

Blow he did. Ice, fire, and electricity shot in a wide explosion from his horn as Fluttershy exerted herself to lift me higher. Chelsea shrieked loudly as Rainbow Dash in turn shot strait up, obviously inconsiderate of those who were not used to air travel... Such as my girlfriend.

"BEARDO? IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? MY OWN MOTHER CALLED ME THAT AFFECTIONATELY!"

Suddenly, the unicorn revealed himself to be very stinking scary. By that, I mean he conjured up a huge glass bowl and trapped us all inside. MLP villains have always left someone on the outside! What's wrong with this guy?

"There will be plenty of time for that once I've established supreme rule... You disgusting crotchety old coot."

As they went back and forth between wizard explaining the finer points of a technologically famous movie to enigmatic monster unicorn who was growing further and further confused, I looked around to grasp my situation. Apparently, I had been superglued to the dome's side.

"I don't know. Can you pry me off?" She asked me politely. The pegasus had inexplicably managed to grip the glass with all four hooves, pinning me between it and her.

I thought I'd be stuck behind cutest pony for about a year, until an idea popped into my head.

"Fluttershy? You should go up to that unicorn and give him a piece of your mind."

"Yeah! Don't you think he's such a big meanie? He burnt down twenty plus houses on his way here!"

"THAT PONY'S BEARD IS NICE, YOU ROTTEN RED MONSTER!!" She hit the giant so hard that I think I saw him flip head over hooves three times in a row. After he stopped, she stood on his barrel and started yelling in his face.

If you're concerned for me, though, she made sure to put me down gently before she assaulted him.

"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GO BURNING DOWN HOUSES! SOMEPONY HAS PUT A TON OF SWEAT INTO THOSE, AND YOU ARE COMMITTING ARSON!"

"I'M NOT DONE! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY FRIENDS LIKE YOU DID! THE DRAGON SHOULDN'T HAVE, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!"

"I do not care what you tell me. One wave of my horn could send you into orbit around the earth."

"AND THAT WAS THE WORST INSULT YOU COULD POSSIBLY MAKE TO A MAGICIAN! A WIZARD'S BEARD IS HIS HONOR, YOU NASTY DRAGON OF A PONY!"

"Don't diss the soup strainer, either, Tron-face!" very soft spot on some wizards." Starswirl added.

"S̢̬͙͔͍̯͙̗͒̉̑̈́ḩ͔͇̟ͧ̊̇ͣ̌ͭͯ͡u̱̘̰͍̤̔̀̏ͧ̒̕t̸̢̙̠̖͇̉ͭ̃͆̀ ̦͇̲̼̳̜̐͌ͅų͈͙ͦṕ̓̓̊͂ͩ͏̴̖̳̦͍̮̪͍̙,̶͇̖͔̺̗̘͖̦ͬͯ͊̐̅ͥ͒ ̬͉̮͎̘ͤ̋ͫ͝ỹ̡̙̬̳͔̖̗ͪ͐ȯ͍̤̦̒̈̉̊ͬͮ͂̅̕ũ̢͕̽̒̕͢ ̓̈̽̾̾͏̺̮͎l̢͚̬̮ͬ̋͆ͭ͐̉͗́ī̵̹̱̮̭̪̥ͭ͘ṯ̢̣̟̹̝̆͗͑ͪ̓̈̽̀͠ͅţ̮͇̠̊̂̎ͬ̅͜l͔̯͚̟̆͆ͣ̌̿̓̌͒́̚͘͟ẽ̡̠͖̩̜̰̜̩̤͊̃͒ͫͬ̏͟ ̤͓̣̰̲̺̝ͧ̊̐͡w̶̬̘͎͉̮̦ͬͣ̍̋͊o͖͕̞̩̾ͭ͆́͞r͈̻̣͍ͭ̍ͭ͐̕͘m͐̿͐ͯ͌ͧ̈́̿ͣ͏͖̮͎̙̣̮͜ͅͅ! ̞̺̪͆ͥ̐͘Ī̝͉͔̱̫̘̒̾́͑̿̈͢͢'̡̦̫̩̥͇͍̖̎̋̎̄̽̏̽͋͗m̖̫̗̖̺͍ͨ̔̓ͪ̏ ̧̧͓̳̩̳̩̱͇̥͊͗́̚s̗̠̬̦̩̤̬̈̉ͩ͑̈͐͡͠ͅi̔̓̓̄͗̂͒͏͏̷̱̭̗̯ç̸̟͙̈́͆̊̎̆̏͗ͨ͢k̲͓͇̈́͋̈́̇̈̅͜ ̶̡̟̪̲̠͕̩̝͍͉̇̃̆͒ͦ̋o̢̱̘͓̠̭̤̖ͩ̽̀̄̽ͬ̚͘f͔͎ͧ̉̏̑͘͝ ̢̫̮̻̪͗̓́y̢̪̠͍̙ͦo̸͓̫̐́ͫ̋̔̏͟u̧̼̪̗͇͚̬̜̱ͦ̑͜ŗ̗̪̝̲̟͉̓ͭ̔ͫ̿͡ͅ ̘̦̪̮͍̩͙̒ͭ͆̎ͫ̔̍͐ș̠̦͙̌́ͦq̛̩̺̜̞̱̱̏̈u͍̯̓̔̒̏́͊ͤ̕͜ę̹͇̝̺̖͍̲͑ͭͬ̏̓̋ͪa̵̡̰ͥͮk̖̟̙̙̹̱̽ͤ̉̈́́́ͅȳ̇̿̓҉̻͙̗̗ ̎̓͏͔͚̘̱͈v̵̧̪͚̗̖̰̳̐͂̈͊͊͜o̧̭͇̎̔ͣ̃ͨ̊î̱͖̯̥̻̬ͪ̋̐̐ͩ̃ͅc͉̪̍ͩ̉ͥͪͤė̱̣͓͉̓́̄͞ ̶̼̫̯̹̠̳͐͐̾a̰͓͚̩̬͓ͦ̊̍̒̑̅̏n̮̺͗̐͊͊͜d̵͚̯̔ͣ̀̕ ͍͚̞̮̜̞̜̬̏ͤ͐́̉̀ͪ̽̕i̷͚̣͍̦̬͑ͣ͒͌̉ͦ̐͘n̴͔̩̩͈̺̭͛̾͊ͬͯ͆ç͚̲̟̥̤̣̝̱̀̎̿̆̔̂̋ͪͥ͢e̴̺̞ͩͮ̑̈́̑̀̍ͨ̌ṣ͓ͤ̿s̨̩̝̳̝̮̰͕̮͓̊͐͜a͙͆͆̅̀̉̽̃̄ͬ͘͡n̘̦̱͂͂̊̽ͮ͆̈́ͅt̶̷̻̣̻̲̝̺̽ͧ̏͂̄̒ͮ̚͡ ̡̨̻̠͎̻̘̯̲ͤ̓̑ͅẘ̹̿̕h̡̛̫̆̐ͯ͘i̛ͭͣ̓̿̑͏̤͚n̪̞̲̲̗͓̐̀͂̀̐ͨ̓̇́ͅi̧͚̼͉̠̼̳͖͇̒̓̓ͧͪ̾̓͐͘ń̸̩̻̘̗͉̈́͛̉ͤ̐͐g̫̜͖̩̟ͭ̑̑͊͒ͭ͝ͅ!"

The strange Eldritch quality to his voice made all in the dome jump a few feet back. It was a big enough window for the unicorn to get up and say something threatening.

"You are all trapped, and I am going to be sure to kill. Each. And every one of you. Very. Very. Slowly."

"Sorry, dude, but I'm not trapped in here with you. You're trapped in here with me!"

While the giant pony had been distracted several times through insults, one-ups, and full force impacts, I had snuck over to Twilight inconspicuously (okay, maybe a little conspicuously. Tiptoes really shouldn't ever work). In unspoken communication, I held out my knife and she activated it. Before big, red, and nasty looking knew what was going on, I had weaponized my overpowered levitation and used him to shatter the dome in it's entirety. Needless to say, we all made our escape as soon as possible.

The fiend left an earthquake and some very reassuring words for us as we ran off.

"I'M DIFFERENT FROM NIGHTMARE MOON, DISCORD, CHRYSALIS, AND SOMBRA! I'M DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE YOU'VE MET! NO PLACE YOU CAN POSSIBLY GO IS SAFE! MY MONSTERS FROM ALL REGIONS WILL FIND YOU! I WILL HAVE MY WAY! NOBODY DENIES TIREK!"

Thankfully, we were far away from Sandy Shores when I finally lost my breath from running. Having left the once-peaceful and admittedly obscure town, I noticed that all traces of civilization seemed to stop at it's edge. A large forest, rolling hills, huge mountains, and a great river were just the things that were near by.

Okay, "All traces of civilization" is not enough. How about "All traces of recently inhabited civilization"?

Yeah. I'm not kidding. The highway leading out of Sandy Shores was covered in various forms of plant life and was cracked and worn. Similarly, the billboards had been overgrown and worn. Heck, if it was man-made, it was overgrown and worn. Bank on it.

More so were the roads. They were, for all intents and purposes, piles of uneven, sharp and crazy chunks of asphalt in a line resembling a road.

"That thing couldn't have been running more than 40 miles per hour!" I know that's wrong. The thing cleared a mile in less than a minute! "We could have easily gotten away if we could have gone 70! And don't you dare tell me you forgot!"

Chelsea would not be defeated by "that". "We could have at least used it inside the neighborhood!"

A familiar blue pegasus got in Chelsea's face."Okay, girl, just shut up for a moment. It's a box, with wheels. It's not like Equestria's- er- the world's going to blow up because we didn't have it." Ah, Rainbow Dash. Blunt as usual.

Starswirl turned from his stare at the diverse landscape. "It would not have mattered anyway. Even if we could have out-paced him, it would have been impossible to outpace his magic: You saw how fast he conjured the dome. Come: Any distance we can make between us and him will be beneficial."

The old chocolate brown pony trotted into the hilly area and turned, waiting for us.

"I'm fine with walking in pretty fields... Even in the cold late-Autumn. The air feels so fresh and crisp." Fluttershy trotted forward optimistically, tagged along by Rarity, who seemed to be in agreement with her opinion.

Rainbow Dash took to the skies as a lookout, while Applejack stayed by the back end with Pinkie. Twilight and I caught up with Starswirl.

"What do you mean by that, Starswirl? He's just an egomaniac like the rest of them! You heard him say he was better than those other bad guys we faced!"

"Twilight, he never said he was better. He said he was different, and I don't think he was wrong either. We know virtually nothing about what he is, and we know absolutely nothing about why he's doing what he's doing. All we know is that he's Tirek, and he's formidable. Perhaps very."

"Discord is of a different nature than this foe: He's more on the side of 'the world is my playground' than of the 'I deserve something that I do not have' that this guy is. Furthermore, only one other villain has had the same mindset as this new guy."

"It doesn't. It's his method of execution. Nightmare Moon acted immediately upon revealing herself and her plan. With Tirek, I can suspect that he's still trying to increase his power. You notice he let us go after we proved to be too difficult to take down."

"What about that taunting? That's never proved to be too effective in the past." I jumped into the conversation.

Starswirl motioned for everyone to stop as he turned around to face them. "Okay, a raise of hooves and or hands: How many of you were scared of the red unicorn's taunts?"

The old wizard turned back to me. "I would suppose it's effective now, Louis. We're not dealing with a typical villain."

I looked away in admitted defeat, only to find the formerly perky Fluttershy considerably un-perked. Apparently, she heard everything we were talking about.

Rarity, Applejack and Twilight quickly found out that she was quite stubborn on this position. None of what they could do to move her actually did anything. It was kind of odd how easy it was for me to just pick her up and carry her.

"You're... Nicer about it?" She explained simply, throwing in a little embarrassed grin.

"You don't have to. I just like it better when someone is understanding and patient."

"Oh come on, Flutters! Why don't you ever listen to me? Aunt Pinkie understands you perfectly!"

"Whadaya mean, I don't? You're an INFP on the Myers - Briggs test, you like animals of all sorts, you don't like large crowds or scary things, and your favorite color is Misty Rose!"

"Oh! I didn't know that! Ever since I met her, I always thought she was younger! I mean, she looks so young that I could have sworn that she had colts lining up at her door every day!"

"Ooo! That face there will get you a colt for su-*mmph!*" I had hung back until the pink motormouth was in range before silencing her abruptly. I gazed into Pinkie's eyes with mock anger.

"You'd better watch what you say about Fluttershy, Pinkie, or I'll have to break out the ear scratch again!"

We started walking again, with Pinkie giggling for about 3 minutes strait. Fluttershy fell into a fitful sleep many hours later when I noticed it was night time. The slow walking pace our group had maintained the whole way gave me plenty of time to survey the highly unusual landscape. We had walked under an overgrown overpass, passed many lonely traffic lights and overgrown street signs, a seemingly out of place gas station, and had arrived at another small neighborhood that was suddenly inside a pine forest. My first thoughts were on the extreme hunger I had somehow not noticed the whole way, despite two meal stops.

Weirder yet, the particular neighborhood we were in was completely deserted, unlike Sandy Shores during our early morning trek. I suspected the local wildlife had been zapped in along with the trees, and there's no telling what things could be in the woods, even if it wasn't the Everfree. MSU had to have been on the news, and when the pines had sprung up, I'm certain people started ditching their houses because of what they saw on it.

"I must say, Louis: Your gut is making something awful of an earthquake! Get some food down, young man!" Starswirl asked why I hadn't paid attention to the other meal invitations earlier.

Hey, when you're a geek, food deprivation comes more naturally than you'd think. Doesn't mean I didn't stuff my face on some of the food we had packed.

We proceeded to pitch our tent in someone's former back-yard, as not a one of us wished to break down the house door just to save some time. Said back yard now comes with a fantastic pine tree I'm envious of. Shame it happened to be inside the sand box. Everyone settled in for the night except Rainbow Dash, who volunteered to keep a lookout, and I, who offered to join her.

One night of sleep deprivation was worth it for the chance to talk to her alone. I still had some things to clear up with her.

The cool wind whipped at Rainbow's mane and bit at my ears as the last remaining insects chirped and geese flew overhead. I was glad that, although unfamiliar, this night would be uneventful. While we both kept an eye out between the trees, Rainbow Dash's mind was clearly elsewhere from the distant look in her magenta eyes. She took a glance at me and scuffed her hoof in the worn out lawn, obviously uncertain if she should speak.

I waited, letting her take a deep breath and sigh before talking to me. She spoke in a hushed voice, appropriate for the time of night.

She slowly ran a hoof through her mane, looking away from me again and fluttering as she did so. It was kinda cute.

Another gust of wind and an owl hoot punctuated our pause. I wrung my hands searching for a way to get her to tell me what was on her mind.

"Pfft. Only since two days ago... I didn't wanna bother anypony. They've... all got their own problems."

"I think everyone in our group has some sort of problem. Missing family... Friends... Pets... Ever looming uncertainty... I think we're all worried sick for someone who is worried sick for us. My parents both know that the health care they're paying for me isn't going to guarantee my safety. They probably have no clue if I got out of Sandy Shores safely... And all this is only true if they're safe where they live."

"Well, thankfully, I'm over it for the most part... But you still seem kinda mopey. I really would like it if I knew what was going on with you so I could at least help you get over it."

"Uh... What I want to say is, there's one thing that's been bugging me the most- but bugging is the wrong word for it! I meant 'bothering'."

"Well, don't make me guess about it, even if it's unlikely to be wrong." I encouraged her.

"I don't hang out with her much, but I can't stop thinking about how she's doing without me."

"I'm sorry for getting pushy, but the thing that confuses me the most is why you let her have that dream of having Rainbow Dash for a big sister... Are you crying?"

"Well, DUH, Louis! It's because 'Rainbow Dash' wanted the dream of having her for a little sister! Does it have to be anything else?"

"And now that I don't have a clue where she is, I just wanna take off and look for her... But you guys need me too! I feel stuck..." Rainbow sat on her haunches looking forlorn. A single tear fell from each eye of the usually brash pegasus, exposing her soft side in a really strong way.

"I know, I know... Friends stick together. Teamwork and all... But... Do you think you could help me look for her?"

"'Think'? I know I could. Trust me, Rainbow: Your friends and I would be more than willing to help you."

Just as I said that, Rainbow Dash jumped up and embraced me very awkwardly, yet sincerely. She wasn't choked up, but it was obvious she was much happier.

"Consider yourself added to my friends group, Louis." She threw in a nuzzle as I hugged her back, then floated back down to the ground and laid down.

I sat down next to her and overlooked the short backyard fence. Another gust of wind blew and chilled me slightly.

Rainbow Dash yawned deeply, but the atmosphere of the former back yard struck a thought in me.

"Know any good ghost stories? I don't have any coffee to keep me awake, so adrenaline will have to do."

"Oh come on... Just because Creepers in Minecraft make me yell, doesn't mean that will-"

Rainbow's response to this was to roll on her back and plop her head in my lap. Her fur and feathers fluffed out as her eyelids drooped. She would have been shocked by how adorable she looked then.

"Mmmmm... You feel like a cloud... Did ya know... ?" She punctuated her response by rolling to her left side and nestling into my lap. The sounds of unexpectedly soft rhythmic breathing soon floated to my ears.

Ahh, another chapter complete! I hope I struck a few heartstrings (so named unicorn excluded. Blunt trauma would make her cry) and caused a little sniggering with this one! Sorry for the slow going. I suppose I'm taking greater care in my fan fiction than I was before.

I've Got PONIES for ROOM MATES!

by Daaberlicious

CHOLD Chapter 12: What's Big, Red, Blue, and Terrifying?