It was in the middle of nowhere. A two story thatch roof building. The stained wood supporting the structure was part of the aesthetic design, making it look very farmhouse, or middle-age tavern. Black peat-smoke belched from the chimney, catching in the cold night breeze and billowing towards the west. Hanging out the front porch was an iron-wrought sign designating the traveller’s inn as The Green Fairy. The windows glowed warmly, and when the door creaked open to let two ponies off the road enter, a welcoming burst of heat, soft chatter and the sound of glasses scraping over table-tops escaped the building.

Set along the road leading away from Canterlot, on the foot of Foal Mountain and backed by a quaint little lakeside village, the inn was often home to passing travellers, or tourists looking to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city in the autumn months.

This is where the story begins. Our stoic hero; the one, the only, the magnificent... snort... sorry, I couldn’t do it. Not with a straight face.

Anyway. Rabbit was seated by the bar with the innkeeper watching him, and surrounded by a group of ponies.

It was only then Rabbit had really noticed the mare to stallion ratio in Equestria was massively weighty on the mare end of the scale. The inn surrounded by a womb of farmland in a valley pretty far off the beaten track was practically a singles bar. The only stallions were a pair of rickety old ponies in the corner smoking their pipes. Rabbit being a human didn’t count, and he was pretty sure that if he were a pony he’d be the only legitimate stallion available. For the crowd filling the inn that night anyway. Hell, even the pony behind the bar was a mare.

The mares seemed to range around Trixie’s age – likely in their late teens. They were ponies after all – a kaleidoscope of colours splayed throughout the dull drab interior of the inn. Normally speaking a place like that would never attract young women in Rabbit’s universe; they’d all be hitting the hip-bars or flirting with the bouncers to get into the nightclubs. However, this being the only social-gathering place for miles, Rabbit doubted the local mares had any other choice.

But it begged the question where the legitimate young country stallions were. Were they all at home because their mothers wouldn’t let them out? Were there any to begin with, or had they all moved into the city?

All very interesting social and economic questions... none of which Rabbit actually cared about. He wasn’t about to let his brain go off on a curious tangent, so he simply took note of the odd amount of young female ponies filling the inn and put it out of his mind. There were more important issues afoot.

“Not a chance in Tartarus!” one Pegasus mare with a swallow stamped square on her pink flank squealed. “You’re insane to even try!” she expounded at the confident looking teenager.

“One go?” one of her four friends asked, just to be sure. The earth-pony gave her head a disbelieving toss, letting her bright red ponytail (ugh) flip across her back. “No, you couldn’t.”

“Oh yeah?” scraping his shot-glass off the bar, Rabbit held it high between his thumb and index-finger for the mares to see the green tinted, watery liquid. “Bet you a bit each that I can!”

“Alright, you little smart-flank!” one of the groups pushier looking mares challenged in a holier-than-thou tone of voice. “Go for it then!”

Rabbit snickered... then knocked it back. His throat was open like his mouth and the liquid just rolled back, barely settling on the base of his tongue. It burned like fire... no-no, it was more like fucking acid, corroding its way all the way down his gullet before the teenager gulped loudly and held out his arms victoriously. Completely unfazed.

The mares stared a little wide eyed, completely stunned. Downing a shot of Verte Fairy’s hardest home-brewed absinthe in one go would have floored the toughest of stallions. Clearly this human thing was as tough as the princesses... hmmm, being as tough as a princess sounds like an oxymoron to me.

“The fairy is my bitch!” Rabbit exclaimed as he threw down the glass. It shattered upon impact with the ground causing the ponies to jump back, intrigued yet shocked. “Another!”

“You’re gonna pay for that.” came the gruff voice of the butch looking innkeeper. Verte Fairy was certainly not a mare to be fucked with, standing about as tall as Rabbit, but as wide as a bull. “And that’s a bit for the swear-jar too.” She reminded pointing to a cracked jar on the bar top clearly labelled ‘swear-jar.’ It looked like it had seen better days though, only a pair of bits resting in the dusty bottom and cobwebs forming over the top opening. Rabbit had been hanging around for three hours, so three guesses as to who those two bits belonged to.

Rabbit cocked an eyebrow at it before glancing to his entourage. “Uh... right. Pay up, ladies.”

There were various huffs and disgruntled mutters. Clearly none of the ponies expected gentlemen to call them on their bets. Then again, Rabbit wasn’t exactly a gentleman, was he? The mares produced a bit each and threw it down on the bar between the human and the unicorn seated beside him before they shuffled away casting him dirty looks.

Chuckling, the azure pony reached over and slid the innkeeper a bit for the glass, then levitated a second into the swear jar. The rest she tucked into a coin-purse under her star-spangled cape.

Trixie was smiling as she eyed her woozy looking coltfriend the whole time. “Are you alright?” she asked Rabbit.

Blinking hard a few times, Rabbit gave the Great and Powerful Trixie a smile. “Yeah, of course I a-...” he interrupted himself by trying to rest his elbow on the bar and his head in his hand.

His head completely missed his hand, nearly faceplanting himself into the surface of the bar. To make it worse, he’d tried to lean to his right while the bar was actually on his left. The result... Rabbit smacked into the ground with a distinct thud. Realising he’d gotten his comeuppance, the mares across the inn laughed while the human scrambled back up trying to look suave.

Trixie giggled into her hooves at the sight of Rabbit smoothing out his black sleeves.

“I’m cool! I’m cool.” Rabbit assured everybody as he shook off the dizziness the shot of absinthe had left him.

His girlfriend... marefrie-... no, that doesn’t sound right. Just girlfriend. She chuckled at his pathetic attempt to look smooth. As the boy looked over to the far end of the room, Trixie let a sneaky smirk play at her mouth. She figured she may as well screw with Rabbit while he was tipsy. And she knew exactly how she’d do that.

As Rabbit was looking away she’d transform into her human form and freak him out as he turned back. It wasn’t exactly an imaginative prank, but while in human form she might entice him to join her upstairs so they could wrap up the day.

She shut her eyes and focused. She’d pretty much memorised the spell at this stage. It was still tricky though and took every ounce of energy and focus. But she wasn’t expecting to be doing much strenuous activity tonight anyway... or was she...? Hmmm. No, this story is rated teen, so I’m obliged to say, no she won’t.

Slivers of light sprawled like a constantly expanding spiderweb across her body. They thickened with each pulse, each strand engulfing more and more of Trixie’s body before her whole form was consumed in the light...

Shards of glasslike energy scattered outward, engulfing both the human and the unicorn in a blaze of magic. but as harmful as it sounded, the energy harmlessly wavered over their bodies before evaporating into brightly coloured pixels that extinguished shortly after birth.

Blinking hard a few times, Trixie found herself flat on her back, forelegs pulled up under her chin. She was staring stunned up at Verte Fairy who leaned over her bar.

Trixie gave a broad apologetic grin before huffing while she rolled to her feet. Standing a little drunkenly, she quickly let her eyes dart from side to side in an attempt to spot her coltfriend. She couldn’t see him. It was like he had vanished completely. All she saw were ponies in the room. No human to be seen.

“Rabbit?” she called, a twinge of panic rising in her chest. Had he been blown out a window... or out of the universe completely? “Rabbit!?”

But it wasn’t from a human. It came from the pony standing directly in front of Trixie. And then it hit her. Before there hadn’t been any eligible stallions in The Green Fairy. And out of nowhere, the stallion had appeared.

A sturdy jaw, a fairly averagely built earth-pony with an even yellow coat. His mane and tail were tousled and messy, a very dark purplish blue colour.

That cute looking stallion was Rabbit! She almost missed it completely, but when she looked into his eyes she instantly recognised her own coltfriend.

Having said that though, the main things she should have picked up on were his bush-hat perched over his tousled mane as well as the majority of his clothing. Snugly fitted black sleeves hugged his forelegs, down to his un-trimmed fetlocks, with his olive green t-shirt covering the top half of his body. His rear legs and flanks remained exposed revealing his cutie mark... a bush-hat. A pictogram of the exact same hat perched on his head.

Rabbit’s eyes were drooping lazily as his mouth squiggled into an odd little smile. More than anything, he looked like he wasn’t even realising he had transformed into a pony, despite the fact he was swaying from side to side, stumbling over his own four hooves.

“Rabbit!” Trixie was left for words. What the hell had she just done? She’d accidentally turned her coltfriend into an actual colt... well, young stallion actually. But still!

“Wooo! Hey, Trix!” Rabbit whooped drunkenly. “I may have had a little too many!” his voice slipped into an incoherent slur as it seemed he was describing the sensation with very little success.

Trixie worriedly clicked her tongue. “Your metabolism skipped a track thanks to the magic. That’s not alcohol drunk. Worse. Your magic-drunk.” She explained.

And then she wondered why the hell she’d bothered. There was no way Rabbit knew what the hell she was talking about. He probably didn’t even notice he’d turned into a pony, despite he was falling over his hooves.

“No, being magic-drunk means you’re going to be like an over-energised puppy who’s chased a gallon of butter-beer with two gallons of tequila! The party over is... is over!” – in her brief moment of grammatical confusion, Rabbit managed to slip away, stumbling across the inn tripping over his own hooves – “Dammit! Rabbit!”

“Hey, gruff lady pony thing. I’m drink sho sherve me ‘n drunk.” Rabbit slurred as he nearly tripped over the stool and embedded his face in the bar.

Where he still a human the innkeeper would have straight up left a hoof-print in Rabbit’s face. But seeing the cute young stallion, her gruff disposition changed like a switch had been thrown.

“Well, of course, handsome!” Verte Fairy gave a jolly smile, beaming as she poured a glass of her finest and slid it in front of the magic-drunk stallion. “This one’s on the house!”

“What a nice lady.” Rabbit stated with a goofy grin before he looked back and noted something. “Oh hey! Check’t a cutesey mark!” Rabbit giggled as he stumbled in a circle like a dog chasing his tail trying to get a good look at his new bit of ink. “A hat? Wond’r what my spesh’l talent is. Maybe it’s wear’n shtuffs ‘n me head!”

Trixie galloped over to pin the stallion down again, but he was already on the move again. Stumbling off, he started drawing more attention to himself. The old-timers were so engrossed in their pipes, they didn’t care. But the mares. Their eyes were soon drawn to the young and eligible looking stallion and his antics.

Her friend shrugged, but cocked her head and grinned a little as she watched Rabbit. “I don’t care. He’s pretty cute.”

“Drunk though.” A third commented, seemingly repulsed. It only lasted a second though as she giggled while nudging her friend. “Oh heck, he’s still cute.” The other mares joined in the giggle.

Meanwhile Rabbit had crossed the inn and snatched up a decorative vase from one of the empty tables. It was a simple glass piece half filled with water and with a wilting daisy bent over the brim. Rabbit didn’t seem to inspect it for particularly long before he perched the thing on his head and attempted to keep it there. It didn’t prove easy, the vase tipping from side to side, and the stallion quickly shifted his whole body to stay under it, keeping it balanced.

“Haha! Check’t out!” Rabbit cried, managing to eventually find a near-perfect balance. Still wobbling though, his own drunken sways proved to help him in keeping the vase in place. “Ah sh’d be ‘n th’ shircush! Ah w’nder whut elshe I c’n wear ‘s a hat!”

Staring at his feat of inebriated dexterity, Trixie had to admit that looked pretty cute, and struggled to stifle her laughter in her cape. However, her soon laugh died a cold and hard death in her throat as she saw a slender shadow flit towards her goofy coltfriend.

“Maybe your special talent is wearing anything as a hat.” A smoky voice suggested.

It completely surprised Rabbit and he stiffened, letting the vase fall. Be it dumb luck or a little mercy from the Gods, the glass didn’t shatter on impact. Instead it just struck the wooden floor without even bouncing, spilling the water and the now definitely dead daisy at his hooves.

Turning to the source of the voice, Rabbit found he was looking at a unicorn. Her mane and coat sparkled in the dim lighting of the tavern. Her presence was impossible to ignore, especially with that grand, slender stature!

It took the magic-drunk stallion a moment to recognise the grand example of unicorn-kind. The snobby tone was gone from her voice. The uptight looking bun her mane was gathered into had been shaken loose, letting her cherry-blossom hair cascade in seductive waves down her slender neck. Her horn-brimmed glasses were missing. She actually smiled.

The holier-than-thou sounding mare who had initially challenged Rabbit’s chugging of absinthe had completely transformed in just a matter of seconds. She’d turned from a strict looking bitchy-type into a fun-looking hotty... aherm. By pony standards, of course.

“What about wearing somepony as a hat?” she continued to say. “Think you could do that too?” she sounded kind and inquisitive, but there was something of a challenging undertone in her voice though.

It was a stupid suggestion to be sure... but Rabbit didn’t know that in his state. It only took a few moments of consideration before the stallion went through with it.

Before the unicorn mare even knew what was happening, Rabbit had ducked down and slipped his head under her chest. With a single heave the mare found herself balancing on the stallion’s back, crying out with delighted surprise. With her forelegs wrapped around his neck, the unicorn held on laughing while Rabbit’ struggled to stay on his hooves. His legs were literally shaking, struggling to stay balanced and hold her up.

Eventually he just buckled. They both hit the ground with a distinct thud. Rabbit landed flat on his back, and the mare – despite already being upright and in a perfect position to catch herself – conveniently landed on top of him.

“Eh’kay, maybe ah’ll draw th’ line at wear’n’ poniesh.” Rabbit slurred out between laughter. “Ah’m sh’rry I dropped sh‘ye, ma’m.”

The unicorn was joined in as recovered from the ‘fall,’ slumped strategically on top of the giddy stallion. Her eyes were narrowed as she moved her face over his. “Don’t you worry about it.” she cooed. “I don’t mind.” She added in a husky whisper, moving closer and closer-...

Without warning an azure bolt of lightning stabbed the cherry-blossom mane unicorn in the side. Her hair frizzed instantly as the jolt launched her sideways and face down into the ground. Rabbit kicked his forelegs into the air as he burst out laughing at the sight of the unicorn now sporting a statically charged afro.

“Get the heck away from him!” Trixie screamed, bolting across the tavern at full tilt. She skidded to a halt, her horn glowing threateningly at the other mares who’d uncomfortably backed off after seeing their friend get zapped. “Back up!”

Through all of this happening, both Trixie and Rabbit had forgotten completely about the newly-weds. Both Captain Shining Armour and Princess Cadence had retreated to their room early that evening, and this being their first honeymoon night Rabbit had of course made a comment about them not actually going upstairs to sleep.

Though it seemed they really had gone to sleep early, because Shining Armour descended the steps towards the commotion not so much energetic or proud looking, but disgruntled and groggy. He had a bed-head and tired bags under his eyes as if the noise downstairs had denied him a week’s rest.

Halting about halfway down the steps, the captain scanned the inn. “Hey, what’s all the commotion down he-...”

“Everypony back the heck up!” Trixie was yelling at the top of her lungs as the angry crowd of mares figured the showmare was hogging the only eligible stallion for miles. They were literally circling trying to get past her, and Trixie was zapping the ground at their hooves, having none of it. “He’s the Great and Powerful Trixie’s coltfriend! And Trixie’s gonna sleep with him!”

Shining Armour’s eyes popped before he blinked at the scene several dozen times in just a few seconds. “You know what? I’m sorry I asked. G’night, everypony.” He turned about-face in a militaristic fashion, before stiffly – and awkwardly – trotting back to his room.

Rabbit groaned as he opened his eyes. White light blinded him and he was forced to blink it off. The sensation was all too familiar. His stomach was empty, but he had the urge to vomit. Every tiniest sound, the subtle creak of the bed, the caw of a crow outside, every miniscule little sound-wave was grating in his ears. His head was pounding. Complete lapse of memory filled him with terror.

“Yup.” He whispered to himself, rubbing his head as he struggled to take in the state of the inn’s guestroom. “I was definitely drunk last night.”

There was a pony in his bed, a horrid pounding in his head. Empty bottles spelling out his doom, some stripper-looking clothes draped all over the room. He smelled like a mini-bar...

A horrid throbbing on his neck derailed Rabbit’s train of thought. Slapping his hand over a tender patch of skin, he had to wonder if that was a hickey or a bruise.

“Uuuuuuugh...” Rabbit slapped his hands over his eyes and let his head fall back on the pillow while the pony laying tangled in the sheets beside him woke up. “The Great and Powerful Rabbit has a great and fucking powerful hangover.”

That made Trixie giggle as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with her forehooves. “Good morning to you too.”

“Ain’t nuthin’ good ‘bout it.” the teenager slurred in the after effect of last-nights drunken adventure.

Memories were coming back, but not everything was coherent. It was like his memory was a mirror... a mirror that had been shattered into a billion little pieces by a steel folding chair wielded by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson – for some strange reason that escapes all coherent explanation – who then proceeded to lay some serious smack-down on each individual shard.

The analogy on his shattered memory made about as much sense as the memories flooding back to the human.

Rubbing his eye, Rabbit flashed his girlfriend a grin. “I had the weirdest dream last night.” He mumbled through nasty aftertaste of stale alcohol.

“Really? Do tell.” Trixie smiled enthusiastically, shuffling closer wanting to hear all about it.

“You were there.” Rabbit started. “And I turned into a pony. And every mare in the inn was trying to molest me or something. And then we...” he paused, his bleary eyes widening at that part. “Uh... am.” He stopped, looking down at the sheets tangled around his body. “Am I naked?”

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Characters, Settings, Designs and Themes © to Hasbro and the Respective Owners. Please support the official release.
Based on a real dream. I should really give this pony-thing a break before my sanity breaks... oops, too late.

My Little Pony: Versus Equestria

by PseudoFiction

Interlude: Not Quite as Planned