Upstart Villainy
Public Dispute
It's been one day after the extraordinary defeat on the border of the Mushroom Kingdom, and deep within the spacious throne room of his castle, Bowser nursed an ice pack against his thumping head.
“I can’t believe that happened...” he grumbled. Then looking over to his right-hand witch he asked, “What were the total losses again?”
“Given the force of the blast from the Bob-OOM, much of our outermost troops were simply scattered over a great distance,” Kammy reported. “But in all, more than three quarters of our forces were taken by the Shadow Bomb, your Wretchedness.”
Bowser growled as he pressed the ice pack harder against his skull. “All that planning, all of it wasted, all because of that copycat!” Bowser slammed a claw onto the armrest of the throne, causing the room to shudder. “Shows up outta nowhere, takes the old World 3 castle, steps in on my turf unannounced, and now he goes stealing my subjects. Just who the heck does he think he is, taking my things and bogarting my massive takeover? I’ve been doing this for decades!”
“That’s right, your Evilness,” Kammy said. “He may be slimmer, and has a more regal air to him, and his looks are so tops they make these old bones quiver, but he knows nothing about conquering the Mushroom Kingdom the way you do, King Bowser.”
“Darn tootin’. It still irks me to no end, plus the guy has extremely poor tastes. World 3 is a dump, but at least it’s far away from here. And with it being always being nighttime over there, I won't ever have to see him.”
“Always important to count your blessings, your Wickedness.”
“But enough griping.” Bowser stood from his throne and stomped forward, tossing away the ice pack. “Gotta recoup from that disaster and get back in tip-top evil form!” The Koopa King approached a wall which held a map of the Mushroom Kingdom and its outlying regions. Kammy waddled up to him as he moved.
“So what vile plan do you have in mind?” she asked eagerly.
“Simple: kidnap the princess!” Bowser slapped an open claw on the center of the map, where Peach’s castle stood. Kammy was speechless, but only for a moment.
“Um, your Viciousness? Wouldn’t you rather rally the troops for another go at the kingdom?”
“As much as I’d love to, Kammy, that idiot Sombra wiped out most of our troops, and it’s gonna take time to raise up enough to retry the invasion as smoothly as I had originally planned.” Bowser crossed his arms and made a cunning grin. “No, for now I have to clear my head of this debacle and focus on something that I know I can do, even in my sleep. Hop back on the saddle, get into a positive mindset. A quick kidnapping to get my groove back, then afterwards I’ll no doubt have something bigger planned.”
“Your thinking process remains dastardly as ever, your Cruelness.”
“Heheheheh, you know it.” The conversation was interrupted by the blaring of the Unwanted Arrivals horn.
“There is one who wishes to speak with you at the main gate!” announced the gate guard.
“Huh? Then why don’t you blast him like anyone else?” Bowser grumbled.
“I don’t think conventional weapons are going to work, sir. He took out some of the Bill Blasters on his way here, and they were a good hundred yards away.”
“Is that so? *sigh* Fine, I’ll take a look.”
Bowser stomped from the map over to the window that looked down onto the castle’s main entrance. Lo and behold, standing before the castle moat, was the copycat Sombra himself, sporting a head bandage along with his tacky clothes.
“For real!?” he snarled loudly under his breath, then raising his voice loud enough for the unicorn to hear, “You got some nerve coming here, horsey! What do you want?”
“I’ve come seeking compensation for ruining my invasion yesterday!” Sombra shouted back.
“Ruining your invasion?” Bowser balked. “Didn’t you hear what I said before? Mine was in the making for months. I should be the one getting compensation out of this!”
“Neither of us would be in this position if your idiotic bomb had worked properly.”
“Same to you, Seabiscuit. Hokey dark magic can never cut it. Just so you know, I punched a guy who used dark magic to create a massive black hole, and saved the whole universe in the process. My fists are divine instruments!” Bowser brought up both his shaking mitts for hyper emphasis.
“I hope you realize that your fat ego just makes your stupidity all the more glaring.” Sombra made a hoofstomp. “Now quit trying to change the subject and pay me what’s due! Further talking with you is making my headache worse. Which, by the way, was caused when one of your inept soldiers blindsided me in the explosion.”
“Don’t you mean one of ‘your’ soldiers? It’s easy to get them mixed up, on account of you stealing most of them.”
“Perhaps if you treated them better they wouldn’t have come begging to enlist, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving this spot until you let me in so that we can negotiate proper. And don’t bother sending your pathetic guards on me, unless you want to have your kingdom ended here and now. If you thought the Shadow Bomb was catastrophic, wait until you see the full extent of my power!”
“Ugh, I don’t have time to deal with this!” Bowser turned from the window and stomped away, growling at Kammy with, “You handle him.”
“It’ll be my pleasure, King Bowser.” Kammy raised her jewel-tipped wand and waved it around. Down by the moat, Sombra impatiently tapped a hoof when the drawbridge into the castle started to lower. Once the drawbridge lay flat before him, Sombra gave a snort.
“Hmph. That’s more like it.” Sombra trotted onto the drawbridge with a raised chin and a lofty sense of self-entitlement. As he reached the halfway mark, Kammy made another wave of her wand. The drawbridge began shuddering, giving Sombra reason to halt and look around himself. “What is...?”
Without warning the drawbridge rose in the opposite direction with the speed of a springboard, launching a screaming Sombra into the sky, who became nothing more than a brief twinkle of light. Kammy cackled contentedly at the unicorn king’s exit.
“Kwee hee hee hee. So much more satisfying than with the vacuum salesmen.”
The sound of a rotor brought her attention to the return of Bowser, flying in on his signature Koopa Klown Kopter.
“Enough time’s been wasted; I’m off to kidnap the princess!”
“B-but your Sliminess, don’t you want to recover some more first?”
“Bah! Recovery is yesterday’s news. It’s a sunny afternoon and just the perfect weather for kidnapping. Time to get back in the game!”
Without another word, Bowser took off through the throne room window and out into the blue yonder, his course and hungry gaze set on the pristine kingdom that held his pretty-headed prize. A bit of a rocky start, but this would undoubtedly turn out to be a perfect day.
To the Castle!