Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Read It and Weep
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am now pretty convinced that Rarity is out to get me. Ever since I didn't stop the carriage in Dodge Junction to pick her up. I mean, she could have ducked when Pinkie took a backwards jump off of Applejack's stage coach. So totally not my fault. I knew that drink she bought me before my routine demonstration tasted funny. Although, I suppose it could've been a lot worse. She could have given me a drugged cupcake and fileted me piece by piece all for the intention of baking my internal organs into desserts.
So when I crashed I woke up in the hospital. I can't believe AJ said the chow is hoof-lickin' good. Yeah, as in I'd rather eat my own feet than the garbage they wheel around on those trays. So to help me with going out of my mind, Twilight gets me a book. A BOOK. Everyone knows words and numbers are strictly forbidden.
Anyway, as I slowly went insane with boredom, I tried to explain to my completely disabled roommate why I watch a cartoon for little fillies; basically to get to the other side of the street...because, you know, then we could be on the other side of the street together...because that make sense, right? Yeah, then I told him how I made a Sonic Rainboom and caused mass puberty.
But that didn't cure my boredom for long, so I began reading this book Twilight brought me. Didn't get too far before Fluttershy and her came in with a board game. Instead of admitting I was reading and apologizing to Twilight for the egghead comment, I kept the charade of being tired and kept visits short. As I was purposefully losing, I had an out-of-body experience, where I was part of the most ingenious product placement of all time. My Little Pony playing Battleship while recovering from Operation.
So I unknowingly read all through the night, so the next morning they pushed a sleep-deprived crash victim out to the curb. With how fast they rushed me out of the hospital, you'd think Equestria has universal healthcare. Upon realizing that I had left the book in the room, I decided once again to forgo apologizing to Twilight, and instead attempt breaking and entering. It turns out they only thought I was stealing slippers, and that is like the hospital's most precious resource with how they gave chase.
Finally admitting to Twilight that I had enjoyed reading, I got the entire collection from her and went back up home. Score!
Your slightly better educated weather pony,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Princess Celestia,
Holy crap, you're not gonna believe this. I actually managed to get Rainbow hooked on a book series for first graders! I didn't even know she could read! Once I can get her reading level up high enough, I can introduce her to a book called The Kama Sutra.
But yeah, I wouldn't want to be her when the hospital bill comes. I mean, with how many dangerous tricks she's attempted, I bet she can't even get insurance.
Your perfectly healthy former student,
Twilight Sparkle