//------------------------------// // Because Names Are Hard // Story: How Santa Christ Saved Hearth's Warming Day // by Captain L //------------------------------// It was December 24th, better known as Christmas Eve. People were at their Christmas masses at church, there were parties around the globe, and families were putting out milk and cookies for everyone’s favorite Christmas icon, Santa Claus. During the night, he was going to come and deliver presents to people all around the world, so long as there was Christmas spirit. It was the same as Christmas Eve in any other year. But, the story I’m about to tell you is a little different. For you see, Santa Claus is not real. Shocking, I know. And to tell the truth, neither is the religious icon Jesus Christ. Neither of them are real in the senses that we know them. They are actually one man, one man who is the Son of God, died for everyone’s sins (along with his brother, Optimus), and now delivers gifts to the world. His name is Santa Christ. Santa Christ is a jolly fellow, a real good guy. He helps everyone, fights off monsters, and saves puppies from fires. He’s resolved a feud between the citizens of a micronation, and saved one very angry man from the torment of a horrible holiday special. And his diabetes. Overall, he’s just been one of the greatest things to ever exist. However, since his world rarely faces terrible threats that require his intervention, his life has mostly been the same for the past 2000 years. He’s always been there for the people, and enjoyed what he does. But the story I have for you is one where he has to embark on an adventure unlike anything he’s ever faced. One year, not so long ago, Hearth’s Warming Day almost didn’t happen. Evil forces were conspiring to ruin this most special of all holidays. This is the story of How Santa Christ Saved Hearth’s Warming Day. As I said at the beginning of the story, it was Christmas Eve. All the kids’ presents were packed and ready to be sent all around the world in one night, just as it had always been done. Santa Christ was ready to do what he always did, every single year. Not that he was feeling any sort of monotony, of course not. The joy that he gave everyone made it all worth it. So, moving on, he was ready to begin his world-round trip of the year. He hopped into his Corvette, which was known to alien conspiracy theorists as the “Car in Space”, to start his routine. However, when he started it up, something was wrong. The engine began emitting a purple smoke, and the car was engulfed in a flash of light, disappearing. It reappeared in the middle of a snowy field, where a storm was taking place. Santa Christ, assuming that he was in the North Pole, attempted to start the car. When it wouldn’t, he began to investigate. According to the dashboard, it was out of gas. “Darn thing always runs out at the worst moments. I only use it once a year, how does this happen?” Even in mild irritation, his voice was still the most pleasant thing you would ever hear. So he began to walk in the direction his house would be, to get the spare gas. The storm was picking up, and the snowfall was getting heavier. In the limited visibility, Santa Christ could see lights in the distance. Approaching them, the structure was unfamiliar to him. A giant bubble encased an empire made entirely of crystal. “Oh, what have we here?” The bubble, intended to keep intruders out, had no effect on Santa Christ. He simply walked through, admiring the buildings. “Whoever built these was very talented! I’ll have to give them a special present! Hohohoho!” His joyous laugh was enough to warm even the coldest of hearts. But it was not enough to comfort the Crystal Ponies, hiding in terror. Santa Christ could tell the ponies were hiding, and decided not to bother them. He understood what shy people were like, and knew it wasn’t a good idea to attempt to have them open up. He instead continued towards the castle, intending to figure out where he was, how to get back, and generally just spread Christmas spirit. He made his way to the throne room, not facing any guards, as the shield surrounding the city was the only real defense force. Sitting on the two thrones were two more ponies, a pink female unicorn with horns, and a white male unicorn. Santa Christ, still the nice guy, was ever so jolly about meeting them. “Well hello there, what are your names?” The pink one shrieked and cowered. “What are you? How did you get in here?” Her companion, the white unicorn, reached over to comfort her. “Don’t worry, Cadence. Twiley told me about these once from a book she read. They’re called humans, and they’re harmless. Mostly harmless, from what she said.” He turned to Santa Christ. “So who are you, and how did you get in?” “Why, I’m Santa Christ! I spread joy and Christmas cheer throughout the world! But it appears that I’ve gotten stuck here, and tonight’s Christmas Eve. So, I’m going to need to get back to my world, so I can make the children happy! But, you still haven’t told me your names,” he said, waggling a finger. The white unicorn answered. “I’m Shining Armor, and this is my wife, Cadence. We rule over the Crystal Empire, the city that surrounds this castle. It’s a little small for an empire, but it works.” Santa Christ laughed. “Nonsense! The size of the nation doesn’t matter! Molossia was a pretty small nation, but its president made it work! And I’m sure you’re doing just as well.” Cadence began whispering to her husband. “Shiny, I don’t think we should trust him. He just walked through our protective shield, and into our throne room. Don’t you think he could be just a little dangerous?” “Cadence, I see no reason to worry. I mean, look at him. I see absolutely no evil anywhere in him. He is incapable of wrongdoing. And you know what it means if he wasn’t stopped by the shield? It confirms it, he’s pure good!” Shining Armor had a moment of realization. He turned back to Santa Christ. “Santa Christ, you said you spread Christmas joy, didn’t you?” “Why, of course I do! It’s what I do best! The world would be lost without me!” “Then, I think we might need your help. Us ponies celebrate a different holiday, known as Hearth’s Warming Day. My sister tells me your Christmas is nearly identical. Well, this year, it’s facing a problem. A previous foe of ours, King Sombra, has returned, and plans to spread his evil by ruining this holiday. He has some sort of mysterious accomplice, and we can’t face him. He’s grown too strong. You could be the only one who could help us, Santa Christ. Will you do it?” Shining Armor gave his best puppy dog eyes, a trick he learned from Twilight back when she was a little filly. Santa Christ began to think. “Tonight is Christmas Eve, so I’m awfully busy. The children would be so disappointed if they didn’t get their presents on time. But then again, my schedule is considerably looser now that that Critic quit. I think I should be able to help.” Shining Armor rubbed his hooves together. “Excellent! You’ll be meeting with my sister down in Ponyville. She and her friends are head of the Sombra Strike Team. I’m sure you’ll be a valuable asset to the cause. Now, since there’s no time for you to take the train, we’ll just teleport you there.” “But wait! Before you do, my ride is in the middle of the snow out there. Would you mind bringing it to safety?” “You have nothing to worry about.” Shining Armor began building up his magic, joined by Cadence. The two of them engulfed Santa Christ in it, blinking him to Ponyville. “I only hope he succeeds, or else Hearth’s Warming Day is doomed.” Atop a mountain outside of Ponyville, a shadowy king was talking. “I thank you once again for ressurecting me. I will be able to exact my revenge, and take what the ponies find most sacred. Our plan shall go through tonight, and this dreadful holiday shall be ours! Are you ready?” His accomplice was leaning on the edge of the cave wall, twirling his gun in his gloved hand. “Let’s do it,” said the very angry nerd.