Where’s Twilight?
Laughing Stock, a standup comedian known for his dry wit and self-deprecating style of humor, was unsure of the whereabouts of his wife Twilight Sparkle. The two ponies recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary, their relationship continued to blossom with each passing day. Figuring Twilight was doing something library related, so the stallion rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, only to find the door closed and strange noises emerging from inside.
“Spike, is that you?”
A feeble voice could be heard from the other side. Realizing his wife was sick, he became concerned.
“Twilight, are you alright?”
“I think so…maybe I had too much hard cider at dinner. I told Applejack one glass was one too many...”
“No, I don’t think so. When we walked home, you started pointing out constellations, gave me dates on when they were discovered, and the ponies that discovered them. When I used to drink I couldn’t remember my own name, let alone somepony else’s who discovered some stars. I’m almost positive it wasn’t the cider.”
"Well, maybe it was that sick pony in the library who sneezed all over the disease section.”Twilight suggested.
“Yes, that must be it! How long ago has he here? Yesterday, day before…”
“Three weeks ago.” She deadpanned.
The doubtful stallion retracted his previous statement. “If he was here three weeks ago, I find it very unlikely that you are just getting his cold now.”
"Well, I've been somewhat sick for weeks now. Sometimes worse than others. This is one of the worse ones,"Twilight informed the stumped stallion.
"You're kidding, right?" asked Laughing Stock with a pained wince. "I would have been right there for you if you had said something.”
“I have been quiet about it, that’s all. I don’t feel compelled to tell you everytime I feel sick or have a headache.”
“Well, I wish I had known,” Laughing Stock opened the bathroom door. “We vowed to take care of each other in sickness and in health, remember? What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t fulfill those promises?”
Averting her eyes from the toilet in front of her, the lavender unicorn decided to take him up on his offer.
“Well, if you want to help, I would appreciate some cold medicine.”
“Consider it done, M’lady!” On top of the medicine, Laughing Stock also promised to bring home ice cream. “What flavor do you want? The store has Rocky Road, Butter Brickle, Neighapollitan..."
“You’re sweet, but instead of ice cream, could you get me something else?”
"Simply say the word, my love, and your faithful and devilishly handsome husband shall sally forth to retrieve the most tasty delicacy from the farthest corner of Equestria." To his surprise, the item was one he had never seen her eat.
"Sauerkraut. And it can be local, no need to go to Germaney."
“Sauerkraut?” the baffled stallion furiously rubbed his ear. “I must have heard you wrong, did you say you want sauerkraut?”
Twilight understood his confusion, but she really wanted it for whatever reason. “It just sounds so delicious right now.”
“Well…ok then. If my Twiley wants sauer-”
It didn’t happen very often, but every once in a while, Laughing Stock had the uncanny ability to discover the solution to a problem nopony else could figure out. This was one of those times.
“You said you were nauseous, body and headaches, and strange cravings, correct?”
Twilight nodded.
The suddenly nervous comedian raced to the massive collection of books in their living room, quickly scanning the shelves for the one he wanted. Upon finding it, he delivered it to his mare on the floor of their bathroom.
“I think I found your problem…”
Using her magic to bring the book closer, she was sure her husband was kidding. After reading the first few pages however, Twilight wasn’t so sure.
“You don’t think…”
“Yes Twiley…I do. It explains everything, including the mood swings you’ve been having as of late.”
“WHAT MOOD SWINGS?” Twilight snarled.
The stallion smiled as he helped his wife off the floor. “Brush your teeth and let’s go. I’m going to buy you all the sauerkraut in Ponyville!”
As the two ponies left, Spike rushed into the bathroom.
“Finally! I thought those two would NEVER leave!
The baby dragon picked up the book Twilight left on the floor, wondering why it was in there in the first place.
”So You Think You Are Pregnant? I wonder why Twilight was reading this.”
***
The married couple sat anxiously in the waiting room at Ponyville General, silently holding each other’s hooves.
“Twilight Sparkle, the doctor will see you now.”
The nervous unicorn followed the nurse to the examination room, while Laughing Stock stayed behind. He couldn’t help but dread the outcome of Twilight’s examination. Although he wanted to be a dad eventually, the very idea of being one now scared him to death.
“Laughing Stock,” Twilight called. “Are you coming or not?”
“I’m sorry,” The comedian said, looking into his wife’s eyes. “You have no idea how scared I am right now.”
Beaming at her husband, Twilight gave his hoof a comforting squeeze. “Hey, I’m scared too, but I know we will get through this. As long as we‘re together, we can face anything, right?”
Laughing Stock uncomfortably sat on a stool, while Twilight sat in the examination chair.
“Hey Twiley, what do these things do?” The stallion pointed to the metal objects that extended above the chair.
“That’s where I place my hooves, sweetheart.”
The unicorn demonstrated the position, placing her hooves in the objects in question.
“Wow, talk about comfort. You mares really have it made!”
Thinking out loud, the clueless comedian wondered why stallions never get to use chairs like this.
“Because…this way it’s easier for the doctor to examine our…”
Despite the explanation and the demonstration, Laughing Stock was still very confused. With a heavy sigh, Twilight motioned for her husband to walk in front of her.
“Alright, I don’t understand how…” Facing his wife, Laughing Stock finally got it.
“Oh. I see…well anything to make the doctors life easier I suppose.” He moved his lumpy piece of furniture closer to his wife. “Speaking of your doctor, what’s she like?”
Twilight sheepishly turned away from your husband. “Honey, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”
At that instant, the examining room door opened, allowing a very handsome stallion to enter. “Oh hello, you must be Laughing Stock! I’m a HUGE fan!”
“Thank you, it’s always nice to meet my fans.” Realizing Twilight was still in an awkward position, he stepped in front of her. “Who are you anyway?”
“Oh, how rude of me,” the strange stallion said, extending his hoof. “My name is Doctor Hoofington, I will be examining your wife.”
Laughing Stock’s smile left his face. He returned to his seat, wondering how such a handsome pony could be allowed to do this line of work. He felt sick as the doctor moved his face closer to Twilight. He suffered in silence while this “doctor” took his time examining his wife, and he wasn’t happy about it.
“Is everything alright down there doc?” The bitter comedian asked.
“Yes, everything looks fantastic!” Doctor Hoofington explained he was nearly finished. “I just have one last thing to check out…”
“Why not take a picture? It’ll last longer…” muttered the jealous stallion.
Twilight glared at her husband, making sure he knew those words weren’t appreciated. Laughing Stock left his seat, and moved closer to his wife’s ear.
“I wish you told me your doctor was a stallion!” he hissed. “Why did you keep it from me?”
“Well, I was afraid you would get jealous” she explained with a grin. “Turns out, I was right.”
Returning to his seat, he crossed his arms and pouted while the doctor finished up.
I’m not jealous…I’m just…extremely protective of Twilight.
“Ok Twilight, everything looks wonderful!” While the doctor excused himself to get the ultrasound machine, the unicorn turned to her husband.
“I was thinking, if I am pregnant…we should wait until the delivery date before we find out what it is.”
Laughing Stock hated the idea. “Well, since I helped make it, I think I’m entitled to see my work before it’s finished.”
Twilight pointed out they were having a foal, not a school paper .
“I know honey, but eleven months is a long time!” The earthpony did whatever he could to change his wife’s mind, but she was adamant on the subject.
“Look Twiley, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can wait that long on the biggest event of my life.” The unicorn slowly nodded. She looked absolutely dejected at his decision, which made Laughing Stock feel guilty.
The doctor entered the room, pulling an expensive looking machine. Holding his wife’s hoof, the comedian watched the doctor pull a silvery tube out from a drawer under the strange device.
“Hey doc, what’s that stuff? It looks familiar…”
To Laughing Stock’s horror, this ravishing pony told him it was standard lubricant. He watched as this stranger gently rubbed his wife’s stomach with the slippery substance. To make matters worse, Twilight moaned softly as the other stallion’s hooves circled her stomach.
“Ok Twilight, now that you’re all lubed up, let’s take a look inside.”
Laughing Stock was not a violent pony, but he was about ready to give this doctor a piece of his mind.
“You know Laughing Stock, I’m quite surprised with your calm demeanor right now” The doctor said, moving the wand across Twilight’s belly.
The comedian’s jaw was clenched shut, making conversation virtually impossible. Instead, he released an audible grunt.
“Most husbands would have their hooves around my throat. I mean, I spend my day looking at their wives marehoods…I don’t blame them in a way.” With a smile, Doctor Hoofington thanked him for his patience.
“I hope to find a stallion like you someday.”
Laughing Stock’s irritated expression was replaced with a blank stare. “Doc…you’re a colt cuddler?”
After a small nod, the relieved husband was able to relax in his chair. “THANK CELESTIA!”
“Oh, I see something!” Staring at the monitor, the doctor alerted of the parents to be of his discovery. “Congratulations! It’s a-“
“WAIT!”
Doctor Hoofington was startled at the father’s reaction. Laughing Stock gently grabbed his wife’s hoof, and gave it a small squeeze. “We want this to be a surprise.” Twilight smiled sweetly at her husband, placing her other hoof on his face.
“Thank you.” The lavender unicorn mouthed.
***
“Twiley! I’m home with dinner!” After Twilight’s appointment, the expecting parents went their separate ways. Laughing Stock went into town to pick up supper, while his wife went home to rest.
“Honey, where are you? I don’t want your food to get cold!” When he realized his wife wasn’t coming, the curious stallion began looking for her. He checked the basement, the bathroom and the living room, but Twilight was nowhere to be found.
Taking a seat on the couch, he silently wondered where she could have gone. His logic said she probably went to a friend’s house to discuss their new discovery.
I better go fetch her...where did I leave my scarf?
Climbing upstairs toward their bedroom, Laughing Stock heard a noise that sounded a lot like crying. When he arrived in his bedroom, there was Twilight, face buried in a pillow and tears streaming down her face. Sitting next to her on the bed, the concerned husband placed a hoof on her shoulder.
“Oh…hi honey!” Twilight wiped her eyes. “I was…not crying, if that’s what you thought I was doing.”
Laughing Stock told his wife she was the worst liar he’s ever seen. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Twilight admitted she was upset about the foal. “I’m starting to have doubts about it…that’s all.”
“OH CELESTIA!” The comedian threw his hooves to his head. “It’s not mine is it!? I knew it, there is no way I’m enough stallion for you!”
“What? No!” Twilight cried.
“It’s Big Mac isn’t it?! I knew that guy wasn’t coming around here for books! I-“
Laughing Stock’s rant was interrupted by a flying pillow. As he removed the feather filled missile from his face, the loving husband looked down at his wife.
“I was kidding Twiley.” He placed his hooves gently on her neck and kissed her. “I am terrified as well, in fact, you have no idea how much I want to join you up here crying my eyes out.”
The somber unicorn listened as her stallion opened his heart to her.
“I love you more than anything. I know we really aren’t ready for a foal, but we are going to make the best of it!”
Twilight wrapped her hooves around him, and expressing her greatest fear to the only pony she loved.
“There was so much to do before I wanted a baby, but I’ll never be able to do it now!”
The unicorn buried her face into Laughing Stock’s shoulder. He tried his best to console his wife with a suggestion. “What was on your list of things to do before you gave birth?”
Using her magic, Twilight opened a nearby drawer. A scroll was surrounded by a magical aura, and dropped into the dumbstruck stallion’s lap.
“Everything is on the list…”
Staring at the massive roll of paper on his lap, Laughing Stock asked for the abridged version.
The pregnant unicorn’s one true desire was simple. “I want to go on a trip with you.”
The comedian was flattered. “Really? Out of all the things that you could do, you want to go on a trip with me?”
After a moment of thought, the stallion had an idea.“Let’s just take that trip.”
Twilight was taken aback by her husband’s suggestion. “Where would we go?”
Shrugging, the stallion asked his wife where she wanted to go.
“Somewhere besides Canterlot. I want to go somewhere new and exciting!”
“Well, let’s plan something later.” Laughing Stock suggested. “Something just for the two of us.”
To his surprise, the morose mare sat upright, clapping her hooves together. “YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! This will be so much fun!”
Laughing Stock happily agreed to help his wife with any preparations she would need to make. The expecting mother carefully climbed out of bed, and made her way to the kitchen for supper. As she was served sauerkraut and daisy salad, Twilight told her stallion there was one thing they need to do before they left.
“We should tell my friends and family I am…I mean, we are expecting.”
Laughing Stock grimaced. “I can see it know…Hey Shining Armor! Guess who knocked up your sister!” Leaning back in his chair, the chuckling pony bent his hooves towards his chest.
“Oh stop it!” Twilight giggled. “I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to hear I’m finally pregnant.”
Laughing Stock wasn’t so quick to share his wife’s sentiments.
“I guarantee your dad is going ask how it was.”
Twilight asked for clarification on the “it” in question.
“You know…the…creation process.”
The lavender unicorn placed her face in her hooves. “You’re right…this is going to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.”