//------------------------------// // Buck Facts Vol 2 // Story: Buck Norris Visits Ponyville // by Gigglebrony //------------------------------// After my last publication, Many ponies have come forth with their own "facts" about Buck Norris. After many hours of reading, researching, and dismissal of letters, I have put together this second edition, with plans for many more. If at first you don't succeed... you're not Buck Norris. Buck Norris once ate a bottle of sleeping pills... they made him blink. Buck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes. Buck Norris' only friends are himself and his hooves. Nobody else is worthy. Buck Norris can watch a 24 hour video. TWICE. Buck Norris can unscramble an egg. Buck Norris didn't win the game, the game LOST to Buck Norris! If a tree falls and Buck Norris is there can it make a sound? Only if he allows it. Buck Norris invented the notorious arrow to the knee joke because he owned Cupid at his own game and since then has never let it die. When the police pull over Buck Norris he lets them off with a warning. When Buck Norris walks into a room you suffocate, because air is afraid of Buck Norris. Using mathematical equations and a revised edition of the Theory of Relativity, Scientists have discovered it is physically impossible for Buck Norris to have had a biological father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. A rattle snake once bit Buck Norris, after three days of pain and agony...the rattle snake died. Buck Norris once won a rock battle against DJ Pon3. He just kept saying "Buck Norris" in a rap-like fashion. The crowds' heads exploded from amazement. Buck Norris made it on the the honor-role just by enrolling in high school the first day. Daring Doo became an archaeologist to try and find the secret of Buck Norris's origins. Buck Norris can turn the light off and be in bed asleep before the room gets dark. Buck Norris can ski up a mountainside. Buck Norris once had a staring contest with the stained glass windows in Canterlot castle. And won. Twice. Ninjas can punch through solid steel, but Buck Norris can punch through solid diamond. Buck Norris can fight with his ears. Buck Norris is the only pony to punch a cyclops between the eyes. Buck Norris can slam dunk without jumping. Buck Norris won his high school science fair. His project was the Crystal Empire, which he made at the last minute out of the gravel in his driveway. Buck Norris made the Crystal Heart out of a huge rock he found at Rarity's house. When Buck Norris was in Manehatten little league, he bunted a home run that broke a window in Canterlot. If Buck Norris throws a ball into the sky, it won't come down to earth for another 104 years. Buck Norris can do a downward uppercut. There was once only 23 letters in the alphabet. One day, Buck Norris added T, K, and O, so he could better describe his victims. Buck Norris buys his Mare Scout cookies from Canterlot Palace guards. Buck Norris's hat was made in a black hole. Buck Norris can freeze lava with a lit match. Buck Norris can eat water. Buck Norris can cut a saw with a wood board. Buck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear. Buck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his hay steaks. Buck Norris didn't evolve from anything, he just simply appeared one night. Buck Norris doesn't swim, he pushes the ocean out of his way. Freddy Kreugar has nightmares of Buck Norris. Slendermane had a face before he met Buck Norris. Buck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle Buck Norris can make a hard-boiled egg in ice water. Buck Norris scares fear Buck Norris visits volcanoes for a hot tub bath every now and then. Buck Norris won a guitar battle with a Cello. Octavia hasn't let it out of her sight since. When Buck Norris says “Say hello to my little friend” – his mustache attacks! Buck Norris can smash an air guitar. Buck Norris can get a touchdown in baseball. In the beginning, there were Raspberries. Then Buck Norris round-house bucked the bush and now there are Black and Blue berries too. Buck Norris can inflate a balloon by inhaling!!! Buck Norris can roundhouse kick the white off of rice. Buck Norris can chew sand and spit out colored marbles. Buck Norris can speak braille letters. When Rainbow Dash said "I'm the fastest pony ever," she received a letter that the post office had been holding for 80 years. It said "No you're not." and the signature was a fist. After king Sombra made a Buck Norris joke, he had to hide the entire empire to avoid the repercussions. It didn't work. Buck Norris broke the sound barrier whilst head banging. Buck Norris can spit fire under water. When you get a headache, that's Buck Norris punching your Great, Great, Great, Great, Granddad. Buck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass. When Buck Norris goes bungy-jumping, he doesn't use a rope, he just crawls out of the hole in the ground! Buck Norris can listen to songs in sign language. Equestria's only line of defense for an asteroid is Buck Norris with a sling shot. Problem solved. Buck Norris can turn the sun off and on by clapping. Buck Norris finished the Never Ending Story. Pinkie Pie can break the forth wall because she is distantly related to Buck Norris. Buck Norris is the only known pony who can can cut a diamond with his abs. The facts in this book are Buck Norris' smallest achievements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night. Buck Norris's favorite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hooves. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Spike and Chapter were having a giggling fit in the library. The second volume of Buck Norris facts was as funny as the last one, and had both of them cracking up. By the time they had finished it, they were both rolling on the floor in fits of giggles. A shadow fell across the two of them, making them choke down their laughter. Spike was surprised to see Twilight standing above them. He had to fight down the last few giggles before he could speak. "Hey, Twilight. You done with the magic already?" "Yes, it took a while longer than I expected, but every rope in Cloudsdale is now invisible. Are you and your friend done playing? I'm getting a bit hungry." Spike felt his stomach rumble, remembering how hungry he had been earlier. He had totally forgotten about it when he and Chapter started reading the Buck Norris book. "Yeah, I'm hungry too. Can I get some gems this time? I'm getting tired of daisies and grass." "I thought you'd say that." Twilight pulled a small bag out of her saddlebag. "Rainbow Dash gave me these for you. Apparently some of the rainbow making equipment makes gems a a by-product. I have no idea how they taste, but i'm betting they're like nothing you've ever tried before." "Sweet. Gimme gimme gimme!" He jumped up and grabbed at the bag. Pulling out a small yellow stone, he popped it in his mouth. Instantly his lips puckered and his scales went a stark yellow as the most sour taste ever hit his taste buds. After a moment he went back to his normal purple hue and stared at the bag. "Wow, that's sour. I didn't know gems came in sour." "Well according to Pinkie, each color of the rainbow has a different flavor. I guess the gems are the same way. Well, we should get going. I just got a massage from Mayor Mare. She want me to help get the town ready for when Buck Norris gets there." "Alright. Bye Chapter!" The small dragon waved over his shoulder as he ran out after the purple unicorn.