Princess Celestia and I were walking back from dinner. Ever since the captain's unsuccessful attempt at assault, there had been an awkward silence between the Princesses and I. Luna went off to supposedly "raise the moon", leaving Celestia to guide me back. My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I decided to ask about the captain.
"So, what was up with him? That captain didn't seem to like me very much."
Celestia looked on, not even turning to address me. "He will be reprimanded for his actions."
She was obviously trying to avoid the question. Something is wrong, and I want to know what it is. I'm selfish like that sometimes.
"Hey, I can tell something's wrong. Keeping it bottled up won't help."
We came to a sudden halt in the corridor. Celestia turned around to face me, giving me an apprehensive look. "My problems are my own, and should be of no concern to you. The captain stepped out of line, and will be punished. That is all you need to know." She quickly continued down the corridor, and I followed.
Her words stung a bit, but not enough to stop me. Curiosity killed the cat, right? I'll just wait until Luna gets back, and try again with her.
We finally arrived at Luna's room, the dark blue doors standing a lonely vigil. Having finished her job, she told me to behave myself and disappeared with a yellow flash. I pushed open the doors and walked in, almost walking right into a knife. Almost.
Right before the shining blade pierced my abdomen, I leapt back and took a good look at the threat. My attacker was a dark gray pony with wings; a pegasus. By now, I've gotten decent at telling the two genders apart, and I'm 70% certain this one is a guy. A black cloak covered most of his body, barring his face and wings. His face looked as confused as mine, but that didn't last.
Having failed the first attempt at assassination, the pegasus launched himself at me, his wings adding an extra boost of speed. I tried to step to the side and avoid his charge by pressing against the wall, but apparently my assailant foresaw that. He stretched his front leg out, weapon in hoof. The knife slashed across my left shoulder, but luckily it wasn't too deep. Still, it went deep enough to count, and some of my blood was sprayed on the wall, the droplets forming ominous spots. My brain, Captain Obvious, told me this was a serious attempt on my life.
Adrenaline pumped through my veins, and urged me to make a choice. Fight, or flight. Yet again, I was painfully aware of my lack of any weapon what-so-ever. This pony was no doubt a trained assassin, so either way, my chances of survival were slim at best. Nonetheless, fighting was the worse option. As much as I hated to say it, I wouldn't be able to beat this guy without help. On the other hand, running will make it so much easier for him to kill me, so I'll just have to wait for him to make a mistake.
The gray pegasus saw my hesitation, and flew in for the kill. I quickly dropped down, avoiding the stab by an inch. Launching my counterattack, I sent a swift punch upwards, nailing him right in the stomach. He was caught by surprise as the air rushed out of his lungs. I threw his limp body away from me, and ran with all my might into the room. My suspicions were proven right as I saw a lock on the back of each door. I quickly slammed the doors shut and bolted them closed behind me. A lock probably won't be enough to hold that guy back, so I sprinted over to the comfortable armchair I had previously sat on, and dragged it up against the doors. Slamming it in place under the handles, I collapsed on the ground. I was exhausted, and my mind was starting to panic. Panic never helps, so yet again I used my grandma's trick of deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Having sufficiently calmed down, I sat up.
Carefully, I touched my wound which had been ignored up until now. It stung like hell, and sent unpleasant shivers up my spine. I took off my white cotton t-shirt, and ripped off a large strip. Although rudimentary, I wrapped up my shoulder with the strip, and tied it in a tight knot, hoping to stop the blood loss. I put the remains of my shirt back on, 'cause hey, decency and stuff.
Honestly though, who would have the guts to pull this crap off? Considering the fact that the pegasus looked surprised to see me, I probably wasn't the one he wanted to kill. As far as I know, Luna is the only pony that ever sleeps here, so then that means...
"Stan! Stan! Are you alright?" Luna poked me a bit with her hoof, and I snapped out of my daze.
"For the most part, yeah. Some jerk out there really didn't like me, and tried to shank the shit outta me."
Her eyes widened in worry, and shifted to my injured shoulder. A gasp escaped from her mouth as she saw the blood-soaked rag that covered my shoulder. I winced in pain as she untied my poorly wrapped, makeshift bandage. I really hate this feeling. Doesn't hurt that much when the knife slashes or stabs you, but five minutes later it's way worse. It felt like someone let loose an army of fire ants on my shoulder. Although I tried to hide most of the pain from Luna, I think she still knew that I was in deep crap.
"You're bleeding badly..." Her voice was shaky, and she was probably on the edge of panic.
"More importantly, that guy was here to kill you. Shouldn't you get some guards to hunt him down or something? I can wait, a paper cut like this won't kill me."
Although it pained her, she knew I was right. After she reapplied my bandage, Luna disappeared in a blue flash. Having held out as long as I could, I passed out, sinking down into the black abyss of uncertainty known as sleep.
"Long time, no see, huh?"
Even before I opened my eyes, I knew who the speaker was. My dickish other side I affectionately call Misanthropy.
"Looks like you got roughed up pretty badly, you weakling."
I opened my eyes and saw the familiar environment I have come to associate with Misanthropy. A never ending grassy field, with a soft wind slowly blowing the grass around. Needless to say, it did not fit him at all.
"Do you know the reason why you fail? It is because you trust others. Trust only leads to pain and suffering."
I looked at Misanthropy. In my dreams, he was always a mirror image of me, except for a scar which ran down his chest. Yeah, he never wears a shirt. Not sure why.
"The day you follow my advice is the day you succeed!"
I snorted. "How about no, you angsty freak? Go complain about your shit somewhere else. My life is better without you around."
He smiled a creepy, villainous smile. "Maybe. Maybe not. After all, we are the same person in the end. Two parts of a whole. Can you survive without me?"
"Hmm, I dunno. How about yes? Go get some friends, you sociopathic piece of shit."
He smiled again, and suddenly looked up. "Seems like it's about time for you to go back. Send the princesses my regards!" He bellowed out in laughter, the sound echoing around in my head. I seriously hate this guy and his bullcrap. He's been around for a while now, occasionally showing himself in my dreams to chastise my actions and insult the people around me. While he claims he's trying to help, I think he just likes being a douche. He was right about one thing, however, as I felt myself waking up.
-----
My arm hurt like no other. The pain faded in and out like the ocean waves, each new wave bringing a fresh throb of hurt. I opened my eyes, basking in the shine of the moon. Looking around, it became apparent to me that I was still in Luna's room, albeit in her bed. Celestia and Luna sat on either of my sides, with worried looks in their eyes. Celestia in particular was looking pretty down, her once radiant mane looked rather dull and moved much less. They realized I was awake, and stood up.
"Yo."
Smiles returning to their faces, they looked very glad to see I was (for the most part) alright.
Luna was the first to speak up. "How are you feeling?"
"Eh, could be better." I looked at my arm, which was in a sling, had been professionally wrapped, and maybe even stitched. I started getting out of the bed, but Celestia moved to stop me.
"The doctor said that you are to stay in bed."
"Tell the doctor that he doesn't know jack about me." I stood up, ignoring her protests. "Besides, I think you owe me some answers."
She guiltily looked at the ground. Nodding her head, she and Luna walked over to the super-comfy chairs. I was about to follow, but checked my pockets quickly for my iPod. Luckily, it was still in my right pocket, and I calmed down. I looked back over, and the Princesses were already sitting. I missed my chance to see them sit again.
Briskly walking over, I sat down on my favorite chair ever.
"Now. Tell me about this problem you've been having, and why that pegasus was here."
"Very well. I now owe you at least that much."
Luna was strangely silent, but I paid no mind.
"The problem is Umbra."
"Umbra?"
"Yes. They are an organization bent on overthrowing the diarchy. I've managed to stop them up until now, but I fear for what may happen in the future."
So they're basically terrorists. "We had those types of jerks back in America too. Except, they just like killing. They're not trying to overthrow our government. I think."
Celestia looked surprised to hear that. "And what did the humans do to stop them?"
"War."
It was as if that word stung her, as she shrunk back a bit. "I hope to end our conflict without needless violence. However, with each day that passes, I lose more and more hope that we can have a peaceful ending. I do not wish to expose or involve my little ponies in war."
"That's a certainly a problem. Humans aren't too good at the peace thing, so I can't give you any advice."
Celestia smiled weakly. "I didn't think you would."
"So, I'm guessing that this is the reason why those guards were acting up?"
She nodded her head. "All of the guards have been under a lot of stress, from the massive increase in training and the constant threat of attack. You arriving here and humiliating that captain made him crack under the pressure. Our investigation found out that he ordered his squad to act that way. However, there is no reason for him to act like that. I stripped him of his rank and sent him back to basic training."
I stifled a laugh. That's embarrassing. "Okay. So then that gray pegasus was an Umbra assassin? Did your guards ever catch him?"
She shook her head. "No."
I shrugged. "The one that got away, huh."
"Now that you know all this, I want you to promise that you won't ever repeat any of it."
I locked my mouth with an invisible key, and tossed the key aside. "Safe with me."
Silence enveloped the room. Celestia gave Luna an apologetic look, and Luna's head dropped.
Celestia turned back to me, a slight frown on her face. "There's one issue we haven't discussed yet."
I scratched the back of my head. "And what would that be?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes. You not only saw their assassin, but then that assassin failed to kill you. Umbra will, without a doubt, try to kill you again. After all, our ally is their enemy."
Although I wanted to act tough, that really sucked. The first assassin was trouble enough. If they send more than one, I'll be dead faster than I can realize anything happened.
"Which is why Luna and I decided to send you away."
Send me away? Am I finally going to get out of this god-forsaken planet?
"What do you mean 'you'll send me away'? Like, send me home?"
Celestia crushed my sliver of hope by shaking her head. "Sadly, I do not know if that is possible. As neither you nor I know how you came here, or exactly where your world is, for now I cannot. I have a team of researchers working on that though, so that may change."
Yeah, right. So I'm stuck here with these assassins until her researchers find out how to send me back - which probably won't even happen.
"So, where are you sending me to?"
"I will hide you in the small town of Ponyville, where my most faithful student lives. I have already sent her a letter, and she will be expecting you."
"When am I leaving?"
"Immediately. We can't risk Umbra coming during the night. Nopony else will be informed of your location, so Umbra will have a hard time finding you until we can send you back home. You will be housed by Twilight Sparkle, a lavender unicorn. That is all."
We all stood up, getting ready for my departure.
"One last question, exactly how am I going to get there?"
"We will teleport you."
The word "teleport" rung in my head. I suddenly remembered my last experience with teleportation, and the deep crap that landed me in. I was nervous as hell about this. My spidey senses were on red alert. However, whining about it would help nobody, so I just braced myself. Celestia's horn shone a dazzling yellow, Luna following her lead after a moment of hesitation. Their combined light shot into me, and everything turned white.
The dark gray pegasus flew through the opening of the cave, landing on the rocky surface. She was infuriated and embarrassed that she had failed to assassinate Princess Luna, and she was surely going to get punished for her blunder. However, she had seen something very interesting at the castle. A strange, sentient creature the likes of which had never been seen before. Certainly, Lord Umbra will want to hear about it.
She smirked as she thought about the way her knife had sliced through its flesh. Some of its blood remained on the weapon, and she gazed at it. Soon, she'll meet the creature again, but this time, it won't escape. She licked her lips in anticipation of the bloodbath that was sure to ensue.
Chirping. Chirping and insect sounds. Not the kind of thing you want to hear upon regaining consciousness. I looked around, waiting for the lavender pony Twilight Sparkle to jump out from her hidey-hole. Nothing jumped out of any hidey-holes, so I take that as a sign that the teleportation failed again. Honestly, what world did I end up on now? With all the trees and shrubbery around me, it oddly reminded me of the Predator homeworld. Not a very reassuring thing. I took off my sling and tossed it aside, as it was completely pointless in the first place. Now, it's time to prepare myself.
If there really are Predators out there, I'll need something to hold the beasts off. Like, a nuke. Finding no nukes around me, I settled with a stick. I whipped out my iPod, and went to my survival app. It guided me through the steps of tying a rock to the stick with some vines, and after around thirty minutes of effort, I had an impromptu bludgeon. Before I put my iPod away, my eyes flicked over the battery icon. Full. The damned thing was still full. The only explanation to this was that the teleport somehow screwed up the battery with all those electric bolts, and supercharged it, or something. Finally, something good came out of this whole ordeal. I'll never have to charge my iPod again! Maybe.
I put my iPod away and set off, looking for other possible humans. I trudged on through thick bushes and shrubs, occasionally having to hulk smash my way through some stubborn branches. I checked my iPod again. It was 10:30. At least, it's 10:30 in my old home. Here, I have no clue. It might take longer for the planet to rotate, making time pass by slower. Or, it could be faster. Who knows?
Hearing the tell-tale growl of a bear behind me, I slowly turned around. This bear was massive, easily as big as your average grizzly. However, it looked a bit... off... The body was way too big, and the head was tiny next to its massive torso. I can tell from the pixels and having seen quite a few nature documentaries in my day. Its messed up proportions didn't seem to bother it at all, though, as it got ready to smack my shit up.
I once heard that you're supposed to play dead when you see a grizzly. However, I get the feeling that dropping down on the ground will only help this bear reach my face, so I kept standing. Trying to look as menacing as possible, I held my hammer(which I named Mjölnir, by the way) and got ready to swing. The bear toed its way over, and right before I slammed my four feet of fury down on its face, something yelled "No!" and the bear ran away. I searched for the source of the yell, only to see a mass of yellow fly at me.
Next thing I know, I'm on the ground and this pink-maned, yellow pegasus is on top of me.
"I won't let you hurt Mr. Tibbers! If you promise to be nice and come back, I'll let you eat a tasty fish, okay?"
Her voice was very feminine, leading me to believe that she was a female. A female pony... A mare, I think?
She got off of me, still eyeing daggers at me. "Well? Do you want some fish?"
I slowly nodded my head, careful not to make her any angrier than she already was. Her expression instantly softened, and she smiled at me.
"Oh, good! I'm sorry for yelling. We can go get you some fish now, if you want."
I stood up, and followed her and the bear. Thank god I wasn't on the Predator homeworld.