Mischmasch

by SpiralWriter


Ain't That a Kick in the Head

"Wh-what...is that thing?!"

A large number of guards bearing bright golden armor, a sign of the Solar Guard, circled around the crater that had formed in the middle of the street, several overturned carriages and carts laid shattered around the impact area. The harsh smell of sulfur and broken concrete permeated the air, outlined ominously by the dark sky and the still stirring storm overhead. A light rain was beginning to fall. Even with their appearance, the monster did not cease beating the obviously dead pegasus, bits of her flayed body spattering the ground. With every smack of his fist, every tear of his claw, the beast only grunted breathed heavily in labor, oblivious to those around it and even the wounds marring it's body.The guards did not turn their steely gaze from the grisly scene, even though many did try not to heave up what they had for breakfast earlier. They were Equestrian Guards, and they were not going to let a monster like this leave them shaking in their armor when they had faced down so much worse before.

Sir Vorpal broke through the line of soldiers, his cold eyes examining the monster before him, a flicker of recognition in them before being replaced with the matching stare of steel that the others wore. This couldn't possibly be the same creature from before. For one, it was entirely soaked on blood, blood of a different color, but still blood, the lifesource of the two creatures dripping heavily to the ground below, releasing a little sizzle of steam when it made contact with the dirt. Secondly, it wore a tattered jacket oddly enough. What was a monster doing with clothing on? And finally, it was absolutely berserk. Oddjob seemed to show signs of speech and common sense, while this horrendous monstrosity was nothing but pure instinct and rage, no sign of intelligence in it's predatory eyes. He coughed before barking out orders.

"Charge, men! Earth ponies, form a line and push back, hold down the creature, but be wary of the green blood! Pegasi, attack from above, and unicorns, strike from afar with stunning spells and magic chains!"

At once, the guardsponies obeyed his commands. A dozen earth ponies advanced forward in a solid, formidable line. The mashed-up monster turned briefly to see them coming, letting out a little snort, tossing aside it's long dead prey like a rag doll. It charged towards the ponies with a guttural sound in the back of it's throat, ramming into the line and sending a few flying like grass clippings in the wind.

Those who weren't struck were immediately upon the terrible creature with blows and holds, ramming into it and trying to pin it down. Brute strength came into play, naturally tough and durable earth pony might meeting the raw will of a wild animal in a clash of power. The monster managed to knock back a few, but numbers gave the ponies an upper hand, beating back the beast with their combined strength. Pegasi from above simply confused it, making it easier for their earthbound brethren. They would dive-bomb in a single formation, one after another, striking at the beast atop the head with their hooves to daze it, only to buzz away before they were harms way. The unicorns were having a much harder time. They wouldn't risk shooting out a spell and hitting their brothers in arms, so they would have to wait on Vorpal's command until a clear shot was opened up for them.

After several minutes of a tug-o-war battle, the earth ponies managed to topple the tall monster onto the flat of its back. When it thudded to the ground, they were upon it just as swiftly in a dogpile of weight to hold it down.

"Restrain the beast, restrain it!"Vorpal shouted to the unicorns, their horns briefly lighting up as they all simultaneously casted their magic. Chains and bindings of pure energy, each one differently colored to suit the pony's aura creating it, wrapped around the monster, restraining it. The creature struggled, flailing about with roars and dangerous snapping jaws to whoever would near it.

The earth ponies got off of their captured prey, each one sporting damage in some kind of way; a bruise, a cut, even some dented up armor.

"We'll need a transport caravan."The knight remarked, noticing how much his unicorn guards were struggling to hold their magic over the monster, it's wild thrashing threatening to break it free at any moment."And fast."


"By Celestia...what is it?"

"A jabberwocky."

"A what?"

"Something that should be extinct."

"What are we going to do with it? Release it back into the wild?"

"No-"

"Oh sweet buck! It broke free of it's restraints! Guck-"

"Somepony get trap magic on this thing NOW!"

On it, sir!"

"...Good."

"So sir...what are we going to with it?"

"Put it where all monsters belong."

"You mean...?"

Sir Vorpal nodded as he gazed at the now unconscious monster restrained with doubled the chains.


Black, swirling darkness that only allowed the briefest glimpses of faces and the far-off echo of inaudible voices. Was I asleep or was I dead? I didn't feel dead, even though I didn't know what death felt like. I imagined it's a spectrum of vast differences, it could either be very gentle and subtle, or cruel and painfully violent, no middle ground. But, I didn't know if I was asleep either. Asleep meant I was resting or dreaming, and I wasn't doing either right now. I just felt, I just was. Simply floating in the recesses of some primordial shadows, it wasn't all that bad with things considered. I didn't have to worry anymore, or even feel anything but my own self and my own thoughts.

"..."

I briefly paused. Something about my thoughts, my mind. Did something go wrong? I couldn't really remember anything beyond the black that clung to me, swallowing me up like a thick, woolly blanket one would bundle themselves up in the winter.

"..."

Now it was bugging me. Why couldn't I remember anything? I flexed my body, only to find that I couldn't feel a thing, like I was numb. I looked down, and sure enough, I did have a body, it just felt like it wasn't there, like I was some sort of floating consciousness in the vast indefiniteness of the universe. I really didn't want to get all philosophical, but it was hard not to, considering there only darkness around me.

"..."

I tried smacking my lips. Nope, not a thing. I tried blowing a breath, only for a fleeting tuft of a glowing ember to roll off my tongue. That's right, I could breathe fire, a sharp jab of memory cracking the amnesia over my mind. I gave another puff of breath, this one a bit stronger, and a lick of thin flame shot out, penetrating the darkness that permeated me so. It spread like, well, wildfire on dry brush, burning through the dark around me. At first, I was utterly delighted for something to happen, it had gotten rather boring. But, the fire was spreading much too quickly, much too big, much too powerful. Eventually, the fire had eaten everything, and it was closing in on me.

I tried to scramble away from the devouring flames, but it was everywhere, and you couldn't run if something was everywhere. I instinctively yelped when it touched me, only to find that it didn't hurt at all.

"..."

The flames closed in.

That's right...I'm fireproof.

Only mere inches away.

Don't be afraid...don't be afraid...

It consumed me just like it did everything else, only that I could not be devoured by this fire, this searing heat.

You are fireproof, and you will watch the world burn.

"Gaah!"

I jolted upright in a cold sweat, every last inch of me soaked in perspiration, the sound of screaming in my ears, only to find that the scream was coming from my own mouth. I allowed it to die down to a stifle in my throat. I was in the darkness again, only this one seemed much more natural and less choking. I blinked several times, my eyes almost automatically adjusting to the dark around me.

I was in a cave of some sorts, big, deep, echo-y. Something was dripping in the distance. I slowly stood up, only to find that I now weighed something incredibly heavy and sore. With a moan I jerked my body upright, forcing myself back onto my two feet of a paw and a hoof.

"Bad dream...bad dream..."I muttered to myself to try and fight off the creeping thoughts from before that entered my brain. I distracted myself by getting back into gear and find out where I was. Right leg. I lifted and lowered it, my first step almost agonizingly painful. What had I done to feel like this?!

Left leg. The process repeated, and I was on my way as slowly and painfully as possible.

Sway your arms a little, watch out for the tail.

I only made it several feet before something jumped on my back from behind.