A man on Earth has obtained a camera that shoots the people in the photo into Equestria. He's having a lot of fun messing with the space-time temporal rift but you don't care about him, you want to read about the chick, don't you?
The hot blond with an hourglass bust and tanned skin, wearing an outfit almost skin-tight, landed dangerously on her high heels, making her teeter on the edge of falling face forward and ruining the pink trimmed shades on her head and spraining her ankle. The click-clack of the shoes echoed in the elongated hallway, decorated with lavish stones, ornate stain glass windows portraying various points of history, and vases on pedestals that were relics of time past. The sun was at mid-morning, casting a shadow nearly twice her height. The corridor was empty, devoid of servants and body guards. There was not a single sound other than the ones she made from texting away at her phone and chewing a well-used stick of bubble gum… out loud.
But, of course, she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings or her recent slip-up. In fact, she had only seen the flash of light which she assumed was a camera. She continued wandering around in her new location as if she was still on the side walk, too immersed in her digital conversation to even notice or care.
Jen_Jen: Hy grl
Liza: ?
Jen_Jen: Party 2nght?
Liza: Yeah :D
Jen_Jen: Drinks?
Liza: Tots
Jen_Jen: Like that 1 time?
Liza: With the guy?
Jen_ Jen: Yh, the 1 w/ the thing.
Liza: XD
As she absent mindedly turned a corner, she bumped into none other than Princess Luna who had her mane done into a ponytail so she could be free from distractions.
“Excuse me,” the regent pardoned herself.
“Yeah watch it you stupid bitch,” Jen yelled back, still using her Iphone.
“Oh, you’re one of those humans who have been arriving here,” she said politely as possible, trying to excuse the offender as much as possible for her vehement wordage.
Jen actually looked up and met Luna’s eyes and then realized a couple of things. One, she was looking at a horse. Two, she wasn’t on earth anymore. Three, this was totally tweet worthy.
OMG in EQSTA- Jen_Jen
“Oh my god, I’m like, sooo sorry! I thought you were like some stupid bitch who didn’t, like, know how to walk or something.” While she seemed earnest about it, the Alicorn suspected there might have been a lack of intelligence too.
Restraining her royal voice urging to roar, she complied with the peace offering. “Right, well if you’ll excuse me, I’m busy with constellation w-“
“Hey girl, I really love that hair! How do you, like, get it all, like, sparkly like that?”
“Oh, magic conditioner. Anyways, I’m busy with c-“
“And those boots? Sexy.”
“Thank you. As I was s-“
“Is there a restroom around here? I gotta, like, take a wazz.”
“… A-“
“And where are all the, like, people around here?”
“As I was saying, I’ll have a servant redirect you to Celestia’s counseling chambers,” Luna forced out almost in one breath.
“M’kay.” Jen popped a bubble while the midnight mare whistled for assistance. Within moments, a silver colored servant with short but finely combed hair, slicked back, arrived.
“Redirect our guest to the appropriate station and to a lavatory so she may relieve herself of her… wazz.” The alicorn held a hoof to the guide’s ear. “And be cautious with this one.”
A click noise suddenly sounded from the electronic device. The blond turned the rectangle around, momentarily laughed at the screen, and then updated her Facebook status.
I’d order her to fornicate with herself, but something tells me a new participant helps her with that every night.
~~~
“-and that’s like, when Amy, like, took this giant piss in the pool and that’s when Kyle, my douchebag X, went like-“
“Oh how unfortunate,” the servant joyously interrupted, “it appears we’ve arrived. You’ll just have to relay the rest of that fascinating yarn to me at some other time.”
“Kay kay! Bye Silvy. Call me?” she made the cellphone sign with her hand.
“Don’t have a phone or thumbs. Ciao!” he yelled as he rapidly left the area. The human turned around to see a large, white, winged and horned horse sitting upon a lovely throne.
“Hello,” her deep but calming voice permeated through the empty room. Even her guards were absent. “Are you my latest guest to our lovely castle? From what I’ve heard, you’ve already had the pleasure of being acquainted with my sister?”
“Girl, oh my god, girl, that hair,” she said aloud, completely passing the previous conversation topic. “Do you have to dye that often because if not, I’m soooooooo getting that. It’s bitchin’!”
Celestia, not often one to receive compliments, delicately ran a hoof through it. “Thank you, I appreciate the… compliment,” she responded politely, almost in the form of a question. She felt obligated to return one, but she was having a bit of trouble. “Your clothing really brings out your… eyes.”
“Oh, I know right?”
Slightly confused, she replied, “yes?”
“Like, me and some friends were at JCP the other day looking for cute tank tops and I saw this on the rack on sale and I was like ‘Abby, I gotta get this’ and she was like ‘No way, it’s shit’ and I’m like ‘Guuuuuuuuuurl, this is fabulous!’ and she’s like ‘that just totally sounded like Jacqueline’ and I was like, ‘oh I know right?’”
“I… see.”
“So I talked to the guy at the register and he was like, a total hottie, so I gave him my number and he said he was gay. I was like, ‘Bitch please, no one is this gay.’”
“Uh… huh.”
Before she could continue her onslaught of destroying every ounce of dignity to the English language, Jen’s Iphone beeped and she whipped it out faster than a sugar charged ninja with throwing stars. With adept precision, her thumb unlocked it and she went tapping away, replying to some IM.
“Before we continue with the rudimentary procedures for temporal return, may I ask what that peculiar device is? I’ve been seeing it in pockets all day, but it would have caused much delay if I had inquired earlier.” By that, she actually meant she was terrifically afraid it was a weapon; though, one wouldn’t have guessed that with her air of formality.
“What, my Iphone?” Jen answered, too engaged in the latest hot topic amongst friends to return her attention to Celestia.
“Yes, what does that device do?”
“Like, oh my god, we gotta catch you up on the times.”
~~~
Jen and Celestia were now sitting in the same throne seat, both grinning idiotically at the same Youtube video.
“N-n-n-no! Wait for it…” Jen shushed the princess who was choking back a large laugh, or attempting to at least.
Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… KA BOOM!
“Did you see his face!?” the blond laughed out. He was all like ‘waaaaaaaaugh!’”
“And the car was like, ‘ka bwaaaaa’,” Celestia added on. The two were using their hands/hooves to portray the event they had just seen as if it made it more comedic than before.
There was now a line of about ten adult humans, either patiently standing and tapping a foot or sitting while resting their head on a propped fist.
Luna entered through a side entrance with a relieved expression. “Ok Celly, I got the star charts realigned for t-“ as she absorbed the new situation, that being her sister sticking her tongue out while dragging her hoof across a device she had viewed earlier and a line of unhappy people, her jaw dropped. “What in the name of the Elements is happening here!?”
One man with a scruffy beard spoke out in annoyance, “we were told to come here and these two have been having a hay day up there! I wanna go back home to my wife and kids. They’re probably worried sick! All we’ve been listening to for the past forty five minutes is trashy music and giggling!”
“Forty five…” her voice trailed off in disbelief. Her royal side kicked in and she commanded, “Servants! Pardon my assertiveness, but escort them to my wing of the castle and retrieve the portal trafficker and put those who need immediate return on top priority is reimbursement for their generous patience. Divert all traffic there. I’ll be there shortly to accommodate the others shortly.
“And Celestia! Shame on you for losing yourself so easily!”
“Ugh, like that take poll out of your ass, Lulu.” Then, the two at the throne highfived and continued what they were doing: the human was braiding her hair (and occasionally sniffing it) while Celestia was reportedly setting up something called an e-mail.
This newcomer has corrupted her, I need to extract this threat.
“Oh, calm down, Luna, she’s only kidding,” Celestia defended her companion. “It’s just how she and most of her friends speak. Their society is much more relaxed than our own. I would really love to visit the country of Cally one day.”
“And look what has become of you! Just check what’s in your mouth, ‘Tia.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re getting a-“ as her hoof reached her tongue, she saw a pink, slimy substance sticking to her golden décor. “Is this…”
“Yes, it’s chewing gum. You hate chewing gum, Celestia. Within the hour, that wretch got you to abandon your morals and revert you to a prepubescent state. Imagine what she will accomplish within a day.”
Absolute horror spread across the sun alicorn’s face as the epiphany set in. Then, she sterned herself, swallowed the gum, and magically unbraided her hair. “Luna, forgive me for my actions. Jennifer, I need to send you back to your planet. Immediately.”
“But Cella, we’re BFFS!” she pouted. “You’re gunna let that skank tell y-“
A bright flash of light and a whoosh later, Jen was gone.
“Ahem.”
“Ok, Luna, I’ll send the phone back too.”
End.